Fun Christmas-Gone-Sideways Stories

[zil2]

I'm sure we all have some stories of Christmas plans that didn't quite work out as expected.  I thought it might be fun to share them.

This year, (on Friday, 29 November 2024) I ordered a bunch of stuff on Amazon, thinking I would wrap it all up and stick it under the tree and the kitties and I would have some fun unwrapping.  Well, unlike their normal procedure of separating delayed items into a separate shipment, Amazon have decided to delay my entire shipment until late January!   I contacted a customer support person and even with the two "delayed" items removed, and charging for shipping, she couldn't find a way to get the other items to me faster - she said the system showed that the edited order would still be delayed until late January, so we canceled the edits and I'm getting patience for Christmas. Fortunately, the kitties have no idea what Christmas is, let alone when...

I also got myself a new pillow - or tried to - sadly, it's not at all comfortable for sleeping on - too thick for me.  But my desk chair has lost nearly all its cushion and the pillow makes a pretty good desk chair cushion, so hey, it's a win!

Otherwise, Christmas plans are going as expected - for now...    How about your plans?  Any fun stories yet?

[Vort]

We will be spending Christmas at my son's house in Kansas, with the whole family there other than our youngest missionary in Japan. I'm hoping to see a tornado.

What's that? They don't have tornadoes in December? Then I'm not going.

[Carborendum]

Nothing this year... yet.  But I have a story that I may have told here already.

My sister got a knit sweater for me.  When presents were all opened and all, she asked me where my sweater was.  I did not have a sweater.

She looked around and saw my grandpa wearing it.  He and I have the same given name, since they named me after him.  So, they gave my present to him.

He weighed about 150 lbs more than I did.  Knit sweaters stretch.  He put it on and said "It's a perfect fit!"

We realized that it would be a punishment for him to give it up.  And a punishment for me to have to wear it after he stretched it out.

Edited December 5, 2024 by Carborendum

[zil2]

5 minutes ago, Vort said:

I'm hoping to see a tornado.

No, you're not.  Really, you're not.  You may think you are, but that's only because you haven't spent enough time feeling the tragedy that is someone's entire physical life turned into toothpicks.

[hzdbl5]

Growing up my family would do the 12 Days of Christmas thing for neighbors.  Leave one of something the first night, two the next, etc. until leaving 12 of something on Christmas Eve.  Aside:  I know, the 12 Days of Christmas start with Christmas day – we didn’t play the game that way.  Anyway, days 1-11 would be done anonymously, kind of a ring-and-run thing; day 12 we would be standing on the porch when they opened the door.  Most years kind of went as expected.  My brother and I, in our teenage years, were tasked with the deliveries and would resort to all kinds of antics to avoid being caught.  Jumping over and through bushes, hiding under parked cars, etc.  Two years in particular stood out from all the others.

One was a family of similar age to ours.  Our efforts to remain undetected escalated to new heights as their teenage boys tried to catch us in the act each night.  One evening we were scoping the place out hiding in bushes across the street.  That’s when we saw one of the boys come outside carrying a B-B gun.  He proceeded to climb up on the roof above the porch and laid down sniper-style hoping to shoot us in the act, I guess.  That night we climbed fences and left our gifts on the back porch.  It wasn’t as much fun after that evening.

The other was an older widowed woman who lived a couple of blocks away.  Staying anonymous was easy enough as it would take her some time to answer the door.  But rather than hightailing it completely away we would hide somewhere that was still within earshot of her porch.  This was because each evening she would call out into the night, “God bless you!  Whoever you are, God bless you!”  This was my favorite year of all.

[zil2]

Lessons in how (not) to respond to the generosity of others:

Option 1, be a teenage boy:

49 minutes ago, hzdbl5 said:

That’s when we saw one of the boys come outside carrying a B-B gun.  He proceeded to climb up on the roof above the porch and laid down sniper-style hoping to shoot us in the act, I guess.

Option 2, be like a widow:

50 minutes ago, hzdbl5 said:

each evening she would call out into the night, “God bless you!  Whoever you are, God bless you!”

Choose wisely.

[Traveler]

A very defining family epoch happened several years ago.  To understand I must give a short history.  It has long been a tradition in our family to have a family evening on Christmas Eve.  It is not a long program, but it does consist of a family talent show as various members play Christmas music on the piano and other musical instruments.  There are some poems and such – then to top off and conclude the evening my wife always gives a spiritual Christmas message and then reads the Birth Story from the Bible.  This is a shining moment for her.

There is always a problem.  Our two oldest are boys, who are as different as night and day and have never been able to sit through anything spiritual without horsing around – ever.  Though this Christmas they were married with children of their own – they could not resist being the usual nuisance.   I do not remember what they were doing, only that it was a major distraction to everyone and a lot of snickering and laughing - and as usual it ticked my wife off, big time – especially that after all these years - they still acted like they were as teenagers.

My wife meant to say it under her breath, but the words came out with enough volume for most of the family to hear.  In frustration she said, “Sometimes I really hate my family!”  Our oldest granddaughter was sitting next to my wife and began laughing uncontrollably.   Of course, she had to explain her laughter, much to the embarrassment of my wife that broke out in tears that only caused more laughter (the wife is a very strong lady and for many in the family this was the only time they have witnessed her tears).  And of course, I was enough at fault to take the full wrath of her frustration.

It has become the family’s most remembered Christmas and thankfully, enough time has passed so that my wife can laugh with everybody else.  And yet this little episode must be told again and again every year before my wife can read the nativity episode from the Bible.

 

The Traveler

[NeuroTypical]

We had a weird few months in our new ward, with some random relatives living with us temporarily.  They came with a rambunctious ~3 year old girl with boundless energy, an absolute lack of any kind of filter, and zero understanding of boundaries.   The random relatives let us take her to church in December, the ward was having a potluck after services and there would be a Santa.

- During sacrament meeting, she ran into the chapel screaming "UNCLE [LM] I WENT PEE PEE ON THE POTTY!!!!"

- Upon seeing the Santa Claus, she immediately jumped the line and ran straight for him, almost knocking down the poor kid who was next in line.  There was zero malice, just zero comprehension on how lines worked.  

I'll always regret that any ward members who assumed she was our kid, never asked us why they never saw her at church again.  We wanted to show them our daughter and say "we returned her and got this one".