Dove

I would suggest not pressuring your companion to respond...If you have already texted/called/visited him, you've been very clear about wanting to Home Teach with him. Now the ball is in his court to answer/respond to your invitations. Also, I wouldn't take it personally that he has basically checked out of church activity. What matters for you is your intent and frame of mind in offering the advice you did for FHE....If you were doing it in kindness and in the best intent to suggest how to make it better, your heart was in the right place. And that is what matters to the Lord concerning you. How he (companion) took it it between him and God, until he decides to tell you if it did offend him. Then he allows for a chance for the situation to be resolved between you and him. Do what you can do, as has already been said. Take joy in that, for anything beyond that is something you have no control over.

Thank you for the input. I haven't spoken in superlatives and did acknowledge that I am not a professional. I was hoping it would be understood that what I was stating was my opinion. While it is a lay person's opinion, it is one I stand by. Given the information BR has provided, it sounds (to me) like she is in quite an abusive relationship. Even though she may be going back and forth on the times there is peace in the relationship, she has written a long list of adjectives of what screams to me abusive behavior. I am taking her post at face value, trusting that she is being truthful in what she portrays. I am speaking to that position. I can't take responsibility for her being dishonest in her portrayal of the situation....That's on her. However, I have been around a lot of the psychology surrounding abusive situations for many years. I may not have a degree; but, I've certainly heard and read about it. BR exhibits a lot of the thought patterns of an abused person, to me. This combined with the behavior she described about her husband prompted me to write what I did. I don't know if you follow my comments on posts in general. There was one not long ago about a man who has lost a great deal of weight and how his marriage is failing. I took that at face value as well. Meaning, I trusted the writer's honesty in the portrayal of his marriage. Why not go and read what I wrote? I believe you have commented on that thread. While I have deep issues concerning the abuse I experienced as a child by my dad, the major male figure in our home, I don't view all men as abusive or, especially, as deserving to be abused. No one deserves abuse. While I don't know the actual number in the statistic of women abusing men, I do know it is far less than the statistics on men abusing women....Men are generally bigger and physically stronger then women. I have seen many abusive men throughout my life and some abusive women. This doesn't negate the fact that the majority of women worldwide and throughout time have been oppressed and discriminated against simply because of their gender. It is very new for women to be given the right to vote and the right to own property....Women are still discriminated against in the work place by not receiving equal pay for equal time and quality of work. There are many 3rd world countries who support a man beating his wife...the list goes on and on. I don't know her husband. I don't know you. I do know that I can usually smell abusive situations miles off. This is what I was answering to. Dove

You can't change another's agency or choice to draw away from you and your son. Don't hurt her; but, at this point, think as to what is in the best interest for you and your son, since she is obviously not. Be firm. It seems she is unwilling to do the work needed to make your relationship/marriage/family whole again. It seems she's not willing to admit her part of the problems and her role in the solution. Leaving is a big step. But, I would have her do it regardless at this point. She's not working towards making your marriage a success. I would have her go. Very important. I wouldn't push her for information she doesn't want to give or for her to do anything she doesn't want to do. Don't force/coerce her into doing anything. Meaning, don't try to pry and find out if she is having an affair. She very well could be. That's a moot point if she is unwilling to be straight forward to you about it. Listen to her and watch what she is doing. It sounds like she has really checked out of the marriage. Just be assertive enough to hold her to that and go back to the original agreement. Which is that she move out and pay child support. Watch you and your son's back. Because she isn't. Don't be too hard on yourself. I personally feel that unless a person is willing to be honest with me about what I'm doing to offend them, there is nothing I can/could have done to become aware of it and correct it. It's pretty sorry when she waits for years to let you know she feels you are too controlling and how unhappy she is. She didn't give you a chance to become aware of what you were doing that was wrong in her eyes and to correct it. This is not your fault. I would just, at this point, act fast. Many times the spouse wanting to leave/end the marriage will play hard ball to get as much money/belongings/property they can on their way out. What I'm trying to say is, don't let her scam you into thinking her intent is sincere/in you and your son's best interest so that she'll get the house, son etc., instead of you. Watch what she does. It seems she is selfish and watching out for herself instead of the two of your. Just keep this in the back of your cap in your dealings with her. Again, it doesn't give you license to scam or take advantage of or hurt her. Just make sure it's fair and what you and your son needs for your best situation. Good luck Dove

