Still_Small_Voice

In my youth, in my journal I wrote that I had discovered that the worst part of sin isn't the sin or even the consequences - the worst part comes when I realize how wrong and damaging is the sin and go through the process of repenting.  To accommodate this understanding I have altered a quote from Alma, "Wickedness never was happiness but it was fun while it lasted."
I must also admit that I am quite perplexed when someone talks about how wonderful repentance is.  When repentance is done with - then the universe is wonderful and all is aligned but for me repentance has always been more painful than committing the sin.  So much so that I wonder if some just pretend and do not really repent just to avoid the hassle, pain, suffering and trauma of it.  The easy part for me has always been the sin - the hard part has always been repentance.  
When someone says that repentance is easy and no big thing - I wonder, "Are you still tempted to commit the sin? Maybe you are not quite committed enough to repent of it and determine not to ever do anything even like that again."  And it is not just putting myself through the process; it is also realizing what I put Christ through.  And so, for me, I find the big dramatic sin more likely to focus on and go through the whole process.  But the little insignificant sins - as stupid as it sounds - are much harder to come to grips with and convince myself that even such a little sin is worth the hassle of repententing and being done with it.
 
The Traveler

You cannot be serious.
You have a woman who came into Congress as the first openly bisexual woman who is in a throuple.  This throuple involves a thirty year old woman, a thirty year old man and a 22 year old young lady.  The young lady is a paid employee on the campaign staff of the 30 year old woman.  The older woman is elected to Congress.  She is on the following committees:
House Armed Service Committee,   Subcommittee on Tactical Air & Land Forces, Subcommittee on Seapower and Projection Forces
House Committee on Oversight and Reform (Vice Chair) ,Subcommittee on Environment, Subcommittee on Economic and Consumer Policy
House Science, Space, and Technology Committee,  Subcommittee on Space and Aeronautics
Due to her position of influence she has access to classified information.  She is held up as a banner of LGBTQ+ individuals and yet she is openly having sexual relations (or put into compromising situations) with a) an EMPLOYEE!!! b) a young women.
If it were she were a straight male, this would be a massive news story, plastered all over the news about #metoo. 
But b/c she is LGBTQ+, you get comments like the above (basically amounts to a yeah, so what).
Do we have ANY morals anymore in this country?

I am also very sad Cat123 about the general wickedness of the general population in America.  God's judgments will come on this nation and especially the wicked unless they repent and turn with their whole hearts to God.  We are seeing a corrupting rot especially in the Federal government and some state governments that is spreading because of our sins. 
I pray almost everyday that the Bill of Rights and the United States Constitution will be preserved as long as there is a band of Christians that possesses this land.

I just read through Genesis Chapter 47.  This is what Joseph did to the people of Egypt:
For seven years he collected up a fifth of all the Egyptians' grain. 
He put it into storage for the disaster he knew was coming. 
When the bad years came, he sold it instead of giving it to the Egyptians.
When the Egyptians had no more money, he took their livestock. 
And when all the livestock was gone the Egyptians traded their land for grain and seed.
Joseph then told them for in the future they would give 20% of their harvests to Pharoah.
They were not sold into slavery.  I did not find the information you posted about selling themselves into slavery in Genesis chapter 47.

I just read through Genesis Chapter 47.  This is what Joseph did to the people of Egypt:
For seven years he collected up a fifth of all the Egyptians' grain. 
He put it into storage for the disaster he knew was coming. 
When the bad years came, he sold it instead of giving it to the Egyptians.
When the Egyptians had no more money, he took their livestock. 
And when all the livestock was gone the Egyptians traded their land for grain and seed.
Joseph then told them for in the future they would give 20% of their harvests to Pharoah.
They were not sold into slavery.  I did not find the information you posted about selling themselves into slavery in Genesis chapter 47.

