pkstpaul

No I do not plan my vacations around church

I gave an overly simplistic response early in your thread. I'm sticking to it. The back and forth you and your wife are displaying are demonstrating your youth and attempts to grow. As time goes, you will actually bond in these experiences. Until/unless she actually walks out the door, or hires a lawyer to walk you out the door, you are married and working things out. You can give all the details you want and people can nit-pic the behaviours and responses, but honestly you just need to be patient and live this out. She has issues, but so do you. Time is the great healer. I'm not trying to reduce this to sound-bites. I'm simply stating that marriage is work and you need to keep at it.

I know Elder McConkie was very opposed to the notion of pre-Adamites; but frankly it's the only way I can square existing anthropological evidence of pre-5000 BCE human activity with the notion of a historical Adam. And it wouldadd a different perspective on the scriptural references to God's displeasure at the "sons of God" marrying the "daughters of men". I incline towards the idea that Adam was created directly by God outside of evolutionary processes, that he was spiritually and intellectually different than all who preceded him, and that eventually his seed thoroughly mixed with the pre-Adamites such that all humans alive today can at least trace Adam as an ancestor.

HT/VT is what it is.  You cannot force people to visit you.  There are times when we have had diligent HT and VT.  And other times when we haven't.  I'm blessed to live in a ward where the membership seems to take their assignments seriously, and for the most part it gets done.  Maybe, not every month, but still it's fairly regular.
 
char713, if I was your VT, you would probably scare me to death.  This not an assessment about your character.  I am not perfect.  People scare me.  Making phone calls scare me.  When I have a less active person on my VT list, I admit, I don't visit them as much as I should.  I think they probably don't want to be bothered.  Calling people and asking for a time when we can come visit is almost more than I can do.  If I see one of my VT ladies in the halls at church I muster up as much courage as I can and talk to them personally to make an appointment.  If I have to call someone, it most likely won't get done.  My companion is much better at making the phone calls and setting up appointments.  I love giving the lesson, she hates that part.  So we make a great team.
 
I have a love/hate relationship with HT and VT.  I don't mind it being a numbers thing.  But, I am embarrassed about the way my home looks, so I really don't like people in my home.  I'm so self-conscious about needing new carpet, etc.  We live in a very affluent neighborhood, but yet, my husband and I are living in near poverty.  It is so embarrassing to have people who literally live in *million dollar homes come into my humble abode.  This past summer and into the Fall, when my VT's came over I would have them sit on lawn chairs in the front yard, rather than have them come into my house.  I was much more at ease that way.  They probably thought it was strange, but our air-conditioning doesn't work, plus can't afford to have it run, so it was cooler to sit in the shade outside than inside the sweltering house.
 
*Here in Utah, a million dollar home is a lot of house.  In some areas such as Calif. maybe not so much.

There is a lot of "I's" and "me's" in your post. Marriage is the art of compromise, newly-weds do only two things...make love and make war. Till death do Ye part, or eternity. What you are posting, it sounds like most any marriage starting out.

Wonderkid, what you are describing isn't really all that unusual for a new marriage.  Marriage puts people into a situation where their flaws come out and create problems, but that provides the motive to change and become better.  This is your opportunity to learn to really communicate with your wife, to explain to her gently and lovingly your concerns and work together to find solutuions.  It's a new skill set you both need to develop and it may not go well at first but if you hang in there and both get good at it you will have an AMAZING marriage.  Here is a tip:  Don't make accusation like 'you are always __________' , use 'feel statements' like 'when you do _________ it makes me feel __________, this isn't good, how can we fix this?'
 
Don't get discouraged and think that things will always be exactly the way they are now and she'll never give you the affection that you want.  You both need to teach each other how to love each other the way each of you needs to be loved.  It will take time and practice and even some study (there are a number of good books on marriage out there)  That also means you need to do your part to improve yourself and that is where most of your focus needs to be.

My frustration in learning has been the need for verbal instruction, due to time constraints (listen in car or walking) and not having a visual of the text of the lesson. It would be extremely helpful to read the lesson and then walk with a mp4 to listen and review. Pinsler has a great immersion listening course, but no text.  What I saw of Rosetta is it requires you to be at a computer.
 
Immersion is the best. Going to a foreign country and having to find your away around in day-to-day tasks really reinforces what you have learned and opens you up to key important words. Unfortunately, after more than a week you feel beat up and don't want to do any more.

