Within the Walls of Your Own Home

[Carborendum]

Quote

The most important of the Lord’s work that you will ever do will be the work you do within the walls of your own home.

  —President Harold B. Lee, Teachings of Presidents of the Church: Harold B. Lee (2000), 134

Over the past several years I've made numerous efforts to do things to improve the world. 

• I participated in charitable works including a food kitchen, a charity pantry, and a ministering effort with another faith. 
• I've given more volunteer time at the Church. 
• I also helped clean the church as often as I could. 
• I've reached out to strangers who seemed in need physically, emotionally, spiritually, financially. 
• I worked as a volunteer teacher in several outreach programs.
• I gave a bunch of money to charity.
  • Even as the world fell apart due to COVID, I was highly blessed financially during these past few years. 
  • I've finally made enough money where that was financially responsible thing to do.

I don't say any of this to boast.  I say it to point out that I don't think I've done any good in the world because of it.

Of all these things, I found very little good come of it over the past four or five years.  I think I made some friends, but I don't know if I really changed their lives at all.  In fact, I found that some of my efforts made "the world" worse.  And none of that was because I did something poorly or did anything wrong.  I just saw bad things happen "because of my participation" and yet "completely out of my control."  It was often because of deception.  Often it was stupid doing what stupid does.  And it would have been better if I had not done anything at all.

MOAN.

On Sunday we had a family council as we usually do.  And I was impressed to share a specific gospel topic (from this week's CFM reading).  I received a miraculous reading of the text that I'd glossed over so many times.

When I revealed my insights to my family, they seemed to be nodding their heads.  I was surprised that I wasn't met with more skepticism (which is the norm in my family).  But they seemed almost offended or upset that no one ever said this before.

My daughter asked, "Why has no one ever pointed that out before?  But I've never heard a lesson or talk or even G.C. address that put it that way before.  I always kind of felt that way.  But no one ever put it that way before."

I tried pointing out that we had been taught.  Most people just don't think about it consciously.  I quoted scriptures, some talks, Church history, and the Bible Dictionary.  But none of them explicitly stated the promised miracle as I had described.  But when I put it all together, it seemed pretty clear. 

I finally declared, "The world will do as the world wills.  And we need to continue to do whatever little things we can to make it better.  But the point I want to make today is that THIS family will shine in the darkness.  THIS family will look to the Lord.  THIS house will be a house of prayer.  THIS house will be a house of faith.  THIS family will raise our children in righteousness for generations."

Quote

As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.

At present, I'm not of the disposition to share the principle I shared with my family.  But I realized later that day that the quote from President Lee (at the top of this post) really hit hard. 

I've been doing my best to make the world a better place and it was like trying to lift a boulder.  It was like taking a 15 lb sledge hammer to a 10' tungsten boulder.  I could slave away with that hammer for hours and leave no mark.

But in my own home, I can and will make a difference.

[mikbone]

Amen brother.

First yourself

Then your family

Then everyone else - including the church.

The law of consecration does not trump your personal responsibility or duty as patriarch.

Just imagine what a lovely world we would live in if everyone took care of their own personal stuff.

[mikbone]

With 11 children and my current occupation, my hands are full.  

I Still manage to have a calling, although I let the bishop know that I may be called away without notice.  Because of my job I may not be as dependable as you would like…

My wife is pretty good at volunteering her time and our money though.

It will be interesting to see what happens after retirement and when the children are out of the house.

I bet we will have lots of Grandchildren passing through though.

[LDSGator]

I couldn’t agree more with the Harold Lee quote. 
 

Hosting an exchange student is a marvelous way to provide a volunteer service, and it takes place mostly in your own home.

It’s a very unique way to volunteer your time-you volunteer at a soup kitchen, and you go home. You help chop wood for a member-and you go home. You clean the temple—and then you go home. 
 

With an exchange student, you live your life and then sort of do the heavy lifting at home! 

Edited September 11, 2024 by LDSGator

[LDSGator]

I can point you in the right directions to get started. It’s not like an MLM scheme where I get money if someone signs up. 

Edited September 11, 2024 by LDSGator

[mikbone]

Another thought.

Based off the parable of the talents when we give charity we should get a good return.  Be it physical or spiritual blessings / joy for the giver and the recipient.

