curious_mormon

Yes

@curious_mormon, first things first: You are of infinite worth to your Father in Heaven.  Everything hereafter is meant to demonstrate that.  Please seek help to overcome your depression - from your bishop, from professionals, from any who love you and are in a position to help to draw closer to Jesus Christ.
...nothing will ever change that:
You are not the addiction.  You are not the abuse you suffered.  You are a beloved son of God.  The rest of that is just stuff that happened, stuff Christ overcame, stuff he can help you overcome.
...only Satan wants you to think your sins cannot be forgiven.  To enable that repentance and forgiveness is the whole reason our Savior came (Luke 5:30-32):
 
Some resources for overcoming addition are at the link below - including a whole sub-site about pornography addiction:
https://www.lds.org/topics/families-and-individuals/lifes-challenges/hope-and-help?lang=eng
This talk might also help: https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2013/10/like-a-broken-vessel?lang=eng
I'm sorry if the members of your ward haven't helped you to feel welcome and loved.  Please be patient with them - we're all sinners and weak in one way or another.  In the meantime, we'll be your friends.  Please go to your bishop.  Ask him to help you repent and return - he has keys for this very purpose.  He also has access to information and resources to help you.

I just want you to know that by far you are not the only one to struggle with this. The nature of this sin is that you are caught in the cycle of sin and self comfort. You sin, feel depressed and then go back to the sin to comfort yourself.
You're losing faith because you are losing hope. 
Certainly all the things you have experienced ought to testify in a very personal and profound way that the things you have been taught are true. The gospel explains perfectly everything you are experiencing and the way out. 
As Zil kindly pointed out you are forgiven as you have faith and repent. But it does not mean this challenge is just going to disappear. 
Let me be clear, YOU WILL STRUGGLE WITH THIS THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. It is the thorn in your side. You are in this life and subject to your own weakness that you can learn to make them strengths. But you will have to fight and you will have to fight until you find rest back in your Heavenly Father's arms. It's what this life is for. Be grateful you at least know the "Why" of all this. Many do not. 
In all your experience at Church did you not notice that the very center of our faith, Jesus Christ, was alone, depressed , and that he even he wanted to give up, but he chose our Fathers will instead. 
Did you really believe it would be any easier for you, or anyone else that chose to come to this earth (that'd be everyone btw)? We came to experience life and to be subjected to the consequences of our own bad choices but also the poor choices of others. How else were we to learn compassion, forgiveness and all the other attributes we desired.
The fact is the Church can only do so much. We are each required to take up our own crosses whether they are placed upon us or fashioned with our own hands. 
Those perfect people you see at church are just imperfect people who each bear their own cross and are trying to put their best face forward, hiding their tears with smiles and their insecurities with hugs and handshakes. What makes you so special that you feel you don't belong among them? They, much like you, are just trying to make it thru another week. By smiling they are putting their burdens aside and trying to lift others, yet I think most saints feel alone, like you. 
My advice - 
If  you haven't seen the Bishop I would first recommend that. 
To be frank you are not taking advantage of the very atonement you have been taught your whole life. Study the atonement. 
Also sign up for this program (fortify). Check into Secular forum for those who struggle
These are tools to supplement your faith in overcoming the challenges you have and help you become better at fighting.
I know you are loved by your Heavenly Father, so very much. 

Why is this important? If he is of the "normal" age, he would be around 21 at this time--a 6 year difference. I'm not seeing a problem with the age difference.
To address the issue. Skippy is right--make sure you act appropriate while around them. Watch yourself to not flirt with him (easy to do when you have a crush).
Once he is home, you can then contact him to begin a real friendship to see if your feelings remain the same or increase and if he feels the same way.

This is such a huge problem. I loved/hated that movie. I am currently the single mom of 4 little boys because of this very thing...divorce pending. The only way I know how to help someone "stay away" is to make the decision now...just like you do with everything else. Alcohol, tobacco, drugs, premarital sex...the decision needs to made now. Before the pornado starts popping up on your computer. The internet is called a web for a reason. It can trap, ensnare and kill us just like a spider web. Maybe not physically, but spiritually. It is Satan's world wide web and it is huge and we are all walking right into it.

Wow, what a beautiful video. I sent it to someone I love very much who is doing everything he can to combat pornography. I will try my best to remember to check back on progress... :-)

I'm going to post this as a sticky and hope that those who struggle with this subject will watch this and it will have some impact. Thanks to a member of this site for sending me the link to this. It is an excellent video.

Believe it or not, when I proposed to my wife, we had had only one date, and it was 3 years before that night.

Some lines to avoid:
You remind me of a rose - a rhinoserose!
I could dance with you until the cows came home, but I'd much rather dance with the cows until you came home.
Is your name Elsie? Because, my dear, you look simply bovine!
I saved you a seat. It's in another room.
I planned a going away party for you. Will you leave already?

