seashmore
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Posts posted by seashmore
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On 8/30/2019 at 12:40 PM, Eternum said:
Me being overly defensive. Sorry about that.
This comment has been used with me when people have followed up on something about codependency/politely trying to tell me to mind my own business. Plus, a lot, I mean a LOT of church teachings have been twisted slightly or manipulated by some members around me and I tend to get jumpy. 😕
What I meant about praying is exactly what you did. I don't expect others to have revelations about me or vice versa. So, again, I apologize. You did exactly what you needed to. And lol at the joke. That helped bring some much needed relief, thanks.
So... when you suggested going to Sacrament meetings... would you mind elaborating on that for someone who has had to deal with a ton of corruption in the church? I'm at the point where I can't even trust the Priesthood in the hands of any humans, and I feel like the Sacrament getting passed to me is already corrupted.
No worries about the initial misinterpretation.
There was a point in my life where I had a hard time going to church. I was in a YSA ward and had gone from serving in consecutive RS Predidencies to bulletin coordinator, even though I had told them I didn't have access to a computer/printer. (I learned how important it was to be set apart for a calling, because it wasn't until after that happened that I was inspired to hand write the announcements on half of the paper and the program on the other. I would copy and cut it so everyone got a half sheet with info on either side.) I was spiraling into a depression, and the bishop made a casual remark that we would not hold meetings for 2-3 weeks because there would not be enough in our ward over the holidays "to be worth it." I knew that he meant no harm, but it was hard. I had no family in the area, and have decision anxiety, so having to choose a ward to attend those weeks broke my spirit a little. What made it harder was the stake president was on the stand behind him when he said that. My depression read into that as being "not worth blessing the sacrament for," which my rational brain spent a lot of time reminding me that's not true, and I know it. (My most current bishop takes sacrament seriously to the point where he has ended a meeting cut short by bad weather to say that if anyone had arrived after it was passed that they were invited to stay after the closing prayer to receive it if they wanted.)
Anyway, I had such a hard time being in church that for about 3 weeks straight, I showed up just as the opening hymn was starting, sat in the back, and left as the people administering the sacrament took their seats with the congregation. I literally only came for the ordinance. What ended up causing me to change that was I had tithing to pay. So I stayed until the end of sacrament meeting, paid it, and went home again. It was still a week or two before I was emotionally able to stay for the other meetings.
As far as feeling that the sacrament is corrupted, God holds you responsible only for making sure that your heart and hands are clean and pure. If those are, the piece of bread or cracker and water you partake of are uncorrupted. If there is someone unworthy who is administering the sacrament, that is his and his quorum leader's responsibility to answer to God regarding the matter. Also, one does not have to be perfect to administer an ordinance. No one would ever get the sacrament if that were the case!
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23 hours ago, Eternum said:
I've been looking for inspired advice. People who have prayed. Who do pray. Did you pray? Have you prayed? And not in the skewed human way we like to pray, "I know what's going on here, so I'm dictating the directions" but actually to listen to Heavenly Father?
Sometimes I can see people care like in what @seashmore said. While I appreciate the care, I notice it's a response based on some conclusion drawn, this case codependency. This is not codependency. I also know simply writing that doesn't make it believable. Of course I could deny that, or it could be that of course I believe I'm not acting out of codependency. Hence why I'm seeking people who have prayed about it.To that end, I owe @clwnuke a clarification and apology on refuting the organizational bullying bit. I can see how he drew that conclusion as seashmore drew theirs. At the time, I didn't think trying to clarify my thinking was going to do any good. It may still not. It hasn't yet, in these years I've been dealing with it.
I know that people act out of fear. I don't see it as methodical bullying or an organized effort against me. I see it a fair few horrific sinners blatantly doing bad things and everyone else is afraid to see it for legitimate reasons. For example, the lying bishop: I don't take my bishop's counselors defending him personally. I saw that they wanted to do good in their callings, and realizing that they were defending a bishop who didn't have the best interest of others at heart was a bit much to take in. It's their very identity at stake, immortal consequences on the soul, how they see themselves, and so forth. I have been there.
What I see, though, is those moments where people shrink from being called to courage such as that. Heavenly Father called them to fight. He called them to see. He was using my situation to do so. They neither wanted to see, nor to fight. This is what has been happening in this church, over and over again. My situation (in which I was also called to the same choice to fight or not) along with others are just a catalyst for this, presented to people to have a chance to choose: fight for their spiritual lives, or submit. Submit to fear, submit to pride. So far, everyone I've encountered has chosen to submit. Christ's church is not a church of fear and pride, or a submission to being ruled by either.
