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I didn't realize how long this had been going on. Let me add: I would NEVER have married my husband if he hadn't shown the ability to control himself and if I hadn't proven to myself that I could control myself. Self control is really important in a marriage. If you have been living like this for this long, whether it is with the same guy or not, I suggest you take a break for guys. I had a friend who had the same issues, and she actually ended up having a friend tell her bishop at BYUI. My friend was sent home, and told not to date anyone for a pretty long time. It was during this time that she met her husband, and she was finally worthy to marry him in the temple. If you want to marry this guy, make sure he will be a worthy priesthood holder. Either get a civil marriage so that you aren't sinning anymore or break up until you two can truly exercise self-control.

I find that marriage is the most frustrating thing I've ever done. Except dating. Dating was way worse than marriage. And that is why marriage is awesome!

I completely understand her predicament. My husband is my enabler. When we were dating, he would buy me chocolate whenever we were together (and often when we weren't). He still gets it for me almost every time I mention it. It's awful.

I had never even heard of going around to collect fast offerings until I moved to Rexburg, ID! Our ward boundaries were so large, and the members so spread out, that it probably just didn't make sense. Everyone just paid fast offering with tithing, if at all. And when delivering the money from the church to the bank, there were always two people (adults, obvs) doing it. American Fork is probably considered a safe place, otherwise I'm sure the boys would have had an adult with them. It just shows that even safe communities have a few bad apples in them.

Yup. Been there. Neither my husband nor I were endowed, but there was another thread about how the person's attitude matters more than any endowment when deciding excommunication. My husband and I saw the bishop before getting married, because we knew we wanted a temple marriage and that we wouldn't be able to have that when we were breaking the law of chastity. The bishop gave us really great advice on how to avoid temptation. We were committed not only to each other, but to God and the goal of going to the temple, so we were able to repent. Then I went to school about six months later, which wasn't long enough in order to go to the temple, so we just got a civil marriage and are waiting to get sealed. So, my advice is: Go see your bishop. Whether or not excommunication will happen is not important. What is important is that you get your life back on track. You need to realign your actions to match God's commandments. It's not just about being together or getting married, it is also about living worthily so that you can enter the celestial kingdom. Repent. It will hurt for a while, but then it is going to feel so good!

What I'm getting from this discussion is that homosexuality could be caused by certain genetic factors, which would be passed from one generation to another. Sooo . . . why not legalize gay marriage? Then they can all come out of the closet, get married to someone of the same sex, not have babies, and then all the homosexuals will be gone and the debate would be over. Totally joking! I just had to add that bit of "insight" that popped into my head while reading through this thread.

False. My husband and I, and another couple, were discussing just that commandment after the October conference. There seemed to be quite a bit of confusion, because there was a lot of discussion among the married couples on campus about having kids. The truth is that you should have kids when you are financially (and emotionally) stable enough to support those children. Having kids without the means to support them doesn't do anyone any good. We and our friends both agreed that if we tried to have kids, we would be screwed. My husband and I can't even feed ourselves and pay rent! Our friends are both working just under 40 hours a week, in school full-time, and still on a tight budget! We would not be able to support children. That is a part of the talk that was given in the October 2011 conference.

Same here. Lucky for me, after a few years I wasn't the only one in the branch like that. Then I think my friends started realizing why I seemed to disappear all the time. I think it's really hard to follow a prompting that tells you to leave your lesson, or some other church-designated activity. Actually, I sort of met my husband when he found me like that. He followed a prompting to check a particular room as he was locking up the building, and I'm pretty dang grateful he did! There are certainly times when an individual needs help, and that help can be more important than listening to a lesson. What's the use in learning about how to be Christ-like if we aren't being Christ-like? It reminds me of the story when Brigham Young got up in a General Conference and told everyone to leave and help a struggling band of pioneers. Actions are far more important than words, and can build testimonies just as much as a prepared lesson.

I look at the relative caffeine content, as well as the relative health effects of the food or beverage in question. Cola is a no for me because the health effects are negative. Caffeine messes up a person's sleep cycle in high doses, and I believe a high dose is when it works as a stimulant to keep you awake. Sodas dehydrate you, not to mention all the crap the dark drinks to your system. I almost never drink sodas because of that, and the carbonation just makes me uncomfortable for hours. Energy drinks are even worse, they have so much caffeine and other stimulants. I'd rather listen to my body, which tells me when I need sleep (and if I need to stay up, then I'd rather exercise self-control). Granted, I'm only 23. I can still function on relatively little sleep.

