Misshalfway

Well said, Ram.

My answer to this one is lots of practice!!! Some of it is trial and error. Some of it is faith.....well, a lot of it is faith! I think somewhere in all of this praying and getting answers is a gap of latitude that our HF gives us to determine truth or direction about our lives for ourselves. He lets us choose and learn to trust our own wisdom and then of course he fills in the blanks. Perhaps there are times when we just simply feel good about something and there is no real need for 'the big answer'. Perhaps Father say's "just go with that and see how you do. I'll be here on the other side."

It sounds like to me you have a few balls in the air. I think that you can only do what you can do, and then let the rest go. Like with the bi-polar. You manage it....you take your meds, take care of your circumstances, and then you ride the inevitable ride with acceptance and openness. Right? Do what you can do.....let the rest go. Your above post talks about everything you don't have. I think you need to start focusing on what you do! So, my advice is get really clear about what you have control of and what you are responsible for. Is the burden heavier because you or someone else is not taking responsibility? I am speaking about taking back your power. Any survivor of trauma needs to learn this, especially survivors of abuse. Sounds like both you and your daughter fall into that catagory. Get clear about what is your responsibility as a father and friend and then, what is absolutely not your responsibility. Your daughter needs to do the same. It is her responsibility to do something about her trauma but it is NOT her responsibility that it happened. She also has a responsibility to herself and society and future victims to report the truth of what happened. You have similar responsibility. If this person is exercizing priesthood or being sustained to callings and you have this knowledge, it is on you to say something to proper leadership. It is your responsibility to talk to the authorities and investigate the other four cases of abuse you know about! At that point, the burden of responsibility can then passed to the proper authorities and you can move to some level of peace knowing you did the right thing. The next thing I would do is take steps to stop this person from harming your family or preventing your family from obtaining the blessings of the gospel. He only has as much power as you give him. So....stop giving it! Go to church. Or attend another ward. Get somewhere and take the sacrament. Get permission to do so. Talk to the bishop or SP. Lay out clearly what you need. I have confidence they will work with you to some temporary or other solution. If the situation is too much, move. Do what you have to do to get your family safe and able to live and worship in peace. Reporting a crime can be traumatic. Perhaps she is not ready to do so OR perhaps she needs the right kind of support so that she can summon the inner strength to continue. Does she have a therapist? That is something else she can do. In addition to that, she needs to learn how to own her own recovery and healing. Sounds like that kind of attitude could be helpful for you as well. A therapist can help get her ready or perhaps even be present when a statement is made to the police. Perhaps she could even write out a practice statement first. She needs to get angry and allow that inner sense of justice to emerge. Those emotions are powerful and can help carry her to do what she needs to do until the rest of her is healed. It sounds to me like you could use the Atonement more in your life. Lean on it. Lay your burdens at the alter. Continue to pray and fast for obstacles to be removed. And then embrace your power and agency to walk thru. Or to climb over the rough terrain that perhaps Father won't remove with faith that He will show you where to put your feet. Remember victimhood is a choice. We all feel pain. Some of us have been wronged and harmed deeply and some of us even repeatedly over time. But, victimhood is always a choice!! There are resources available to help you. Books in stores and libraries....therapists to help you get your thinking into a place of power and control. Trusted priesthood leaders can help you obtain blessings of healing and support from Father in Heaven and His Son! Accessing this help, and making the choices to allow it to work in your lives will bring peace and healing and empowerment. Once when I was suffering deeply and feeling lost and overwhelmed, Father gave me a wonderful prompting/commandment. I was reading in 3 Nephi where Jesus called Nephi to kneel before him. After he was blessed, he commanded Nephi to stand. There was something so powerful in that last part....the standing! That act of standing firm in my own strength with the Savior by my side! There was a season for kneeling and now was my season for standing. Powerful lesson for me. Much love and support to you and your family. You can do this. Healing, tender mercies, wisdom, added power, are all there for you thru obedience, faith, and supplication to God our Father thru his Son Jesus! He knows! He loves you all! And He WILL help you if you are true! And courage to the both of you as you stand as advocates, instead of victims, and report this guy and then as you move towards your strength and healing.

Giggles from my little girls. My puppy Enough money for swimming, dance, football, and date night :) Poppies My personal trainer who is helping me get in shape. People who can think outside the box. Music: john mayer, john denver, michael buble, corrine bailey rae, stevie wonder - i could go on and on. Water Beauties of the earth. Trees and mountains and views and wildlife and mountain lakes and streams and all the colors!!!! And finally to God who answered my prayers and who is getting me thru the answers!!! :)

