Gwen

Start dating and serving each other. Read books like the 5 love languages and apply what you learn together. I am curious, did you ask why she married you if there is no love? Why does she want to work on the marriage? How has she "been trying to find love"? I think a lot of ppl take a passive approach to love. We feel love but we also show love. Many think they have to feel before they can show. We can have love for someone but we also feel love from them. Let's say you read the book love languages and you learn/speak her language. In the end that won't make her feel love for you. All it does is allow you to show love to her and for her to feel love from you. You will most likely grow to love her more doing those things for her. If she wants to feel love for you then she needs to also do her part in speaking your language and show you. That's when her feelings will start to change. She can't sit around and wait for the feelings to come before she does anything. You will never be able to do enough to make her feel love for you. I'm not saying this to try and discourage you. It's to remind you that you can only own what is yours to control (showing her love and feeling love for her). Don't get caught in the way of thinking of "if only I was good enough she would love me". You can't make someone love you (you can influence). That's up to her. Also to let you know she needs to own what she can control (showing you love and feeling love for you). She has to do something. She can't sit around and wait for you to "make her love you". It won't work because you don't own that. The world likes to switch things up and try to tell us that we are responsible for their love. If you don't fall for the world's beliefs then you should be able to work things out. Good Luck.

Are you sure your wife isn't feeling the same way? A good time to plan surprise activities and more seriously dating your spouse again?

I'm a keep the family together kind of person so I can't really say without bias. I've known women who really needed the help after (especially with c-sections). I didn't have too many complications so for me getting up and going wasn't too bad.

I don't know anything about this guy. A theoretical situation, Why would he do this other than for attention? I could see someone in the military coming back from active duty, having lived a yr or more with a gun strapped to them, having a hard time adjusting and not feeling "dressed" or "complete" without a gun. However, that doesn't mean there shouldn't be an effort to become part of the main stream again. My question as far as the legalities go is yes it might be an open carry state but with the social environment it is fair to assume it would cause some hysteria. Would his actions be the same as yelling fire in a crowded building? Yes the freedom of speech gives you the right to yell fire but not anywhere and everywhere, if it will cause public safety issues then you don't have that right. This could be a public safety issue. What if someone freaked out and started running yelling "he has a gun!". Others start freaking out and running (not seeing him) and someone gets trampled and seriously injured who is held accountable? Would he be charged with a crime?

singles conferences. You may not have any local and have to travel but they can be a lot of fun and a casual way to meet folks to date. My husband and I met at one. I had traveled 3 hrs to be there and he had traveled 2. We would have never met otherwise. lol

I've been having this problem too. I think it's the eternal question for every woman. Most just resort to lying. lol

The tags and things are fine. There are tags in the garments and in the temple clothing that is not all white. Your boys undies (with the bit of color on the elastic) will be just fine too. Diapers are totally understandable as well (probably wouldn't spend a ton on the denim colored ones or anything lol).

The counsel I was given in 2000 was that the wearing of the garment is between the person and the lord, not even the spouse can dictate how you wear them (it's a personal covenant). I was told that for many yrs it was taught that you should wear the garments next to the skin, bra over but that has changed. If you can stand before the lord and say in honesty that you feel you kept your covenant to always wear the garment then you are fine. A couple of reasons I was given to wear the bra under were for proper support for larger women, pregnant and nursing were to wear bra under (wrinkles can cause mastitis - ?sp). I was also told that some women needed to wear normal panties for proper hygiene; either menstruation or bladder control issues (personal choice for if your issue is best handled with panties over or under the garment). For myself at the time I received this counsel I did not have large breasts and I attempted to wear the bra over (like my mom did). I had all kinds of issues with my bra staying in place due to sliding over the garment. After I got pregnant and started wearing the bra under I decided I would never go back. lol It was a horrible pain and not very lady like to be constantly fussing with my bra, not to mention embarrassing to be in public and raise my arms above my head and have my bra slide up over my breasts (there ain't no lady like fixing that). lol

Sorry, didn't mean to turn this into a natural vs anything else thread. I was just saying that understanding the natural process is important to understanding everything else. It made a huge difference for me even after having had 4 kids already. I found that to be the most helpful and is the one of the things I would change if I had to do it over again. So as far as classes go, in my opinion, make that education part of it. I will be the last to judge, I've had 4 epidurals. lol I also like the idea of going as a couple. I did a lot of reading but my husband did not. I think having your husband educated to the process is a good idea. If it takes a class to do that then sign up.

The muffin top can be taken care of that with tops. The ones that basically have the built in bra that extends to the hips with a forming fabric. However, harder to wear over garments, don't want that sliding up. There are some bottoms that will extend up to just under the breast and that can work on a muffin top as well, easier to wear over the garments.