Giving without accountability is being an unwise servant

Edited September 11, 2024 by mikbone

[NeuroTypical]

5 hours ago, Carborendum said:

I've been doing my best to make the world a better place and it was like trying to lift a boulder.  It was like taking a 15 lb sledge hammer to a 10' tungsten boulder.  I could slave away with that hammer for hours and leave no mark.

So, I'm on the hook for living the commandments, acting like a disciple of Christ, striving to serve and love others.  Years ago, it became a basic tenet of my personal discipleship to not even give a second's thought to whether I was successful with any of that or not.  As far as I can tell, I'm not on the hook to make sure it works, or reach some sort of successful quota in my efforts to live as the Lord wants me to live.  My job is to do my best, and strive to do better.  I'm content to find out how I did at my final judgment.   

I don't follow this mindset for those within my stewardship, in the walls of my own home.

 

 

Edited September 11, 2024 by NeuroTypical

[mikbone]

19 minutes ago, NeuroTypical said:

So, I'm on the hook for living the commandments, acting like a disciple of Christ, striving to serve and love others.  Years ago, it became a basic tenet of my personal discipleship to not even give a second's thought to whether I was successful with any of that or not.  As far as I can tell, I'm not on the hook to make sure it works, or reach some sort of successful quota in my efforts to live as the Lord wants me to live.  My job is to do my best, and strive to do better.  I'm content to find out how I did at my final judgment.   

I don't follow this mindset for those within my stewardship, in the walls of my own home.

 

 

That point of view seems naive to me.  I might be mis-understanding you, but without self-assessment how can we know where we are going?

As a physician and scientist I am constantly making observations and adjustments.  

Taking a set of rules and following them without constant evaluation is a sure fire plan for failure.

In Alma 32 we learn that when you plant a seed you can only know that it is good if it bears good fruit.  

I don’t think one has to wait till the day of judgement to evaluate what path they are on.

[LDSGator]

13 minutes ago, mikbone said:

you, but without self-assessment how can we know where we are going?

You are absolutely right, but it only works with those who are have the ability to engage in self critique. As a naive 20 year old I thought everyone could do that. 
 

I was wrong. 

[Carborendum]

10 hours ago, NeuroTypical said:

Years ago, it became a basic tenet of my personal discipleship to not even give a second's thought to whether I was successful with any of that or not.  As far as I can tell, I'm not on the hook to make sure it works, or reach some sort of successful quota in my efforts to live as the Lord wants me to live. 

Have you ever read Don Quixote? (BTW, quite different from the characterization of Man of La Mancha).

[NeuroTypical]

Let me clarify.  @Carborendum is talking about how some of his many efforts over the years appear to have turned out:

On 9/10/2024 at 3:48 PM, Carborendum said:

I don't know if I really changed their lives at all.  In fact, I found that some of my efforts made "the world" worse.  And none of that was because I did something poorly or did anything wrong.  I just saw bad things happen "because of my participation" and yet "completely out of my control." ... And it would have been better if I had not done anything at all.

The stuff he mentioned was all good disciple-of-Christ stuff like giving service, volunteering time and talents and money, reaching out in love to help folks who appeared in need, including trying to connect on an emotional level.   As I look back at all of my efforts in this regard, I'm usually unaware of whether I made a difference or not.

- I remember the Elder's Quorum move where the son was getting kicked out of his parent's house.  He sat on the couch and sulked while we packed all of his crap into garbage bags and hauled it all to his new apartment.  We left him sulking next to all his crap we unloaded onto the ground, because "nobody gave me a key".  My EQP asked me for help, I had responded.  No matter what happened to dude, I was part of the service arm of the church that day, and I did my part.  I mean, we sat there and thought about what else could be done to help, and we thought about the line between help and enabling.  Dude's mom and the EQP had already decided what we did was what was needed.  Did dude really need that wake up call?  Was he finally forced to shake himself out of his victim-complacent mindset, and put forth effort into his own life? Did he end up homeless or pimping himself out for rent or dead?  I have no clue. 

