i need help

[mormonkid]

so

i have been having a lot of doubts and i want to talk to my bishop about it but i don't want my parents to know

but my dad dad is the first counselor in the bishopric and i rly don't want the bishop telling my dad 

will the bishop keep it confidential 

[Carborendum]

3 hours ago, mormonkid said:

so

i have been having a lot of doubts and i want to talk to my bishop about it but i don't want my parents to know

but my dad dad is the first counselor in the bishopric and i rly don't want the bishop telling my dad 

will the bishop keep it confidential 

Doubts?  About what?

[The Folk Prophet]

4 hours ago, mormonkid said:

so

i have been having a lot of doubts and i want to talk to my bishop about it but i don't want my parents to know

but my dad dad is the first counselor in the bishopric and i rly don't want the bishop telling my dad 

will the bishop keep it confidential 

Why don't you talk to your dad about it instead?

[mormonkid]

2 hours ago, The Folk Prophet said:

Why don't you talk to your dad about it instead?

i am a 15 year old girl and right now it feels like he isn't the most approachable person 

i just want to have a normal, adult conversation with my bishop but i don't know if he will keep our meeting private 

do you have an answer to wether or not he will keep it confidential?

thanks for the help 

[mormonkid]

2 hours ago, Carborendum said:

Doubts?  About what?

i was sitting in sacrament meeting to months ago and i saw that the lady giving her talk was crying with emotion because she was talking about an experience where she felt the spirit

it got me thinking, i have never remember a time where i have felt anything, and i am a righteous young women, i go to the temple every month, i pay my tithing, i keep my covenants, but i don't ever remember feeling the spirit ever even once in my life. i don't know what to believe anymore. i am really stuck 

 

[The Folk Prophet]

40 minutes ago, mormonkid said:

i am a 15 year old girl and right now it feels like he isn't the most approachable person 

i just want to have a normal, adult conversation with my bishop but i don't know if he will keep our meeting private 

do you have an answer to wether or not he will keep it confidential?

thanks for the help 

You could always ask him to. I can't guarantee what another will do though. 

[The Folk Prophet]

15 hours ago, mormonkid said:

i was sitting in sacrament meeting to months ago and i saw that the lady giving her talk was crying with emotion because she was talking about an experience where she felt the spirit

it got me thinking, i have never remember a time where i have felt anything, and i am a righteous young women, i go to the temple every month, i pay my tithing, i keep my covenants, but i don't ever remember feeling the spirit ever even once in my life. i don't know what to believe anymore. i am really stuck 

 

Crying isn't the Spirit. It's a response some people have to the Spirit. The Spirit interacts with us each on our own levels. You don't have to cry. 

That being said, have you sought the Spirit? Have you plead with the Lord to know the things you wish to know? Have you put the truthfulness of the Book of Mormon to the Lord based on His direction in Moroni 10:3-5?

Some of us need to struggle more than others for the answers we seek. I don't know why. But I trust the Lord. He wants you to work for it. Study the Book of Mormon. Ponder on it. And then sincerely ask the Lord if it is true. It may take some time and effort, but if you seek and ask with real intent He WILL answer. I promise you that. 

Don't give up. This struggle is the act of faith the Lord has put before you.  Show Him your faith! Faith is commitment. Faith is effort. Faith is trust DESPITE the doubts you have.

Faith precedes the miracle. A witness from the Holy Ghost is a miracle. Give God your faith, unconditionally, and He will give you that miracle. He has promised He will. He will!

And...may I suggest you, prayerfully, reconsider talking to your father. I know a father can feel unapproachable to a 15 yr old girl. And I don't know your father, of course. But I know when my daughter is 15 that if she has such concerns that I would SO much want her to share that with me! I can't say that strongly enough.  So that advice comes to you from the position of my being a father with a daughter. 

Edited February 21, 2023 by The Folk Prophet

[Grunt]

The bishop should absolutely keep it confidential.   You can ask him outright if he intends to before you talk to him.  

 

That said, feeling the spirit is tricky for me, too.   At one point I realized I'd been feeling the spirit and didn't even know that's what it was.   I try to be in tune to it, but I don't pretend to be the best.    Based on outcome, I think my decisions are based on guidance from the spirit even if I can't key into the specific time the thought came to me.   I act in faith and I believe He guides me as long as I do.  I believe that more because of the times I've been punched in the face by the spirit for not following.

