Adjusting Post Mission?

[Guest]

I was looking at the "how to" videos by the Church.  The very first one made me wonder.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?list=PLmYG2wryU3o2O0UZViCdgJyRvf146oK7i&time_continue=40&v=ukMClXNfv1U

It's about adjusting to "normal life" post-mission.  I remember coming back off my mission and I didn't feel like I really had to "adjust" to anything.  My brother informed me of some fashion changes so I couldn't wear certain clothes or wear them in certain ways. Truthfully not much changed in 2 years.  And I realized the same TV shows weren't on anymore.  But it's not like these are life-changing issues.

Do a lot of people really experience problems re-adjusting after they return from their missions?  Anyone here?  Or know of anyone personally?

Edited February 18, 2018 by Guest

[Guest]

 For me, I felt pure relief after my mission ended and had no problem returning home and jumping right back into civilian life.  It felt so good to feel "normal" again, something I never felt while in the field.  Most of all, I had missed being able to read whatever I wanted while on my mission, as well as the luxury of not being in a rush all the time and the fact that I didn't have to fake extroversion all the time.  I was glad my mission was over and I was happy to move on.

I also went to a very low baptizing European mission where the members were a little hostile to "the Americans" and I would spend weeks on end knocking doors, looking for someone who would not slam the door long enough that I could teach a first discussion.  Combine that with a shy personality and a real personality conflict with my mission president, and you can see how my mission became, for me, a prolonged test of my commitment to obeying Heavenly Father.  I did work hard on my mission; I just wasn't very good at it and I certainly did not see any results.

I don't think most people have missions like mine, however.  I know a sister in my ward who loved her mission to California so much that she didn't want to take her name tag off upon returning home and just wanted to go back for many months.  I think this is a much more common mission experience than what I had.

I guess I am proof that you can have a difficult, unsuccessful mission and recover from the experience and go on to have a great post-mission experience in the Gospel, complete with resurgent enthusiasm and a much stronger testimony.

Edited February 18, 2018 by DoctorLemon

[Jane_Doe]

I have three sisters, each handled coming home differently.

Sister #1 handled-post mission transition horrible.  She honestly put no thought into post-mission life during her mission.   She didn't want to come home, and woke up every day wanting to still be on her mission.  She felt purpose-less.  She got home early February, and didn't have school starting until August.  She didn't want to do any "dumb filler" activities.  Her self-purpose and esteem tanked.   She became unbearably angry and grouchy, constantly lashing out at people around her.  This then fed into people avoiding her in social situations, her not getting a job, etc.  And everything turned into a horrible self-feed downward spiral.  My parents just let her be saying "We had a hard time adjusting too, give her time".  I deeply deeply wish she had prepared more for coming home.  

Sister #2 is a social butterfly.  Two weeks back she was completely fine. 

Sister #3 went on a mission while her boyfriend was on his- the boyfriend she was sure she was going to marry one day.  He got home a month earlier than her, and wrote a letter about how he really loved her, wanted to pursue marriage, etc.  A week later she got home, to have him tell her "actually I prayed about things and feel it's best we break up.  I also started dating this 18 year old girl we know from our home ward".  A week later they were engaged, set the wedding for 4 months out, and then moved it up to 2.  This sister #3 had a HORRIBLE time handling this and got clinically depressed.  But unlike sister #1, she went to counseling speedily, and after a few sessions got a lot better.  She had the right attitude, and doing the right things to face things.  It still was a rough road, but we were able to face things together. 

 

Edited February 18, 2018 by Jane_Doe

[zil]

I didn't watch the video.  That said, I would think it's less a matter of readjusting to culture (though things are changing faster now than they used to, or so they say), and more a matter of adjusting from a forced (basically) regimen of having all your time filled with something of deep significance to having (potentially) no structure at all and being left entirely to yourself to figure out how to fill your time.

This is the same problem experienced by people who lose a loved one through death or divorce (especially one who lived in the same house, or with whom they spent a significant percentage of their time), those who are released from callings like bishop or stake president, those who retire, etc.  This loss leaves a void where something very significant used to live, but we don't always recognize it that way (in fact, I think most people don't, unless someone has explained all this before).

What often happens is that the obvious options for how to fill your instant increase in unstructured time seem meaningless or trivial in comparison, so you don't do those, which leads to idleness, which leads to filling your time with meaningless distractions (so you don't have to spend too much time with the loss, boredom, or whatever).  If you don't know this is coming, that will happen and turn into a routine, habit, and rut that can be hard to work back out of.  But if you know it's coming, then you can prepare for it by planning significant things, and by recognizing that it's OK to do things which don't seem as important as what you were doing, but which are still worthy uses of your time - even if you justify such things simply as means to avoid idleness or wasting of time.