[blessing stories removed, probably shouldn't be publicly available]

- Trail building that included trying to block 4X4s from ruining the hillside, easily ruinable by the 4X4's. Soup kitchen and food pantry aid serving folks without knowing if I was helping or enabling.  Elder's quorum moves helping people start new lives in new homes, maybe it resulted in blessings, maybe families fell apart and moving turned out to be the wrong decision. Endless online posts like this, sharing my experiences and information in hopes my brothers and sisters in Christ may glean some boon from me sharing.  The list grows and grows the more I think about it.  All of it an attempt to be a good disciple in Christ.

A guy could get pretty dang despondent if he thought he was on the hook to ensure a successful outcome from these efforts.  He could go crazy if he never finds out whether he made a difference or not.

On 9/10/2024 at 9:16 PM, mikbone said:

without self-assessment how can we know where we are going?

I'm all about self-assessment.  It's important to look at outcomes and consequences, and grow as a person, a friend, a peer, a human.    I'm just not about assigning a value to my person based on the success or failure of the best I can do.  I'm always happy to learn, grow, and improve.  I'll take lessons from wherever they come.  Does that make any sense?

On 9/11/2024 at 6:54 AM, Carborendum said:

Have you ever read Don Quixote? (BTW, quite different from the characterization of Man of La Mancha).

Heh - yes!  I often think about that guy, both the one from the book, and the one from the movie.  

I also think about the parable of the starfish, and I'm content with the little girl's answer. 

 

Edited September 12, 2024 by NeuroTypical

[mikbone]

21 minutes ago, NeuroTypical said:

I'm all about self-assessment.  It's important to look at outcomes and consequences, and grow as a person, a friend, a peer, a human.    I'm just not about assigning a value to my person based on the success or failure of the best I can do.  I'm always happy to learn, grow, and improve.  I'll take lessons from wherever they come.  Does that make any sense?

Yup.  It’s difficult to know how our blessings and prayers are received.  And its not our job to predict the will of God.

But we should recognize when we are making a situation worse with our good will.

And Satan loves to manipulate situations so that we are causing more problems when we think we are helping.

He likes to use people as tools.

I’ve been burned before.

Look how physicians over the past 2 decades caused our current narcotic nightmare by believing a lie that no one should experience pain. 

Sometimes pain is a good thing.  It reminds us that we should stop doing some activities.

 

“If you wish to go where God is, you must be like God, or possess the principles which God possesses. For if we are not drawing towards God in principle, we are going from him and drawing towards the Devil. . . . Search your hearts and see if you are like God.” - Joseph Smith, Jr

[Traveler]

I believe that it was David O. McKay that said, “There is no success in the world that can compensate for failure in the home.”

 

The Traveler

[LDSGator]

1 hour ago, Traveler said:

I believe that it was David O. McKay that said, “There is no success in the world that can compensate for failure in the home.”

 

The Traveler

Amen to that. 

[Carborendum]

4 hours ago, NeuroTypical said:

Heh - yes!  I often think about that guy, both the one from the book, and the one from the movie.  

I'm referring to the first time when our knight errant took along his faithful squire to fix the wrong of a master beating his servant.  He "fixed it" and then never gave it another thought.  Do you remember the result?

4 hours ago, NeuroTypical said:

I also think about the parable of the starfish, and I'm content with the little girl's answer. 

Then there's Studio C's version... which is what I've been experiencing for the past several years.

Edited September 11, 2024 by Carborendum

[NeuroTypical]

16 hours ago, Carborendum said:

I'm referring to the first time when our knight errant took along his faithful squire to fix the wrong of a master beating his servant.  He "fixed it" and then never gave it another thought.  Do you remember the result?

I don't remember.  I assume it was some sort of comedic tragedy, and you figure it's a cautionary tale against my take on service to others?

I get it.  My perspective involves not beating myself up if people exercise their agency in ways that keep my service from being a blessing.  Or the fates conspire against my efforts and bad things happen anyway.   I'm not advocating throwing service into a hole and not waiting to hear how it lands.  I'm saying that I'm down for doing my best to love and serve my neighbors , but I'm not down for forcing my neighbors to realize boons from my love and service.  That's all. 

[Carborendum]

1 hour ago, NeuroTypical said:

you figure it's a cautionary tale against my take on service to others?

Not necessarily for or against anything.

I just consider that you've been blessed with not knowing what happened after you left.  I've been cursed with knowing what happened next.

