Jamie123

Congratulations on making the Post Of The Month.

We have Canada Geese too. Back in the 17th Century, someone thought it would be a good idea to let a bunch of them loose in St. James' Park in London. Since then they've spread nationwide. You cee a goose in the UK, it's ten to one it's a Canada goose.

...or so says "American Dad", on discovering that the USA will be conquered by Canada 100 years in the future.
But are they? Canada has given us:
Ice Truckers Christopher Plummer Martin Short Bryan Adams (well admittedly the only Brian Adams song I can think of is the Robin Hood one, but that was OK) Michael Bubble Shania Twain Murdoch Pamela Anderson Rush (this on its own would be enough!) Eugene Levy Michael J. Fox Celene Dion Captain Kirk Anne Murrey ("~~Snowbird spread your wings and fly away") Dan Ackroyd James Cameron John Candy Mike Myers Leslie Nielson Fay Wray Matthew Perry Barenaked Ladies (I know nothing about them but their name sends me into stitches) Monty Hall (of the "Monty Hall Problem" - solved by Marylyn vos Savant, who was subsequently pilloried by professional statisticians for being an idiot, before she was eventually proven right.) Rick Moranis Jim Carrey (I find him hilarious, though my wife can't stand him)

Canada's air force also invades the US yearly.  My work is on the migratory path for Canadian geese.   Twice a year, there are 500 nasty poopy suspicious sketchy-looking big ol' flappy bois.  We use them to tell the weather - if it's nice, we see the geese.  If it's cold and snowing, no geese.
Canadians are known for their easy going niceness.  But I know the truth - Canada is full of hate, they just keep it all in their geese.

In the UK at least, times are changing. About 15 years ago I made a conscious decision to at least try to keep to the speed limits, regardless of whether there was a speed camera in sight. This got me routinely honked at, sworn at, flashed at, tailgated and overtaken in such a manner as to make oncoming drivers need clean underwear. But as time went by, these things got less frequent. Nowadays most drivers do the same as me. There are odd exceptions (mostly BMW and Audi drivers) but the angry tantrums and fist-wavings are largely things of the past.
I haven't driven in the US since 2005, but the thing I remember most vividly is the way Americans drive in poor visibility. I consider it a cardinal rule always to be able to stop in the space of road visible to you. In poor visibility that means driving SLOWLY. Most Americans don't do that: their rule is to position themselves correctly between the lines (they're good at that at least) and then live by blind faith that the road ahead is clear. I've ridden with people who'll drive happily at 70mph when they can see barely more than 6ft in front of their headlights.
Whenever I was behind the wheel in such conditions, I'd slow right down. The trouble was that caused problems too. The drivers who thought visibility was unimportant (which was most of them) would find me suddenly in their path and swerve dangerously around me - with the road covered in ice or slush, only barely keeping control.
So you have a paradoxical situation: by driving more safely yourself, you make the road less safe. Should you hurtle blindly into a whiteout and pray that you don't suddenly meet a fallen tree or a moose on the road? Or do you put yourself (and other people) equally in danger by keeping your speed down?
It's probably best not to drive at all until the storm's over.

...or so says "American Dad", on discovering that the USA will be conquered by Canada 100 years in the future.
But are they? Canada has given us:
Ice Truckers Christopher Plummer Martin Short Bryan Adams (well admittedly the only Brian Adams song I can think of is the Robin Hood one, but that was OK) Michael Bubble Shania Twain Murdoch Pamela Anderson Rush (this on its own would be enough!) Eugene Levy Michael J. Fox Celene Dion Captain Kirk Anne Murrey ("~~Snowbird spread your wings and fly away") Dan Ackroyd James Cameron John Candy Mike Myers Leslie Nielson Fay Wray Matthew Perry Barenaked Ladies (I know nothing about them but their name sends me into stitches) Monty Hall (of the "Monty Hall Problem" - solved by Marylyn vos Savant, who was subsequently pilloried by professional statisticians for being an idiot, before she was eventually proven right.) Rick Moranis Jim Carrey (I find him hilarious, though my wife can't stand him)

I've never been to Italy, but if they are anything like the French I can well believe you. It's sometimes said of them that they are "genetically unable to drive, but persist in trying". Accidents are so common that they don't even bother stopping for the less serious ones.

I remember once back when I was taking the missionary lessons, I was invited to the house of some members. The husband was something quite high up - maybe a branch president. He was a convert (and liked everyone to know it) but his wife was a lifelong member. I walked to their house since it wasn't far away, but the wife insisted on driving me home afterwards.
And she was a RAVING MANIAC.
I'd swear she thought the road was a racetrack. She showed no respect whatsoever for speed limits or the rules of the road. I don't want to sound judgmental: I had a bit of a heavy foot myself back in those days, but I was nothing like this lady. And she'd only just been telling me all about the wonders of...if only I would accept and open my heart to...blah blah blah (well, you know the sort of thing) and seconds later she'd taken the Articles of Faith and the Highway Code and tossed them both into the gutter*.
So no, what you say doesn't surprise me one bit.
* Metaphorically. I've no evidence that she was a litterbug as well as a road hog.

Jesus Christ was not a "demigod", any more than he was an Olympian, a Titan, or a wood nymph.

Electronics stores have been dealing with shoplifting of Samsung equipment with a new state-of-the-art security system known as "Guardians of the Galaxies."

I've told many jokes about unemployed people.  But as you can imagine during this shut down, none of them worked.

I once had an origami business.  But it ended up folding because I couldn't handle the paperwork.

I remember when I first saw the young woman/old woman picture. It was at college - the instructor told us to look at the picture and write down how old the woman was. I saw the young woman first, so I put 20. The student next to me said I was crazy, and she must be at least 80. Even when it was explained to him, he refused to accept there was a young woman in the picture. (I think the problem was he had neve seen an Edwardian headdress before.)

Yes, it looks much like:

Side by side with Lena, it is almost impossible to see the "old woman."

Guess who had her first grand baby 3 weeks ago? Welcome Alexander!
It's been rough. Mom need a C-section for that 9lb 14oz boy, and had problems. Then she tested positive for COVID in the hospital. They made my son take the baby home because he couldn't go back to the nursery and couldn't stay with mom, who had an infection and was still in the hospital for a few more days. It's been real, folks. But, mom is slowly getting better. Thankfully, she was asymptomatic and the rest of us didn't need to get tested, which was a medical concern. 
Nana introduced him to Blondie's 'The Tide is High' and is writing a list of future lessons in rock and roll. She also informed him that her name is 'Nana' and not 'grandma.' Shallow, I know, but there it is.

I've been to Paris twice. The first time, I got off one train and straight onto another. If you think nothing could top that, on the second occasion I got off one train, went to McDonalds (yes, they do have them there) and got onto another.
Who wants "walks along the Seine, laughing in the rain" when you can shove a piece of reconstituted beef in a stale bun into your gob and wash it down with flat soda?

Good news:  they’ve determined that ants are immune to COVID-19.
Scientists suspect that it’s because they have little anty bodies.

I've seen everything really clearly this year; its as if I've had 2020 vision. 

"The German woman is my father's wife," Tom Muttered.

"Game fowl again?" Tom groused.

Happy retirement! 🤗
Maybe you'll find a nice quiet country parish and live in a quaint parsonage with roses round the door, and preach sermons to sweet old ladies who'll invite you to tea and feed you their delicious cakes. 😁
My own retirement is still a decade away, but I'm already dreading the thought of it. But of course I'm not a prison chaplain!