Openmind

Spiritual is definitely more concerning as it can prevent exaltation. I will be taking further action on this and have already begun doing so. I have already reached out to priesthood leadership and will continue to do so to get this resolved. Thank you.

Spiritual is definitely more concerning as it can prevent exaltation. I will be taking further action on this and have already begun doing so. I have already reached out to priesthood leadership and will continue to do so to get this resolved. Thank you.

Thank you all...I know it's hard to help people when you have only one side, I have tried to give you his side as much as possible from his own words and actions. I know it's hard to deal with and I feel ashamed that I have to deal with it directly. Please accept my Gratitude for ALL your help in sorting this out. My original purpose in posting was so that anyone else dealing with similar questions could find an acceptable path in dealing with this sort of issue. Now I know that my posting helped me too. Thank you so much!

Spiritual is definitely more concerning as it can prevent exaltation. I will be taking further action on this and have already begun doing so. I have already reached out to priesthood leadership and will continue to do so to get this resolved. Thank you.

In answer to your questions:
A) He thought that since it was "revelation" I would accept it whole heartedly
B) He thinks that I should keep "tabs" on her(such as look her up periodically on facebook or become friends with her,  since she is only in our area for a short time)
C) I love him.
What I need to know is what do I do? Do I speak to the bishop about this? I am afraid he has been having an emotional affair with her(even if it is only in his mind). He admits to never talking to her about anything outside of callings/ministering/missionary work with her and because of my talking to her and knowing some about her I believe this part(and the fact that she doesn't even remember his name). If he has been having an emotional affair in his heart with her, however one sided, do I need to bring in priesthood authority to help him repent(even though right now he refuses to see a need to repent, as he is fully convinced it is the truth)?

Thank you all...I know it's hard to help people when you have only one side, I have tried to give you his side as much as possible from his own words and actions. I know it's hard to deal with and I feel ashamed that I have to deal with it directly. Please accept my Gratitude for ALL your help in sorting this out. My original purpose in posting was so that anyone else dealing with similar questions could find an acceptable path in dealing with this sort of issue. Now I know that my posting helped me too. Thank you so much!

To me it's not whether or not the "revelation" is true, it's his reaction to it: secrecy, hiding(he even started taking his phone in the bathroom which he always expressed disgust about before), making secret notes about it all(I am for privacy and have never before wanted to see his personal journaling as I feel everyone needs a personal space to sort things out, but this part of it he did encrypt, not the rest), expressing verbally and in his face love for her however "pure" it claims to be.

I know it was in all seriousness. Believe me I know. But the idea of my bishop being swine did relieve stress and tension. Thank you for that.

Thank you all...I know it's hard to help people when you have only one side, I have tried to give you his side as much as possible from his own words and actions. I know it's hard to deal with and I feel ashamed that I have to deal with it directly. Please accept my Gratitude for ALL your help in sorting this out. My original purpose in posting was so that anyone else dealing with similar questions could find an acceptable path in dealing with this sort of issue. Now I know that my posting helped me too. Thank you so much!

Thank you all...I know it's hard to help people when you have only one side, I have tried to give you his side as much as possible from his own words and actions. I know it's hard to deal with and I feel ashamed that I have to deal with it directly. Please accept my Gratitude for ALL your help in sorting this out. My original purpose in posting was so that anyone else dealing with similar questions could find an acceptable path in dealing with this sort of issue. Now I know that my posting helped me too. Thank you so much!

To me it's not whether or not the "revelation" is true, it's his reaction to it: secrecy, hiding(he even started taking his phone in the bathroom which he always expressed disgust about before), making secret notes about it all(I am for privacy and have never before wanted to see his personal journaling as I feel everyone needs a personal space to sort things out, but this part of it he did encrypt, not the rest), expressing verbally and in his face love for her however "pure" it claims to be.

Okay.  So tell her you're going to drop the baby off at her mother's after work on Tuesday so you and her can go spend time together.  Then tell her you're going to take care of the baby on Wednesday so she can go see her friends and have time on her own.  Then tell her you're going to see your friends and have time on your own on Thursday.  Then come back and tell us what she says.

