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Posts posted by Bini

  1. 1 hour ago, anatess2 said:

    Oh, and Bini... flights to the Philippines on EVA Air from certain parts of the US (IAH in Houston is one) is running for about $700 round-trip in March!

    Anatess, one day I will certainly do a trip back and see where I was born/found. I would love to find out who my family is. Maybe find out why I was given up and left. I guess that would mean, though, that I'd be meeting relatives... And that part overwhelms me a bit.

  2. 1 hour ago, anatess2 said:

    The documented channels is more than likely not going to work for you.  In cases like these in the Philippines, your best shot is to go to that town and that hospital where you were adopted and start interviewing the entire town.  This is about the only way one can find things like these in the Philippines.  The good thing is... somebody giving up their baby is rare in most parts of the Philippines unless you were born in the Southernmost regions or in regions close to a US military base.  Chances are, a lot of townsfolks would remember the "tale of the baby left at the hospital". 

    And yes, @Just_A_Guy is right... there's a good chance you're going to find a cousin and that will give you an entire clan of relatives who all look like you!  It's amazing how sometimes, seeing a bunch of people with your features kinda gets you to make a lot of sense.  Like, oh, that's why I'm allergic to seafood...

    I've been looking through the pics of my matches and I'm not seeing any resemblances but that would be a head trip to find someone who looks like me!

  3. 34 minutes ago, classylady said:

    That is what I would do. I would email them and explain the situation. Right now, there may not be a close family match, but more and more people are getting their DNA done and, who knows, a close family match might just show up on Ancestry in the future.

    Best of luck to you, Bini. I’m hoping you can get some good results and that it won’t take years and years.

    BTW, I did my DNA with Ancestry. I have a lot of close matches, sister and 1st cousins, 2nd cousins, etc. it’s fascinating. I’m thinking that this may be a fairly new idea in the Philippines and not many people have started to request their DNA from there yet. Plus, the cost could be a deterrent. I wanted to do mine years earlier but could never justify the cost. My kit was also a gift. 

    Good points made! Thanks :) 

  4. 3 minutes ago, MormonGator said:

    Telling you only what I did-

    This was way back in 2006ish. I found a name that popped up in an obituary as a living descendant. I called the name out of the blue and said "Hi, I might be your grandson. Do you know anything about a child given up for adoption at birth in your family?" I was bold-but I had to find out. I had to. So I put aside manners. This was for me. 

    I understand the desire, believe me. I had it for 26 years. I foolishly thought that finding my biological family would magically solve my problems and bring me everlasting joy and happiness. 

    yeah, it didn't work that way. 😉

    That is why I wouldn’t meet any of them. Haha. I just want to find them online and complete my family lineage. 

  5. 5 minutes ago, MormonGator said:

    Sidenote-I was adopted through Catholic Charities, and I had nothing but problems with them as an adult trying to find my birth mother. I'm not alone, they don't have a good reputation when it comes to adult adoptees. I'm very, very glad that there are other options  available for people in my circumstances. 

    Were you able to connect with your mum? 

  6. 19 minutes ago, Just_A_Guy said:

    Pshaw.  This is where you email the fourth cousin, and it turns out to be @anatess2, and you’re all set with as many family members as you can stand! ;) 

    Were you adopted in the state of Utah?  Asking the court to unseal the record is usually the first step, but the procedure for that varies from state to state.  If you were adopted from foster care, you might also try a freedom-of-information request from the DCFS-equivalent agency; but that’s sort of a long shot.

    JAG, I was adopted in the Philippines. I was found by a local and brought into a small “hospital” in a very small town. There was never any record of my bio mother or father. The signatures on my birth certificate are of the doctor and his wife who took charge of me, is how I understand it. 

  7. I was gifted an Ancestry DNA kit and I just received my results back. It confirmed what I already suspected regarding my ethnicity -- I am 100% Philippines! Now, I am wanting to discover more of who I am but I'm not sure where to start because I'm adopted. To make things more complicated, my birth certificate does not list my biological parents because I was orphaned, so I literally have zero leads into finding close relatives. I did spend the $100 to unlock my matches and the closest relative is 4th Cousin; I looked at their family tree, and because I have no names to work with, it meant nothing to me. What does someone in my situation do?

  8. 3 hours ago, omegaseamaster75 said:

    Well then you know the answer, on a side note full disclosure about your religious history will probably be important sooner rather than later if you decide to date him, if he is even a moderately practicing member this may be a deal breaker


    No, I don’t know the answer. I have a million things going through my head. There’s at least two people in this thread that feel something like this could work. That said, I lean towards it being a high risk relationship, but do I know the answer? No.

    I think JAG outlined it pretty well and I agree. He is not thinking things through. While we share the same long term goal of a committed relationship/marriage, I don’t want religion and he does, and that’s an issue. 

  9. 3 minutes ago, Fether said:

    Ive never been asked by a former member if they should date/marry a member haha.

    I would say don’t do it. Marriage is hard (as stated above) and throwing in disagreements neither would ever agree on makes it worst.

    Especially if the church is important to him, he may see you as a “project”.

    Ugh. Those are the worst kinds of Mormons. People aren’t projects. If I even get an inkling that is what he’s doing, I’ll be gone so fast. I don’t think it’s responsible to get involved with someone just because you want to change them.

  10. 2 minutes ago, anatess2 said:

    To answer your question...

