Temple Recommend taken away

[tickalily]

For the first time in 19 years, my husband's temple recommend was taken away by our new Bishop. Here's the story:

My husband is a volunteer head coach of a MAJOR level baseball team that is preparing for high school (fall '08). In the 5-A HS these kids will go to, we've had 3 drafted directly into the MLB and 100% of varsity starters play in college. The HS has only been open for 7 years. It's competitive!! My son wants to play for BYU after his mission (even though BYU is not a "baseball college"). The only way to get there is to play in HS.

Long story short, my husband's temple recommend was taken away because he coaches for free. Bishop said that if it was "part of his income, it would be different."

His team NEVER practices nor plays league games on Sundays (they forfeit). He commits his players and parents (by signature) to adhere to LDS standards at ALL times while playing on the team. But because his team is VERY good (State and National Major Champions), they do play in the championship rounds of tournaments (only) on Sunday.

Our family attends church together, even if we're out of town or across the country. We pack ALL food in coolers (no purchases) and we do not attend the victory-party after the final game. We do everything else we've been asked to do (FHE, scriptures, prayer, VT, HT, callings, Scouts, Duty to God, etc).

But because the Bishop does not see my husband in our OWN Ward at all times, he says that his "behavior is not in harmony with the gospel."

Our Bishop also "hinted" that if our son continues to play on Sundays, he will not be allowed to do baptisms or prepare/pass the sacrament anymore. We have 4 other young men in our Stake who play AAA or Major ball, and some of their Bishops actually encourage them to do their BEST.

(The boys who play AA or rec ball do NOT play with their teams on Sunday)

I just don't understand. Is it a black & white commandment?

That would mean ALL people would need to obey. We'd have no LDS athletes and no fireside-talks by these athletes. AND there would be no sports programs at BYU because BYU would then be considered trainers of "sabbath breakers".

- OR -

Is it up to each individual family to decide what works for them in their circumstances?

It's no different than Peter Vidmar (Olympic Gold). He never had a workout on the Sabbath, but DID competed on Sunday because it was necessary. That's the nature of tournaments...they cannot be played 6 other days of the week.

Luckily, we are extremely strong members and this in NO way shakes our faith in the Gospel of Jesus Christ. My husband DID truthfully answer every TR question and KNOWS the Lord finds him worthy to attend the temple. We know this is our Bishop's private interpretation. As coach, he has an obligation to these young men and does not see that his service is contrary to the Gospel.

WHAT SHOULD WE DO???

[checkerboy]

I would go talk to your stake president and let him know what is going on. If your husband answers all the temple recommend questions in the correct way your bishop has no right to take away his recommend. If I remember right there is no question that says "Do you play sports on Sunday?" If you are trying hard to make it to your meetings when you can then there is no problem. There have been some great LDS atheletes that kept their testimonies strong when having to play on Sundays.

I am sorry for this situation.

[WillowTheWhisp]

What about nurses, ambulance drivers, firemen etc in your Ward who work on Sunday? Would they be refused a Temple Recommend?

I was once refused a TR because I was too ill to attend church. My then Bishop reasoned that if I was unable to attend church then I was unable to attend the temple and didn't need a recommend. I would still have liked one. It felt bad not to have one.

Incidentally that Bishop subsequently went inactive.

I hope your Stake President can clarify the issue for you.

[Rebky]

Certainly the Bishop would ask your husband if he is regularly attending meetings? Anyway, I personally think far too much importance is put on the God of Sports. It may seem to your Bishop that your husband is just playing. That being said we are a church of agency and if your husband is temple worthy even with this monster focus in his life I wonder if the Bishop can legitimately take it away like that. I agree with CheckerBoy... ask your Stake President. You MAY find it is something your Stake wants to change in the heart of it's members though.

Remember, we are in the last days and separating the wheat from the shaft IS going to happen. Man cannot serve two masters... right? I worry about the day I HAVE to quit drinking diet coke, otherwise I cannot attend the temple. I worry about being asked to walk away from my home and possessions... I'm not so sure I have the faith of the Pioneers. Only one way to find out if we are striving to live an exalted lifestyle, you know?

[StrawberryFields]

WOW.

Sounds like the bishop is believing more than he is saying...

I would go to the stake president and get all of this out in the open ASAP.

To have a TR taken away there had better be some very clear reasons for doing this.

How long has this bishop been your bishop?

