Quin

In my view, this has nothing to do with the finer points of sex and morality and potential abuse and yadayadayada. 
 
What this does involve is the state stepping into the parental role with rights for no good reason.  This is the State saying "We have more rights to your child than you do."
 
Sure, mention all the instances of family abuse you want.  Guess what?  There are already options in place for those iffy situations.

Errrrrr.....
You do realize that sex gets talked about, both by kids & adults, in all of those contexts?
As a teacher, you try & constantly steer kids towards their parents when those questions (and stories) come flooding out...
But
- Especially with certain age groups (6yos esp, when many are first learning about it at home & then coming to school & sharing everything with everyone else... And then again big time in middle school) it can be a DAILY thing, and when not, is often a weekly thing.
- The minimum wage before & after school care workers don't have the same training & requirements to Deflect, Deflect, Deflect that teachers do, and the mostly volunteer coaches &'other adults often feel it their moral obligation to impart their own spin & understanding on their players.
- Parent volunteers are hopeless (in this area).
AND
- Teachers (as well as many coaches, who would otherwise NEVER talk sex with your kids) are Mandated Reporters. So if a kid comes to you (or is sharing with other students) detailed sexual information that leads you to believe that there is the possibility of sexual abuse taking place... These are not conversations that are shut down with "That sounds like a great question for you parents! Have you asked your parents about that? I'd bet your parents would know the answer to that." Etc. These are conversations you encourage as the "Go to a trusted adult, a parent, teacher, coach, or someone else you feel safe talking to" that kids get drilled into them from the toddler years onward, and that Mandated Reporters are legally REQUIRED not to shut down & send the kid away. Because you may be the only person, that ONE TIME, that a kid who is being abused will open up to.
_________
I apologize if I took it to mean not that there may be info about sex being shared, but it being a safety issue,,when you meant it the other way around.
This is a hot button topic right now on several other forums I'm on, as well, but the standpoint there tends to be parents from states where this isn't law freaking out about the safety issue, while parents from states where this has been law for awhile talking them down (You're right there on the other side of the door, there are 2 or more staff present, & you just chat up your kids afterward. 5 minutes instead of 8 hours at school. Easy. Easy compared to what we already cope with.).
None of them are religious forums, however, so it didn't even occur to me that it was an informational thing.
Q

Look... It's no wonder your wife has an issue with the LDS Church:
Her only real experience/exposure to "us" is in finding out that her Mormon one time best friend was actually a child abusing sexual predator!
- Bad enough in its own right to make someone leery.
- Super triggery, because of her own history of childhood sexual abuse in a religious context
- The child in question was her HUSBAND ... So there's going to be some territoriality
(aka fury at someone hunting and harming someone that is hers)
- She's a mom, so more territoriality in wanting to protect her own from the same fate
- She's the mom of a boy, so the issue will be even closer to heart
AND
- Many of the same reasons you want to come back (focus on marriage and family) will be seen through a lens "With this focus my husband became the target of a sexual predator & was married at 17". So the GOOD may come out looking sick and wrong to her.
Unless your wife is EXTRAORDINARILLY easily influenced...
No single story (and possibly no one else's story, period)!is going to convince her to give it a shot.
There are waaaaaaaay too many things at gut level, and trauma survivor level, for anything less than it being her OWN story.
Catch 22, right?
Maybe.
I would suggest you DONT try to convince her.
INSTEAD, side with her.
Give her all the power to WALK the moment she's uncomfortable.
No delaying tactics, no requests to stay, no you staying alone, no manipulation of any kind.
Simply hand her the reins in this matter, and let her take the lead.
Show her that you will support her, protect her, and respect her.
Now... Ideally... Set this up ahead of time with a couple of "goes"
So that you can leave after 20 minutes the first Sunday, but come back the next Sunday. And the Sunday after.
Let her get comfortable.
Give her room & support to heal... Instead of trying to force her.
ALSO... If you want to make things easier on her,,, arrange babysitting.
She won't want to leave her kids for 2 hours with strangers while she's thinking of sexual predators.
It's just a bad idea.
After you've gone a few times, THEN start thinking of bringing the kids.
If you try & rush her,though, or try and force the issue...Oy. Unlikely to get a positive result.
Because,given both your histories... Her fears have validity.
They're based in fact.
Replacing old facts with new experiences takes time.
There's no shortcut.
Q