To make matters worse, no one is exercising one of the most basic of our spiritual foundation: praying. Just praying. Two of the main pillars of being in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is 1) having agency and 2) personal revelation. Instead, you choose to regurgitate things at me, or choose to look at me in a myriad of ways that have so far been inaccurate. And I guarantee this inaccuracy would not have been an issue if you had just prayed first.
Pray, people. For the love of God, pray.
Genuinely curious as to what led you to draw the conclusion that I think you're acting out of codependency. I never even considered that, so I'm not sure what part of my response communicated that idea to you.
You are absolutely correct that one of the foundational tenets of the Gospel in these latter days is personal revelation. That being said, I cannot receive revelation for you, nor can you receive it for me. However, I did say a short prayer while composing my original response, and asked what I could say to help you. We can be inspired to share thoughts and testimonies with each other, but we have no right to revelation on what the other is called by God to do. You have to at least make me dinner first. (That last sentence is comic relief.)
I hope that you will study out in your mind what you should do to repair the damage you have witnessed done, and then ask of God if it be right. I know that He will answer that prayer and provide you with strength to do His will based on your faithfulness.
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I'm sorry that you have experienced the treatment you have. My heart can feel your anger just by reading your words, and if you're looking for advice @anatess2 gave some worth taking.
I know you would like to fix the Church and stop your abusers from abusing others, but I'm going to tell you that will take a long time. You have to put on your own oxygen mask before you can help someone else with theirs. You have to heal from the wounds of their abuse before you are fit to fight back and expect to win. I'm speaking emotionally and physically, not spiritually.
Ultimately, my recommendation is to get a good therapist and try out some yoga, pilates, or meditation. Obviously, these are in addition to what I assume you're already doing: sincere prayer and scripture study. It's unclear to me (I have terrible retention and can only see a paragraph at a time) if you are currently attending Sunday meetings. If you are, carry on. If not, consider going just for the sacrament so you can show God you are renewing your promise to live His gospel and expect Him to renew His promise for His Spirit always to be with you.
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On 8/27/2019 at 4:27 PM, Fether said:
Not particularly a calming movie to watch when discussing this topic. Additionally, it sets high expectations for God’s hand to be seen in a specific way in every scenario. I do not believe for one second that God will stop every gun man that enters any Latter-day Saint chapel.
I get uncomfortable when we talk about miracles like that as being proof that’s God loves us and watches us. It suggests that when he doesn’t prevent tragedy that he isn’t there and he doesn’t love the people that were hurt.
I read a really good book a few years ago called Amish Grace, and I believe there was a movie/PBS special based on the story of a young gunman who terrorized an Amish school and how the community responded. It may offer some perspective. There's a lot to learn from the Amish.
Also, this policy allows for current law enforcement to carry a concealed weapon. I remember seeing a new police officer flash his gun at some friends in the YSA ward (by lifting up his shirt just enough to show them, didn't even take it out of the holster) and seeing it made me uncomfortable, even though I knew he would not use it unless absolutely necessary. So, if you want guns in church, convert more cops, I guess.
The Lord blesses us for our obedience.
- NeuroTypical and Sunday21
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7 hours ago, Fether said:
Find JW kingdom hall!
That could be fun. I passed by one with the sign written in Spanish today.
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4 hours ago, Jane_Doe said:
Which ward meets at the most convenient time?
Ok, that was only half of joke.
Honestly, I don't think it remotely matters. You're moving for a few weeks, so just go with whatever. The big picture is to just go.
lol...that's my problem! I'm indecisive when it comes to matters of little consequence.
Between all the recent boundary changes and my years of service in the temple and YSA wards, I'm sure I'll see a few friendly faces in my new ward. I also don't know exactly when I'll be moving my records over. (Waiting on a replacement to be called.) I haven't looked to see what time they start. I'm leaning towards just showing up at the nearest chapel (3 miles away) at 9.
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I have three options, all equally good.
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Not quite in the same boat, but we're going down the same river. I'm technically homeless this month. I had to be out of my old place by the Aug 7th and can't move in to the next one until Sept 1st. The Primary Presidency has been working with the bishop since April to get me a co-teacher since March. (A new stake in our area led to some boundary changes, which led to some calling shuffling, and if there's a crack at church, I fall through it.)