Hello, Blueroses; My impression of all that you have written is that you are a very insightful person as to your situation. Yes, you are in a verryy bad situation. Yes, your self esteem is being very degraded by him, per what you have said. This is a classic sign/result of abuse. No, you are not making a big deal out of your situation. You don't deserve this and you are not at fault! No, this is not normal stuff. And, No, it can't be fixed when you're husband refuses to see what he is doing to you. Just because all is quiet and peaceful at times in your marriage, doesn't mean that it's okay or livable or for your best eternal welfare. I see the big red flags waving. You are not making a big deal out of nothing. Now, I'm not a professional. But, I've lived around abusive, manipulative and destructive people all my life. One trademark I've seen in a few of these people is an absolute lack of accountability or belief that they are their own worst problem. It's always someone/something else that's at fault. Someone else is to blame/responsible for their sense of happiness, well being and being kind to the object of their displays of anger/manipulation. It saddens me to know you have to walk on eggshells out of fear that your husband is going to lose it and do something physically harmful to you. Realize, he is not going to change. A question that might be worth asking yourself is; How long do you want to spend your life trying to live in this kind of situation? Life is so precious and short. Is this really how you want to live yours? Lastly, please get professional help in dealing with this or leaving. Especially if you decide to leave. The major cause of women being murdered is by a jealous/manipulative/abusive boyfriend/husband/significant other murdering them for trying to leave. Getting help is definitely worthwhile if you value the quality of life you have. Please take care. Dove

Hello, Diversity; I've chosen not to read other's posts to your dilemma before I respond. This to give you freely my first impressions and thoughts on this....I hope I/we can help and love you through a healing process that undoubtedly may take you the rest of your life to attain. You know, I feel the Strength of the Spirit right now witnessing to me of His love for you. I don't know why; but, I feel it. Perhaps as a witness to you of His great love for you. Have you received a priesthood blessing yet to help banish the evil spirits that surround you? If not, I would strongly suggest that you do this. What I'm trying to say is that you are especially susceptible/vulnerable to the buffetings of the adversary because of becoming involved with satanism. The only Persons/Beings that can rescue you from this is God the Father, through His Son, Jesus Christ and the atonement Christ wrought for you, and all of us. He wrought the atonement in part for us so that we would not have to suffer for our sins if we truly repented. It sounds like you are taking a lot of good steps towards repentance. Do all you can to not let up. Daily prayer, scripture study and filling your life with positive and good. I would suggest to strongly pray for humility often and consistently. Pray to understand the wondrous inner empowerment that comes from truly petitioning the Lord for His sustaining love. Realize that hurting someone/murdering is a moot point in this sense. You do not have the power to truly stop their existence. While you may prematurely take them into the next life, the Savior's atonement makes it possible for all of us to be resurrected into perfected bodies. Through the atonement, Jesus Christ has overcome the permanency of "death" to give all of us immortality after this world has ended. While the person whom you murder will be judged based on his standing before God when you took his/her life, you will be judged for the one of two sins that are taught in our religion to be "unforgivable." Meaning, you will suffer the full consequence of the sin of murder without the effects of the atonement staying the tremendous suffering it will cause you. You will be judged according to your understanding of the sin and its' consequences. You will be the one to be eternally "damned" as a result of committing this sin. Not the person whose life you take. There are some things in my life I have yet to be able to overcome the effects of. I was molested at a very young age. What scant memories I can recall lead me to believe that my life was truly in jeopardy while this occurred. To this day I still struggle with how I relate to the world as a result of this and other abuse that has occurred in my life. I relate this to you because it is a very evil and sad part of my life that has mentally and emotionally crippled me in very real and contemporary ways. I have struggled at times with anger over not being allowed to die at that point; but forced to live out my life in a great deal of pain (depression) and despair as a result of those traumatic events. Now, I look at it more like I look at being a diabetic. It's something I can never really "get over" in this life; but, it is something I can manage and strive every day to keep in check. To me, their are eternal principals and purposes that are coming to past in my life that again, through the Atonement of Jesus Christ, are being to turned to my eternal glory and good. A scripture keeps coming to mind as I write this. Here it is. Ether 12:27; "And if men come unto me I (the Savior) will show unto them their weaknesses. I give unto men weaknesses that they may be humble: and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them." Try to remember that, while satanism may have provided you, and continues to tempt you, with a sense of power, in the end the Atonement has overcome evil and the adversary. Satan has already lost the war for his own eternal welfare. For each of us, the atonement allows us the opportunity to overcome his and go "back home" at the end of this. The Best in your journey home. Dove