Hi Faith4,
I have been to many Christmas midnight masses. It would be my preference to go to a Catholic service, but in my town of late, the Catholic church doesn't hold a midnight mass so we go to a Lutheran mass. The last Catholic one I went to was at Jackson Square in New Orleans. They had a Cardinal conducting, so it was really special.

There is no "requirement" as such. If at a point you become divorced, you will want your records updated. The only time it is required to come up is in a Temple Recommend interview. You will be asked about spousal relationships/obligations. Having said that, it is better if you discuss it with your bishop at your convenience. He should keep it confidential. Any clerk updating records should do the same.

It's no ones business but your own, you don't have to tell the bishop if you don't want to. There is no requirement to state changes in your relationship status to the bishop at all. Furthermore unless you want his advice in the matter (and I'm not sure why you would since he is probably not a trained marriage counsler) then and only then should you tell him....I would limit my tell of my personal situation to him in terms of asking for help with spiritual growth and lack of priesthood leadership in the home if this is important to you.

I wasn't really being literal. The point is to not argue trivial matters. People in young relationships are often petty about things as they try to learn the "living together" roles. I remember arguing about ziploc bags and being upset that my spouse used them instead of fold over baggies. One day, much later, I was looking at the box of bags on the grocery store shelves and saw they were $1.95 or something like that. I thought to myself, 'why did I ever think $1.95 was important enough to make a deal about it?'  In the OP's case, the spouse's choice of music on Sunday morning is not something to cause an argument - especially as you are about to go out in public. A older married spouse would roll their eyes (to themself) and say (to themself) 'this too shall pass'.
 
I told the baggie story to some friends one day twenty years later and my spouse responded "I never knew that", telling me it was even less important than I thought, as I carried that with me for a long time (still do I guess).

I thought the same thing about how she could feel robbed. Robbed of the cosequences of making poor choices. I wish I had my youth back so I could join the Church and not screw up my life as I did before I joined. 
 
Nonetheless, I am happy to hear you are together and working things out. It will take time. Her animosity - and participation in acidic groups - will wain. Nobody can sustain that much hate mongering. It amazes me that ex-Mormons do so much hating, but hey, they are hurting and greiving something.
 
As for the tithing, yjacket has some valid points. I would have probably conceeded in your wife's favor, if only for the sake of harmony. I don't think you would be held accountable for accommodating your spouse's request. We are taught that we are in partnership. She'll be accountable.  

Zero,
 
I'm glad to hear you and your wife are working through things, even if it is a bumpy road.
 
For what my $0.02 is worth, I doubt she'll keep the full-fledged anger up for more than a few months.  Being rageful is just not a sustainable emotion for long periods.  I've heard ex-mormons describe their journey as thus: 1) find out something that shatters their belief, 2) feel really angry/depressed, 3) Go to ex-mormon group and find out all the 'dirty little secrets' from the veterans and be really angry/depressed, 4) you become a veteran and tell all the newbies your 'dirty' story, and 5) get bored with the whole thing and leave.  Rage is just not a sustainable emotion.
 
As to the tithing thing, that's really up to you and your wife.  How do you view your money?  It might help you to think about how you would have answered that question a year ago.  If half of the money is hers, then she doesn't have to pay tithing on it.   You can still pay tithing on your half and be a full tithe payer.  

I thought the same thing about how she could feel robbed. Robbed of the cosequences of making poor choices. I wish I had my youth back so I could join the Church and not screw up my life as I did before I joined. 
 
Nonetheless, I am happy to hear you are together and working things out. It will take time. Her animosity - and participation in acidic groups - will wain. Nobody can sustain that much hate mongering. It amazes me that ex-Mormons do so much hating, but hey, they are hurting and greiving something.
 
As for the tithing, yjacket has some valid points. I would have probably conceeded in your wife's favor, if only for the sake of harmony. I don't think you would be held accountable for accommodating your spouse's request. We are taught that we are in partnership. She'll be accountable.  

5 years is way too long for a bishop to leave this unresolved. Any good bishop would have created a plan for going to the temple.

I thought the same thing about how she could feel robbed. Robbed of the cosequences of making poor choices. I wish I had my youth back so I could join the Church and not screw up my life as I did before I joined. 
 
Nonetheless, I am happy to hear you are together and working things out. It will take time. Her animosity - and participation in acidic groups - will wain. Nobody can sustain that much hate mongering. It amazes me that ex-Mormons do so much hating, but hey, they are hurting and greiving something.
 