It doesn't surprise me in the least bit that she gets to the top of the female hierarchy pretty quickly. In general, women's hierarchy is dominated by who can get the guys and who can be the most emotionally manipulative.  As much an outrageous movie "Mean Girls" is-there is a whole heck of a lot of truth in it when it comes to female hierarchy.
If you are in her country, well that is no bueno-especially if you don't know the culture very well.  It's possible (but IMO highly unlikely) that her behavior is more typical for that culture. I think it highly unlikely, however some culture are much more affectionate than US culture-i.e. they give hugs and kisses (on each side of the cheek).  Some cultures it is seen as no big deal for a married man to give a female friend a hug and a kiss on her cheek.  That is a serious no-no in US culture.  That's where you have to find someone you can trust in that culture-a good Bishop maybe-and simply straight up ask, my wife is doing xyz is this behavior is typical for your culture?  More likely than not, it's not appropriate.  And from what you stated I'm 99.9% sure it's not . . .but it's always good to run that to ground.
From what I've gathered the Plan B or abortion pill is not a pleasant experience and so if your gut is telling you something was off about more likely than not it was. The thing you have to do with your gut is to analyze it and tear down why exactly it is that you have those gut feelings and when you do (which it sounds like you've done a good bit of that) you can build up evidence to support or disprove your gut . . . .most likely your gut is right.
Why are you ashamed for her behavior? If she is sleeping and whoring around-that reflects on her not on you.
There is an absolutely fabulous scene in "Gone with the Wind"-long movie but excellent. Well Ms. Scarlett has married Rhett Butler but secretly still wants to be with another man, Ashley-who is married. She is at Ashley's place of work and they either kiss or hug tightly and other relatives see them.   Word gets back to Rhett and Ashley's wife (who is Scarlett's best friend).  That evening was a birthday party for Ashley.'s wife.  So what to do, what to do. Rhett is being cuckholded.  Scarlett doesn't want to go to the party.  Well Rhett tells her, yes you are going and you are going to wear this dress (which happens to be a very sensuous red dress), and you are going ALONE!  Basically, Rhett refuses to take responsibility for Scarlet's bad behavior and forces her to face the music-it's a great scene.
Nope, I'm a dude married ~15 years myself.  Just been through enough and a lot that I had to face my own music in my own marriage (thankfully nothing with infidelity) many moons ago.  I sort of self red-pilled.  I've never gone to those websites/forums, but I'm familiar enough with their arguments and there is a whole litany of reasons as to why this is a fairly typical problem now. I've gone from an absolutely horrific, horrible get me out of here marriage to a pretty peaceful one.  It's taken work on both our parts.  So I know it's possible. Seeing what marriage can be and it can be quite wonderful-I really do feel sorry for all the MGTOW, incels, etc. that have such distaste and dislike for women. I more have distaste/dislike for the cultural system which has given rise to our current situation.
Some general bits of advice that I've learned.
1) Don't shoulder other individuals responsibilities. Everyone needs help from time to time, but you have to know when to let others lie in the bed they made so to speak. Don't make excuses for other's bad behavior. Each person is responsible for their own feelings, their own actions, their own behaviors.
2) You both have to be extremely stubborn, as in we are both stubborn enough in the concept of this marriage working that we WILL make it work one way or another!
3) You have to actually be married to each other, being a husband and being a wife is a role that you play and those roles (husband/wife) should be the 1st roles you play, above mother/father, above provider/breadwinner/homemaker. And being married is much, much more than a stupid piece of paper signed by some stupid "official".
4) The best place for advice on how to be married is found in the Scriptures.  Genesis, Moses, Abraham, Ephesians, 1 Corinthians, 1 Timothy and Proverbs.  You will NEVER find better marriage advice than what is found in the Word of God. When you study the scriptures, specifically the parts that describe relationships between men and women God WILL enlighten your mind and give you understanding about how to approach things.
Some ancillary things that have helped me better understand people, relationships, etc.  I really do like listening to Stefan Molyneux's podcasts when he talks to people about their problems.  Those shows are generally about 2 hours, but you will learn quite a bit in those two hours of listening, and you come away from it thinking "well at least I don't have that guy's problems!!!!!!"
I've been through a lot in my life and come out on the other side-so if you need more specific help feel free to PM me.