I'm so sorry a difficult situation is being made harder for all of you.
Having been the person in hospital...
I wouldn't want a call, but some would.
There's no "right" answer, ya know?
Why I didn't:
Some family members (undoubtedly well intentioned) didn't seem to realize that I was already stretched beyond capacity and if asked to make any kind of decision whatsoever,.. My answer was no. Not that I didn't necessarily want them there... But I was not going to be capable of
- Making that decision for them (a lot of people actually want to be absolved of guilt for not coming, or asked to come, or, or, or. As opposed to the ones, like you who are just trying to be polite & considerate).
- Arranging travel for them (no lie. Everything from payment, to arrangements, to putting them up in my own home, to feeding them. I. Am. Not. Capable. of taking care of a solely anyone else at this time).
- Entertaining them ((INCLUDING discussing any/all aspects of my son' s care with them. Whether or not they think they have a say in it, I've already discussed it 6am /4pm /9pm at rounds. With every specialist dropping by. With 4 shift change nurses. And with my friends who are living the hospital with me... Who understand stopping mid sentence to snag a nurse to talk about the J-Line, because THATS the nurse who totally rocks and makes stuff happen, or needing to duck out to look at him, or duck out to not be looking at him, or to be laughing myself silly talking about something that ISNT my dying child.))
- Fighting with them. People MEAN WELL, most of the time. But the better they mean, the more they want to fix it or help. If you haven't been living here with me, I don't want to hear "Have you tried..." Or "Have you thought of..." Or "You need to ask so & so" Or "Why aren't they doing XYZ.?" ESPECIALLY if we're already in palliative care.
- Referreeing between them & the doctors, nurses, staff that I have to live with, and that they will never see again in an hour. You don't know which of these docs has put their neck out, which nurse is an evil witch, which phlebotomist is in high demand. But visiting friends family almost always accost both them & me... Demanding instant information & understanding.
- Choosing & Decisions. With palliative care, those don't stop. There are still medical decisions happening daily (at rounds! And every single time something changes dramatically), including pain management, feeding, bathing, photography, the guy who has the in on headstone grants (Yeah. The things you get excited about, the guy who can get $6000 taken off your bill so you can afford a headstone)
Just. Can't. Do. It.
ESPECIALLY... As most visitors are coming for themselves.
To say goodbye.
For closure.
For one last bit of bonding.
They're NEEDY.
Which is NOT wrong.
And I'm NOT trying to dissuade you or your mum from saying goodbye to your uncle & brother.
It's just one more thing that the parent/spouse/next of kin is asked to deal with...
That they usually can't.
Or manage brilliantly on Tuesday, and end up screaming at everyone to just. go. away. on Wednesday.
So when people were kind enough to ask IF they could/should come?
Or my blessing?
I told them "Thankyou so very much, but no."
No.
Nope.
Nada.
Nein.
Nyet.
Because "no" requires no more thinking.
Ah.
An easy answer.
Yaaaaaay.
HOWEVER:
When people made their own decisions, arrangements, and then were AWESOME enough to inform me that they were in town and to ask when the best times to AVOID coming by? Whew! Easy. 6am, 4pm, 9pm I know I'm tied up. Otherwise it's hit or miss. There's still a lot of care & other issues going on, so you may end up,cooling your heels for a few hours. Bring a book. Or there's a good coffee shop. I'm in and out. Here's my hospital pager number. If I don't answer right away I'm in a meeting (or bathing, crying uncontrollably, negotiating 6k off of a headstone, eating pizza with friends, or in any other way unable to interact like a normal human being), head out for lunch or something, it will probably be a couple hours.
Q

I can understand both sides of the coin.
 
I can see where this sort of programme is beneficial, as pointed out, if the child comes from domestic violence and would not be able to confide their situation in any other context. I can also so where forcing an intervention with a minor and without parents present might be alarming for some, especially, if you are not comfortable with what information might be provided. I guess the other objection to this would be if the parent or parents were abusive.
 
JAG mentioned the bishop and minor 1:1 issue.
 
I see this quite differently. As of now, my understanding is that a bishop is free to consult/discuss X one-on-one with a minor without a witness, whether that be a parent or other. In many cases, I know it to be standard procedure for a nurse or assistant to stand-in on consultations/exams between doctor and patient, to help prevent foul play and false accusations. I wouldn't know about this supposed new law in the OP, but if there isn't a third party involved as a witness, I would hope that is something that changes. I think having that third person present (be it a parent or other) can ease a lot of concerns and worries when dealing with delicate situations.

