james12

Now is the time to be honest with yourself and with relationship. Yes, decisions are hard. Yes, it may mean entering the dating pool again, but you cannot close your eyes to what has happened. There is no magic in marriage that makes a spouse somehow better. In fact, often the opposite is true. Here is a good comment from the ensign a number of years ago: Do you really believe you are the exception to the rule? Your boyfriend not only kissed another woman, but a married woman with children. What will happen when you are married and all the luster wears off?

Of course financial issues do not make a person unworthy, as others have said, but how you got into your problems and how you are dealing with them may. You left out this important information so it's hard to give complete advice. Also, it appears your family member handled the situation poorly but I think it makes a difference if you are talking about your spouse or your cousin. In short, more information would be very helpful. In general there has been some advice given about bankruptcy by church leaders. Here are a couple of statements:

We actually had two separate meetings today during second and third hour so all adults were able to hear the letter read and then participate in a discussion lead by a member of the bishopric. Some points came up about how to discuss SSM with older children, how the law of chastity will not change, and showing love and compassion. It was interesting to find out how many people had immediate family members who were homosexual. Some felt the need to talk to there kids rather openly about it because of there situation.

There is perhaps a subtle detail here. We can receive revelation on many subjects, and the revelation we receive may relate to others not under our stewardship. However, we are not to council those outside our stewardship based on such revelation for according to the economy of God he will reveal it to them if they are to know it.

I agree with Backroads, you need to let her know that you believe she is making the wrong choice. Of course you will love her either way, but she may need to hear it from you.

Again, it is not simply that the elder son is out of the house. It is that he refuses to come in. That refusal can and will determine his fate. Of course from the parable we don't know the older sons fate. I am not suggesting that we do. I am simply saying that Jesus has purposely left his fate unanswered so that the reader might consider their own feelings. The Father obviously has no such issue. So the comparison of the Father out of the house with the son is clearly invalid. You have taken my simple explanation of the parable beyond it's bounds. All I am saying is that a wrong attitude towards one whom the Father has accepted may keep us from the kingdom. I have not made a judgement call on murderers and their ultimate fate. This is such an interesting question. I started to write a response but I think it needs much more than a few lines. However, I do think there are reasonable answers to your questions.

No, the older son staying out of the house is not reading too much into the parable. The fact that he remains outside is significant as Jesus himself points out, "And he was angry, and would not go in". The older sons anger about what the younger son has received is keeping him out of the house just as the pharisees anger over Jesus feasting with publicans and sinners is keeping them from receiving what their Heavenly Father has offered them. Indeed we do not know how the older son reacted to the counsel of the Father. This is probably the main point of the parable. Jesus is leaving the question wide open for the pharisees to ponder and it likewise applies to us. Here then is the question: Will our continued anger and hatred of people the Father has accepted keep us out of the kingdom? The older sons issues revolve around attitude. Of course there is no inherent problem working in the field. The problem is that this is all the son can see for he says, "Lo, these many years do I serve thee...and yet thou never gavest me a kid that I might make merry with my friends". He sees his time with the Father as work. Just as the pharisees who are so concerned with the law only see their time as work. The joy and feasting at every returning prodigal should also be theirs but they will not accept it. Let us not find ourselves in the same circumstance by refusing to accept those the Father has received with open arms.

I think we will probably end up disagreeing on this parable but let me explain a little further. The prodigal has a plan. After his depravity he decides he will be a servant of his Father's. He get's his speech all prepared, he is going to go to his father and say, "Father, I have sinned against heaven, and before thee, and am no more worthy to be called thy son; make me as one of thy hired servants". And so he begins to execute the plan. He returns to his Father and after the beautiful welcome he starts the speech, "Father, I have sinned against heaven, and in thy sight, and am no more worthy to be called thy son". But the prodigal get's no further. In fact, Jesus specifically contrasts the sons words with the Father's actions by interjecting the words, "But the Father said" in verse 22. The Father does not even listen to the whole speech about the son becoming a servant. Because he is already asking the servants to bring the robe, the ring, and the shoes, and kill the fatted calf! Do you see that the son does not even get the words out! He is not received as one of the servants but is welcomed as son. Hitler will only be exalted when he becomes a different person. Until that point he will remain outside. So your contrast of Hitler to Anne Frank is not valid. The older son in this parable likewise remains outside of the Father's home. In fact, the older son does not go into the house but instead asks a servant what all the merry making is about. The Father must come out to meet this older son. The parable ends with the older son still outside the Father's house. The younger son came to himself and returned to the Father, who because of his change of heart, could accept him as son. But the older son still acts as servant. Where is he when the Father is feasting? Working in the field as a servant. He does not recognize what is offered and even though he has remained near the Father he has yet to come to himself and accept the feast that has always been right in front of him.