[The Folk Prophet]

56 minutes ago, Grunt said:

The bishop should absolutely keep it confidential.

If the father wasn't a counselor I'd agree. It's a bit tricky because he is. But it's also a judgment call on the bishops' part. There's no rule I'm aware of that the bishop can't make the determination that this sort of thing needs to be shared with a parent. The parent has the presiding right over their child. In a way it'd be like asking if you shared something with your Stake President could you expect him to not share it with the bishop?

I could be mistaken. And were it some sort of sin then I think maybe it would be different. But when I was in ward council, we discussed members who struggled with doubts and how we could help them all the time. It's not the same sort of private matter as confessing serious sin to a bishop or the like (which the bishop would, indeed, keep to himself).

[Grunt]

25 minutes ago, The Folk Prophet said:

If the father wasn't a counselor I'd agree. It's a bit tricky because he is. But it's also a judgment call on the bishops' part. There's no rule I'm aware of that the bishop can't make the determination that this sort of thing needs to be shared with a parent. The parent has the presiding right over their child. In a way it'd be like asking if you shared something with your Stake President could you expect him to not share it with the bishop?

I could be mistaken. And were it some sort of sin then I think maybe it would be different. But when I was in ward council, we discussed members who struggled with doubts and how we could help them all the time. It's not the same sort of private matter as confessing serious sin to a bishop or the like (which the bishop would, indeed, keep to himself).

Sure.  It takes reasonable people.  As a counselor, I don't ask my bishop what he talks to my children about.   Were I bishop, I'd ask the counselor if it would be an issue.

[askandanswer]

I'm only guessing here. I think the most likely outcome would be that if you asked the BIshop to keep your discussion with him confidential, then he probably would. A less likely outcome is that he would discuss your concerns with someone else, most likely one or both of your parents but he would do so in a way that protects you. Its also possible that the Bishop might mention to your dad, without telling him anything specific about the conversation he has had with you, that it might be good for your dad to talk with you about certain things. Either way you are better off than you are now of living with your doubts and not doing anything about them. 

I would also be inclined to look around for another trusted adult adviser who you can trust and who is not as close to your dad. Your bishop is not the only person you can talk with about these things. 

[zil2]

In theory, for adults, the bishop should not be discussing anything with anyone other than God (unless formal discipline needs to happen).  But I don't know what the rules are with minors.  You could ask him what his policy is and see if he'll give a straight answer: "Bishop, if I wanted to talk to ask you some questions about the gospel, would you feel obligated to tell my father about our discussion?"

That said, here are my three thoughts (two of which aren't mine):

Quote

May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears.
-- Nelson Mandela

Please take some time to consider the source of your fear of talking to your father.  If your father is abusive, then go tell the cops.  Otherwise, I think the Lord himself would tell you not to fear:

Quote

2 Timothy 1:7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

1 John 4:18 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.

Moses 1:20 And it came to pass that Moses began to fear exceedingly; and as he began to fear, he saw the bitterness of hell. Nevertheless, calling upon God, he received strength, and he commanded, saying: Depart from me, Satan, for this one God only will I worship, which is the God of glory.

If you don't feel like you can talk openly with your father and / or mother, it might be a good idea to have a conversation with them about that.  "Dad, I don't feel like I can talk openly with you about my thoughts and feelings.  I feel like you would yell at me, or dismiss my thoughts and feelings as meaningless, or that you wouldn't take time to think about my perspective and talk with me rather than at me, or [insert your concerns here]...  Could we work together to figure out what it would take for us to be able to have such conversations?"

Because this is how you build a lasting, deeper, more loving relationship with your father - not by avoiding difficult things, but by working through them together.  (And yes, I know that probably sounds really scary, but see above quotes - fear is Satan's tool, not God's.)

FWIW.

Edited February 23, 2023 by zil2

[zil2]

On 2/22/2023 at 6:18 PM, zil2 said:

In theory, for adults, the bishop should not be discussing anything with anyone other than God (unless formal discipline needs to happen).

I looked it up in the handbook.  Chapter 31 (and some links to another chapter).  If the bishop is following the handbook, he should not be telling anyone anything about your discussion unless it requires legal action or a membership council.  But another adult has to be present (either in the room or outside the room, your choice).