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Everything posted by FairChild

  1. Why are you going on Facebook and checking up on it when you know the only result for you is pain? Might be helpful to remove her name from viewing. Or even not visit the site. You are so important. It isn't good for you to engage in this if there is no possible good.
  2. I agree. Perhaps your sweetie could write what is important to her and let you read it when and if you chose. It would empower her and let you move at your own speed.
  3. I figure if you are married, you share everything, including problems. If you have a problem it, he shares that problem along with you so actually, he does have a problem.
  4. If I didn't say it, I am very proud of you prettyrose for the hard choices you are making.
  5. I want to add one more thing prettyrose may do and that is to find others and be of service to them. I find that when I am of service to others, most often I am the one that is most helped. I leave you with prayers and hope. You are very strong to do this. It is a very hard thing, but you are doing it. Heavenly Father loves you so much. Please find ways to be tender and kind to yourself. That will help too. FC
  6. Domestic Violence and Abuse: Signs of Abuse and Abusive Relationships this is an excellent website you should look at and take your time when you do so. Use the whee, it helps you see what is going on. He knows what he is doing. He is an abuser. Run! Run fast and far away because he has already shown you how abusive and controlling he is. How would you feel if your daughter, you child were facing the same situation? Because if you stay, this is the example you will provide for your children of what a marriage should be. If you don't believe me, please before you make up your mind, call the domestic abuse hotline and just talk. Tell them what you have been through, what he wants, what you want and then listen to them when they tell you what your choices are and about some of the consequences that may follow. If you hadn't had any legal counsel, please, please go get some. This is an abusive man. What he has done is possibly worse than just punching you in the face and leaving you with a black eye.
  7. The more I think about him, the more I wonder if he is Passive/Agressive or even sadistic. Just because you love someone, it doesn't mean you can live happily or in a healthy realationship with them. Please listen to his behavior more than his words.
  8. Yes, please talk to your bishop and his bishop if you feel as if you should. You also should talk to a lawyer and find out your your rights and responsibilities as well as his. Do it ASAP!! Many lawyers will give you an initial free consultation. Ask them if they would do so when you are calling for an appointment. Please do so. I assume you found an apartment, perhaps purchased items together and have other financial responsibilities. I don't know if his credit rating could effect yours, but you also don't want to pay for things you did not buy because he left you holding the bag.
  9. Please remember that you are a most precious daughter of our Heavenly Father. Please treat yourself as such and refuse to allow anyone else treat you less than that.
  10. I hate to admit it, but it feels as if I am walking in your footprints. He told me he would be willing to see a counselor and that he still loved and wanted to eventually marry me. I told him that I would listen to his behavior, not just what he said by using his words. So far, the behavior and words have no real connection. I asked him once what he was actively doing to help repair the relationship and I was told, "Well, I thought about us today." He couldn't quite understand why I thought that was no action on his part. Perhaps we should celebrate our "Independence Day" together this year.
  11. Actually I have so much on my plate right now, it's nice just to have some quiet time and relax. School, 2 part time jobs, church and other friends. I'm also playing a lot of catch up to the things that were neglected while he was in my life. I'm busy enough, I just need to caretake me for awhile. Thanks Judo. I hope you are doing well right now too.
  12. Please laugh with me Blocky. I'm a professional care-taker and he is one of the few people I have trouble just letting it go at the end of my shift. (OK, so the shift was over a year in length. I need to let myself catch a break.) I am fighting the guilt and the habit I gained by care-taking of him. I need to laugh, enjoy myself and remember what an amazing woman I am. Since I am a veteran, I went to the local Applebees last Friday for free food, stayed to play trivia and won not one, but 2 - $10 gift certificates. I left because I thought it would only be fair to let someone else win. I went all by myself and had a very good time. I need to go do that somemore. Perhaps better yet, make a new friend or two and take them with me. What do you think?
  13. He's still into the "pick me up so I can do laundry at your house, take me grocery shopping and I want to marry you" stage. I appreciate you all allowing me to have a safe place to vent. I've needede that for quite some time. Thank you.
  14. Perhaps a good line of thought is "What do you think makes a person "Beautiful or Ugly" both on the inside and outside. What in you makes you personally beautiful? Kids are pretty sharp and hopefully will learn how to think a beyond what they might first see or think. Good luck.
  15. You guys are right, it's just that in some ways I understand where he is coming from. He's not an evil person, rather he needs help and a great deal of growth. I just want to keep helping, but even so, I realize it's not the best thing I should do.
  16. We met believe or not, when my home teacher came to my house with his new companion. He was the new companion.
  17. Nope, not afraid. That's not the problem. But he can be intense and overwhelming. I guess the biggest problems are him with the "mine first attitude", complaining plus he has no source of income except for mine and I just can't afford to take care of him any more. Does what I say make sense?
  18. I have seen so many discussions about how, when and where to find someone if you are single, but the one thing I haven't heard was how do you break up with someone. I am in the process of doing this, and he doesn't want to let go. So many things I tried to talk about or "fix" before he is telling me he can think about doing all of that now. We never married although we had talked about it. I want to be kind, but right now I am so angry, I don't feel as if I am making clear choices, perhaps even making some that are not so healthy for me. Anything you tell me would be helpful right now. I need a safe place to help process this all. FairChild
  19. If he has time to date that must also mean he has money to date as well. Tell him what needs to be done and ask him how he could accomplish it. Offer the choice of doing yard work or the choice of paying for having it done. I wish you great blessings as you work with your family to do those things you need to do to have a loving and healthy (did not use the word happy here, but hope it comes with the package). FairChild
  20. I was a single mom raising an autistic boy. I eventually went several times to my bishop (after going through the proper channels first) and asked repeatedly about having a home teacher that actually would come to my home. I got a home teacher that has been with me several years now. (he has lost a few companions to death) I always do better when I have active home teachers. What you want is not a trival thing. Keep asking and don't quit. Also right now ask for a blessing of comfort. And most importantly, don't quit. FC
  21. Maybe some of us don't laugh nearly often as we could because we are busy facing a severe prune shortage in our near future. You know the saying, a prune a day will..... Fill in your own blanks please.
  22. Keep work at work. To bring Church up there is not appropriate. If you see your boss at Church, smile brightly and ask how he is doing. When you talk to your bishop, he can tell you all that should happen and who would be doing what. I think sometimes we get so afraid, we miss out on the opprotunities we may have otherwised used to enhance our lives.