JAG, I do not see any reason to believe the prodigal was not fully received into the Father's household. In fact he had the best robe, a ring, and shoes on his feet. What is more, he is acknowledged by the Father as his son once more. Also, the Father did not state that all his possessions now belonged to the other son but that they always had been his. Just as they have always been ours if we don't reject them. What's more, ones portion does not diminish anothers.

I would say being clean is necessary but not sufficient. And indeed the atonement and gospel plan involve much more then simply cleansing. The Lord wants us to be people of strength and power, not just weak beings who must be continually cleansed. We must become holy.

Yes, death is a door but it is not an end. Nephi says, "I also have charity for the Gentiles. But behold, for none of these can I hope except they shall be reconciled unto Christ, and enter into the narrow gate, and walk in the strait path which leads to life, and continue in the path until the end of the day of probation" (2 Ne 33:9). For some, like Alma, or the three Nephites, their probationary period ended before they partook of death. For others their probationary period continues into the spirit world and will only end when they are brought before the judgement bar. Now, regarding our calling and election. It is a promise received through the Holy Ghost and I believe it is worth every effort. However, from what I have learned, our work is not done at such a point, our probation does not end. The Lord has told us what we will receive but we have not yet obtained eternal life. Rather, we have gained a more sure witness and received added light of the second Comforter, "Wherefore, I now send upon you another Comforter, even upon you my friends, that it may abide in your hearts, even the Holy Spirit of promise; ...This comforter is the promise which I give unto you of eternal life, even the glory of the celestial kingdom. (D&C 88:3-4). Through the second comforter we will have added strength, clarity of vision and a more abiding peace in our hearts but we must continue to grow and learn. Not until we can rend the veil of our unbelief and walk back in all humility to the Father will our probation end.

Stringofcoins, Here is why the "issue" you have brought up appears to me to be a smoke screen for deeper seated concerns: 1. It requires that you have a girl friend. 2. You must date this future woman (who you are convinced will leave you), and ultimately decide to marry her. 3. You must not sign a prenuptial agreement. 4. You must decide to have children. 5. She must then decide to divorce you. 6. The courts must decide to leave her with the kids and you pay child support. Do you see the string of events you must bring to pass in order for your concern to even materialize? You have distorted your thinking to such an extent that you believe item number six is already an established fact even though you are stuck on number one! This distortion has determined your friends, has effected your relationship with women, and is putting a dark cloud over your future. So, the first step is to recognize this cognitive distortion for what it is. Break your false chain of thinking and you will start to see a brighter tomorrow.

First, you are not these thoughts and feelings. At your core you are a person filled with light and peace. These problems you face hide who you truly are. The negative dialogue in your mind drive these emotions and fuels your anger and frustration. Here is a question, can you separate who you are from your thoughts? Can you recognize the difference between you as a spirit being who has existed for eons of time and your mind which constantly analyzes and judges people and situations? You will not receive additional punishment from God. You are in large measure facing the "punishment" now. It is simply what you have become. Your difficult to control anger, is what will remain with you beyond this life and will ultimately keep you from the fullness of joy found in the Celestial kingdom. For me, whenever I tried to force myself to do what was right it seemed more difficult to improve. I pushed myself to study the scriptures, pray, attend church, the temple, but my thoughts and problems kept coming. While such things are good, it is vital that we focus on following the spirit. Sometimes this may not mean doing more but instead doing less. It may mean taking time out or centering our self and recognizing the spirit that is in us. Also, for me, one of the most important steps is and has been realizing I couldn't do it myself as you have mentioned, but also realizing how to tap into the enabling power of the atonement in my own life. I certainly have had my own struggles and have been concerned with my soul. Because of that I have learned in some measure to feel my way forward. Keep working at it. Turn to the Lord in humility and do not expect him to solve your problem, but instead give you an inner strength for the day at hand. This he will do if you are humble and sincere.

