Suicide

[Lonasunde]

Recently one of my friend's dad committed suicide. He shot himself in the chest. It was very sudden, and I'm not sure on all the details. I only met Mitch's dad once. He always seemed like a happy person though..

Anyway, I'm really worried about Mitch. He used to go to sunday school, and he was in my seminary class in 9th, so I know he was taught about the Plan of Happiness. I hope he remembers Enough though. I just really hope that he'll turn to the Lord for help, and not anywhere else.

How can I help him remember what he was taught, and not have him push me away entirely?

[Doctor Steuss]

The loss of someone by them taking their own life brings about a form of grief that few other deaths can bring. There is usually a sense of “what could I have done?,’ etc.

Right now, I’m not sure helping him to “remember what he was taught” is the best course of action. Right now is probably survival time for your friend. Right now your friend probably just needs to know that they aren’t alone, and that people aren’t judging him/her for the way his/her father passed away.

A resource that may help your friend and his/her family cope with the tragedy as the holiday season approaches might be the AFSP. Every year they have a conference for “survivors of suicide” (a term that your friend and his/her family will probably become very familiar with, if they aren’t already).

Their website = Here.

Info on the National Survivors of Suicide Day = Here.

[the_jason]

The best thing you can do is to help him on his terms. If he doesn't want to talk, don't push him to talk. If he doesn't want to attend seminary, don't push him to go to seminary. He hasn't forgotten about the plan of salvation. He's dealing with the loss of a parent, and to him that's the most important thing right now. Be a friend, support him, help him heal, but do it in his time.

[prisonchaplain]

Kudos to what everyone has said. Sometimes the best thing we can do is just be there. We're not comfortable with silence, but there is something sacred about sharing space with another's pain. Handled with care and respect, your gift of being without intruding, could truly be heaven-sent.

[the_jason]

Amen, PC. (Did I just give PC props?)

[Lonasunde]

I saw him today. He just looks ...dead. Like the shell of him is here, but not him. I know I probably should wait for a while, but seeing him like this cuts really deep.

[Moksha]

I saw him today. He just looks ...dead. Like the shell of him is here, but not him. I know I probably should wait for a while, but seeing him like this cuts really deep.

Your friendship will be especially helpful to him later on. If I were in his shoes, I would feel reassured knowing my friends cared about me.

[rosie321]

<div class='quotemain'>

I saw him today. He just looks ...dead. Like the shell of him is here, but not him. I know I probably should wait for a while, but seeing him like this cuts really deep.

Your friendship will be especially helpful to him later on. If I were in his shoes, I would feel reassured knowing my friends cared about me.

As others have said so wonderfully be there for your friend. In the silent moments as you are there with him and don't know what to say pray silently. Your support will mean a lot.

Please careful of "pushing" gospel principles onto your friend. Or in the hopes of trying to help and protect him become too overbearing. It could have the counter effect and create more despair for him. His pain is very real. Pushing him faster than your friend has strength might push him to quit because he feels he doesn't have the fortitude of strength or becomes disallusioned and angry with God.

Few understand why a person would commit suicide. For most in religious circles suicide is considered wrong or evil act (for good reasons like valuing the gift of life that God gave us and not encouraging others to do the same). But his families pain is intense. The son may even be questioning his fathers eternal state. Please continue to be there for your friend and "mourn with those that mourn." Protect him from those who'd want to throw upon your friend condemnation and more pain.

There are people I am aware of that will pretty much shun those whose members have committed suicide. I hope this is not the case here.

I don't know the kind of person your friends dad was the Lord does and will take into account this mans life, illnesses etc that would make him to such a thing. He will also righteously judge those who do not watch out for this family and mourn with those that mourn.

It pains me to hear stories like this. When I suffered the sudden loss of my non member parent, the pain was excruciating. After the death and funeral were done my heart was broken. It was like I was in another world for days. The pain cut very deep. Even though I am LDS & have the extra belief of baptisms for the dead, this belief could not erase the pain. With the added measure of pain that suicide brings I can only begin to imagine the grief your friend must be going through:(

My prayers go out to your friend and family.

Lona-it sounds like you're on the right path

[onyx]

Recently one of my friend's dad committed suicide. He shot himself in the chest. It was very sudden, and I'm not sure on all the details. I only met Mitch's dad once. He always seemed like a happy person though..

Anyway, I'm really worried about Mitch. He used to go to sunday school, and he was in my seminary class in 9th, so I know he was taught about the Plan of Happiness. I hope he remembers Enough though. I just really hope that he'll turn to the Lord for help, and not anywhere else.

How can I help him remember what he was taught, and not have him push me away entirely?

Hi Lona,

I have two friends who took their own lives.

It is very difficult to come to terms with for the family and loved ones.

The circumstances of the death make it so much harder.

It is wonderful that you want to help your friend.

There are a couple of links in lds.org that address suicide and how to assist those left behind.

They may be useful and helpful to you in comforting your friend from a gospel point of view:

http://lds.org/portal/site/LDSOrg/menuitem..._&hideNav=1

http://lds.org/portal/site/LDSOrg/menuitem..._&hideNav=1

I hope your friend has lots of people in his life like you who care about him

Onyx

[rosie321]

Thanks Onyx! Great links!

