tls70 Posted February 25, 2009 Report Share Posted February 25, 2009 Not sure which forum would be the best to ask this question, but anyway.... because of my husband's recent transgressions (an affair/adultery) I fear he will be facing church discipline council. We have been sealed in the temple and will not be ending our marriage because of this but trying to work things out. In some ways I feel I am at least partially responsible because of my treatment of him and how I made him feel, although he made the choice to turn to someone else. I know there are a lot of things that determine what the discipline will be, but does anyone know in general what usually happens. Will he face excommunication? Will it be disfellowship or probation? I know this is probably a hard question to answer, but I guess I am looking for some general advice info about what we are looking at. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just_A_Guy Posted February 25, 2009 Report Share Posted February 25, 2009 You might want to take a look at the CES Doctrine and Covenants Study Manual, pages 409-411. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wingnut Posted February 25, 2009 Report Share Posted February 25, 2009 The fact that your husband is endowed is an extra strike of accountability against him. However, if he is repentant, his disciplinary consequences may not be as severe as they could be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vort Posted February 25, 2009 Report Share Posted February 25, 2009 Good for both of you -- him for facing up to the responsibility of the very grave sin he's committed, you for acknowledging that you are not blameless in the larger situation, and both for being determined to work through this. God bless you both in these efforts.I'm no Church leader, but I've talked with leaders and witnessed situations that convince me that excommunication is not a given in a case like this. Yes, your husband may face excommunication, but that doesn't mean he will necessarily be excommunicated. Without doubt, he will receive some Church discipline. Just remember that "discipline" is what makes us "disciples". He may be excommunicated or disfellowshipped for a year or whatever else the stake president has in mind. In any case, if he's truly repentant and accepts whatever discipline his leaders see fit to impose, he and you will come out of this stronger and better than ever. God bless you both. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Connie Posted February 25, 2009 Report Share Posted February 25, 2009 I'm sorry you have to go through this. I hope your able to work everything out.Here is what i can offer from this resource put out by the First Presidency: LDS.org - Family Table of Contents - True to the Faith “Church Disciplinary Councils,” True to the Faith, (2004),37–38Bishops and branch presidents and stake, mission, and district presidents have a responsibility to help members overcome transgression through repentance. The most serious transgressions, such as serious violations of civil law, spouse abuse, child abuse, adultery, fornication, rape, and incest, often require formal Church discipline. Formal Church discipline may include restriction of Church membership privileges or loss of Church membership.The process of formal discipline begins when a presiding priesthood leader calls for a disciplinary council. The purposes of disciplinary councils are to save the souls of transgressors, protect the innocent, and safeguard the purity, integrity, and good name of the Church.Church discipline is an inspired process that takes place over a period of time. Through this process and through the Atonement of Jesus Christ, a member can receive forgiveness of sins, regain peace of mind, and gain strength to avoid transgression in the future. Church disciplinary action is not intended to be the end of the process. It is designed to help Heavenly Father’s children continue in their efforts to return to full fellowship and the full blessings of the Church. The desired result is that the person make whatever changes are necessary to repent completely. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Madriglace Posted February 25, 2009 Report Share Posted February 25, 2009 One thing to remember is that the process is not about punishment but about love. These men would just a soon not have to be part of a court but it is the only way and they do it out of love for a brother or a sister not to get even or slap someone down because they have done wrong. Going to the court with a good attitude, being sincerely repentant, accepting the decision and then following the requirements and going the extra mile will put things right alot faster than fighting. Good luck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hordak Posted February 25, 2009 Report Share Posted February 25, 2009 Depends on the Bishop. I have seen a temple wed Melchizedek priesthood holding father disfellowshiped for adultery. And an Inactive, non endowed priest excommunicated for shacking up with his girlfriend before they were married. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rameumptom Posted February 25, 2009 Report Share Posted February 25, 2009 Several factors will be involved. Did your husband confess to you and the bishop of his own accord, or did you march him into the bishop's office? The level of remorse and self-repentance are very important in this case. Second, what callings has your husband held in the past. If he's endowed, but never been an elder's quorum president, ordained a high priest, or a bishop, then he may just be disfellowshipped. However, if he's been in positions of responsibility, the chances of excommunication rise significantly. Finally, this will be dealt with by the stake presidency, which holds the keys of judgment over the Melchizedek Priesthood. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Palerider Posted February 26, 2009 Report Share Posted February 26, 2009 Not sure which forum would be the best to ask this question, but anyway.... because of my husband's recent transgressions (an affair/adultery) I fear he will be facing church discipline council. We have been sealed in the temple and will not be ending our marriage because of this but trying to work things out. In some ways I feel I am at least partially responsible because of my treatment of him and how I made him feel, although he made the choice to turn to someone else. I know there are a lot of things that determine what the discipline will be, but does anyone know in general what usually happens. Will he face excommunication? Will it be disfellowship or probation? I know this is probably a hard question to answer, but I guess I am looking for some general advice info about what we are looking at. First....after you husband speaks with the Bishop...your Bishop will then speak with the Stake President. They will decide if the Stake will handle the council or your Bishop. No one here can say what will happen when he faces the council. Thats between the memebrs of the council and the Lord. It would be wise for your husband to attend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Islander Posted February 26, 2009 Report Share Posted February 26, 2009 I agree with Palerider above. Hard to tell how the leadership will handle the case. I can tell you from experience that sitting on a council to address a situation like yours is the most difficult thing I have ever done in my life. The man in front of me was my friend and I loved him dearly. I think it was as painful to him to receive