Stringsofcoins, Please do not get married. You do not understand women, children, or marriage. Remain alone, where you can pretend to be safe from all the hurt and pain. For indeed: However, know this:

Indeed it is a responsibility of priesthood holders. Here are President Monson's words: That is the requirement. Of course there are some who still do not have burning testimonies. They question if they should go, and when people explain the requirement they feel pressured. Just today I taught a lesson on this subject. I asked the young men (Teachers) how they felt about serving a mission. Some said they were excited, one was vague, and one young men said he did not want to be forced, or told what to do. I told him that his feelings were understandable. That he should not be pushed either way, but that his responsibility was to find out for himself if the Lord would have him serve a mission. He is a young man who is on the High School football team. Some of the boys he is with have caused him to question his beliefs. He is the type who needs to gain a testimony. I felt good about telling him to go to the Lord. Some young men need to gain a testimony. When they don't have a testimony they feel forced. No one can be forced into this gospel. We must be careful with YM to teach them the right way but then let them govern themselves. And then we must hold on, and hope on, trusting in the Lord and his ability to change hearts.

Yes, making our calling and election sure is a vital part of entering into the highest degree of the Celestial kingdom. Here are Nephi's words with quotes added for clarity, "Wherefore, ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: 'Ye shall have eternal life'" (2 Ne 31:20 italics and quotes added). Now in particular notice the word "shall", this is not the very end the journey but a vital step on the way to eternal life. Nephi here is talking about the words of revelation we must receive from the Father before entering into the kingdom, in other words our calling and election made sure. These words are the Father confirming the promise entered into at baptism (see 2 Ne 31:18). After this moment we are sealed up unto eternal life and not before. After all, a person cannot be saved in ignorance and one must know his standing before God if he is to enter the kingdom (see D&C 131:5-6). The physical forms are important but we must not be satisfied or think our work is complete if we have not been sealed up unto eternal life by the Holy Spirit of promise.

But you see I'm not talking about what a person does, I am speaking about their state of mind. Of course they act in one way or another. They make rational decisions based on what their spouse does. But what they don't need to do is start building up all of these false expectations (and they clearly are false because the spouse does not act as expected). This constant clinging to what "should" be is at the heart of the matter. Once we can recognize this we can start to free ourselves from all our false expectations and demands we place on others, ourselves, and our surroundings. Christ himself shows us the way when he says, "Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do." These people of whom he is speaking are compelled by their own false notions to think, feel and act certain ways. Was Jesus angry at them? Did he expect them to act contrary to their nature? No, because how could they act any other way?

Well it is "normal" to have expectations of another but I don't think it is reasonable. Further, anger is almost always counter productive. Here is a section from a book entitled Feeling Good. It helps explain the cause of most anger: Most people have what appear to them to be valid reasons for why they act a certain way. Perhaps you don't agree but that does not change the fact. They may be deceived but they certainly have reasons. So in such a situation anger is unreasonable.

Yes, completely and absolutely. Lose the expectation. Why? Because your expectation arises from a belief that your husband can, and must, somehow satisfy all your desires. Things like him coming to sporting events, helping with household duties, controlling his anger. And when he does not meet your expectations you feel hurt, and in some way or other allow this to effect your peace. Do you see that you are allowing your husband to define how you feel? And further that you have come to see him as the cause of those feelings? But maybe your husband doesn't cause the pain and fear but rather brings out your own perceived lack on an external level. See the moment you stop judging what should be, the moment you stop defining all your expectations by external circumstances, you will free your mind from all your worry, anger, and fear. Then the words of Christ will come into sharper focus, "Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. ...The standard you use in judging is the standard by which you will be judged" (Matt 7:1-2 NLT). You are living that very truth. Every moment of every day, as we all are. Now, none of this excuses him. He must deal with his own issues just as you must deal with yours. But you are not the one who needs to dispense justice. You are not the one who needs to make him change. In fact, over many years I'm sure you have found that you cannot. This is a big step forward. The only person you can change is yourself, so I suggest you get to work. Of course, you may still ask him to do things. But hopefully the compulsion is now gone from it. When he doesn't do what you ask just move on. Don't invest the moment with negative emotion. This may be the most valuable lesson of all, for you, him, and the kids.