I've been teaching these same kids for a year, and moved with them from Sunbeams to CTR4. Normally my ward doesn't do that, but they had no regular teacher before me. I guess the person called wasn't there every week, and these kids had no consistency in teachers. I can't knowingly put them through that again, and I also know how hard it is on the Presidency to find subs every week, so I told leadership I'd stay until they have someone else called. I also know it takes time, and my transitional home is just as far to the old ward as the new ward. I've been taking the "spitefully faithful" approach and leaving that up to the Presidency, hoping that keeps them nudging the bishopric along.
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I live in a metro area that encompasses 5 stakes (one less than six months old). Because there is a lot of overlap in the community (my mail delivery person at work is in a different stake than where I live, and also a lot of boundary shifting in the last decade) news of a visiting apostle spreads quickly. I've known people who have gone to another state's conference to hear a GA. They don't check your recommend at the door, but a lot of people will know you are there against the counsel of your local leaders.
Because my local stakes also cover some wide geography, we have started to broadcast stake meetings. My dad doesn't have to drive 45-60 minutes to the stake center on Sunday because there will be a closed circuit broadcast to his regular chapel (some would have to drive upwards of two hours one way). Leadership utilized this technology when Elder Nelson visited a neighboring stake a few months before being ordained as the President of the church so the youth in all 4 stakes (at the time) could benefit from his fireside.
My point is this: if leadership thought it was important for you and your family to hear his message, that would be happening.
I've been privileged to be in the presence of two apostles: Elder Eyring and Elder Oaks, and I can tell you that it did nothing more to affirm my testimony of their apostolic calling than the messages they share to a broader audience do. In fact, the stake conference Eyring presided over put a bad taste in my mouth towards him for almost a decade. I was 16, had driven an hour by myself to a city I hate driving in and heard him say from the pulpit that he understood our struggle because when he was little, worship services were held in his home because membership was so small in number. He joked, "I didn't go to Primary, Primary came to me." And I immediately tuned out because he obviously did not spend more time traveling between seminary and school than he spent at seminary. I hsve since repented of my ways and he has become one of my favorite apostles and the reason I don't apologize when I get weepy at the pulpit.
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Flooding in the ethanol region is still an issue. It will not. stop. raining. At least, not long enough for the sun and the oversaturated ground to remove the water. I-29 in Iowa (from Sioux City, through Omaha, to Kansas City) is constantly closing and reopening due to flooding. The first major overflow of this season was in March, and there are still cornfields covered by river. Elder Renlund was here recently and the Church News story about his visit shows the devastation to homes. There are railroad tracks that, while not currently covered, are one storm away from it.
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Thanks for all the kind thoughts and prayers.
Update: his leukemia is the most common kind, therefore the most treatable. They are keeping him in ICU to help him deal with the reactions to the chemo he started yesterday, and will be in the hospital a minimum of two weeks.
I also found my patriarchal blessing. It was in the same document holder as the folder, but in a different slot.
- Midwest LDS and NeuroTypical
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One of the kids in my CTR4 class (that I've been teaching for about a year, since they were Sunbeams) has just been diagnosed with leukemia. I have also just been assigned as his mom's ministering sister. I've been friends with her since the time they met in the YSA ward. They have a little guy who just turned one, and the four year old is as sweet as can be; he was so excited to tell me about his skinned knee on Sunday.
And I've just gotta say....I am really struggling with this. I almost feel guilty asking for prayers for myself; he's not even my kid (outside that hour on Sundays). I'm questioning how I can be of emotional support to my friend, my student, and their family when I can hardly keep it together and find faith myself. I've been having that cliche monologue: "why is this happening to him? to them? It's not fair." I've never had that reaction to any other trial. Not when my parents divorced, not when any of my relatives died, not when I got fired, not even when my sister miscarried.
Bonus struggle: I can't find my copy of my patriarchal blessing. It's been a great strength to me for as long as I've had it, and it's not in the folder where I've kept it for almost ten years.
- Midwest LDS and NeuroTypical
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The only advice I feel I can offer is to treat her the same way you would treat someone else in the ward who treated you this way. It can be difficult, but set aside the sister aspect of the relationship, and try to vent about her treatment to those who can't be sucked in to picking sides. (Welcome to the forum.)
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On May 12, 2019 at 11:55 PM, BeccaKirstyn said:
this is amazing.
Also do you know the title of Elder Oaks' talk you're referring to? Would love to read it.