I completely 100% agree with the bolded.  This was the definition of modesty I was raised with.  
 
When we have an attitude of modesty it becomes very easy to follow the dress standards of the Church.  When we have an attitude of modesty we don't look for excuses to tuck or hike up.  When we have an attitude of modesty we don't look for excuses to expose skin.  
 
I believe an attitude of modesty goes hand in hand with the attitudes of humility and obedience very nicely.  :)

1)
Yeah... I think it may be a definition issue.
Because to "be" hot...
One is creating heat in another person...
So that person's response is necessary.
To be beautiful, though, or to possess beauty...
Requires no one else but yourself.
2)
I was a model once upon a millennium ago.
I had a rockin body...
And could get the jaw dropped superglue eyed drool quit breathing response covered from neck to ankle & wrist.
Heck, I aimed for it.
I think that a very key component of "modest" gets lost in a lot of conversations.
Because I can (could, could, past tense: I'm still young in my mind!) be chaste & modest in a bikini
(or nekkid, for that matter, like in the hot springs in Japan or Iceland)
And I can be a sultry, cover the children's eyes, Mississippi Goldang, ______ .... In a prairie dress, snow suit, MuMu.
Modesty & Chasteness is NOT simply what we wear.
The argument goes the "other" way an awful lot (half an inch of fabric does not define my character).
But it's the ATTITUDE of the person under their skin that gets missed so often.
Whether or not we're keeping our claws sheathed (regardless of what we wear) depends on us alone, inside our own skin. Regardless of the response of other people. Attempting to elicit a response is a choice we make.
Q

I agree that it's sad. I think that's my point. I just don't really want to have an argument followed by having my motives or sanity questioned when I compliment someone.
    ride...ride on little banana-man on a horse thingy

Again its fear ruling you.  Fear of what other people think.  It is no one else business on why you don't take the sacrament.  If people seen and make a judgment then that is their sin not yours.  If they are rude enough to ask feel free to not answer or be very vague.

No it has not...
 
You are still letting fear dictate your actions...
 
The advice will always be go to the bishop... confess and work on becoming clean.
 
The longer you wait the greater power you let fear have and the longer you carry the burden of guilt and lack the companionship of the Holy Ghost.
 
Call and set up an appointment right now.

In the Seattle area, where these kinds of laws have been in place for decades...
It's 2+ people.
Not by law... But it keeps doctors & nurses from being sued / charged with inappropriate behavior.
If you're really concerned about access & strangers... NEVER send your kids to school.
Not 5 minutes with a stranger... But hours.
- Teachers
- Staff
- Volunteers
- Parents
- Older kids
I'm not saying that creeps aren't in the medical profession...
But there's not going to be a sudden influx of creeps migrating to the medical profession because of a 5 minute time period that, if it hasn't already become office & hospital policy... Will become so, so fast your head will spin... That no employee is allowed to be alone with a minor for safety checks. Ever.
Where you WILL find them concentrated is in target rich environments.
- schools
- tutoring programs
- coaching programs
- after school care
- babysitting
Where we aren't LITERALLY 3 feet away separated by 6" of drywall for bare minutes...
But for 6-10 hours a day leave our children in the hands of strangers.
And then, if your child is 17?
Like the person in this article?
Include no jobs in addition to no public schooling.
I think sometimes it's the CHANGE that makes things seem dangerous / more noticeable.
Rather than the actual risk relative to everything else.
Like the parent who drops their kid off at the YMCA for before school care has no issue, but will have an issue when asked to stand 2 feet to their right for 5 minutes.
Q

In some ways, I will agree with applepansy, though I can certainly empathize with Windseeker. I am reminded of this post just a few days ago by Brad at One Flesh Marriage (http://www.onefleshmarriage.com/2014/06/look-great-no-i-dont.html). For whatever reason, it seems that this is a common problem in our society. How to learn to give and receive honest compliments is difficult enough. Combine with the familiarity of marriage relationships and the outside world's fluctuating, irrational definitions of "beauty", "attractive", etc. and it is probably a wonder that anyone manages to get this right.
 
One observation on Charity Pierce: Even in her case (grossly overweight due to physical illness), we frame the discussion of "is she beautiful" in terms of finding a man who says that she is beautiful and worthy of love and affection. Maybe it is difficult to describe "hotness" without it, but it sometimes seems to me that some of this issue needs to be about our relationship with ourselves. Can we each learn to describe ourselves as attractive, beautiful, valuable, "hot", acceptable, loveable, or whatever on our own terms without needing someone outside of ourselves to prop us up? Can we learn how to do it without deluding ourselves?