If it goes against all logic and sanity, I would question it before doing. Meaning, do all I could to understand why I would be receiving such "revelation." However, I come from some experiences where I thought for sure the "revelations" I was receiving were divine and from God. It took me years to figure out that, while some of the things I was being taught at that time were true, the essence of it lead me away from God and the church. Both costly mistakes in my life.... I've learned that the Spirit speaks to me usually in a still, small, peaceful and non-forcible voice. Oftentimes it seems so difficult to hear because of the many other voices that are not His giving their input.... Usually though, if I am careful and aware, I can distinguish the promptings of the still, small voice of God/the Holy Ghost. At times it's very warm, loving, powerful and strong. It always centers me and gives me a sense of stability, being okay and of well-being. Anything else is worthy of suspicion to me. Best of Wishes in your journey Dove

Errr, what's so wrong with giving a gift to anyone under any circumstances? It seems to me that beauty is in the eye of the beholder in this case. I remember there being white elephant gifts given in my Orchestra class. I brought a generic gift and we made a game out of the different gifts brought and who got what. It was a fun and fulfilling Christmas experience to me at the time~being 14 and in Orchestra. Maybe the name you will be assigned is someone who needs a gift this year, from somebody/anybody. Any gift given with sincere intent/effort to make it a nice gift will usually be accepted with gratitude by a wise person who knows not to look a gift horse in the mouth..... Oh yeah, you said all you could bring was a "gift card." Have you thought of maybe breaking that rule and bringing a gift you would like to give? That may make this an easier pill to swallow. Best wishes Dove

Hello, MormonMama; I feel bad that you are having such a difficult time in your new ward. It hurts to read of the situation you are in. Especially what your daughter is experiencing at a pivotal age. I don't/can't have kids~Just please know I'm giving you the best advice I know to give, realizing I'm not a parent. But, I have been in a few wards I've had a difficult time in. Here are some of my thoughts... Do your best in contributing to making the ward a better place. Whatever that means, given your high risk pregnancy, do what you can and be at peace with that. Even if that just means you going to church with all in your family who will go. My husband is a nondenominational Christian. I've learned a lot about not pressuring him to accept my LDS convictions, no matter how dear they are to me. To accept his agency and love him regardless of his religious beliefs. I realize that communicating my testimony to him means being an example of the pure love of Christ to him and doing my best to be true to my own covenants. Anyway, realize that there is probably a lot in this situation that you have no control over and that it's not your fault for it being the way it is. Do your best and leave the rest to God. Focus on strengthening your family in the gospel at this time. if your daughter is really struggling with YW"s, have you thought of bringing her with you to other church activities for women/the ward? Or maybe now is the time to focus on building her testimony of the gospel through family prayer/scripture study...Be an example to her and love her~Do all you can to help her build her own personal testimony. Maybe seminary. Pray as to what to do and believe that answers will be given. Stay strong yourself. Take care of yourself and your testimony as well. I wouldn't suggest seeking another ward...As far as I know, that is quite discouraged in our church. I couldn't even bring it up to my Stake Pres. when I wanted to. Remember what you go to church for.....For me it is about being obedient to the promptings of the Spirit bidding me to go. I was about to check out fully out of the ward I'm currently in. I was highly offended by some things said to me by a couple of the members. I stopped going a couple of times and would have stayed that way had it not been for the sense that HF wanted me to continue going. I listened to that prompting. It has been a journey in learning for me, about how to handle myself/my perspective in difficult situations. I guess what this comes down to is; Go to God and follow what He tells/prompts you to do. The Best. Dove