Taking care of yourself by making the choices that will bring your happiness is absolutely in line with the gospel of Jesus Christ. I know you feel like you plate is full -- and right now it is! But not everything on that plate is your responsibility. Like this problem with your husband. Big narly overwhelming choice, yah? Not yours! Hand it back to him. Just because we are married to someone doesn't mean that we take responsibility for their choices. We always stand as an individual. In the gospel, we know this. We won't be judged by the actions of others -- only our own. To thine own self be true! Isn't that what Shakespeare said? This is a wonderful piece of advice! He is suffering and is so depressed. Yes, why wouldn't he be? All depression is is believing lies. Anyone trapped in lies will suffer. It is why truth is so crucial to happiness. You can support him and love him as any friend would...but it is not required of you to take it all on and do things you cannot do. No real happy marriage asks that of its partners. Happy Marriage never means sacrificing of things that should never be sacrificed. That is not being self-less. That is being a martyr. Ok. So you are trying to see if your life could work in this circumstance and are discovering that you can't be happy with you H dressed like a woman. There is absolutely NO guilt in that or shame in that whatsoever!!!! If you find yourself staying because of those two reasons, then stop yourself and re-think that. NO ONE should ever stay out of guilt or shame. It will eventually turn into resentment and canker how you feel about him and more importantly how you feel about yourself. Sounds like your grandparents come from a different generation of thinking. I am glad you don't buy into parts of it. You can still love them and respect how they raised you even if you are discovering more truth than they did. Listen to that voice within you. Allow yourself to be anchored to that voice. All the world and the people in it will try to get you to listen and serve their voice. But we can't be swayed by that. We have to listen to our own truth and do ONLY what we can do. Father in Heaven doesn't expect us to do anything more than that. In my own experience, He has led me back to my inner voice time and time again. When you are that centered and anchored, you won't feel so confused and burdened. You path with start to become clear. Especially as you pray for clarity and also for the courage to do what is right for you. Much love

Oh Skaf! I am giving you a big hug!

Just one thought and then I will answer the OP. Are we given more than we can bare? I believe that is the question. Is rape too much to bare? murder? war? Losing a child? Abandonment? Abuse? Torture? Sounds to me like there is much in this world that seems too much to bare! I think the idea is that we will have really hard experience on this earth. And telling ourselves we won't sets up impossible expectations. Some of us will be pushed to our very breaking points....and some of us will even break. I think that the idea is that we won't be given trials and experience that Christ won't help us bare IF we come to him. I think this phrase....we won't be given something we can't bare....is a mistatement. We are told that we won't be tempted above our ability to resist. But I don't think there is a promise that we won't be given burdens and even burdens that are too much for an individual to shoulder alone. We don't have to do it alone, though. That is the promise! The hope! The good news! I think that we are given things that are too much for us for the very purpose of turning our heads and hearts and wills to the very someone....the only someone who can help us. To the OP: I can't and won't belabor you with details, but I think I know a little of how you feel. I often think of the lyric in a John Mayer song... "....Too many hours in this midnight!" Life is tough. There are things here that are too painful for too long! I don't know why Father let's it all happen and I don't know why the long prayerful pleas sometimes feel unheard or maybe just unattended to. There have been many days in the last two years when I have found myself wondering if it wasn't all just a big lie. Where was Christ in my moments of broken-ness? When my strength ran out and my courage failed and the suffering was indeed too exhausting? Where was He when a friend couldn't be found and the loneliness was deafening? I knew He was there....but it seemed for everyone else but me. I understand despair. I understand dealing with the failing of the mortal body and all the emotions that seem to travel with something like that. I understand also that Satan is really mean and he uses these weaknesses against us. I think though as I have traveled thru...not around or over...but thru my trials, I have learned a few things. I have learned that God loves me enough to let me struggle. I have learned that sometimes He give me struggles that are too hard and too heavy and too painful so that I will grow to meet them in strength. I look back and what was once weak in me is now stronger. And what was once void is now talent. I don't know much of friendship. But I know that God has been my finest friend. He has known my weakness and heard my prayers and answered them. Not always in the moment, but over time I see His infinite love for me. It doesn't come the way I want all the time. And certainly doesn't come in the ways in which I think it should all the time. But I look back at my journey and I see the wisdom of all of it. So often I fought against it! Yelled screamed and swore at my trials and inability to conquer them! And then, I learned to make friends with them. They aren't going away. They are my teachers and they will stay will me as long as I need them. And as much as I have hated them, resented them, cried to God to take them!, I now find myself filled with gratitude and trust. Gratitude for blessings received ..... and trust that Father isn't done sending them. I don't know much, but I know there is meaning in the suffering. I know there is always always hope and always always love. People in this world fail us. Our bodies and our emotions sometimes fail us too. But I know that Christ knows. He knows the depths of it. The heart wrenching pain and isolation of it. We must come to Him so that we can feel the full measure of His capacity to quench and calm and heal. Satan would have us believe it is a lie or that God has forsaken us. He breaths those lies in the moments of our despair, the moments when God is perhaps exacting his wisdom in some crucial moment of teaching or strengthening us. Satan's timing is deliberate! But so is Father's. He know YOU! He knows you and loves you as if you were His only child. He has not left you! If you find yourself alone, Maybe that is because he trusts you with your trial. Trust him back. In the end, it is not what happens to us that makes the difference. It is what we choose to believe about what happens to us! All of life is a trial of our thoughts. Master those, and then you can confidently say "come what may". Acceptance. Gratitude. Faith. Perspective. Patience. Joy. If you find yourself fighting against something that won't change, stop. And then think about it differently. That is where you have your greatest power! God won't give you all the answers. He intends for us to struggle for them. But they are there if we look in the right place. Not necessarily in the place we want them to be. Be still, and know that I am God.... Your suffering shall be but a moment..... My yoke is easy and my burden is light..... Come unto me, all ye that are heavy laden, and I shall give you rest. Misshalfway