Something I have always been taught is that your spouse becomes your family when you're married. Moving away from his family should have no bearing on your decision because you and your husband, and the family you have made together, is the highest priority in your lives. That being said, it sounds like you would be in a better financial position if you were to move to Rexburg. It makes much more sense for your husband to go to school full time, and get his degree faster, so that he can be ready to support your family. It is also not impossible for him to go to school, you to work, and to start a family. However, that may not be for you. I strongly suggest praying about it, and going to the temple to pray about it. Jobs in Rexburg are scarce, which may be fueling some of your husbands' family's concern. If your husband is putting his family's opinions above your opinion, I think it's time to sit him down for a good discussion about what it meant to get married.

I remember both boyfriends I've had saying "I love you" for the first time. There was so much pressure to say it back! I said it too soon once, and then stopped saying it. Both times I did eventually start saying it regularly because I was ready. She may have been responding to pressure, but don't worry! There is pressure because she likes you, and she wants to spend more time getting to know you, but she also doesn't want to lose the relationship by not responding in kind. Does that make sense? That's how I felt when a boyfriend said it to me for the first time.

I don't see contributing to the LDS divorce rate as a reason to stay in a marriage. My individual life and the lives of my future children are far more important to me than a statistic. Anyways, my husband and I talked to our bishop this past Wednesday. The bishop seemed a little overwhelmed, but I have faith that he can help us. I told my husband and parents that I'm not ready to be sealed to him yet, and that postponement takes a lot of stress off. I feel like I have more time to evaluate whether our love for each other will be enough to make us work together on our marriage.

I am wondering what the insignificant thing that your wife yelled at your for actually was. I completely blew my lid at my husband once because he grated the wrong cheese and said he wasn't going to go to the trouble of grating the right cheese for the dish. The thing is, it wasn't really about the cheese. It was about his attitude about helping, which I have seen as a problem for a long time. In your other thread you said that you're not happy with your wife. I am certain that she sees that, and that she sees it in your unwillingness to serve her. That's just what happens when we become unhappy - we stop serving those that we blame for our unhappiness. I think it would be a good idea to really sit down and ask her about how why she got so angry. You may not need to apologize for that insignificant little thing, but you may need to apologize for an ongoing behavior or attitude. And maybe you'd like her to apologize as well.

I had to buy a new swimsuit a couple years ago, but I didn't really have the money for it. So I bought a swimsuit bottom at one discount clothing store, and an athletic wicking tank top at another! Teh wicking material of an athletic top means it will dry like a swimsuit top, but there are a lot more easily accessible styles. And let me tell you, that tank top's built-in bra is a lot better than any swimsuit I've ever been able to afford!

I have many a negative comment on his art, but it is sad that a man died. I just wish he could have stepped aside to let more creative and talented artists flourish, or at least stopped painting the same things over and over.

Yes, the modesty standards are there to prepare people for the covenants made in the temple, which includes wearing the temple garments. The commandment on modesty is clear, but many people justify dressing immodestly. You are right in what you have said about modesty.

I'm not going to defend what my husband and I know works for us. If I've gone too far, he tells me. If he has gone too far, I tell him. We don't have a problem with a little fauxbuse because it is what has worked for us for a year and a half.

Okay, I've read some other posts. One of the problems is that he won't pause a game if he's able when I want to talk to him. It's always "Wait til the next save point." So, I wait. It passes, and he says that it's a really good part and to wait til the next save point. I don't just barge in whenever, though I'd like to, because I understand that it's important to respect him if I am to expect respect in return. Only when I've run out of patience do I stop caring about where he is in the game, and that's once every couple of weeks. It's hard for me to relate because I don't really enjoy movies much. If he needs me and I'm in the middle of a show, I do usually pause the show b/c I know I can come back to it. If I'm in the middle of chores or a job application, then I'll get upset because I'll forget to finish or be unable to finish (unless it's more urgent/important than my task). I think the gaming addiction/hobby thing is about priorities. One's priorities should be to reality, not a computer, imo.