NeuroTypical, thank you for sending me a link to your story. It's so heartening to know that there are other people who have had the same thoughts that I've had. I've thought for a long time that wishful thinking and the placebo effect play a part in believing in the gospel, and I was pleased to see that you used an experiment to get an answer. I think that I will try to repeat that experiment. I found it very inspiring. Thank you once again.
Quin, you've changed my mind about resigning. Because of the new perspective you've given me, I've decided that it would be best to make the most of what I have now rather than start over. When I first posted this, I thought that everything was set in stone, and I felt really guilty about what I had done, but after reading your post, I realised that my situation is much more malleable than I first thought. So I'm going to use the experience I already have and try to change, like you said. Even though it will be difficult, it will probably be better for me. I don't feel ashamed anymore. Thank you so much.

I'm so sorry a difficult situation is being made harder for all of you.
Having been the person in hospital...
I wouldn't want a call, but some would.
There's no "right" answer, ya know?
Why I didn't:
Some family members (undoubtedly well intentioned) didn't seem to realize that I was already stretched beyond capacity and if asked to make any kind of decision whatsoever,.. My answer was no. Not that I didn't necessarily want them there... But I was not going to be capable of
- Making that decision for them (a lot of people actually want to be absolved of guilt for not coming, or asked to come, or, or, or. As opposed to the ones, like you who are just trying to be polite & considerate).
- Arranging travel for them (no lie. Everything from payment, to arrangements, to putting them up in my own home, to feeding them. I. Am. Not. Capable. of taking care of a solely anyone else at this time).
- Entertaining them ((INCLUDING discussing any/all aspects of my son' s care with them. Whether or not they think they have a say in it, I've already discussed it 6am /4pm /9pm at rounds. With every specialist dropping by. With 4 shift change nurses. And with my friends who are living the hospital with me... Who understand stopping mid sentence to snag a nurse to talk about the J-Line, because THATS the nurse who totally rocks and makes stuff happen, or needing to duck out to look at him, or duck out to not be looking at him, or to be laughing myself silly talking about something that ISNT my dying child.))
- Fighting with them. People MEAN WELL, most of the time. But the better they mean, the more they want to fix it or help. If you haven't been living here with me, I don't want to hear "Have you tried..." Or "Have you thought of..." Or "You need to ask so & so" Or "Why aren't they doing XYZ.?" ESPECIALLY if we're already in palliative care.
- Referreeing between them & the doctors, nurses, staff that I have to live with, and that they will never see again in an hour. You don't know which of these docs has put their neck out, which nurse is an evil witch, which phlebotomist is in high demand. But visiting friends family almost always accost both them & me... Demanding instant information & understanding.
- Choosing & Decisions. With palliative care, those don't stop. There are still medical decisions happening daily (at rounds! And every single time something changes dramatically), including pain management, feeding, bathing, photography, the guy who has the in on headstone grants (Yeah. The things you get excited about, the guy who can get $6000 taken off your bill so you can afford a headstone)
Just. Can't. Do. It.
ESPECIALLY... As most visitors are coming for themselves.
To say goodbye.
For closure.
For one last bit of bonding.
They're NEEDY.
Which is NOT wrong.
And I'm NOT trying to dissuade you or your mum from saying goodbye to your uncle & brother.
It's just one more thing that the parent/spouse/next of kin is asked to deal with...
That they usually can't.
Or manage brilliantly on Tuesday, and end up screaming at everyone to just. go. away. on Wednesday.
So when people were kind enough to ask IF they could/should come?
Or my blessing?
I told them "Thankyou so very much, but no."
No.
Nope.
Nada.
Nein.
Nyet.
Because "no" requires no more thinking.
Ah.
An easy answer.
Yaaaaaay.
HOWEVER:
When people made their own decisions, arrangements, and then were AWESOME enough to inform me that they were in town and to ask when the best times to AVOID coming by? Whew! Easy. 6am, 4pm, 9pm I know I'm tied up. Otherwise it's hit or miss. There's still a lot of care & other issues going on, so you may end up,cooling your heels for a few hours. Bring a book. Or there's a good coffee shop. I'm in and out. Here's my hospital pager number. If I don't answer right away I'm in a meeting (or bathing, crying uncontrollably, negotiating 6k off of a headstone, eating pizza with friends, or in any other way unable to interact like a normal human being), head out for lunch or something, it will probably be a couple hours.
Q

Actually there would be a right answer. But it really is based on the person you would be calling.
 