Suzie; Where's the LOL button when I need it?!

Bini; Your post evokes feelings of dread in me. Mainly because I often feel responsible for other's mood when I am in the position of entertaining them/playing hostess/being with them. And when they seem unhappy, it really eats at me. I feel like their frame of mind is my fault. I would suggest creating a safe atmosphere in order for her to open up and let you know her state of mind/emotions. Maybe she's happy with the way things are and you just don't know it. Maybe she's naturally low key. I don't know. Just do your best, do a lot of listening, and try to get to know her. Most people like to be listened to, regardless. She may really enjoy just going on a walk and talking with you. At least you may get some clues as to her likes/dislikes and can go from there. Best of luck Dove

I love my husband. He is a wonderfully loving, Christlike person. Our "honeymoon phase" is pretty much over. We disagree and have had some serious fights/issues crop up in the past months. To the point where I was talking to him about finding myself a studio apartment to leave. One sore point of contention in our relationship has been about his family/my in-laws. I have felt very persecuted/treated with much rudeness/ostracized by them over the years. It's to the point where I no longer expect or force myself to go to any family gatherings that are his family's. Every time I go someone is angry at me and willing to criticize/ignore/say rude things to me. (Some of it may be the differences in religion.) My latest grief is that he is going alone to a family party for Christmas night. It hurts not to be with him and I feel jealous (I'm not saying this is fair or right) that he is willing to go without me. My sister in law gave me wonderful advice on how to handle this. Which is, to acknowledge and support his agency in going. To give him free reign in all areas of our relationship in this sense; to always acknowledge his agency and to set him free by not attempting to control him. Even in the worst case scenario (infidelity, which I really believe he would never do) that really is his choice. Of course, my choice at that point would be whether or not to stay. I remember a saying I learned in High School about ownership of a living thing; "If you love it, set it free. If it comes back to you then it is yours. If it doesn't, it never was." Something like that. Anyway, that quote comes back ringing in my years in this situation. It applies to my situation. Dove

I don't have a hymn off the top of my head, as the one I was thinking of has already been mentioned. Oh, yeah, "How Firm a Foundation" has special significance to me. This was the first hymn the Lord used to give me messages in/from. It happened on my mission...which was quite a trial by fire for me. I remember sitting in an empty chapel at a piano looking at the hymn. The verses were so significant to me. Especially the ones at the bottom that are not usually sung; "When thru the deep waters, I call thee to go, the rivers of sorrow shall not thee o'er flow. For I will be with thee, thy troubles to bless, and sanctify to thee thy deepest distress. When thru fiery trials, thy pathway shall lie, my grace all sufficient, shall be thy supply. The flame will not hurt thee, I only design, thy dross to consume and thy gold to refine." The Lord often speaks to me thru hymns. Lyrics will start running thru my mind over and over again until I finally look up that particular hymn. There will always be a sweet and appropo message for me in the lyrics. It's a beautiful gift. I believe He gave it to me because I have been a musician for so many years. I don't know. Just so grateful for this gift. Dove

I'm on both sides of the fence here. Yes, kshRox may have been harsh in what he was saying; but, I agree with what he said. Why go through your spouses' facebook and emails to find things from the past to accuse him over and make yourself sick over? This seems so destructive to me. IMO, it is soo wrong to bring things up from someone's past that they have truly repented over and then punish them for it again. It seems like she's playing God's role by doing this to her husband. Not forgiving him and moving on to how wonderful he is in the present. She says she would never want to leave him. Then, why punish him with things that God has already forgiven him for? That just seems so out of place and unfair to me. She has already said how wonderful/worthy of a man he is now. Let bygones be bygones. If you can't forgive/work out your own issues with this, take full responsibility/accountability that it is your problem, not his. Seek therapy and to repent yourself for taking God's role in someone else's life. It's wrong to punish your husband like this by holding it over his head when he already feels so bad about it and has repented.