LOL!!!!! Now you're giving really destructive ideas!

Honestly, I never would have thought to ask about the school's dress code. If the school wanted to enforce it at prom, it should have been printed on the ticket for guests. I would have assumed that most girls just wore sleeves because of the strong LDS presence in the area, not because of any dress code. Of course, I'm from the east coast. I don't know where a girl could find a cute prom dress with sleeves (looked online, and I think they're butt ugly), so I just didn't go to prom. This girl seems to have done the best she could, in her and her parents' opinions, to dress modestly. The school waited until she was at the dance to advertise their dress code to guests. They should have been more responsible.

Interesting. I guess it worked differently in my stake. My stake president was a stickler for the rules, and he always went by the guidelines in the manual.

Oh, I know all about the hypocrisy of spousal abuse. My husband and I have what we and our friends call a fauxbusive relationship. We hit each other occasionally, as a warning that what the other person is doing is extremely not okay and needs to stop or else things will escalate to real problems. He has real, diagnosable learning and behavioral problems. He can't read people's emotions very well, so a gentle hit on the arm is how he knows that I am being serious and it's time to stop. When I absolutely lose my lid, I will hit him in the upper torso in order to get his attention, since he always just shuts down. Yeah, I have a temper, and I've learned that the only way to make him listen when I'm upset is to physically make him pay attention to me. It started when we were dating, due to some of his actions, which is a long story that gets into personal stuff. I always listen when he tells me that I've crossed a line. It is seriously a vital part of communication for us, and I realize that's hard for many people to understand. Most of our friends understand, because he doesn't respond to verbal or body language cues. I do believe that he is depressed. I have talked to him about this many, many times. He won't do anything about it. I have depression, so I know what he's going through. The problem is that he just doesn't get up and do anything about it, despite all the counseling and talks we've had. He refuses medication b/c he is already at an extremely low weight and he doesn't ever do what his friends and counselors tell him to do in order to get better. His long term goals are . . . ever changing. He doesn't want to be the only person working; he usually wants to work as an artist of some sort, so that makes sense. lol. But he hasn't been working towards those goals at all. I've had to work toward them for him (by applying to school for him, and doing job applications for him) because I refuse to put my life on hold for him. (I'm 24 and still have two years to get my Bachelor's degree. My life was on hold for too long already.) Now, don't get me wrong. When I married him, he had made leaps and bounds of progress. I wouldn't have married him otherwise. He had moved out of his mom's house, he had become more emotionally and financially independent, he had found a part-time job and was biking/walking a mile uphill to get to that job. How he is acting now is a reversal of the progress he made. He is almost back to the man that he was when I broke off our first engagement. I feel like I sort of need to do that again, by moving out and telling him that he needs to be able to support himself before he can take on the responsibility of a family again. As for the six month probation . . . We're supposed to be getting sealed in August. I've set time limits before, and he's good by the time the time limit comes up. Then he regresses again. I can't make him get help, but he is pulling me down with him. Going down that path before, for me personally, ended up with me spending three years with my parents while I tried to get myself together enough to be around people, much less get a steady job and finish school.

Yeah, I get that. I try not to interfere if he's playing online, unless it's something that I've been asking him to do since before he started the game. Also, in my opinion, it is just not that important. I mean, it's a game. If dishes need to be washed, or I need to talk about something, or we need to run an errand, then that is a heck of a lot more important than some pixels on a screen. Every goal they're working towards is fake, just like every problem they're facing is fake. None of it is real. It bears no importance in reality, so if I need his attention then I think he should be able to leave it and deal with real problems. I've never been a fan of video games, and the more I get to know gamers the less I like games. I just need to figure out how to make him understand this. Thanks for the help, everyone. :)

Thanks. I wasn't sure on the vocabulary for it. :)

How do you know that she has no past indiscretions? Has she told you that she's perfect? Just wondering. But I'm really here to tell you about how I told the man who became my husband. Before he asked my on our first date, I felt that I had to let him know about certain past indiscretions. He was actually relieved, because he was able to tell me his as well! It really opened a door for being honest and supportive of each other during our relationship. Just let her know that you've repented of it, but you want her to know so that she knows to be more careful about certain boundaries with you. That's what I did. :)