<div class='quotemain'>

Recently one of my friend's dad committed suicide. He shot himself in the chest. It was very sudden, and I'm not sure on all the details. I only met Mitch's dad once. He always seemed like a happy person though..

Anyway, I'm really worried about Mitch. He used to go to sunday school, and he was in my seminary class in 9th, so I know he was taught about the Plan of Happiness. I hope he remembers Enough though. I just really hope that he'll turn to the Lord for help, and not anywhere else.

How can I help him remember what he was taught, and not have him push me away entirely?

Hi Lona,

I have two friends who took their own lives.

It is very difficult to come to terms with for the family and loved ones.

The circumstances of the death make it so much harder.

It is wonderful that you want to help your friend.

There are a couple of links in lds.org that address suicide and how to assist those left behind.

They may be useful and helpful to you in comforting your friend from a gospel point of view:

http://lds.org/portal/site/LDSOrg/menuitem..._&hideNav=1

http://lds.org/portal/site/LDSOrg/menuitem..._&hideNav=1

I hope your friend has lots of people in his life like you who care about him

Onyx

[Gretchen]

The best thing you can do is let him know that you care; treat him to ice cream, bring him flowers, do a cross-stitch for him, something that shows that you care.

[cjcampbell]

Um, your friend's dad committed suicide and now your friend is despondent. That is not good. Seeing him, you probably would not be surprised at the number of teens who eventually kill themselves after a parent commits suicide.

This is something you need to talk to your bishop about. And a school counselor, too.

Mitch is wondering about a few things, such as whether he could have done anything to prevent what his dad did. Well, maybe he could have and maybe not. But how on earth was he supposed to know? The important thing is that anything he might have done differently does not matter now. It was his dad's choice to do this thing, not Mitch's. But the only way he is going to get over his guilt and sadness is with some serious counseling, prayer, and his friends letting him know that they are there for him. He has to learn that it was not his fault. It was not his fault. He is not ready to hear that now, maybe, but that is why you talk to the bishop and to the school counselor.

[MorningStar]

I saw him today. He just looks ...dead. Like the shell of him is here, but not him. I know I probably should wait for a while, but seeing him like this cuts really deep.

I'm so sorry. One of my best friends went through this when we were seniors in high school. It was so sudden and unexpected. One minute they were watching a movie together and he was laughing. Immediately after the movie, he went upstairs and shot himself in the head. Her mom called our house looking for her because she ran away and was terrified she would hurt herself. I ran to her house and she was back by then. It was a horrible scene. Her mom kept saying, "HE DOES THE STUPIDEST THINGS!" They airlifted him to the hospital, which was pretty pointless and a huge expense she was left with. There was a huge mess and they had to replace the carpet and pad. At first she thought she would move, but she decided to stay there after all.

All of us friends had to take cues as to how we could best support her. She doesn't believe in an afterlife or anythiing. We just kept inviting her to participate in activities with us and she eventually came around. She was haunted by this experience for quite some time, but she's a pretty happy person now. I would suggest lots of hugs for your friend if he is receptive.

[NeuroTypical]

I would wholeheartedly, with every ounce of my being, recommend this book. You can get a used copy for less than ten bucks including shipping.

Do it. Read it, then give it to your friend. If you don't have ten bucks, PM me, and I'll buy it for you.

LM

[the_jason]

If you don't have ten bucks, PM me, and I'll buy it for you.

Does that offer stand for everyone? I can think of a few things I need (although most cost more than 10 bucks).

[Heckya]

Um, your friend's dad committed suicide and now your friend is despondent. That is not good. Seeing him, you probably would not be surprised at the number of teens who eventually kill themselves after a parent commits suicide.

This is something you need to talk to your bishop about. And a school counselor, too.

Mitch is wondering about a few things, such as whether he could have done anything to prevent what his dad did. Well, maybe he could have and maybe not. But how on earth was he supposed to know? The important thing is that anything he might have done differently does not matter now. It was his dad's choice to do this thing, not Mitch's. But the only way he is going to get over his guilt and sadness is with some serious counseling, prayer, and his friends letting him know that they are there for him. He has to learn that it was not his fault. It was not his fault. He is not ready to hear that now, maybe, but that is why you talk to the bishop and to the school counselor.

I have to say that I agree with cjcampbell in a lot of ways. Three years ago my step brother did commit suicide and it has destroyed by step dad. He has never actually dealt with his grief and it is obvious that his guilt is overwhelming. I sometimes wonder if he considers suicide and am trying to get him help with dealing with his grief.

Statisics in suicide are terrifying especially when a parent commits suicide. Just being his friend is probably the perfect way for you to be there for him, but you should probably talk to a bishop, seminary teacher and school counselor to see if they can get him some additional help. He doesn't have to know that you were the one that talked to the bishop, etc. You can ask for it to stay confidential.

[ztodd]

Good question. I don't know. Pray and study your scriptures and listen for the Spirit to help you.

I guess just show empathy as much as possible and let him know you're there for him.