I just wanted to add that we also believe that as we progess thru righteous living and obedience to God's commandments, that God (Heavenly Father) will always be our father. Becoming a 'God' in this sense is much like a child becoming and adult- just as a child learns and becomes independent, our goal is to become more spiritually independent thru obedience and the Atonement of Jesus Christ. But our parents always remain our parents. Make sense? It was said earlier that anyone who progresses to this point of "adulthood" will also have the opportunity to start of create another world like this one. As I have pondered this idea myself, I am convinced to some degree that such an undertaking will be accomplished under the direction of Father in Heaven. It is also important to note that this earth experience is only part of our progression. We lived with God before we came here and we will return to Him after death and continue our progression in that realm.

Hello! And welcome to the site. Hope you enjoy it here.

A little progress is better than nothing. I appreciate knowing about this, Fiannan. Thank you for posting it.

Ahhhhhh. Those poor guys. Everything against them. Being forced by society and dating rituals and all that conditioning to only want the trophy! I guess that idea that guys could think on their own, have the patience and actually get to know someone is just a rediculous notion. How silly of me!!

LOL! Brilliant!

Maybe this is what the notion of being filled with light is all about. The more light we obtain thru obedience, the more darkness is chased from inside of us. And just a note too - So grateful for line upon line and the grace of God to allow us mistakes and fumbles! Sometimes we just don't have all the refinement we perhaps need for a situation. Thank goodness we are not expected to accomplish it all in our childhoods. :)

Btw, I think a lot of people must be going the scooter route too. Most we are looking at are on back order. Ditto to PC.

Jenny Craig.

So true. Such realizations can help us be more sensitive.

Or "Come Come Ye Saints". Love those hymns.

There is a difference between marriage and becoming sealed.

Well. I am glad. :) But don't you think that some men really do? Kinda like a moth mezmerized by a porch light. Can't stop flying towards the....ZAP!

Word Flood! I can pick up what you are laying down! And it is wisdom. I sometimes I see people panic when they themselves encounter curve balls or they observe others as they twist and turn as if to imply that somehow the Spirit is offended and departs in some way. Not saying this very well..... do you get my drift? Being spiritual and following the spirit doesn't always mean we have a halo floating perfectly above our heads.

Why is it so important for men to have the trophy? I get the need for attraction. But why does it seem to eclipse so many other things?

Yes. Doing what is right before God....absolutely. But it this case is there condemnation if she stays? Is there condemnation if she leaves? I can't see any on either side. It is about choices. And God works within our agency and in support of our agency to lead us, not only to eternal happiness, but to temporal happiness as well. It is a choice for this woman as to whether or not she will support her H and under what conditions she feels comfortable to do so. There are so many scenerios that are indeed loving that don't cause her to compromise her sexuality or morality or happiness. I think divorce could facilitate such things. I am sorry but something like this is a huge deal breaker. Perhaps some in the world find the ability to live with such circumstances. I applaud them for their love and commitment. But, I know that for myself, that would only be martyrdom. I couldn't do it. I could love and support and be a best friend. I could talk for long hours and understand and go shopping together. But share my bed? That isn't something that I could offer. Nor do I think God would expect something like that from me or any other woman. Women are queens over their bodies. We are not sacrificial lambs because our partners struggle with deep emotional disturbance and temptation. I am not sure how such behavior makes one available for a meaningful, two-sided, equitable relationship. It seems to be that instead, the energy would all be sucked to the needs of the one as he indulges his fantasies and fails in his partnership. Just a humble opinion and perhaps very flawed opinion.

Tinted in the back, non in the front. Unless you want to look like a gangster....... driving on the right or left side of the road? :)

We are buying a scooter later today for similar reasons. I struggle with the argument that we are all whining and not doing enough. I mean, We don't drive like I used to. We carpool and walk and bike when it makes sense to do so. But we live remote. Driving is essential. So what else can we do? Knock down the doors of our congressman maybe. But then again, congress has been working on this problem for 50 years and tripping over itself every step of the way. The problem IS supply and demand. The problem is the dollar. The problem is complicated by war and the economy! The problem is special interests and USA's inability to get out of its own way. I am sorry, but what else can the average American do? And with all the variety of helpful theories, which cause does one get behind? It seems some go here and some go there. But how do you get anywhere with such buckshot effort? We need a direct approach. My only answer is drill at home. It is the only interim answer while we do develop more technology. And then perhaps something needs to be done about the outrageous efforts of companies to stop production on things like electric cars. It is not like we don't have the technology. Not to mention the demand!

Hello from the welcome wagon! :::waving:::