If you know that person would want a phone call as a heads up, then by all means call.  Just depends on the person.

I'm so sorry a difficult situation is being made harder for all of you.
Having been the person in hospital...
I wouldn't want a call, but some would.
There's no "right" answer, ya know?
Why I didn't:
Some family members (undoubtedly well intentioned) didn't seem to realize that I was already stretched beyond capacity and if asked to make any kind of decision whatsoever,.. My answer was no. Not that I didn't necessarily want them there... But I was not going to be capable of
- Making that decision for them (a lot of people actually want to be absolved of guilt for not coming, or asked to come, or, or, or. As opposed to the ones, like you who are just trying to be polite & considerate).
- Arranging travel for them (no lie. Everything from payment, to arrangements, to putting them up in my own home, to feeding them. I. Am. Not. Capable. of taking care of a solely anyone else at this time).
- Entertaining them ((INCLUDING discussing any/all aspects of my son' s care with them. Whether or not they think they have a say in it, I've already discussed it 6am /4pm /9pm at rounds. With every specialist dropping by. With 4 shift change nurses. And with my friends who are living the hospital with me... Who understand stopping mid sentence to snag a nurse to talk about the J-Line, because THATS the nurse who totally rocks and makes stuff happen, or needing to duck out to look at him, or duck out to not be looking at him, or to be laughing myself silly talking about something that ISNT my dying child.))
- Fighting with them. People MEAN WELL, most of the time. But the better they mean, the more they want to fix it or help. If you haven't been living here with me, I don't want to hear "Have you tried..." Or "Have you thought of..." Or "You need to ask so & so" Or "Why aren't they doing XYZ.?" ESPECIALLY if we're already in palliative care.
- Referreeing between them & the doctors, nurses, staff that I have to live with, and that they will never see again in an hour. You don't know which of these docs has put their neck out, which nurse is an evil witch, which phlebotomist is in high demand. But visiting friends family almost always accost both them & me... Demanding instant information & understanding.
- Choosing & Decisions. With palliative care, those don't stop. There are still medical decisions happening daily (at rounds! And every single time something changes dramatically), including pain management, feeding, bathing, photography, the guy who has the in on headstone grants (Yeah. The things you get excited about, the guy who can get $6000 taken off your bill so you can afford a headstone)
Just. Can't. Do. It.
ESPECIALLY... As most visitors are coming for themselves.
To say goodbye.
For closure.
For one last bit of bonding.
They're NEEDY.
Which is NOT wrong.
And I'm NOT trying to dissuade you or your mum from saying goodbye to your uncle & brother.
It's just one more thing that the parent/spouse/next of kin is asked to deal with...
That they usually can't.
Or manage brilliantly on Tuesday, and end up screaming at everyone to just. go. away. on Wednesday.
So when people were kind enough to ask IF they could/should come?
Or my blessing?
I told them "Thankyou so very much, but no."
No.
Nope.
Nada.
Nein.
Nyet.
Because "no" requires no more thinking.
Ah.
An easy answer.
Yaaaaaay.
HOWEVER:
When people made their own decisions, arrangements, and then were AWESOME enough to inform me that they were in town and to ask when the best times to AVOID coming by? Whew! Easy. 6am, 4pm, 9pm I know I'm tied up. Otherwise it's hit or miss. There's still a lot of care & other issues going on, so you may end up,cooling your heels for a few hours. Bring a book. Or there's a good coffee shop. I'm in and out. Here's my hospital pager number. If I don't answer right away I'm in a meeting (or bathing, crying uncontrollably, negotiating 6k off of a headstone, eating pizza with friends, or in any other way unable to interact like a normal human being), head out for lunch or something, it will probably be a couple hours.
Q

This is just my opinion, but from anecdotes I see around the internet, bishops do not universally see this kind of situation as "automatic" disqualification to go to the temple. They seem to consider temple worthiness in these cases on a case by case basis (part of why we here cannot give you specific suggestions).
 
In keeping with the other advice given here, I would suggest you call your bishop. Tell him, "We have this temple trip on Saturday, and I'm not sure if I'm worthy to go to the temple. Can I meet with you between now and then to talk about it?" Then see if he can find a few minutes to sit down with you and discuss it. If, together, you and he decide you should not go, then you don't go to the temple, and nobody else needs to know why (and I personally have no qualms about little white lies to others in a situation like this. "I ate something that disagreed with me, so I decided not to go at the last minute" is as much as anyone else needs to know). If, together, you and he decide you can/should go to the temple, then go.