You can buy your own white dress and then rent the other stuff.

If you are talking about when you attend the temple then yes you want your undergarments (bra, etc) to be white. If I'm wearing a white dress (wedding dress) you would probably want white undergarments so as not to show through. However, if you have different clothes for the activities after the temple then I don't see where it matters what color you wear to the activities.

I'm a procrastinator so I don't think you should be planning anything right now. lol However, If I were going to then I would probably be thinking about activities you want to do. I don't know the mother's plan so do what you will with this idea but I really liked it. Something I recently heard about is for each guest (those who can't come can send them in the mail) to bring a bead and a note of well wishes, wisdom, advise, etc. Their good thoughts, not just "congrats", for mom to be. Then at the shower the beads are given to mom with their notes and they are strung into a necklace or something. The mom can then have it with her at the delivery and it can be a physical reminder and a way for the ppl she cares about to "be with her" at the birth.

Never attended one so I wouldn't know. Our hospital (or anyone in town) didn't offer them until I was on #3. Didn't see a point by then. lol What I did find helpful was doing a lot of reading. Be informed. Not just on what the hospital thinks is the birth process (what I did with the first 4 lol) but what natural community says. Learn what you can about mother natures birth process (#5 huge difference). It doesn't mean you can't/won't use what the hospital has to offer but that you can make informed decisions.

I can't tell if this is for real or a joke. lol This is very much the place to get information. If for whatever reason someone doesn't feel comfortable asking parents/leaders then I would rather them ask here and get answers then wander around not knowing. I have come to respect a lot of ppl here (even many I don't agree with) and if my kids felt the need to go to some random internet site for such answers I would hope they found this one over the many other places they could end up.

I assume you are talking about a girdle. Depends on the style, some can be worn comfortably (as comfortable as a girdle can be lol) over the garments. Others you may have to wear under due to how they are formed. I don't really see it as any bigger of an issue of if you wear the bra over or under. Personal decision. Personally I would have had the dress fitted such that I didn't need a girdle, ugh so uncomfortable. lol

My mom and I were discussing this recently. She had been a member of the church for several yrs when she was asked to give a prayer in sacrament mtg and she responded "Am I allowed to do that?". The priesthood leaders looked at her confused and she told them she had never seen a woman give a prayer in a meeting of mixed company (they did for RS but everything else that was combined was a man). They didn't even realize they had been doing that, it was a cultural thing. The leaders made a point to ask more women after that. On the other hand the ward I grew up in always asked couples, wife did the opening prayer and husband did the closing. I grew up thinking that's how it was. It wasn't until the stake pres came around and told them to stop it and that wasn't how it was supposed to be and they were excluding singles and youth from the blessings of participating that things changed. lol

A couple of situations to consider. When my mom was little (not lds) she went to church for one reason. She did not have a mother in her life and if she sat next to the older women and would lay her head in their laps during the sermon they would rub her hair or back and fan her (no ac) and she would get that bit of affection she could not get at home. For an hour once a week she had "a mom". One of my boys has a sensory integration issue. His nervous system is constantly craving stimulus. No matter what he does it's never enough. It makes sitting very hard. For him not having the stimulus means he is distracted by his body constantly wanting to do something. To rub his back or something helps to "distract" the nervous system so he can focus. This is not something he will grow out of and could be an issue as an adult as well. I'm hoping I can help him learn to manage it but if not he may need his wife to rub his back. lol I was recently told my my son's OT to tie a elastic band around the feet of his chair so he could bounce his feet on it when he did homework. It would give his legs the stimulus they needed to stay seated long enough to get it done. That if it worked really well she would help me get it written into his IEP that he can have one in class. (It's a new idea so don't know how well it will work for him yet.) The same is sometimes true for someone with ADHD. I know when my mom would study she was constantly bouncing her leg. It created a rhythm for her brain so she could focus. You've met ppl like this, constantly tapping a pencil or their fingers or something. Everyone would tell her it was distracting and to stop. She would try so hard but if she didn't her brain would scatter. On the other hand I can also understand (particularly with my ADD) how someone can be easily distracted by the movement in front of them. I guess with all my kids we tend to be the ones moving so I figure if I'm distracted I need to get over it. lol For some sitting in the front row cuts that distraction. For me sitting in the back helps. If I hear something I can quickly identify it and then my brain goes back to focus on the mtg, if I can't identify it that's when I get distracted. Unfortunately for us everyone sits in the back so we get stuck in the front, where everyone can see us and I have to turn around when things distract me. lol No one has ever complained but if they did I would gladly trade seats so they didn't have to see us.