    The thing about religion and politics is they both touch on morality and how we want to live our lives.  It's not necessarily the religious or political affiliation that is the issue.  It's the morality/principles/ideology that are behind both of those.

    Two people of very varying, especially conflicting, beliefs on morality/principles/ideology can have very exciting conversations as they traverse their differences and try to understand each other.  The problem is when you get deeper into the relationship and the other person's beliefs start affecting how you want to live your life that it becomes very very dicey.

    So that's where the decision has to be made - on whether you can live with a guy whose morality/principles/ideology affects you on a daily basis.

    If he requires me to attend church and such, we won’t be a good fit. I support him attending, that’s fine, but I have no interest in participating. Right now he claims that he doesn’t care if I participate or not.




    I think the good advice I am getting is that this whole situation is setup for failure. I agree. Thanks for everyone’s thoughts. 

  11. 1 hour ago, Morgaine said:

    I feel like it all depends on you and the guy. You can make it work out but it takes two to do so, and a lot of commitment from both sides. One thing to keep in mind is when you are marrying/dating someone of a different faith, that it will be 2x harder to keep the relationship stable than if you were with someone like-minded. Don't get me wrong, people with the same beliefs face their own problems. 

    With that being said, it's good to start out getting to know each other's beliefs on small things. If you two mesh really well and actually have things in common in those topics, then it's easier to move on to getting to know their deeper beliefs. It's good to have this foundation before you follow through with something serious. To make it work out, I would suggest that you get to know each other's things that you have in common and dwell on those. Do things together that you like doing, go to church with him to be supportive (if it doesn't go against your beliefs to attend), etc. And he would need to do the same for you. That's why I stress that making it work needs to come from both sides. 

    Another thing to add (I could go on forever trust me haha I'm trying to refrain myself) is that you need to have some respect for what he believes. You don't have to believe it, but accept that he does and that it's his life. And he must do that for you. This makes it so when he does things to enrich his spiritual life, that you won't get annoyed or angry at him. Vice versa. 

    I hope it works out! LDS guys are great 😀

    Thanks for your in-depth reply.

    I am fine with others choosing faith and attending church, however, as an atheist I have zero interest in participating in any extent. I suppose further discussion will need to be had if we decide to see each other again, but I don’t want to attend church services, but I am fine if he does. 

  12. 1 hour ago, Jane_Doe said:

    LDS lady married to an inactive Evangelical dude here.  We are extremely happy together.  Still--

    Marriage is HARD.  Adding another layer of differences in there makes it harder.  Interfaith marriage is a LOT of work.  I would advise caution about proceeding, along with a lot of extra conversations & reflections (self and together).  You must 100% respect, love each other, and support each other AS THEY ARE-- not as a possible future *if* they change their minds.   My marriage is happy, and I know other interfaith couples that are happy.  I also know lots of couples that have split over these issues and/or had changes of faith.  So proceed with caution.

    I’m happy to meet him but I’m more or less just trying to decide if there’s any point in meeting. I’m very up front about my wants and needs, and I’m not going to compromise on those. It sounds like we’re likely not a good match long term but maybe this could be a nice friendship. 

  13. I have been divorced for a little while and I'm finally at a stage where I'm ready to start meeting new people. I've gone on some dates but haven't been excited about any one person to continue seeing them exclusively. Recently, a few weeks ago, I met a man who I seem to have a lot in common with. We started off with app messages, then text messages, and now we're doing video chats. It didn't come up right away but I have learned that he's an active LDS and wants to remain active. I told him that I am not a member and that I don't plan on converting but he still wants to meet and see where things go. What is the motive here, do you think? We met on a dating app, so I assume he's wanting some sort of relationship that leads to marriage. For whatever it's worth, I have not gotten a creepy vibe from him, and our conversations remain clean and interesting. I'm just baffled a little, I guess. Anyway, from my understanding, it's frowned upon for members to pursue non-members, mainly because core beliefs don't align. And I'd bet that most of you would advise him to run far away from a non-member... So I'm a little confused. Do these sort of relationships ever work out? 

  14. 4 minutes ago, Vort said:

    Because you live in Antarctica, or in the jungles of Borneo, or at the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean, or on the surface of the moon, or somewhere else that isn't 21st-century America, where literally everything is sexualized, including the male human body.

    Bodies are sexualised regardless of gender. However, women's bodies are largely more sexualised than men's bodies, and women pay the price for men not being able to control their thoughts and actions. We are told how to carry ourselves and how to dress, instead of, the dialogue addressing the issue that men are responsible for what they do.

  15. Just now, Fether said:

    No idea, but it doesn’t matter. If next year women start seeing elbows as men see porn, We would need to start wearing long sleeved shirts. I would do it gladly

    It doesn't matter if you'd wear a cardboard box, it should never be a requirement because you are not responsible for other's thoughts or actions. The focus of stopping unclean thoughts and sinful actions should be directed to the offender. What can the offender do to stop being a pervert or offender? 

  16. Just now, Fether said:

    I think that’s the point. Guys tend to be more susceptible to sexual desires. If I knew a girl was tempted to do evil when she saw me wearing a casual v-neck shirt, out of kindness to her, I would stop wearing that v-neck shirt.

    As much as you hate the idea of women needing to be modest for men’s sake, it is in fact partly the reason.

    That is pure crap.

    Men are not more susceptible to sexual desires.