I appreciate your take on the situation from a legal stand point and I do agree with you that Gates does appear to be a bit too concerned with building membership numbers at too high a cost. Of course, but structure is what aids good people to act on ideals. Without the program there is no cohesion and joint effort. The structure includes things like merit badges, leader training, camps, and clear expectation of what a youth needs to accomplish. From an activity standpoint this is exactly what the church does not have. I don't see how President Monson can snap his fingers and have a structure of equal value. If the church were serious about leaving the BSA I would expect them to start developing a program that can replace the above structure. But as of this moment I do not see it. Instead what I do see is Bishops, Stake Presidents, Area Authorities, YM leaders, and parents, bemoaning the fact that we are losing young men while at the same time not supporting a program to keep them engaged. As former YM President Charles W. Dahlquist once said, "With few exceptions, where leaders are well trained and Scouting is strong, so is the Aaronic Priesthood and Duty to God" (2007 Aaronic Priesthood Scouting Broadcast). I have yet to see his statement proven wrong.

Calling Robert Gates uniformed is completely off base. In fact he even mentions the James Dale case and his speech. He further states his belief that the BSA defenses have weakened since that point. He says: Sorry CO but I don't think you are better informed than he is.

I'm not defending Robert Gates, he may be out of touch. However, it is possible that he sees threats at a national level that we do not. I tend to agree with him that sooner or later this will come down to a court battle and one judge or another will determine that LGBT leaders must be allowed. The option to act will be taken away from the BSA. This is more your area of expertise so perhaps you could comment. I also agree there should be separation between boys and leaders. This is already a rule of the BSA. For example, rules are in place which tell leaders and boys to shower separately. So I think your example of gay people lusting after boys in showers or bathrooms is a bit far fetched, but I do understand the concern. There may be further options here. Might a district decide if they will allow LGBT leaders? Perhaps a council can decide? JAG, because nine million Mormon's outside the US are not in scouting does not mean they agree with you. Most have simply not had the opportunity. I understand you are frustrated with the scout red tape and spending practices, among others but are you suggesting that it is easier for parents to do it alone? Again, my initial question creeps up, what is the substitute? Do you really think scouts is just about tying knots and flag etiquette? Or is it about giving responsibility to young men, expecting a great deal from them, and helping them accomplish hard things? Further, when combined with the church, can't outdoor experiences help put the young men in a different environment where they can more easily feel the spirit and strengthen each other? It is easy to attack existing structures and organizations. I see it all the time. But what we need is something better and if you cannot suggest something better than it just amounts to tearing something good down.

Here are a few paragraphs from Robert Gates' speech: This of course is just another step in the saga of LGBT and the BSA. Perhaps Dr. Gates is right and the BSA must act now to allow each of the units to make their own choice whether to allow LGBT leaders in their troops. Perhaps, as he suggests, if they do not make this step it will be dictated to them by the courts. I have been in a scout capacity for the last five years and am currently serving as a Varsity Coach. My concern is for the youth of the church. Yes the program is hard to navigate, yes they make it hard to go on campouts and trips, but these things can be done. We have been going on almost monthly campouts and to many places around the valley for our activities. My larger concern is still with parents and leaders who are unsupportive. News like the above address, flashes around the internet and even members do not want to support the program. Usually what this amounts to is leaders who have no enthusiasm, parents who think sports and work are better substitutes, and a community who will not contribute at any level. Where does this leave the young men? Unsurprisingly many have a negative attitude, just like everyone else. Some might say, leave the BSA. But the real problem is that there is nothing to take the place of Scouting. If someone believes there is, please show me that program. It is not the YW program. Almost everyone acknowledges that the YM's program has more structure and more support behind it than the YW program. If the church were to separate itself from the BSA what would we have? The Duty to God program? Clearly without Scouting the Duty to God program is woefully incomplete. See until we are fully out, we must be fully in. What we really need are leaders who recognize what the BSA offers and are excited about what it can do for young men. We need leaders who support the district and council to help make better decisions. We need parents who recognize that well functioning scout, varisty, and venture programs are more valuable to the development of their young men then work and sports will ever be.

I love some other translations of Malachi 4:2-3. For instance this one which restores such beautiful imagery of the calves leaping from the stall. It is this image I carry with me regarding that great day.

Everyone is innocent and born with the light of Christ, but we are also born with weaknesses. Joseph said, "He [God] has power to institute laws to instruct the weaker intelligences" (TPJS 398). It is these weaknesses which are exploited by the adversary through the flesh and lead to sin. We are not all on an equal playing field when we enter mortality. Some, like Christ, have progressed further than others. For that very reason he is the first born in the spirit.