Kloud; Sorry to be rude to you; but, I hear a lot of self pity in your threads. If you really want to be taken off the roles of the church, don't be afraid to speak to directly to your bishop and then to work up the lines of authority from there. I.E., the stake president, area authority, church offices, etc. You're facing a lot of antagonism here. For me, your whiny, accusatory statements put me off~Why come here to other LDS people to tell us how awful our belief system is? What response are you expecting to that? Also, I don't know what doctrine is putting you off. And it seems not to matter as you already seem so bitter and hateful toward the LDS church and it's people. I'm really surprised and curious as to why you waited for your wife to be baptized until you decided to influence her with this so called "awful" doctrine you found? Why did you wait so long to disclose it to her? For all your whiny accusations against us, you are also being rather manipulative by indirectly blaming all of us for your wanting to leave the church even more for how we've commented to your posts. I'm sorry that you feel it necessary to leave. I'm sorry for whatever "doctrine" it is you have found that has turned you off to the beautiful truths in the gospel of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day-Saints. Yes, honesty is definitely the way to go. Perhaps you feel too powerless to not lie or be manipulative. I don't know. You can have your records removed from the church. Remember that old primary song? "Try, try, try...."

What a heavy laden topic to me. In order not to be offensive or too controversial, I'm biting my tongue to all the different responses I could give to this. What I can say appropriately, I will. First off, I don't believe church is the correct place to stage political protesting, no matter how well meaning, sincere or deserved it may be. So, I'm glad I wore a dress today. However, I grew up in a home where my own dad was quite abusive. The priesthood was just one more arrow in his quiver of tools to use to justify his unrighteous dominion. So, it hurts a lot to hear others downplay how this can and has taken place in the past. I'm really grateful for how our church leaders have come out so strongly against unrighteous dominion/abuse in the past years. To me, this is a beautiful thing. And still needs to be listened to. There's not doubt in times past, in our society as a whole, that women have been portrayed as the weaker sex. I am soo grateful for the doctrine of agency in our church. Which basically means to me that, while I will never be able to hold the priesthood simply because of my gender, God will not force me to support the patriarchal order of our church. That is my choice. And, one I will gladly make in support of the church by virtue of the fact that I have had the witnessing of the Holy Spirit many a time as to the truthfulness of this gospel and the authenticity of the covenants I made through baptism and the temple ordinances. This divine witness from the Holy Ghost is what keeps me here. Along with a testimony of the divinity of the priesthood authority. As far as what happens when a male chooses to abuse it, Doctrine and Covenants 121 gives a beautiful dialogue about it. Certainly has made me feel better to read it a few times. Dove

I would say to go for it... You definitely have an advantage as, after a certain age, women certainly do outnumber the men in church membership. I'm trying to say that the field is open for you to begin looking, even if it is not immediately in Cheyenne. Yes, ask Heavenly Father to guide you to a good person/mate/spouse~ No better way to go about it. The name you chose, "RipplecutBuddha" seems to point to you being fit and attractive. You probably won't have any problem finding a beautiful woman to nest with. Best of Wishes

