Auzylee Posted March 4, 2018 Report Share Posted March 4, 2018 Hello everyone I’ve been on these forums for a while and have loved reading the topics but just recently have had something happen that made me want to get some opinions. I went and spoke with my bishop because I had to get some things cleared up, anytime previously I had talked to a bishop or my mission president it was a wonderful experience I felt loved, I felt hope, I felt supported, I felt that I still had self worth even in my fallen moments of weakness. This time in a new ward when I spoke to my bishop for the first time I didn’t feel any of that, I felt more broken, I felt discouraged, I felt confused and lost and didn’t know where to go. I left pretty shocked, went home and cried because of how poorly it made me feel, not wanting to meet with him again in a few weeks. I recognize he is the bishop and I’m not questioning his leadership or authority but what I am looking for is advice if anyone has had an experiences like this or any advice on how to continue forward? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fether Posted March 4, 2018 Report Share Posted March 4, 2018 25 minutes ago, Auzylee said: Hello everyone I’ve been on these forums for a while and have loved reading the topics but just recently have had something happen that made me want to get some opinions. I went and spoke with my bishop because I had to get some things cleared up, anytime previously I had talked to a bishop or my mission president it was a wonderful experience I felt loved, I felt hope, I felt supported, I felt that I still had self worth even in my fallen moments of weakness. This time in a new ward when I spoke to my bishop for the first time I didn’t feel any of that, I felt more broken, I felt discouraged, I felt confused and lost and didn’t know where to go. I left pretty shocked, went home and cried because of how poorly it made me feel, not wanting to meet with him again in a few weeks. I recognize he is the bishop and I’m not questioning his leadership or authority but what I am looking for is advice if anyone has had an experiences like this or any advice on how to continue forward? A few thoughts: - Just remember the Bishop is probably doing his best. Every leader is going to be different in how they handle things. A lot of the timw it can be easier to deal with people that share our personality type. - the feelings you have seem to be uncomfortable... that can be good for us sometimes, Inwould keep going and learn from the experience. Bask in the uncomfortable situation - I feel it is less the bishops fault and more expectations you may have for yourself or the situation. Anddenex 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 4, 2018 Report Share Posted March 4, 2018 (edited) I remember me and one of my mission presidents had incompatible personalities. At heart I know he was a righteous man, but he made me very uncomfortable because his approach to missionary work, the gospel, and life in general was just very different from my views. We were different enough from one another that I didn't really feel comfortable talking to him, and we eventually had some clashes, and frankly I was more than a little relieved to not have to work with him anymore at the conclusion of my mission. This, despite the fact that he was a very righteous man! We just had a personality conflict (that was probably amplified because almost never in life will you have a more direct relationship with a priesthood leader than you will with a mission president). Personality conflicts exist sometimes between members and priesthood leaders. Usually, we aren't working closely enough with a leader for this to matter (or even become apparent), but sometimes it may occur. When it does, you have to respect the priesthood leader's authority, remind yourself that it is just a personality conflict (really not a big deal in the grand scheme of things), and remember that your leader almost certainly is just trying to do his calling the best he knows how and is not trying to be malicious. Regardless of if you have a personality conflict with your leader, you owe your leader respect similar to how you owe your father respect - respect their judgment, don't bad-mouth your leaders, and if you have a personality conflict, everyone does with someone and you just have to try and overlook that for the sake of your spirituality. Edited March 4, 2018 by DoctorLemon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crash Posted March 4, 2018 Report Share Posted March 4, 2018 Fortunately, repentence isn't between you and your bishop. Being a bishop doesn't make one a good bishop. There are wonderful bishops and not so wonderful bishops. There are bishops who are very warm and kind and others who are emotionally hardened. Blah, blah, blah, and so on and so forth. There is only one who has the power to forgive. Remember that it is your relationship with Him is all that matters. God be with you. JohnsonJones and Sunday21 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MormonGator Posted March 4, 2018 Report Share Posted March 4, 2018 I know what it's like to not gel with a new ward. I can't offer you any advice, but just know I'm praying for you. It's so discouraging, Sorry it's happening to you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CV75 Posted March 5, 2018 Report Share Posted March 5, 2018 5 hours ago, Auzylee said: Hello everyone I’ve been on these forums for a while and have loved reading the topics but just recently have had something happen that made me want to get some opinions. I went and spoke with my bishop because I had to get some things cleared up, anytime previously I had talked to a bishop or my mission president it was a wonderful experience I felt loved, I felt hope, I felt supported, I felt that I still had self worth even in my fallen moments of weakness. This time in a new ward when I spoke to my bishop for the first time I didn’t feel any of that, I felt more broken, I felt discouraged, I felt confused and lost and didn’t know where to go. I left pretty shocked, went home and cried because of how poorly it made me feel, not wanting to meet with him again in a few weeks. I recognize he is the bishop and I’m not questioning his leadership or authority but what I am looking for is advice if anyone has had an experiences like this or any advice on how to continue forward? You might relate to this: https://www.lds.org/ensign/2018/01/young-adults/laying-my-sins-at-the-saviors-feet?lang=eng Your feelings may well be part of the repentance process, and this article describes how one can bear them and come out clean. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laronius Posted March 5, 2018 Report Share Posted March 5, 2018 Sometimes having to work with imperfect leaders is the Lord's way of telling us that we need to humble ourselves and look for the best in people. Pray for the bishop and pray for yourself to have compassion on the bishop and his earnest though imperfect efforts to serve the ward. I think you will find that as you develop greater concern and compassion for he and his family you will find the healing and forgiveness for the things you seek and perhaps for things you weren't seeking. Sunday21 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
seashmore Posted March 5, 2018 Report Share Posted March 5, 2018 @Auzylee I've had a few bishops that didn't understand me as well as I might have liked, and one that even said something from the pulpit that I brought up with a counselor in the stake or presidency because it had made me feel discouraged about attending church. (What he said was not meant maliciously, and I knew that, but it was an insensitive remark at a time when I was feeling ultra sensitive.) But I know my Savior understands me. My Heavenly Father knows me and loves me deeper than anyone else does. I have had moments in my life where I have keenly felt that, and I assume you have, too. I recommend reflecting on those moments just prior to meeting with your current bishop again. JohnsonJones 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sunday21 Posted March 5, 2018 Report Share Posted March 5, 2018 I have had some bishops not in tune with the spirit. A couple of recent bishops went rogue. One left the church not long after he dealt with me and another was playing off script. These bishops were not bad people. They meant well but, they allowed themselves to do things that at some level they must have known were wrong. Again, they were not abusive but foolish. I worry about our young people and situations like these. I got some seriously bad advice but being older and with more resources, I was able to recover. I would make sure to pray about any advice from leaders. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Auzylee Posted March 11, 2018 Author Report Share Posted March 11, 2018 @CV75 thanks for sharing that article I really enjoyed it, and thanks to everyone else for the responses they have made me feel comforted. I’ve been praying to be humble and to trust in the Lord and his leadership and I have been feeling better. zil 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crypto Posted March 12, 2018 Report Share Posted March 12, 2018 I have had the experience of having a generic interview with leadership, and a terrible interview. Leaving it feeling crushed. It was a chance for me to humble myself. Subsequent interviews weren't as bad, but still had me on the defense. As I got to know the leader better, and as they got to know me things changed. I changed. For what it's worth. zil 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zil Posted March 12, 2018 Report Share Posted March 12, 2018 9 hours ago, Crypto said: I have had the experience of having a generic interview with leadership, and a terrible interview. Leaving it feeling crushed. It was a chance for me to humble myself. Subsequent interviews weren't as bad, but still had me on the defense. As I got to know the leader better, and as they got to know me things changed. I changed. For what it's worth. Hi, @Crypto! Long time, no see. (Like your tag line - blowing things up. ) Crypto 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
warnerfranklin Posted March 14, 2018 Report Share Posted March 14, 2018 Unless I have a question about volunteering for a calling or items related to priesthood progression I typically don’t talk with my Bishop. It’s not that I don’t value his advice, it’s just I know he is a busy man with an entire ward to oversee. I have found my visiting teacher to be a good source of advice and, since he knows me better, knows where I am in my walk with Christ. Also, my partner with whom I do home teaching with is also a great confidante. If you have neither of those then reach out to other members in your ward. As Christians we do have the honor of helping others Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wenglund Posted March 14, 2018 Report Share Posted March 14, 2018 I have found that discomfort is often an integral part of my greatest periods of growth. Thanks, -Wade Englund- Crypto 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MormonGator Posted March 14, 2018 Report Share Posted March 14, 2018 28 minutes ago, wenglund said: I have found that discomfort is often an integral part of my greatest periods of growth. Thanks, -Wade Englund- So true. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crypto Posted April 17, 2018 Report Share Posted April 17, 2018 On 3/12/2018 at 6:01 AM, zil said: Hi, @Crypto! Long time, no see. (Like your tag line - blowing things up. ) You certainly have an eye for noticing Thank you zil 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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