Some comments based on your feedback.  I was pretty accurate about her looks and probably the reason why she married you-i.e. she saw you as the safe, stable provider who to provide protection and resources for her while she had kids.  You are 55 and she is 40, been married 15 years so when you go married she was 25 and you 40.  Now here's another thing think about.
Why is it that she didn't marry some other guy who was in his 30s?  She must have been quite the looker at 25, meaning she could have grabbed guys who were stable in their upper 20s to lower 30s?  Most men are able to be good providers by the time they are late 20s early 30s . . .so why did she go 15 years her senior?  At 25, she's not completely inexperienced in the world-probably graduated college, been in the workforce, possibly mission. So why go 15+ years . . .especially if she is a looker. 
I believe you gave a hint as to why in the above.  My guess is because the men just a little older were either already gone (as in already married) OR rejected her.  Why would a 30-35 year old man reject a 25 year old really good looking woman?  You said it in the paragraph above-but not in the words I'm going to use. 
Emotional maturity.
She uses threats, she is able to control the conversation, control the tone, the emotional setting, the emotional blackmailing of divorce, etc. For someone who is 40, she is extremely emotionally immature. My guess is she probably met a few guys closer to her age, but they recognized her emotional immaturity and said, nah pass.  That's why she is going with younger men-she is extremely emotional immature and used her good looks and her threats of leaving you hanging over your head for the past 15 years.  It's probably why you were never able to stand up to her (nor help her develop emotional maturity).  You felt so blessed to have married her, to be so lucky to marry this great looking gal that you overlooked and ignored her emotional immaturity for so long.
So now the question is what do you do about it. She is an emotionally immature adult at 40 and that's a hard thing to deal with. How do you deal with an emotionally immature adult? She is not a child, however there are lessons that can be learned from dealing with children.  Children are by nature emotionally immature. They throw tantrums over the smallest things, one minute they are happy, the next minute sad.  Tell a child no that hasn't learned to hear no and they melt-down. 
The best way to deal with a child is to not get sucked into their drama. The best way to deal with an emotionally immature adult is the same thing-don't get sucked into their drama. Don't get emotionally involved in the discussion.  Stop worrying about divorce and stop letting that emotional blackmail determine what you are going to do. Be prepared that she might just as well divorce you (so prepare financially), however you can't step up and be the leader she needs if you are worried about it or letting it affect your decisions.
Like I said, you've got to develop boundaries.  If she starts emotional manipulation and talking about divorce-just tell her calmly but firmly "I won't entertain discussions about divorce, this conversation is over"  Mean it and walk away.  If you need to just leave the house until she calms down do so. She is testing you when she brings up divorce and uses it as a weapon . . .as in "is divorce an actual possibility or not?" You have to be the leader and shut it down. You have to be a leader and be absolutely clear about when exactly you would divorce her.  Would you divorce her if she was promiscuous?  If possible, then be blunt and say when she brings up divorce "The only time I would ever entertain divorce is if you have screwed around with another man, otherwise this conversation is over".  You've let her know exactly where the line stands that if she is trying to get you to divorce her, she knows what she needs to do in order to make that happen.
If she starts in with wild mood swings when she doesn't get what she wants, be clear firm and use as few words as possible.  "I'm not going to engage in a conversation like this" or "when you are calm then we can talk" and leave, walk away go take a drive, go read scriptures, etc. She can learn to control her emotions, she can learn to be more rational and less immature, it is very possible, it's just that she's never been forced to do so.  Because of her looks she has been able to get exactly what she wants through emotionally immature behavior. So start teaching her by example how to do so.
Be a leader to your wife.  She needs to know how to become an emotionally mature adult.  The only way she can do that is by seeing what an emotionally mature adult looks like-i.e. from a leader.  So if you can step up and be emotionally mature-completely ignore her childish tantrums, she will eventually realize that it gets her nothing and eventually she will either learn to be more emotionally mature OR she will decide she will commit adultery so you will divorce her OR she will divorce you just because.
The only way at this point to avoid divorce is for her to become emotionally mature-otherwise it's going to happen one way or another.