Correct, it’s not the same as illicit sex, but I think the verses are saying that it’s the same heart and spirit that would so. And the spiritual downfall is the same. As such, for anyone to suggest that someone does not need to talk to their bishop over an emotional affair, is misguided.

No.  If that really was better the church would be counseling people in your situation to do that.  God wants you to repent and become clean and free of this sin, anyone or anything or any thought of doing otherwise is not from God.
And you can not repents and become clean of this without making a full confession to your husband.  Yes, he will be deeply hurt.  Yes, he may or may not divorce you (seeing as you have not slept with this other person I think divorce would be an over-reaction), but just because he can does not mean that he should.  Especially with children involved.  If both of you are humble to seek repentance and give true forgiveness your marriage can come out of this stronger than it ever was before.  Not because of the sin, but because of how repenting and forgiving will change the both of you into better people.
The steps of repenting to God of your sin are the same as the steps you must take to reconcile with your husband.  Please see the series of posts I made about that:
https://latterday-marriage.blogspot.com/2017/09/healing-wounds-part-1-where-to-start.html

Your situation, and the advice you need, is accurately given by Elder Matthew Carter during the Sunday afternoon session of the October 2018 General Conference in a talk entitled Wilt thou be made whole.
https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2018/10/wilt-thou-be-made-whole?lang=eng
As I have counseled with others seeking to repent, I have marveled that people who were living in sin had difficulty making correct decisions. The Holy Ghost would leave them, and they often struggled to make choices that would bring them closer to God. They would wrestle for months or even years, embarrassed or frightened of the consequences of their sins. Often they felt that they could never change or be forgiven. I have often heard them share their fear that if their loved ones knew what they had done, they would stop loving them or leave them. When they followed this line of thinking, they resolved to just keep quiet and delay their repentance. They incorrectly felt that it was better not to repent now so that they would not further hurt those they loved. In their minds it was better to suffer after this life than go through the repentance process now. Brothers and sisters, it is never a good idea to procrastinate your repentance. The adversary often uses fear to prevent us from acting immediately upon our faith in Jesus Christ.
When loved ones are confronted with the truth about sinful behavior, while they may feel deeply wounded, they often want to help the sincerely repentant sinner to change and to reconcile with God. Indeed, spiritual healing accelerates when the sinner confesses and is surrounded by those who love them and help them to forsake their sins. Please remember that Jesus Christ is mighty in how He also heals the innocent victims of sin who turn to Him.13
With your husband being a leader in the church I expect that he would have a sound understanding of the doctrines of repentance and forgiveness and act accordingly. Also, from my own experience, I know that our perspective on repentance looks very different before we repent than after we repent. Before we repent, we often see it as a scary, embarrasing, fearful, painful process. After we have repented, we often see repentance as a great miracle for which we are truly grateful. Satan doesn't want us to repent so he really focusses on the fear and embarassment.  
 

If someone must go to the bishop to confess viewing pornography, sure one must go see the bishop for sexting, even once.
I remember once speaking with a couple. The husband had cheated on his wife and had been addicted to pornography for years without her knowing. He eventually told her, confessed everything. By the time I had spoke with them, he had been clean from porn for 2 years and was no longer cheating on his wife. 
They told their story and she told how difficult it was and all the things they had to do and work on in order to keep the marriage going and overcome this trial I’m their life. One thing they said (and is VERY common among sex addicts) is that in order to overcome the trial, they needed to become experts in communicating.
I asked the wife “Do you love him more now than you did prior to knowing everything?”. She immediately started crying and said “absolutely”.
You made a mistake and you continued to double down on that mistake. You need to bring it to the light. Saying that you don’t need to confess this to your bishop or to your husband is a strictly unsaintly thing to do.
You have a responsibility to your children that overrides all other considerations. You need to keep your family intact, if possible. In order to do that, you must confess. If you don’t, you will spiritually die and will likely not find ourselves with them for all eternity,
Of course, if you don’t believe in the teachings of the church and you think it is all hogwash, go ahead and keep hiding it. But if you have faith in Christ, faith in the restoration, and faith in the plan of salvation... you need to confess or you may very well lose everything.