Well, my mom has been on the opposite end of the situation. Sitting in the audience of a lesson she has taught many times throughout the years.......and listening to another teach it. Have you heard the expression, that sometimes the calling is more for the person being called then those of us called to support him/her in his calling? I wouldn't worry about the rejection so much as I would studying your tail off for the lesson and then doing your utmost to follow the Spirit. Maybe there is something in the wings for you/others in your teaching this class. Maybe someone will be touched by the way you teach than of any others'. I'm sorry if this sounds trite. I have always wanted to be called to a teaching position in the church without it being done. I think I will always be in the audience listening. I remember being in a RS class once where the teacher simply read the lesson to us straight out of the manual. She may have been told at the last minute that she was to teach the lesson. I don't know; but, I don't think it could be done much worse then this. I now remember that I was called to teach a primary class at the last minute when the regular teacher didn't show up. I remember seeing the lesson and silently chewing that teacher out. I felt so unprepared. But, I just taught the lesson the best I knew how in that moment, focusing on the scriptures it brought out and the concepts outlined by the lesson, as well as bearing my testimony. It worked out in the end. I also remember one class where the teacher was always so unprepared and letting the class teach themselves by taking all the time talking about whatever concept the lesson was about. That was really disappointing. Yet, as I write this the thought comes to me that we are a lay church and to accept what others do with gratitude and a grain of salt. Other then that, I think if you prepare well and go by the Spirit, you'll come through this with flying colors. Best of luck Dove

Just as a side note, I recently found out about Mistletoe and what it really means....Here it is~Mistletoe - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia. So where did the "dung on a stick" become something to kiss under in our Christmas traditions?!

I would be much more worried about your own conversion at this point than going out and trying to convert others when you have struggled with keeping your own covenants. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh~I'm not meaning it to be. It's more important that you are truly ready to repent (which includes confessing your sins to the proper priesthood authority) at this time then it is trying to teach others concepts you have been unable to keep yourself. Don't worry too much about your mission, though. As Pam said, your Bishop is the best place to start in getting ready to go right now.

Hello, Joseph; I hear the pain and loneliness in your posts. It hurts me to read them for you. Please don't feel I'm being patronizing when you read this. I mean it sincerely. I didn't marry until my late 30's and then I married a nonmember man who is wonderfully loving and kind; albeit, we are not one in the gospel, which is a heartache to me. Here are some ideas I can only hope will help you~They are said with the best of intent and with the intent to strengthen and support you as a fellow member in your trials at this time. I know I have based a great deal of my worth and value on my marital status throughout my life. Also, a lot of my identity was wrapped around being a wife and mother, as is taught to be the woman's role in our church. What a disappointment to not only be single most of my life, to eventually marry outside of the temple; but, to also find out that I had so many gynecological problems that having a child could never have been an option for me. So, no "happy little feet" in our home, sadly. I also struggle with depression and this deep seated loneliness that has never really gone away, even when I was married. So, what do we think/do/say? Realize, I am no paragon of virtue in remaining active in the church, as I have been "inactive" now for many years. Another sadness to me, as I have come to realize that there is a big difference (for me) between remaining true to my covenants and "getting along" in wards where it seems I can do anything but. It is quite a humbling and painful process to learn what I feel are invaluable lessons to learn in becoming more like Christ and remaining true to my covenants. Here's the ideas. I remember my beloved sister-in-law telling me that "if I wasn't happy being single, I wouldn't be anymore happy being married," for true happiness comes from within, rather than from my outward circumstances. I also know what it's like to feel lonely and amongst strangers in a room full of people. Or, even to feel lonely in my dear husband's presence. Wow, what a revelation to me. So, perhaps it may be worth questioning why you truly feel so lonely and despairing? Is it really the people around you? Or, is something going on within you to leave you feeling this way? One beautiful and sweet concept I feel I have learned through the Spirit is that I am invariably my own problem. Yet, the upside to this is that ultimately I, along with the Holy Ghost and through the atonement of Jesus Christ, can find the answers within to being okay in "my own skin." Without having to have validation from others around me. In High School, I was very "isolated" from my peers. I think I went to one dance (or two) my whole High School career. I often went to movies by myself and did things this way. I was pretty oblivious to how much of a loser I must have appeared to others. I was never invited to any parties or even graduation celebrations by my peers~I was pretty much ostracized in school. Probably as much by myself as others. Do you know that I was okay with this? That I was okay with myself being this way? That, relatively speaking, I was pretty happy doing my own thing? I had some friends here and there throughout school. But, not much. My point in relating this, is at that time I loved myself enough to feel okay about that. I was probably somewhat a snob as I didn't base my worth and value on other's approval of me. Now, I really struggle with going to church events alone. Somehow I have garnered a great deal of self-hatred. I'm not okay being alone anymore or doing my own thing. I wish I could be. Why not question if "going inactive" is really the solution to the trials/problems you are facing? Referring to yourself as "that creepy guy," no matter how true it may seem, is quite and indictment against yourself. I'm not suggesting that you "force" your company on anyone without their invitation. I am suggesting to not blame yourself for your circumstance of being the "5th wheel" in ward social settings. I have really rued leaving the gospel and being true to my covenants because of my sorrows. Why not go to God/go within yourself to figure out how you can make yourself happier? Please don't be offended; but, have you considered maybe going into counseling for awhile to come to terms with your situation and the feelings you have surrounding it? Please consider "inactivity" as your last resort. Get in touch with your pain/emotions. Go to God. (Prayer and scripture study). Getting a dog may be very helpful. (I've recently acquired one, to my sweet joy.) Work on loving yourself and being happy in your own skin. Maybe there will come a day where you can spend a holiday taking care of yourself all alone and enjoying it. (I spent New Year's Eve of 1999-2000 all alone, even though I had really tried not to. It ended up being an intense spiritual teaching experience for me) Don't give up on singles wards, there may be one for your age group with a lot of people in your predicament. Remember, singles wards can be more for socializing than hooking up and getting hitched. Love yourself, love yourself, love yourself. Take care of yourself and go to God. Lastly, I have an older single sister who really struggles with these issues as well. Let me know if you're interested, and I will hook you up, if you want. Best of wishes Dove