15 years of marriage. There is a lot to unpack here. 
The primary reason this is occurring is because you and her did not do the proper work during the previous 15 years.  Just because you have a piece of paper and the ability to copulate without Church discipline does not mean you are married.  Being married is a state of being, not something granted-it is something that is earned by lots of hard, hard work.  This is a common thing in today's society because most people (even inside the Church) don't have a clue what it means to be married.  I don't blame you or her-it's just our culture teaches it wrong.  When you first got married, you probably had kids relatively soon and instead of making your roles primarily as husband and wife your primary roles shifted to mother/father.  When you do that-you stop being married.
The reason why what is occurring now is that as kids get older and each partner starts seeing the light at the end tunnel of being mother/father-they start reseeing their role as husband/wife. Then they start seeing this person who they have seen in the role as "parent" for the last 15 years and they don't recognize them at all as spouse.  I do believe it is reversible-but it takes work on by both.  If you don't nip this in the bud now and take some major corrective action, she will almost certainly divorce you as soon as the kids are gone.
Next,  she is as much to blame here as you are.  Do not let her get off scot-free in this.  More likely than not she put more emphasis and attention to either being a mother/career than she did being a wife. Don't go down the route of saying you are the only one at fault-it takes two to tango, it takes two to make a marriage. You need to stop with the self-deprecating talk (i.e. lazy, "not doing enough right things") those sound like things you've been told to say by your wife as she has complained to you about your faults.  Now, it's certainly possible you are lazy, but unless you are one welfare ... most likely you've been a hard-working provider for your family. Don't buy into the lies that you're lazy or that you're not good enough to keep her interest. 
You certainly have your faults, but your wife absolutely has just as much to blame for your marriage not being good-and don't forget that!
Now the red-pill stuff.  There is some very powerful messages in the red-pill and a whole heck of a lot of truth, unfortunately it is also mixed with some very bad lies too.  I would not ever advocate for flirting with other women not your wife-that is playing with fire. It's against God's law, it plays with your wife and it plays with the other women.  Not good.
Now to your wife.  She must be a very attractive lady, or the younger guys she is flirting with are total losers.  Woman's looks generally start dropping around 30+ and it's the very rare woman who at say 40 is able to flirt with and get serious attention from men in their 20s . . .unless she either has money or is really good looking or the men are total losers who couldn't get a date with a paper-bag.  Now I'm going to go with attractive lady, b/c well if she is looking for love with younger loser men-I'd cut bait and tell her good luck!!! (b/c obviously she isn't too bright).
So b/c she is attractive, you won her over somehow.  Women inherently (and good looking women especially!) know their ability to make a man weak in the knees.  Yet with her beauty, she chose you! Somehow, someway this good looking woman who most men would dream about getting chose you!   That's a really good sign for you. Now the question is why did she chose you?  And the follow-up question are those things that you did to win her over still valuable to her?  People change and so what she once valued 15 years ago in you, she may no longer value, but odds are she does and just needs to be reminded of it.
Finally, for good looking women, they know they can get men to do what they want and that any man will try to please them-yet there are many total loser men out there.  My guess is that in you she saw someone who was stable, dependable, reliable. My guess is you provided her a great environment to raise kids in.  However, you two didn't build a marriage together over 15 years, you simply raised kids. 
So what else probably won her over? Most likely it had to do with confidence, my guess is when you were first dating you were much more confident than you are now. You probably held your head a little higher.  Stop being afraid you are going to lose her-that will kill your confidence, start being confident that you can win her again! Women hate insecure, self-loathing men they instinctively will run away from and reject them.  So how to you be confident?
Start putting your foot down. Stop walking on egg shells.  The reason why red pill marriage tells men to flirt, is two-fold 1) it puts the wife in her place and 2) it gives you self-confidence.  I disagree with the method, but agree on the goals. 
If you catch your wife flirting with other men-don't take it.  Tell her directly "That is unacceptable behavior, I will not tolerate that in my marriage" and then walk away. Start standing up for yourself and be a leader!  Other people (including your wife) are drawn to attracted to people who are good leaders.  Start setting boundaries, enforce them and yes confront head on any potential infidelity.
That and you can give Stefan Molyneaux a call-he does call-in shows about this sort of thing, will talk to you for 2+ hours and does a good job.
 

I think we are all familiar with Pres Nelson's statement from his first GC as the prophet:
"In coming days, it will not be possible to survive spiritually without the guiding, directing, comforting, and constant influence of the Holy Ghost."
If we combine that with the whole idea of a home centered and church supported approach I think we are being told that gone are the days (if those days ever existed) where parents can delegate part of their responsibilities to the Church in raising their kids. The world is simply becoming too dark to expect a couple hours on Sunday and a couple more during the week to keep our youth safe. If parents and families don't raise the bar and start creating a Proclamation on the Family home their children will be in grave danger notwithstanding the Church's efforts. Remember, half the virgins were foolish and not ready for the Bridegroom's coming. Imagine how many youth will be raised in those homes. Its a sad thought but we live in a sad world. Of course we do what we can to save as many as possible but we fool ourselves if we believe this new youth program needs to be some all encompassing venture to be successful. The whole point of the program is to help youth and families learn to become more spiritually self-sufficient.

I would also really like to see The Family, A Proclamation to the World and The Living Christ: The Testimony of the Apostles added to the Doctrine & Covenants scripture.

Within 7 days of becoming President, Trump stopped nonprofits that provide or refer abortion procedures outside of the USA from receiving federal funding.
Within 3 years of becoming President, Trump stopped nonprofits that teach or discuss elective abortion outside of the USA from receiving federal funding.
Within 3 years of becoming President, Trump caused Planned Parenthood to opt out of federal subsidies.
Trump appointed 2 pro-life Supreme Court Judges so much so that pro-choice women promoted and continue to promote bogus sex scandals against a Supreme Court Judge to oust him out of the bench.

"Seems" is the operative word.  Mainstream Media is making it seem like everyone is angry.  That's the narrative they want to push.  All one really needs to do is really see if the loudmouths actually represent the views of who they claim to represent.

I am thinking they might introduce the ordinance of "translation" to take place at the temple for worthy members as the next step in preparation for the Millennium. 😲 Which mean I must up my repentance game.
 