Another difficulty, I'm sure, is that those who weren't directly impacted by this life-changing event have been going on with their lives and doing their own thing.  If you haven't maintained contact (or sometimes even if you have), it may be difficult or impossible for you to fit back into those lives where you used to fit (because while you were gone, they filled your spot with something else).  This can lead to loneliness or isolation.  Again, knowing it's coming (or may come) can help you to adjust.

[Traveler]

 

Returning from my mission was the most difficult adjustment of my life.  I wanted to extend my mission.  Prior to my mission I served in the military.  I signed up for a special arrangement that allowed me to go on inactive reserves following 2 years of active duty so that I could serve my mission.  I could have been called up while serving my mission but that did not happen.  By time I returned from my mission I had lost a few friends that I helped join the church, they were killed in Vietnam.  When I returned I had the biggest problem with what I thought were clueless and silly young ladies wearing clothes I thought showed too much.

I remember wanting to meet someone new (young lady).  My parents lived a couple of blocks from BYU so I took in a dance a couple days after I got home and released.  I asked a young lady to dance and was so disappointed I walked off the dance floor leaving this poor lady wondering what happened – I left and went home.  The young lady that waited for me while I served my mission, I took out on one date and broke off any further relationship.

About a year after coming home from my mission I talked with a former native American mission companion that suggested I take a couple of months off for a “dream quest”.  I have posted the story of my dream quest – that at the time I thought was a complete failure – ruined because I spent half the time trying to save a lost individual and get them out of the wilderness.

Following my mission, I was supposed to join a reserve unit but the army lost all my records and tried to draft me.  To top it all off my scholarship was canceled or lost or something – for reasons that I never understood.  My plans just were not working.  It took me about 6 years and to meet my eternal companion before I really got things back together.  For those of you on the forum that think I am annoying now - most likely would have hated me then.  I thought the world should have ended – but it didn’t.

I would say that there were many lessons for me to learn and disappointments to overcome.  It was not so much what was happening to me as it was so many others I cared about but seemed helpless to assist.  I also failed remedial spelling 3 semesters in a row and was forced our of being a teacher – so I had to change my plans from a teacher to becoming an engineer.

 

The Traveler

Edited February 20, 2018 by Traveler

[Fether]

On 2/18/2018 at 8:27 AM, Carborendum said:

I was looking at the "how to" videos by the Church.  The very first one made me wonder.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?list=PLmYG2wryU3o2O0UZViCdgJyRvf146oK7i&time_continue=40&v=ukMClXNfv1U

It's about adjusting to "normal life" post-mission.  I remember coming back off my mission and I didn't feel like I really had to "adjust" to anything.  My brother informed me of some fashion changes so I couldn't wear certain clothes or wear them in certain ways. Truthfully not much changed in 2 years.  And I realized the same TV shows weren't on anymore.  But it's not like these are life-changing issues.

Do a lot of people really experience problems re-adjusting after they return from their missions?  Anyone here?  Or know of anyone personally?

I had mo problem “swan diving back into Babylon”

I got job in a week, was listening to my old music, hanging out with friends. No problem. My wife on the other hand couldn’t watch movies or listen to non-Christian music for almost a year after her mission.

[Guest]

9 minutes ago, Fether said:

I had mo problem “swan diving back into Babylon”

I got job in a week, was listening to my old music, hanging out with friends. No problem. My wife on the other hand couldn’t watch movies or listen to non-Christian music for almost a year after her mission.

Bahaha!  

On the airplane ride home from my mission, I remember seeing an advertisement for a new Beastie Boys album, the "To the Five Burroughs" album (yes, I am pretty old).  The next day I was at Wal-Mart, buying said album.

That said, it was the Wal-Mart version, which had all the cursing censored . . . 

[mirkwood]

I had to adjust to a world without Magnum P.I.

That and my parents moved two states away and I had to drastically adjust school/living/working arrangements.

 

[anatess2]

1 hour ago, mirkwood said:

I had to adjust to a world without Magnum P.I.

 

See here... there's a reason I was not given the opportunity to investigate the church until I was already married.  I wouldn't have been able to let go of Remington Steele.  Wait, that was when I was a whole lot younger... 90210 then.

[eVa]

I came back to Eminem, which I could never find...nobody told me it wasn't M&M!!

[e-eye]

When I came home I went back to work the next day - probably the best decision I could make.  One problem return missionaries have is that they have been working and feeling the spirit for 2 years and often they come home to vacations and hanging out.  Come home, go to school or get a job and keep busy.