Do you have someone close to you that may already know your medical history to soundboard off of? What do they think of the different diagnosis? Sometimes we can't see things in ourselves and we need that outside look to guide us. I know sometimes my husband or I have rejected the idea of something only to have the other thinking "that explains everything!". Find someone that knows you, you can trust and see what they think of the details of all of this. Might shed some light on the situation for you.

I can not fault you for taking an opportunity for companionship, I don't know what it's like to be you or alone for that many yrs. I do not judge you in that decision. If your fiance is making comments that he fully expects to have an eternal relationship with his ex then I would too be concerned with that. If that is the case then the rest of my post means little. lol I do think there are some things you need to sort out before entering any marriage. There are so many double statements in your posts it's dizzying. You make it clear you have waited a very long time and are willing to wait forever but that isn't true. At some point in that long time you gave up. You decided that your chance at an eternal marriage wasn't going to be until after this life. So it seems you began looking for the here and now to "fill the time" until then. I'd imagine that is why you were willing to date someone you felt you could not be sealed to. Except you fell in love and you still seem to very much desire an eternal marriage. You say you don't know the will of the lord and will wait forever and getting married will not change his plan. What if "the man" for you is someone you will meet in a yr or two, after you are married for this life? Your getting married could very well mess up the lord's plan. He will not take our agency and sometimes the mess we go through in life is our own doing. The reality is that your chosen companion can be sealed to you. A sealing clearance is all he needs. What if he is the one the lord prepared and you are passing it up because you don't like the life experiences he went through to become prepared for you? What do you think it means that the lord is preparing someone? If you read the scriptures you will find that most of the prophets were prepared for their calling through some trial, it's not always a pretty past. What if the lord used his experiences from the previous relationship to teach him things that will make him a good companion for eternity and you get the privileged of those life lessons? What an amazing thing you will be missing out on. From your posts I think you are afraid. Afraid a sealing clearance makes you plan B, second best, less than, less loved, less cherished, less wanted. Unless he is telling you that then it's not the case. You've waited a long time, that's scary. As much as you want someone it also means major changes for you, change is scary (especially when the change isn't the picture we imagined for ourselves). Is this about him not loving you enough or you creating hurdles he must jump because you are scared? In the next life justice and mercy will be balanced but part of that balancing does not include second chances. He and his ex threw their chance at being sealed away. They did not keep the lower law. That is not what is keeping you from being sealed. You are keeping you from a sealing. This might be what you have been waiting so many yrs for and you may pass it up because of pride over terms used on paperwork... ? Will the lord do for you in the next life what you could have done for yourself in this life? What is it you had imagined would take place in the next life? Marble staircases and royal courts as you are presented to your perfect prince.... who may or may not already have a princess at his side? The lord may very well provide a way for you to be sealed to an awesome man in the next life. But what if it's not the picture you had planned just like it isn't now? Will you say no?He may not be the one, I don't know him or you. I can't tell you what path you should take. Only you can decide that. All I can say is my thoughts based on my experiences and what you have posted here. You talk like he is "the one" but then you talk like he's something to fill the time. It can't be both. If you are willing to wait forever on the lord's time then you don't need someone to fill the time. If this is the lord's time then take courage. Spend some time in prayer, be honest with yourself on what you are afraid of, get your answers and then go boldly down that path. It's not easy, was never meant to be.

Ours is becoming .... let mom seep in on Sat and you may not eat until 10 but it will be a full proper southern spread. Grits, eggs, sausage or bacon, biscuits, gravy, fruit, pancakes or french toast, etc. mmmmmm.. my favorite meal. Sunday is usually some kind of muffin or egg sandwiches. PB&J on first Sun because the kids can make them themselves. I don't force anyone to fast but I don't cook.

It seems the agency of the "second" spouse is being forgotten about. I would hope that if my husband and his ex decided they did want to be sealed that my opinion would be considered. If not and it is really up to them and I'm not part of it.... If I the "second" wife, who loved him and stayed committed to him through thick and thin of this life, have to take a back seat to someone that hated and despised him here simply because of the order of operations of the sealings....... Am I the only one that sees how this does not line up with justice or mercy of which our HF is supposed to be perfect at balancing? We are given laws here, if we can live them we have opportunity to claim the blessings of a higher law there. In marriage it is living this life together (being sealed) and you can claim an eternal marriage. No amount of repentance (baring remarriage) can restore the covenant broken upon divorce. There is no claim. As for the perceived double standard I don't claim to understand it all but I believe that is "reconciled" through the priesthood. The cold truth is this life (including the church) is full of double standards. I'm not losing a lot of sleep over it. lol The culture of the church has always put the greater responsibility of relationships on the man, that's what happens when you "preside".