[Canuck Mormon]

Does anyone know if Steve Young's recommend was taken away while he played? He was also at the game yesterday participating in the coin toss. Should his recommend be taken away for that?

It seem the Bishop is overzealous. I would see your Stake President over this, as everyone else has suggested.

Good Luck.

[Moksha]

Please let us know what happens.

[MorningStar]

I agree with the talking to your stake president idea. I was in a community choir where we had performances on two weekends per year. It wasn't my job, but I wanted to keep developing my talents. I still managed to make it to church and I can't imagine my bishop taking my temple recommend for that.

[Palerider]

I am afraid I would have to appeal the ruling to a higher authority. I know in our stake....regular church attendance is defined by attending at least twice a month....I feel your Bishop is crossing the line a bit. This is my opinion and I am basing this just from the info you have stated.

[ztodd]

How often do you attend your home ward?

[john doe]

I think there is an echo in here, and I agree. Go see your stake pres. and explain the situation to him, and he should get things straightened out.

[BenRaines]

Most have been great responses. I know one other who has sat in the same seat as the Bishop and I have too. We both agree that this is something that needs to be addressed with the Stake President. If it is exactly as you have stated and I have no reason to think otherwise then it sounds like the Bishop has overreacted. I know that after you talk with the Stake President you will know if it is the Stake Presidents direction or the Bishops.

With what Pale said I would say attending church regularly unless work or sickness kept you from it. When I was with the police department all the worthy police officers I worked with held temple recommends. Many worked on Sunday.

When I travel on vacation, and I do that a lot I attend church wherever I am and no one has taken my temple recommend away.

Ben Raines

[WillowTheWhisp]

Just crossed my mind that even the Prophet doesn't attend church in his own Ward every Sunday. He travels and attends church wherever he is at the time. How many Stake presidents attend Ward conferences in different chapels on different Sundays? How many High Councillors are assigned to Wards other than their own?

It matters that you attend church, not where you attend church. Hope you have a good outcome to this difficult situation.

[Mahonri]

I hope you'll let us know what your stake president says.

I don't care if I ever hear another sports personality at a fireside, especially if they made their living on the Sabbath. For a doctor or nurse or fireman, I feel it is different. Those folks help keep people alive. Sports personalities do not. Steve Young once said that if he had it all to do over again, he would have gone on a mission and that probably would have made his life turn out different.... But the fact remains that he made his living primarily on the Sabbath. We need less of that. It's been quite some time since we've seen a Dale Murphy, Danny Ainge or Steve Young emerge and for that I am grateful.

You mention that the other boys in the stake DO NOT participate on the Sabbath. Is it really that important that your son does if they don't?

How often is your husband and son not in the ward?

I have a niece who is a player on the BYU soccer team. Prior to BYU she often wouldn't show to the competitions if they were on the Sabbath. Team mates knew she would be playing on Friday and Saturday but that if the team was required to play on the Sabbath, she would not be playing. They respected her for that and she still played first string on Friday's and Saturdays.

And for y'alls info, Our family did NOT watch the "super"bowl on Sunday. I enjoy watching a good football game and I've done that on Saturdays, Thanksgiving, Monday nights and the rare Thursday or Saturday game.

We are called a peculiar people for a reason. I applaud those who take a stand and teach our people to take a stand when it comes to the Sabbath Day and the duties of the Aaronic Priesthood on the Sabbath Day.

You make it sound like your husband's participation is very rare on the Sabbath, if that is the case then he needs to sit down with the stake president.

[Rebky]

I hope you'll let us know what your stake president says.

I don't care if I ever hear another sports personality at a fireside,

We are called a peculiar people for a reason. I applaud those who take a stand and teach our people to take a stand when it comes to the Sabbath Day and the duties of the Aaronic Priesthood on the Sabbath Day.

Amen to the first sentence! The message they always seem to give at those firesides is 'You can have it all... be a Mormon AND amazingly athletic/rich/popular whatever. Star struck members just eat that up! The point is what ARE you passionate about? Where DO you lay your treasure? That will always reflect where your heart REALLY is, and can be seen by anyone around you. We aren't fooling anyone but ourselves.

Just something to think about because we all get preoccupied by the world. This IS the point of being here, this is only one example of the opposition that is needful for growth. I'm just as bad as the next guy with the shiny things that pull at my attentions. Lest anyone thing I'm making a judgment I'm NOT!!!

I appreciate your last sentence here just as much or more than the first. Thank you! We just all need to be more like that and it is hard. I agree.