As for the tithing, yjacket has some valid points. I would have probably conceeded in your wife's favor, if only for the sake of harmony. I don't think you would be held accountable for accommodating your spouse's request. We are taught that we are in partnership. She'll be accountable.  

One more voting for an appointment with the Stake President.

Hometeaching has allowed me to make many friends and become close with quite a few people who I otherwise might not have gone out of my way to meet.  I'm fortunate to live in an area where our Ward boundaries are very small and it's not a huge sacrifice to visit people.  In the case of people who have massive ward boundaries and long travel times paired with high numbers of less-active members, I have a huge amount of respect for those people who are still able to hometeach in whatever way they can.  It may not always be possible to reach some people every month by personal visit.  In such cases technology and even snail mail (for those old-timers so-inclined) can be a blessing.
 
I think it must sadden the Lord to see people who either feel like they're just going through the motions or that they're being visited by somebody going through the motions.  Pretty much none of us want to be somebody else's "project" or a statistic on a graph... we want friendship and fellowship that is real and genuine.  Finding real and genuine friendship is a treasure.  So what are we doing toward that end?  Are we trying to be a real friend?  Are we praying for those who we hometeach or who are assigned to hometeach us?  A number of previous posters have already suggested various ways in which we can be proactive in our approach... inviting hometeachers, finding out who they are, asking for the opportunity to hometeach...
 
So, it's easy to say we need to love more... it's the basis for everything pretty much in the gospel.  So what about those who we're called to serve or who are called to serve us, but we're just having a hard time feeling it for them?  What about those we feel awkward around whenever we visit them or even try to just say "hi" to them?  Not everyone is easy to love...  Some people really make it a challenge... no? 
 
I'd be interested to hear if any of you have any experience with people who were a challenge to love...  Were you able to succeed somehow ultimately?  What did you do to get there?

Hi Faith4,
I have been to many Christmas midnight masses. It would be my preference to go to a Catholic service, but in my town of late, the Catholic church doesn't hold a midnight mass so we go to a Lutheran mass. The last Catholic one I went to was at Jackson Square in New Orleans. They had a Cardinal conducting, so it was really special.

I was in Ward Council when the funeral of a young member of our ward was being planned. When discussing arrangements for the chairs being setup, the bishop waved it off saying "Bob's the hometeacher, I'm not going to worry about that." It was an inspirational moment for me as I came to understand the HT role in lightening the burden of the bishop. I never looked at HT the same after that.

I was in Ward Council when the funeral of a young member of our ward was being planned. When discussing arrangements for the chairs being setup, the bishop waved it off saying "Bob's the hometeacher, I'm not going to worry about that." It was an inspirational moment for me as I came to understand the HT role in lightening the burden of the bishop. I never looked at HT the same after that.

I was in Ward Council when the funeral of a young member of our ward was being planned. When discussing arrangements for the chairs being setup, the bishop waved it off saying "Bob's the hometeacher, I'm not going to worry about that." It was an inspirational moment for me as I came to understand the HT role in lightening the burden of the bishop. I never looked at HT the same after that.

I was in Ward Council when the funeral of a young member of our ward was being planned. When discussing arrangements for the chairs being setup, the bishop waved it off saying "Bob's the hometeacher, I'm not going to worry about that." It was an inspirational moment for me as I came to understand the HT role in lightening the burden of the bishop. I never looked at HT the same after that.

I think perhaps the Home Teaching program is purposely flawed, like the Word of Wisdom is purposely flawed for the weak and the weakest of the saints. 
 
I think there are those saints that love numbers, but to me the spirit get's lost. I didn't care about numbers on my mission despite having served a very successful mission in a historically low baptizing country. I certainly don't care about them now..but somewhere long the way it started to irk me that I can't follow the Lords admonition without having it assigned by some do-good-er Elders Quorum President.
 
I suppose it's up to us to get that it's an assignment notion out of our head and to prove to our families that they are more then just a number. 
 
As far as my home teachers are concerned they are great. Last Sunday he waved at me when I walked in to Church. I told him to PLEASE count that as a visit. 
 
As far as attacks on sxfritz, We certainly eat our own..don't we.
 
Can we defend the program without attacking the person who is critical of it. I mean...we certainly don't share the gospel that way.

I've been to one Latin Mass, and it was quite beautiful.  Pkstpaul, have you been to a Christmas midnight Mass?