Just ask, no corny pickup lines. 

Hi there, I'm a mormon all my life and have been in and out of the church many times. I have finally decided to stay in my faith and chose to stay in the church's standards and expectations. Because I have lack of knowledge about mormon dating, how do I ask out a mormon girl on a date? What pickup line do I use? I have provided tons of these...lol I have no idea where to begin with. This girl is from Peru, she's beautiful, she speaks good english, and she's kind. I really don't want to mess this up. I know her as a friend. So what do I say to her?
 
 
 
 
The 13th Article of Faith requires me to ask you out (“If there is anything virtuous, lovely or of good report, or praiseworthy, we seek after these things.”)
If Eve was tempted by an apple than you must be my fruit.
Even with the Liahona, I get lost in your eyes.
You remind me of the fruit in Lehi’s dream. Precious above all others
Can I introduce you to my friends to prove that angels really do exist?
God broke the mold when He made your sweet face.
I want to be like the Spirit, to be with thee whithersoever thou goest.
What’s ur favorite temple? I’m lookin’ at mine.
If we were around with Noah… then you, me… pair.
my spiritual gift is my good looks… it lifts peoples spirits
The tree of life called, it wants it’s sweetness back.
The tree of life called, it wants it’s sweetness back.
welcome to the christian family… the only family where brothers and sisters can marry each other.
I would leave 99 sheep to come and find you, then I would carry you home joyfully on my shoulder
I just got back from my mission and I’m looking for my next companion!
now i know why Solomon had 700 wives… Because he never met you
Are you the spirit? Because whenever I think about you I feel a burning in my bosom.
Are you the iron rod? Cause I wanna hold onto you for the rest of eternity.
Is the spirit telling you what it’s telling me?
Is your name virtue? Cause you garnish my thoughts.
Use this at your singles ward. I knew I’d feel the spirit at church, but I never thought I’d see an angel.
Are you a gadiaton robber? Because u just stole my heart. (If they do not know that this is one of the Mormon pick up lines they are not Mormon)
Don’t I know you from the pre-existence?
Guy sees girl and says: Oh good! Now I can break my fast. Girl asks: Why? Guy: Because I see the answer to my prayers.
What time do you have to be back in heaven?
I just got back from my mission….. i’m looking for another companion and i just found one.
God told me to come talk to you
No, i’m not coveting, I intend to make you mine.
Have you ever held the Priesthood? Guys puts his hand out
The Bible says “Give drink to those who are thirsty, and feed the hungry”; how about dinner?
For a moment I thought I had died and gone to heaven. Now I see that I am very much alive, and heaven has been brought to me
Did it hurt? ……  When you fell from heaven?
What’s your name and number so I can add you to my “prayer” list
If God made anything more pretty, I’m sure he’d keep it for himself.
I’d pick you over Satan any day.
God was just showing off when He made you.
I know milk does a body bood, but how much have you been drinking?!!!!!
Even with the Liahona, I get lost in your eyes:)

When I was 5 years old, I hospitalized my kindergarten teacher.  Yes, it was intentional, and yes I knew what I was doing (it was a necessary defenses against a monster).
Like you, I don't "fit in" at church.  People at church don't understand where I've been, what I've done, what I've felt.  People don't understand how thoroughly I understand Christ's atonement- how deeply I can testify of His forgiveness and healing.  People look at me strange because sometimes I make funny faces.  Sometimes people judge me because I say things which is outside the limited "normal" they know.  Sometimes they avoid me because they don't know what to think of me.
Like you, I don't go to church to be social or to be judged by people (though that does happen)---  I go to church to commune with my Lord.  I go to church to celebrate with the one whom has shown me such miraculous forgiveness and healing, whom has re-born me past all that.  And in turn.... I must show others forgiveness and healing.  I must forgive those people in church whom are afraid of the "unknown".  I must share my light with others, and not hide my re-born self under a bushel.  
Are you hiding yourself under a bushel?

True the church is not a social club.  But yes we are there to fellowship.  And that's an important part of it.
dc

Im socialy awkward, its tough for me to enjoy myself when im in a crowd...wait, I hate crowds. Whether at school, work or church Id much rather be with one friend and stick with that one person the whole time. At church that means my three friends are my three daughters (wife is inactive). After sacrament when my daughters go to class I get social anxiety because I feel that everyone is staring at me like im a loner, sometimes I would go straight to the car and take a nap until church was over. The best thing that happened to me was that I got a calling and that gave me a sense of purpose and reason to communicate with others. 
 