He gave a couple of different versions over CES firesides/broadcasts from about 2005-2014. I think the title was something like "dating vs. hanging out." I tried to find a link, but my iPad is acting up and not opening anything on the Church's website.
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I don't know what would constitute my first "official" date, but I've been on plenty of first dates with different guys. I'll share some highlights (all different dates).
The good: he had friend-zoned me and wanted to buy me a concert ticket. I told him I would pay for it, but he insisted, so I compromised and said he could buy it if we could consider it a date. (Elder Oaks had recently given his "paired off, planned out, and paid for" talk to the YSA.) He agreed. Halfway through the concert, we both had our hands on our own knees, and I slyly reached over and rubbed my pinky along his knee. He didn't respond, but I tried it again a few songs later, and he took the bait and we held hands for a little while. I imagine we were adorable as we held hands and raced through the crowd to get to the car after the concert was over.
The bad: He admitted he cried during an episode of Star Trek. That's second date material, unless you've both established you're Trekkie's.
The ugly: he told me his residence was essentially him squatting in an old machine shed and that he slept on a mattress that was resting on his boxes of ammo. Also, he modified his truck to add those dual-top exhausts that emit black smoke when you change gears.
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On 4/4/2019 at 11:07 PM, without_you said:
I can't wait to watch it!
Do they make they movies in Hollywood?
This is actually available on DVD. I love it! I got my copy with a set I ordered from I think the Living Scriptures.
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22 hours ago, unixknight said:
I've decided on how to address the "dilemma" of the hill between me and the trail.
Until I'm fit enough to bike up and down that hill, I'll just have to suck it up and either walk the bike or put my bike rack on my car and drive over. There's a parking area by the trailhead.
Something I felt silly for not knowing/realizing until someone told me, but if you have a multi speed bike, the lower numbers make it easier to pedal, which makes hills seem less intimidating. There are some pretty steep hills on my favorite trails (they're actually switch backs in some places) that I rode while training for a 60 charity mile ride. I memorized hymns as my "soundtrack", and loved the wordplay of the chorus of Praise to the Man as I ascended and conquered those hills.
I can hardly wait for the weather to nicen up so I can go riding, although she needs a good tune up before that happens.
- SpiritDragon and unixknight
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On February 1, 2019 at 10:40 AM, unixknight said:
So I forgot to tell you guys... on Monday I went to the food court to get a supplement to lunch in the form of an Arby's salad.
Don't. Just don't. I bought this thing and here's what you get: Some iceberg lettuce, a few bits of tomato, a sprinkling of shredded cheese, about a half of a strip of bacon (shredded) and two slices of deli turkey (shredded) and a big back of dressing.
For $6.
A salad I could have made at home for about 80 cents' worth of ingredients cost $6. Now, yes, I'm perfectly well aware that eating out is always more expensive than making it yourself. The complaint here is that it wasn't a good salad at all, it wasn't like there was any variety of quality ingredients, and it didn't even have that mystique of being food from eating out that makes us not really mind the extra cost. It's like buying a cup of chili at a restaurant and realizing it's just supermarket canned Hormel.
Unpopular opinion: Arby's salads are a winter life hack for me. Here, they're closer to $5 and generally constitute a full meal for me. I look at the cost as a convenience fee. I don't have to prep any of the lettuce, tomatoes, or meat, nor do I have to clean up after any of it. The energy it would take me to do all of that is well worth the financial cost when I'm feeling a little lethargic.
I've not been attending volleyball, as it has been polar vortexing so once I'm home, I stay there. I also haven't done any yoga since I got sick three weeks ago. Curling league returned this week after two off, and my stamina and stability are improving. The social and strategic aspects are also helping with my mental health. I've been eating less sugar and have been on a soup kick this month. I'm trying to stick with low sodium and veggie heavy options. Not as close to my goals as I'd like to be, but closer than I was a month ago.
- unixknight, NeuroTypical and SpiritDragon
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5 hours ago, anatess2 said:
Hi @SpiritDragon, I'm gonna bow out of this for now. I need to do some major evaluation to see where I need to go with this. I'm sick again today so I need to solve these problems first.
I'm enjoying reading your mini-articles on nutrients and such. Thank you for taking the time to do this with us. I am reading them and filing them away to consider in my plan when I eventually get there.
Get some rest. If you haven't got your health, you haven't got anything.
Even gathering info to use later puts you closer to your goal, whatever that ends up being.