discipline and repent as it was for us as his brethren in the priesthood to sit and listen to the unsavory details of the affair. I hope you both seek counseling and work diligently to heal your marriage and remain close to the Lord in this time of difficulty. The discipline, as someone pointed out, is not designed to punish but to allow for time to bring about repentance and rectification. Beware of despondency, depression, apathy, anger, arrogance even, as the enemy will whisper constantly pessimism, dejection, false accusations and rationalizations in your ear and by the mouth of some "friends" and even family. The danger is that discouragement instead of faith would set in and people walk themselves out of the kingdom of God as the enemy convinced them they have walked so far away from Him that redemption is not possible. Nothing can be further from the truth. My prayers are with you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Repentant1 Posted February 26, 2009 Report Share Posted February 26, 2009 I have experienced a disciplinary counsel first hand, after my affair. I can tell you these are councils of love. The decision is between the High Council, the Stake Presidency and the Lord. Every member of the high council is sworn to secrecy. They are there to help in the process of repentance, and ultimately the return back into full fellowship, as long as there is true repentance. Your Bishop is there to support the transgressor. The basic facts of the transgression(s) are reviewed. The high council members ask questions in order to better understand the facts and to ascertain how repentant the transgressor is. After the questions and answers, the council meets privately to deliberate. Then, the stake presidency meets privately to deliberate with the Lord to know his will in the matter. I held fairly high Priesthood callings, was endowed and married in the temple. I was afraid and prepared for the worst, excommunication. In fact, my stake president prepared me for that result. Fortunately, the answer in my case was that I was to be disfellowshipped. I think in my case, the decision to be disfellowshipped was the fact that I was repentant. I voluntarily confessed, first to my wife, then to my Bishop. If I had been caught, or was unrepentant, I'm sure the results would have been much different. Fortunately for me, after a little over one year, another council was held, and I was welcomed back into full fellowship again. I am extremely fortunate that my wife had the spirit of forgiveness. She attended both disciplinary councils and spoke up to defend me. If not for her love, understanding and forgiveness, I would most likely be in a completely different place (spiritually and physically) right now. It has been two years since my disciplinary council. My wife and I still have our struggles, but we're closer now than ever before. I wish you all the best in your struggles. If you are both determined, you will get through this! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tls70 Posted February 26, 2009 Author Report Share Posted February 26, 2009 Thank you all for your words of counsel and comfort. Right now what I am struggling with is just getting pictures and images out of my head and trying to move forward. I want to quit thinking about him and her, and think about us and what we need to do to fix things. It feels like I'm just loosing it :). The anxiety is so strong sometimes it makes me physically sick. I keep praying and praying, but I am struggling with trying to lift myself up and know the adversary wants to keep me down. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
talisyn Posted February 26, 2009 Report Share Posted February 26, 2009 Thank you all for your words of counsel and comfort. Right now what I am struggling with is just getting pictures and images out of my head and trying to move forward. I want to quit thinking about him and her, and think about us and what we need to do to fix things. It feels like I'm just loosing it :). The anxiety is so strong sometimes it makes me physically sick. I keep praying and praying, but I am struggling with trying to lift myself up and know the adversary wants to keep me down.Forgiving someone is a process, dear one. It's going to take a long time but if you are faithful and willing to be humble this will be an opportunity for spiritual growth. I have to say I admire your willingness to forgive, you are far better than me Are you able to go to the temple? I've heard over and over that the peace and quietude found inside can calm even the most stressful minds. Right now it may not sound as fun as running your husband over with a forklift but it's a lot more legal Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rameumptom Posted February 26, 2009 Report Share Posted February 26, 2009 tls70, One thing that will help you work through these images and tough thoughts, is to focus whenever you can on the wonderful things about your marriage. Think about your wedding, the honeymoon, wonderful vacations and other great experiences the two of you have had. Break out the family photo album and put it in a prominent place, where you can see it and ponder the good experiences daily. This will show both of you that your marriage has many more positive experiences in it, than negative ones. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tarnished Posted February 26, 2009 Report Share Posted February 26, 2009 I actually recently went through a disciplinary counsel for my affair and like Repentant1 says, they are counsels of love. I was prepared for excommunication as well, however my bishop said that often excommunication is used for those who have problems with accepting repentance. As long as your husband is repentant and trying to move in the right direction then the disciplinary counsel will be a good starting place, just the next step in returning to God and starting on the right path again. My husband struggled with what I did as well and he actually came to this forum for the purpose of finding a place to talk about it. You can read his initial post about it here:http://www.lds.net/forums/advice-board/17111-blindsided-dumbstruck.htmlI don't know if the post will help you, hopefully it will. My husband and I are working through it all together as well and I have to say that the support I have gotten from the church has been excellent and has caused me to be in a much better place than I have been in a long time. I understand that a disciplinary counsel can seem like a scary possibility, I was terrified of mine, but when I came into that room and talked to the Priesthood leaders there I found that all who were there only wanted what was best for me, they wanted to see me return to the gospel and through repentance return to what I should be doing. It was a very good experience. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest missingsomething Posted February 26, 2009 Report Share Posted February 26, 2009 TLS - You are a good person and I believe you and your husband will be blessed from this - there are so many people here who will share willingly with you and help you through it. I had a stake president give a fireside once that said once an "image" has entered your head, it can only be removed through prayer. The suggestion to try to immediately replace that image with a positive one is one of the best suggestions I think I have ever heard. Thank you for posting. You give strength to others by your honesty. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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