Your feelings aside, did you note that this is a local, state law, not a federal one?  This has nothing to do with President Obama's physical stamina.
 
 
My daughters are currently six years old and two-and-a-half years old.  I consciously strive to develop the kind of relationship with them that they will tell me if they become pregnant at a young and/or unmarried age.  But my husband and I are not the only adults that they should be able to trust.  They need to have opportunities to confide in teachers or doctors or other appropriate mentors if necessary.  This issue is completely separate from my parenting.
 
I actually see it very similarly to why I'm against "abstinence only" sex education programs.  Statistically, they do not work.  I think (I could be wrong, it's been awhile since I read up on it) that they're actually less effective than no sex ed at all!  My kids -- all kids -- need to have appropriate sexual education, including anatomy and reproductive processes of both genders, as well as birth control options.  It's my job at home to teach them the moral side of their sex ed training.
 
I just look at this issue differently, I think, than most others in this thread.  This law is about my child, not about me.  It's about my child's rights and safety, not my rights.  I feel that this law is something that makes my (and others') children safer, even if that means keeping them safe from me or my husband.  Having that perspective, I honestly cannot understand any objection to it.

One frequently reads/hears that the Prophet or the Church leadership has said it is better not to do something. Ex: Better not to get tattoos, better not to get more than 1 ear piercing.
 
My question: Is doing those things a sin? When does behavior that is disapproved of become sinful, if ever? Telling me something is 'wrong' is not the same as telling me it is sinful. Maybe it's just my interpretation, I dunno.
 
 

I went to highschool in Washington State in the 1990s.
A similar law was in effect there, then, although it was newish.
From my family in Seattle -teens assuming responsibility for their own healthcare- I assume it's still in effect.
Q

Sounds to me like the mom is pretty uptight.  Her daughter is 17, and Mom is completely deluded if she thinks that the daughter isn't getting information about sex and drugs from anyone but her.  Laws like this make people who have nothing to hide, completely uncomfortable, but they are absolutely necessary.
 
A doctor who offers a 13-year-old girl birth control isn't encouraging her to have sex.  He's assuming that that she already is having sex, or is likely to do so soon, which is, like it or not, accurate.  He's helping prevent her becoming a teen mom, which is a responsible thing for him to do.  Same thing with a boy and condoms.
 
Children who are abused by their parents aren't going to accuse the parents while in the same room.  Many won't accuse the parents even in a safe space, largely because such a thing doesn't exist in their minds.  Parents who abuse their children are also the least likely to permit those children to be in a room alone with an authority figure who could do something about.
 
If I have nothing to hide, I have nothing to hide.  So why am I going to get upset about it?

I know, right?
 
My husband likes "the girl next door" look.  Which apparently means... what you said. 

This isn't over a washer & dryer.
You did a favor for someone.
Who has now, instead of being grateful for that favor, (much less returning the favor), has spit in your face.
It's not petty, it's;
Thank GOODNESS you've learned what kind of people these individuals are in such an inexpensive venue.
They have no respect for you, your trust, your belongings, or the effort & length you are willing to go to & through for your friends.
To me, friendship is about equality. There's, give, flow back and forth between individuals in a relationship.
While my friends and I differ in many ways, when that dynamic changes (or doesn't exist in the first place) the friendship ceases. There may still be a relationship of some kind, but there is no more friendship. I will not do for them any more than I would do for some random stranger. And if they've hurt me, or mine? Then it's a step lower. Just because I've ended a friendship, after learning that a person isn't my friend... Doesn't make them my enemy. Actively trying to hurt me or mine, does.
Standards.
Those whom we choose to associate with, much less choose to trust, need to meet the bare minimum.
Q

Huh.
I always get hit on the most when I look like I've been tied by rope to the back of a truck and driven around face down through cactus.
And I always think to myself; 'What is WRONG with men?'
Q

Complaining is quite off-putting. Perhaps you should work on that. I suspect you'll say it's just who you are and you can't help or control it. Baloney. We are who we practice to be as much as anything. Rather, we will become who we practice being. You may not be able to control yourself in speech as easily, as speech with careful thought tempering it is difficult. But in writing it is fairly easy. Re-read, re-think, and edit before posting. It's not that difficult to practice character when writing. It takes a moderate amount of attention, effort, and patience -- but those are worth practicing too.