The Traveler

I would also really like to see The Family, A Proclamation to the World and The Living Christ: The Testimony of the Apostles added to the Doctrine & Covenants scripture.

I would also really like to see The Family, A Proclamation to the World and The Living Christ: The Testimony of the Apostles added to the Doctrine & Covenants scripture.

I would also really like to see The Family, A Proclamation to the World and The Living Christ: The Testimony of the Apostles added to the Doctrine & Covenants scripture.

I would also really like to see The Family, A Proclamation to the World and The Living Christ: The Testimony of the Apostles added to the Doctrine & Covenants scripture.

*shrug* When we stuck our kids in one run by the Nazarenes, they were the nicest people on the planet and bent over backwards to accept us and our weird LDS ways.  Years later, when we stuck our kids in one run by our local mega church, they largely did the same.  My wife ran into one random person in like 5 years that had a problem with Joseph Smith.  That person was quickly ushered aside and we got love bombed within an inch of our lives. 
Maybe that's just Colorado though.  Or maybe it's just Catholicism, because we both claim authority, while protestantism is all about "when you have two or three gathering in my name, that's church".

Old first, new second.  My goodness!

Thanks for the perspective!  I'm happy to say that I could do that stuff in my sleep; those things are part of a skill set I have kept current since I was a teenager.  I am looking to hop into a deeper level of IT, and am actually working on some projects at home to use as 'experience' and evidence of my knowledge and abilities.  Since I have 7 children, I am going to set up an Active Directory server to manage our home systems.  Additionally, I intend to implement a VMware ESXi virtualization system running both Windows and Linux virtual environments providing services such as a mail server, SMB file server, DLNA/Media server, firewall, and a DMZ to protect local environments while remotely enabling access to the appropriate servers.  I am also planning to physically set up off site storage that will backup/sync pretty much everything in near-real-time over a site to site VPN connection.  Once I have all this in place I will take it into every interview to show them I know what I'm doing.
Other than our mortgage, my wife and I have no debt, however, I am the sole provider, so income is still fairly important.  You are right though, wage information is very general and it is pretty hard to pinpoint an exact figure.  I suppose we'll see what happens, however, this is the first time I have felt truly excited about my where I am looking to go with my career.  I have done very well for myself in my current role, but it is just a job to me, and I am curious to see where I can go once I hop into a career I am actually passionate about.

We do this as a family periodically... for no other reason than seeing if we can do it.  We go through a week without spending money.  We have found that we are just as happy eating our year’s worth of rice and spam and the eggs from the backyard chickens every meal for a week... and the  kids are just as happy biking everywhere instead of driving.
It’s not really “bunker mode” though because we still use whatever has been paid for - like electricity, gas, water, movie passes, etc.  We haven’t really gone on a “bunker mode” where we can’t even use what we have to buy like electricity, gas, rice...
 
 

This is what we're using if we need to. Husband squirrels away cash, and it's safe to say he always has around $1000 if not more.
 

Sorry this happened to you Backroads.  I really hope you get all of your money back.  This re-affirms a belief I have on keeping some cash in your house hidden safely for situations like this.  If you can in the future get $500 to $1,000 in cash reserves in your house.  Keep a few fifties, and some twenties, tens and about fifteen one dollar bills for bad situations.
Also do what others have suggested and talk to your Bishop about your situation.  I hope all works out well for you.

I passed both of the A+ exams today.  On to the next exam 🙂

It's a good test of food storage, if you have it.   For the 2 weeks you describe, "food storage" here means what's in your fridge, freezer, pantry.    If I were in your situation, I'd create an inventory of everything you've got.   
- Can it last 2 weeks with a little planning?  Then turn it into an adventure and post your daily meals here. 
- What expires first? 
- What do you really not look forward to eating, but you can if you have to?  Mix it in, so you're not stuck with only that at the end.
Another option would be to talk with the bishop.  If you're a full tithe payer, if you pay fast offerings some, if unemployment or underemployment isn't an issue, I'm guessing your bishop would be overjoyed to just help you for a short period of time.  Bishops have so many difficult situations, people who struggle long-term to make ends meet, people struggling to accept they need to make lifestyle changes - you don't have any of that.  He can help you with 2 weeks of food from the storehouse, and you go away happy with the issue fixed?  Probably the easiest meeting he'll have with anyone that week.  You would be doing him a favor with such an easy thing to fix.   No really - consider this option.  It truly is just between you and him - it's likely nobody else in the building will ever hear about it.  I've been finance clerk for years, and I don't have the faintest clue who gets food assistance from the church.  I do see the "food assistance" folder in the top drawer of the locked filing cabinet, and it's not a thin folder, but only the bishop is involved in that.