In my experience I don't care for psychiatrists. The ones I met charged well over $100 for 2 min of their time and I did all the "diagnosing" of my son, all he did was write prescriptions. Though I have heard of ones that talk with their patients and have been known to spend hours with them so I guess had I gotten one like that then things might be different. The counselors (not sure of specific degree so not going to use the term psychologist) I've worked with have been great and more help than anyone else so far. All that said I would be more inclined to trust myself and how I felt and the specific individual over the title. Trust your instincts. If you need to get other opinions until you find one you feel right about.

The sealing covenant is a web not a chain. There are covenants/potential blessings between the individual and god... covenants/potential blessings between the couple.... covenants/potential blessings with posterity. All blessings of the sealing (like any covenant) are contingent upon keeping the covenant. The reason a clearance is done instead of a cancellation when a man remarries is so that the woman still has the opportunity to live the other parts (god and posterity) of her individual covenant.... all blessings are tied to the sealing so if it is canceled (aka annulled) then she would lose those opportunities at the blessings... a choice that must be made by her not because her ex remarried. The blessing of living the covenant of the couple is the eternal marriage. If you divorce you are not living that covenant so you can't have the blessing. If you can't live the lower law (this life) then you don't have privilege of the higher (eternal). Long story short his ex will have no "claim" upon that part of their sealing in the next life (nor will he have any "claim upon her"). No one will be forced. If she cleans her life up and is worthy of an eternal marriage (but does not select that companion here) then she and god will have to work out who she is sealed to.... she can "claim" the blessing, not the person. All that said there are those that have been sealed and stay married till death but did not live a righteous marriage and will not have an eternal partnership. The covenant is a promise with potential... nothing more... your fate isn't sealed by walking out of the temple, you must live the promises you made. As for keeping track of previous sealings and such some of that is a matter of paperwork. If a man (or woman) gets sealed, divorced, then requests a second sealing... that's one thing. If he does this 3, 4, 5 times? They will probably stop granting them because the man has no idea what it means to be married or pick an eternal companion. If they don't keep a record then how will they know when they look up his records at the time his request is submitted. Yes you could make the argument that the spirit could tell them not to grant the sealing but god will not do for us what we can do for ourselves. We have means of making record keeping very easy, there is no excuse not to do it. It makes for a very easy filtering process so only those who are serious make it to the GA's desk and doesn't waste their time. Also the stake/bishop need to know if there are potentially other legal obligations the man may have. For example it is required you pay your child support to get a temple recommend, they need to know if that question is relevant to you.

I can't say what is right for your family. I can say that sometimes the extreme is necessary to break a dangerous cycle. Have you prayed and received confirmation that he is a danger to himself and others (thinking about a mass shooting or something)? If you truly believe he is then you can talk to a family lawyer or counselor and find out the steps you personally could take. Don't wait on anyone else to take action. One option is reporting him for hospitalization/evaluation. Though that process can take a lot of time and from reports seems to be the trigger for the ym in the recent school shooting. Another option is wait until you know he will be involved in some kind of drug purchase and call the cops. He will get arrested and will open the door to you talking to the judge... do you have enough evidence to convince a judge to do a psychiatric eval? Again I would probably plan this with the help of a lawyer because your goal is psychiatric help not jail. Those options come with as much risk to blow up in your face as to go right. I've heard stories of things going either way. Your family may hate you for getting him arrested or he may choose jail over help and get worse, etc. Could go very right and be the hit bottom he needs to turn around. The key to it going right may be all he needs now.... non judgmental truly interested family. If he ends up arrested, hospital, etc he will need family there. Not the I told you so come back to church kind. The kind that says "I love you and I'm here for you NO MATTER WHAT" Don't tell him what he should or could have done. Accept who he is and where he is. Find out his goals to fix this and support them. Don't expect he will ever come back to church and don't make church the answer. Let him figure out who he is and accept exactly that, love HIM. You don't have to wait until he is in the hospital to support and accept him. Plan a brother trip, just the two of you, and then get to know him. No preaching, no judgment, no telling him who he should be or what he should do. Find out what it's like to be him, what life was like for him growing up. Sounds to me like there was a lot of pressure to live up to a lot of "perfect" ppl. If that's what he tells you, if there is resentment, etc don't argue with it. Don't try to tell him he's wrong. Accept it, hear it, wear his shoes for just a min; from his perspective, his experience, his feelings. Let him know he's accepted and loved no matter what, being your brother comes first. Find out what he dreams for himself for the future. Again, accept it. If it's not in the church that's ok. Always remember he was HF's son first, let him take care of his own relationship. If he says he wants to be a garbage man, then great, be the proudest brother of a garbage man that has ever lived. After you have established a safe relationship then you will expand your influence and ability to bear testimony (if appropriate) and give advise on life paths. I find that all most ppl want is acceptance; as they are right now this moment, imperfections and all. Let him do the talking and accept him. May not be the right advise but that's my thoughts on what you've said. good luck