I think it's more than that. 
I think it can be a tricky situation from what the Original Post described.  It sounds as if she is going through emotional abuse from her husband and that it MAY be somewhat severe.  She stated that she felt she was inadequate in everything.  That says something wrong may be going on in the home.  With a husband like that, it is possible that he is actually NOT the great leader that many think he might be.  I've known TOO MANY so called leaders in the church that I do not know WHY they were selected as they were some of the worst humans around and at times criminal.  AT times it seems the Church does NOT base selection of leaders on righteousness, but upon nepotism, money, and connections.
Nevertheless, we try to hope that the Lord is behind such selections and I do feel this is so, but at times it is hard to understand how.
I'd suggest professional counseling. 
It is very possible if she tells her husband that he will want a divorce.  It will be unrighteous of him to do so (as you are correct, it has not been blatant adultery...yet) as it would be biblically unjustified...but from her descriptions it sounds as if his pride and desire to abuse may get the better of him.  That makes confession difficult.  When the other party that was wronged is ALSO participating heavily in evil activity and are not righteous or humble, it can make it very hard to confess a sin to them.
That does not excuse the sin she has done.  It went a little more than what I would qualify as a simple emotional affair.  There were pictures traded from the sounds of it.  This means that pictures could also eventually make their way out to the internet.  I understand this is a popular thing for people to do these days.  Eventually someone they know may find these pictures.  The adversary seems to take delight in tormenting individuals, and in the strangest ways many times finds ways to reveal sins that people want to keep hidden.
The thing for the Poster to ponder is who they would rather the husband find out from...them...or others? 
Normally, my thoughts would be with the general consensus of the thread, and I feel overall that this is the course the Original Poster should take.  They should probably confess this to their Spouse.  This will at least absolve them of their need to confession, though they may also need to have 911 on speed dial just in case.  At times when a spouse is an emotional abuser, it can turn violent in these situations (if I am guessing the situation in any remote way close to what it is from some of the language they used in the original post).  The sins of their spouse do not justify their own sin, and in this situation I think confession to their spouse is probably for the best. 
Even from a non-spiritual viewpoint, as I said, who would they rather their spouse find out...themselves...or others?  This is something that many times one cannot keep a lid on no matter how much they wish for it to remain 'secret' as the secret is already shared with someone else.  They are relying on their own plus another's ability to keep that 'secret' and in most instances where one is already willing to cheat....even emotionally...they will let those secrets out.
Spiritually, I feel confession would also be important on this as they have broken a tryst with their partner.  They have lied and distrust has arisen.  In this situation I can see it being even harder and tougher to confess than it normally would be.  If the husband has as much love for their kids as the wife seems to think she does, than hopefully he will humble himself as well and try to forgive.  If he cannot, then considering what appears to be emotional abuse, in some ways it may be for the better if something is done to jar them to a situation where that hopefully would end.  If she is subject to emotional abuse, it is also very possible the children may also be subject to emotional abuse.
Once again, I would highly and strongly suggest counseling from a professional.  It may be that a counseling session would be more appropriate for confessions as well in this particular situation if there IS emotional abuse.  (Discuss it with the counselor so that they provide the opportunity to get everything in the open).  This could provide a venue under professional control where such confession could come out with a better result or outcome. 
I am NOT a professional counselor, but I see how this situation could be very difficult.  I see that the OP does not appear to have come back since their initial posting, so I am unsure if ANY of our posts will be read by them, but I think from their descriptions the best course of action is to go to marriage counseling for both of them as soon as possible.  I also agree that they Poster needs to tell their husband about what has occurred, but caution could be something to consider after feeling that there are several clues of pretty strong emotional abuse occurring in the marriage.

Some things to keep in mind as you sort through all the differing advice you're getting here:
- Emotional affairs are no small sins.  You have betrayed your husband and your marriage vows.  The spiritual impact of your actions won't go away on their own.
- Counseling can help sort through why you did it, help you grow past it, help you heal.  But it can't make things right with God. 
- mrmarklin is unable to predict what your bishop will tell you to do.  He might be speaking from some collection of anecdotes, but he cannot truthfully tell you the bishop will likely urge you to destroy your marriage.  It is possible that dealing with the spiritual aspects of this will involve only you, the bishop, and the Lord.  Bishops are not in the habit of destroying families.
- Confession is a critical element of the repentance process.  Without it, you can't complete repentance.
https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/gospel-principles/chapter-19-repentance