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Good news: I weighed 2 lbs less this morning than I did the last time I weighed myself, and I was wearing shoes this time.
Bad news: my arm is almost completely out of commission for the next 3-5 days according to my PA. It hurts all over (forearm and bicep/tricep) when I try to extend it in any direction, so even yoga is out. She thinks I did something to irritate a nerve that's along the side, kind of near the armpit. It most likely happened while napping, since I know I would have said something to the Dr. at work on Saturday if it had hurt even half this badly at that point. Came home, took a nap, woke up in pain. Who knew napping was an extreme sport? Nap safely, my friends. -
Good news: I got in an extra workout before curling by pebbling 4/5 sheets, which was basically walking along the entire practice hockey arena with a tub of hot water strapped to my back while waving a metal spraying rod back and forth the whole time. Bad news: it was my first time, so I was sloppy and got my shirt so soaked that it was still wet two hours later. Also, my entire right arm is sore.
Good news: I got a bit of exercise when I shoveled the driveway before work this morning. Bad news: I don't think it helped the arm any (although sleeping on it during an after work nap probably did more damage) and it kept snowing, effectively making my work ineffective.
Good news: I have consumed way fewer calories than normal this weekend. Bad news: it's mostly because there is a nuclear attack on my sinuses that hit me Fiday morning. My eye has leaked at least five times and I've gone through a quarter box of Puffs already today.
- NeuroTypical, zil and SpiritDragon
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I totally forgot to weigh myself this morning. My goal has been to weigh myself every third Thursday, since that's a scheduled day off from work where I can wake naturally. It also allows me to track progress without obsessing over the exact number or being overly concerned with a weight that naturally fluctuates. While in the throes of my seasonal depression, my reward for getting out of bed before 9 is McDonald's breakfast. I'm sure it sounds counterproductive, but I loooove McD's breakfast and there is legitimate concern that if I don't have a reason to physically get out of bed/the house, I don't. Which is worse for my physical and mental health in the long run.
I kept the food journal for three days, and on the eve of the second day, I found myself making a choice that intentionally defied it. Namely, getting a burger instead of a salad for dinner. I'm the kind of person who goes in to the first weigh in of a weight loss challenge wearing heavy boots and carrying all my keys and three days worth of loose change. I can be a bit of a stubborn lass and have to outsmart myself sometimes when it comes to which battles I fight. The more aggressive a change is pushed at me, the harder I push back, even if it's me doing it for my own good.
Didn't go to volleyball last week, but loved curling and was super excited to play an extra end! My make-shift team (they still don't three teammates for me) made me third, which I appreciated as I was still getting my ice legs back and would have felt much worse Saturday morning if I had swept six rocks per end instead of four. Side note: definitely stretching this week!
The yoga has been going pretty well. I've done it three times this week already, and hope to be able to bring myself to get out of bed earlier in the day. All of my roommates are night owls, and I like being a comparative morning person. (They get up at noon; I like to be up by 9; 6 is for the birds.) Again, depression and dark mornings make it difficult right now. The only place there is enough space for it is in the living room, and that is almost always occupied in the evenings. Once our basement gets a little more finished, I'll be able to use that. This is the program/YouTube channel I've found I like best. I may end up doing this particular video for more than two weeks, but I've found I prefer male yogi's and 10-15 minute videos work best for my current circumstances. Maybe once I become more flexible/comfortable in my own body, I can move up to 20-30 minute videos.
- NeuroTypical and SpiritDragon
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13 hours ago, anatess2 said:
So... this is what I say to my sons and nephews (only my son has a girlfriend. my 27 year old nephew is still living at his parents with no girlfriend, my 20 year old nephew is going to school in South Korea also without a girlfriend, the other nephews and my other son are 15 years old and under)... "Finish high school, get a job, and don't have sex before marriage and you'll be successful and not make victims out of your future children." I would say this anytime I feel like it. Like, when I go visit their houses and I'm walking out the door and they give me their customary goodbye hug. So, if I see/hear of a girl staying overnight in their room, they're gonna get that same reminder. Because, if I don't, then I'd be reneging on my duty as their aunt.
Similarly, I have a friend who says, "Be smart. And if you can't be smart, be safe."
What’s the last movie you watched?
in General Discussion
Posted
I finally watched "Once I Was a Beehive" last night. I freaking loved it!! I laughed, I laughed until I cried, then I cried, and then I laughed again.
Great writing and excellent acting. Definitely recommend it!