I agree with you Star. Nowadays even the word "Christmas" is often taken out of the Holidays to be politically correct. What's left is a season of financial gluttony where the almighty dollar is worshiped. I am thinking of the fiasco of WAl-Mart wanting to open Thanksgiving evening for the big event the next day. The employees threatened to strike as a result. I don't know how it ended; but, it seemed so greedy. No, I wouldn't like to lie to my children about these mythical figures if I had children. On the other hand, I don't feel comfortable judging those who go along with this rendition of Christmas. I guess Santa is what we make him. It's up to us, if we portray him as a real figure to our young children, how we present him. I remember when I was a little girl asking my mom if Santa was a good man. She reassured me that he was indeed righteous. I remember her sincerity and love for me as she talked to me about it. She really wanted me to have a positive image of him. She and my dad also went all out to make our Christmas' beautiful and wondrous events, even on their meager income. The living room looked like a Christmas wonderland with our gifts laid out so decoratively. They made it an event of love in our home. I think this aspect of Christmas is what we make it.

Hello, You seem to be feeling pressured by a lot of people to go to YSA....Maybe a firm, direct approach is needed to communicate that you would prefer to stay in your family ward. Something like, "I feel quite comfortable here in the family ward. Is there a particular/pressing/certain/whatever you want to say reason why you would like me to attend YSA?" I would say that it is quite positive and valuable to be in a ward you enjoy and want to stay in. Don't let others pressure you into relinquishing that. You sound like a really attractive person for so many to be encouraging you to go to YSA. I mean this as a compliment. Don't stress too much over it. I attended singles wards for years when I was unmarried. I was seldom asked out by the men of the ward. Just because I attended wasn't a guarantee that I would "hook up" with anyone or have a romantic relationship. They may be encouraging you to go thinking that you will relate more to the people of your age there. Just my .02 cents worth. Again, you sound really happy in the ward you are going to now. I wouldn't easily let that go even though others may feel otherwise.