One good thing that helped me was to accept the fact that Im in an uncomfortable environment and to not beat myself up over it as if there is something wrong with me. I have learned that I dont need to be a 100% active participant in the ward. For example I was asked to give a talk in sacrament and I politely declined because I was in a hard time of my life and didnt feel like getting up infront of the ward, a year later the bishopric approached me again to give a talk and I felt honored so I accepted.

The other thing is time.
How much time has gone by.
They are waiting to see if in fact you have changed, or it was just a temporary fad.  Just a thing to try to fit in. 
Or is it a total life change that will last?  Will you endure to the end?  Or will you end up back out there in the street with the old ways.
I'm not questioning you.  I'm not asking you for answers.  I'm just saying those are the questions you have to ask yourself, and answer to yourself and to your maker.
Whether those people are smarmy to you or not does not matter.  What matters is who you are, what you will become, where you are going.
I know there are many with me, still the same way.  If I were to read their minds I know they are saying "that guy will never last, he won't make it.  He'll disappear one day soon."
It's just human nature.
I just joined the church (having been called in) at age 65.  Can you blame them for being skeptical?  I don't.  But I know who I am, what I'm doing, why I'm doing it, and where I'm going. 
That's what's important.
And I know, some have told me, that I'm an inspiration to them.
dc

curious_Mormon,
I'm sorry you feel this way. I agree with that others have said - the church is not foremost a social organization. It would be nice if people treated everyone warmly. I think that is how Christ would treat everyone. But people have their hangups. It's also possible that people may think better of you than you fear.
I would recommend that you try to let go of your worries about this. Just be your best self, keep trying to live the gospel, and reach our and serve people. And definitely keep going to church, to take the sacrament and learn (and be reminded of) how to be a better disciple.

People in the church come from a variety of backgrounds, with a variety of pasts. Some good some not so good.  We all go to church to try and become better people, learn from others and be uplifted.
I do not understand why anyone would bear their testimony about all the bad decisions they made and not expect people to look at them differently. Don't do that. It serves no good purpose you have self-ostracized. 
People are people members or not don't make the mistake of thinking that you have entered some nonjudgemental zone because you are at church. You wouldn't put yourself on blast in a job interview don't do it at church.
Going forward just be you, I am just me when I go to church a work in progress but I don't put all my peccadilloes out there for people to see.  The key is most sins are in your past leave them there.  You said " I used to drink, smoke, party, was a juvenille,I got wild and i ended up in jail" sounds pretty typical for most teens aside for the jail part....but you'd be surprised. 
 
Omega

Heh.  I once brought my cubscout troop to my house to help me recycle my dad's beer cans.  They looked at me funny for the next decade.  Then my Teacher's quorum advisor trusted me to pick the movie, and I accidentally got the one with nudity in the first 5 minutes.  I remember taking my cousin on a 'swearing spree' right before his baptism, because, you know, the baptism takes all the sin away. I gathered plenty of odd looks from people that I didn't figure out how to interpret until 15 years later.  
I can't begin to describe how freeing it was to stop caring what other people thought about me.  Let them gossip.  This is your faith and your church - if they struggle with unrighteousness, that's their problem.
If you ever come to my ward in Colorado Springs, you're welcome to sit with me and my family.

As a recent convert, with no friends/family in the church and with massive social anxiety, I can understand somewhat what you're feeling - it's sort of that "fish out of water" feeling. However, there's always bound to be at least some nice people, who are willing to let you sit with them during church and who are happy to talk to you, so find those people and enjoy their company. And remember, the main reason why you're at church is for God - to feel closer to God and Jesus. So as long as you go to church, partake of the sacrament and read your scripture, that's all that really matters. I know it's difficult but don't leave your feelings of isolation hinder your church-going experience

I don't feel like I belong in the Mormon community. 
I feel that I am isolated toward other church members. I am of Pacific islander descent, but I don't think it has anything to do with my race, it might be.... The Mormon community here is mostly white/Caucasian. I came from a very poor family and background. I have been exposed to so much ghetto in my life and I may have picked up some bad habits while in high school. Even though I'm educated, those habits tend to slip up...things like cursing and just being myself. When I am being myself, and I slip( I am trying to change that)..people tend to judge me while at church. I am beginning to ask myself, is it my fault that I was exposed to bad influence all throughout my life? Should I look down upon myself? There's nothing wrong with change, but this whole thing is making me anxious. I am trying to belong but people at church don't seem to be "welcoming" to me. I gave a testimony when I first moved to my ward and I was being completely honest about myself.....that i was exposed to the ghetto and bad influences, that I used to drink, smoke, party, was a juvenille,I got wild and i ended up in jail and that one day the missionaries saved my life and gave me a book of Mormon to read and changed my life...
I feel like I am constantly being judged fpr who i was. When i look at the people and say whats up or say hi, nobody says hi back?! I feel isolated in the church. Sometimes I want to quit going there!