1 hour ago, NeuroTypical said:

I get it.  My perspective involves not beating myself up if people exercise their agency in ways that keep my service from being a blessing.  Or the fates conspire against my efforts and bad things happen anyway.   I'm not advocating throwing service into a hole and not waiting to hear how it lands.  I'm saying that I'm down for doing my best to love and serve my neighbors , but I'm not down for forcing my neighbors to realize boons from my love and service.  That's all. 

I cannot emphasize enough that my life of service really has been like a twisted tragical comedy, to wit:

Save The Starfish (youtube.com)

So, like the Jeremy character, I'm going home now.  (See what I did there?)

Edited September 12, 2024 by Carborendum

[NeuroTypical]

58 minutes ago, Carborendum said:

I cannot emphasize enough that my life of service really has been like a twisted tragical comedy

Ok.  So you're having an experience nobody else is having with service.  I believe you.  Why do you think that is?  Are the tragic endings somehow related to your service, or has it been a string of bad luck that someone's totally unrelated tragedy somehow appear sometime after your service?  

I don't really have any context for your experience, so if you don't provide some data, I don't think I can be of much help.  I mean, if you tried to help someone who felt suicidal, and they ended up ending themselves, you know that's not on you, right?  

[mikbone]

45 minutes ago, NeuroTypical said:

I don't really have any context for your experience, so if you don't provide some data, I don't think I can be of much help.

Pretty sure he is not asking for help.  More of just sharing his newfound realization.

I’m still curious and waiting on the spiritual awakening insight.

Edited September 12, 2024 by mikbone

[Carborendum]

2 hours ago, NeuroTypical said:

I don't really have any context for your experience, so if you don't provide some data, I don't think I can be of much help.

Well, I'm not really asking for help.  I'm just giving some background for a completely different point (how we're all more effective with our families than anywhere else).

But since you asked for "data", I'll give you an example. 

*********

As a missionary, we came across a single mother with wonderful teenage children.  She welcomed us into her home, and we taught her the discussions.  We got them going to church.  The children were going to youth activities.  Everyone in the ward was making friends with the family.  She felt like all the things we were teaching her were true (including everything about Joseph Smith and the Book of Mormon).  It was all coming together.

Then one visit, she told us that she simply couldn't thank us enough for bringing the Lord back into her house.  And now that we have, she's going back to her Catholic church and is dedicating herself to being the best Catholic ever.  She also had her kids going to activities with the Catholic youth as well.  Then she said a very sweet and polite goodbye.

**********

It isn't a matter of "blame".  It wasn't anything that I did wrong.  It was just a comedy of errors that destroyed the family's potential for exaltation.  The ship blew up and spit the starfish back at me.  The shark jumped up and swallowed the starfish.  The starfish twisted in mid-air to land on a pitchfork that never should have been anywhere near a beach.

[NeuroTypical]

7 minutes ago, Carborendum said:

It was just a comedy of errors that destroyed the family's potential for exaltation.

But, that's not what happened.  Or if it did, you don't have the tools necessary to determine that.  It's not on us to decide who will and won't be exalted.  You got an entire family back to their church - why aren't you celebrating?   What's with the depressing funeral dirge being played in the background of your posts?  "destroyed"?  "ship blew up"?  "land on a pitchfork"?  You might be happier if you didn't engage in such unrighteous judgment.  So you didn't get folks baptized into our church.  Have you considered when you kneel at your Savior's feet and He reveals what happened to that family through generations and time because of you, He might very well be smiling?

 

Edited September 12, 2024 by NeuroTypical

[Carborendum]

4 minutes ago, NeuroTypical said:

But, that's not what happened.

If that's the way you want to look at it.

[LDSGator]

39 minutes ago, NeuroTypical said:

Have you considered when you kneel at your Savior's feet and He reveals what happened to that family through generations and time because of you, He might very well be smiling?

That’s actually beautiful. I think Christ has more compassion and love than humans can fathom. 

[Carborendum]

1 hour ago, NeuroTypical said:

What's with the depressing funeral dirge being played in the background of your posts? 

That's not a funeral dirge.  That's Eeyore's natural speaking voice.

[NeuroTypical]

43 minutes ago, Carborendum said:

That's Eeyore's natural speaking voice.

Love it.  Actually, I have a grim looking steampunk Winnie the Poo sticker at my desk that says "no bothers given".