Hello, Christy; I know you've commented since this first post. I'm answering with my first reaction to your topic. Please know I'm not trying to be difficult or put down in any way your ideas. I do have a hard time with them. Here is why. First of all, I hate trying to "scientifically" prove the existence of God or approach any of His/LDS/Christian teachings in this manner. Why? I tend to agree with you that a lot of the stories in the Bible are not literal; but, more allegorical. Trying to explain an Infinite Being way beyond anyone/anything in intelligence and anything we could possibly understand in this life becomes a moot point. Whether or not I'm a literal daughter of God, or if people literally lived 900 years or if the star of Bethlehem moved/didn't move, etc., etc., really isn't central to my faith. What is important to my faith is that I have a Creator; I am His created. That He goes so far as to say He fathered me, i.e, I am created in the likeness of His image. That in all respects, He is superior to me. Which superiority deserves heeding His commandment that I worship Him. That He loves me/knows me/will direct me through my path in life if I invite Him to do so. That being obedient to Him is a wise thing to do...... The reason why I italicized and underlined the word "faith" up above is for this point. I believe that God intends for us to not be able to prove His existence through our limited/relatively ignorant scientific methods. I believe He intends this so we will not rely on our own understanding/arm to come unto Him. But, rather, to attempt to go within our very irrational/emotional hearts and learn to feel the Holy Ghost testify and witness to us the great eternal truths that are His to give in His way, time and pleasure. Those truths that are necessary to bring us back into His presence. Please don't get me wrong. True science will never contradict the reality of His existence. I just believe that He intentionally limits our scientific methods to keep us from proving Him absolutely in order for us to utilize our faith. Also, realizing our relationship to God is critical in this process. Meaning; we are in no way His equal in any comparison. Thus the need for humility. I've wrestled with this at times. Knowing that I don't know, nor is it mine to know Him; yet, He knows me. To counsel Him not; but, to take counsel from His hand. To alway acknowledge His omniscience, omnipresence, omni-whatever, perfectness; His infiniteness and my own very finite, limited, incapable and fallen state. The scriptures are replete with His characteristics and attributes and our relation to Him. In this and a spiritual way the scriptures are golden in our journey to appropriately approaching Him (coming unto Him) and following His commandments for us. So, to me, a "scientific" approach to God is pretty much a paradox and infinitely ineffective to truly coming to know Him...... But, I'm sorry if I rained on your parade. Please don't let my comment keep you from what you have wanted/intended in beginning this topic. Which may be a rousing and interesting debate as to what's what in the superfluous doctrines. Best of wishes in your journey to know God. Dove

Would you consider studying the scriptures regarding this as well as asking others here?

Hello, CTR; Thanks so much for the quote by Elder Holland~I felt much encouraged reading it through... I've read everyone's responses and I would like to bring up a point that doesn't seem to have been addressed yet. Here goes~ Some of the posts have spoken about having charity. Can we feel charity/love/forgiveness for those who don't look like they have repented of their obvious sins? And when we see a person "sinning," can we refrain from judging them/their intent even if the sin is against us? I'm talking about many things; i.e., adultery, gossip, lying (or bearing false witness against another) etc. In the four gospels the Savior counsels us to "turn the other cheek," "go the extra mile" and "resist not evil." Stronger counsel is given to even "love our enemies." The gist of the reference is that loving those who love us is no cause for reward. But, to love our enemies is the real test, that we may be like our Father-in-Heaven, who makes the sun rise upon the wicked as well as the righteous.... So, again, my question is, can we truly love and pray for our "enemies." Wishing them the best? I am struggling with someone in a position of authority over me right now. I am quite angry and hurt by this person. I've felt the Spirit tell me to respect him/her. I have been striving for this, especially in my thoughts, where most of my ill will spawns from. For me, it is becoming a beautiful process of letting go and letting God. To not take it personal. Actually, that quote by Elder Holland did make me feel much better, as I have felt quite judged and treated unfairly by this person. It helps me feel better to know that God knows the efforts I have been making to change and improve, even if this person sees only the bad about me. Dove