[prisonchaplain]

I'm going to make a new thread about this issue, because I'm curious about LDS Sabbath observance.

[Misshalfway]

Wow. What a situation! I agree with everyone on this. Call the Stake President. This bishop sounds like he is so straight that he is crooked. I am so sorry.

[VoluntaryPrison]

I don't know how many times you've tried to hammer this out with your bishop, but don't go to your stake president until you've had two or three meetings with your bishop first. If that doesn't work, write a letter to the stake president explaining your position. Whatever happens after that you can just live with.

The process is about persuasion. Keep an open mind. Your bishop might be persuaded or you might be persuaded.

[ztodd]

While I agree in general with everyone that usually that seems a bit harsh, I know that we don't have the whole story, so perhaps the bishop had good reason to do so. Talk openly with him to try to find out his reasoning. Perhaps the Lord is testing you. In which case he actually may not be able to give you a good reason and you would have to act in faith.

[Rebky]

My husband said that every Bishop should have a sign on the door that says:

"If you haven't fasted and prayed about it, don't come in here and bother me with it either."

Of course they cannot have such a thing on their door, but it makes you pause doesn't it? Any Stake President will ask you if you have done these things, before coming to him.

[peanutgallery]

I don't know. I am interested in what the SP has to say as well. I kind of see the Bishop's point. Your husband is volunteering to do something that prevents him from keeping the Sabbath day holy. Would it be ok for someone to volunteer to clean the side of the roads several Sundays a year? It's not like he needs to do this to support your family which most professional athletes do.

It also baffles me that BYU would be ok with a kid playing sports on Sunday just to get on their team. I would refrain from playing sports on Sunday and have some faith that BYU would recognize the sacrifice.

[Moksha]

I don't know. I am interested in what the SP has to say as well. I kind of see the Bishop's point. Your husband is volunteering to do something that prevents him from keeping the Sabbath day holy. Would it be ok for someone to volunteer to clean the side of the roads several Sundays a year? It's not like he needs to do this to support your family which most professional athletes do.

It also baffles me that BYU would be ok with a kid playing sports on Sunday just to get on their team. I would refrain from playing sports on Sunday and have some faith that BYU would recognize the sacrifice.

Read this then.... Salt Lake Tribune - BYU: Y. kicks out best hitter

[peanutgallery]

Read this then.... Salt Lake Tribune - BYU: Y. kicks out best hitter

I don't understand how this article proves me wrong. I think it actually backs up my opinion that BYU wants athletes that make church attendance a priority.

[Canuck Mormon]

Read this then.... Salt Lake Tribune - BYU: Y. kicks out best hitter

You beat me to it Moksha. You must be even more bored than I am.

[tickalily]

Thanks, everyone. You've given us some good advice to think about.

We HAVE decided already that our son will attend our own Ward every Sunday and then, if HE chooses, he can catch up with his team in the afternoon.

*****************

Here's some answers to your questions:

I did check out that story on the BYU player getting kicked out. From what it sounds like, he did not attend his BYU Ward. Not quite sure WHY he did not attend his own student Ward. There may be more to that story...or there could be a pompous bishop?

My husband attends our own Ward 2-3 times a month in spring & summer and ALL the time the rest of the year.

What gets me is the comment that if he did this coaching as part of his living, it would be okay. So maybe he should start "charging" the families so he can count it as income and get his recommend back?

This discussion did not come up until the very end of the TR questions when my husband answered that there was nothing in his conduct that should keep him from attending the temple worthily. The Bishop paused, shook his head and said "Well, I do" and then explained that the lack of attendance to his home Ward made him unworthy.

This Bishop has been in for 9 months.

He has made many inappropriate comments to my son-

(One time he said "I don't know of anyone who plays baseball for a full week" when our family got back from a tournament in Cooperstown, NY)

He called a joint RS/PH meeting to talk about baseball on Sundays and "how immoral and unrighteous is a coach that would play his team on Sunday" (we had members call us for 2 weeks afterwards apologizing because they knew this was directed at my husband).

And during a setting apart, the Bishop pronounced ME to be "the spiritual and temporal leader of your home because your husband is not here today." (My husband had just given me a kiss in the church hallway 30 min. before as he was leaving the earlier Ward he had just attended).

What's amazing...my husband is NOT discouraged by this. He likes to use the same phrase Pres. Hinckley used, "It'll all work out."