Romantic love

[beefche]

I blame Disney. What is the best way to help others understand that love is not "happily ever after?" Love is a choice--it involves work, effort, commitment, diligence. It's not always flowers and Puccini. Attraction isn't love: it's just a portion of it.

I hear so many people say, "if you just love one another, everything will work out." It's not a magic pill. Love will not make an abuser stop abusing. The only way love will change something or someone is if the emotion is followed by work. Real, hard, dirty work.

But work is satisfying. Work brings changes. Work brings happiness. I think that so many of us think of love in very selfish terms. I love him; therefore, he is right for me. Or I love her; thus, our differences won't matter.

When we lose our life, then we find it. I submit that in order to truly love someone, you must lose your life in service for that person. You put his/her needs above your own. You find ways to make life happier and easier for him/her. In doing so, you are honoring your covenant with that person--you are enabling love to flourish. And you find that love isn't always romance and flowers, but something deeper, better, and longer lasting. And you create your own "happily ever after."

[GingerGolden]

I agree...

what is "Puccini", please?

[beefche]

He's a composer of operas. Known for very romantic songs.

Giacomo Puccini - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

[GingerGolden]

*I'll just giggle, blush & Thank you*

Hey! I like your signature line, I have one that says, "Virtual Space for Virtual Rent!"

Edited April 3, 2009 by GingerGolden

[Dravin]

Yes, love takes work. Your post is double plus good.

Honestly, I think the only thing that bugs me more than the whole, if you love each other you will always do so and life will be peachy keen without effort is the whole love at first sight crap.

[bert10]

beefche I do not think that you are far.

When we fall in love ....it is based on "Conditional Love." And God calls it darkness. For it is based on Conditions and with conditions brings fears and with fears comes torments. It is written man is not made perfect in fear. when the conditions upon which we give our love changes..so does our love and then we are not happy with our spouse anymore.

1 John 4:18 - There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.

There are people who marry by arrange marriages in some cultures... without even having seen each other and have far more successful marriages than LDS and Christians. Our divorce rates is atrocious.

To move from "Conditional Love" unto "Unconditional Love" is what is needed. It allows us to love our spouse without judgments and without trying to judge them. if their hearts are not totally shut down....They shall change by the power of this love. There are no greater thing than "Unconditional Love" by which a hardened heart can be broken. This "Unconditional Love" also called Charity for the "Pure Love of God"

And concerning Charity it is greater than hope and faith.

It does require great works...but not on our spouse..but on ourselves. We must change ourselves first then we are able to show this Love to our spouse. And you also right on this part...that it is service unto others.

I hope this helps.

Peace be unto you

bert10

I blame Disney. What is the best way to help others understand that love is not "happily ever after?" Love is a choice--it involves work, effort, commitment, diligence. It's not always flowers and Puccini. Attraction isn't love: it's just a portion of it.

I hear so many people say, "if you just love one another, everything will work out." It's not a magic pill. Love will not make an abuser stop abusing. The only way love will change something or someone is if the emotion is followed by work. Real, hard, dirty work.

But work is satisfying. Work brings changes. Work brings happiness. I think that so many of us think of love in very selfish terms. I love him; therefore, he is right for me. Or I love her; thus, our differences won't matter.

When we lose our life, then we find it. I submit that in order to truly love someone, you must lose your life in service for that person. You put his/her needs above your own. You find ways to make life happier and easier for him/her. In doing so, you are honoring your covenant with that person--you are enabling love to flourish. And you find that love isn't always romance and flowers, but something deeper, better, and longer lasting. And you create your own "happily ever after."

[FunkyTown]

Cursed link didn't work!

[rameumptom]

It started long before Disney. It started in the 19th century. Marriages used to be arranged, which meant people had to make a conscious choice to love the person they were assigned to marry. Now, it is an emotional response, based upon attraction.

Alma taught Shiblon to guard all his "passions, that ye may be filled with love." IOW, love is a choice. We are not to allow passions to go out of control, but to choose which emotions are appropriate for each situation.

Thank God that God and Jesus do not have an emotion-based love, but that they are in charge of their emotions and choose to love, even when it is not an easy thing to do.

[Guest missingsomething]

lover blubber...

love = humility = charity = selflessness = headaches = heart burn =

ok best Ive got. lol

[NeuroTypical]

If you're mad at Disney, you can lessen your anger by watching Shrek 2 and Shrek the Third. If you recall, Shrek 1 had a happily-ever-after ending.

II and III are required viewing in my house - training up those kids to understand there is life after riding away in the giant onion carriage.

LM

[Still_Small_Voice]

I didn't like Shrek 1 because of the sexual humor in it. Were the second and third movies cleaner than the first?

[beefche]

I agree, Still. I watched the movie 2 times just to make sure that I saw and heard what I thought I saw and heard. Because of that, I cannot stomach thinking about watching the other 2.

[Connie]

Strictly my opinion but i hated it, too, and the second one was worse. I refuse to watch the third.

[Islander]

For my life, I can not understand why they have to push the sexual innuendo in movie for children!!!

[Gwen]

for the parents? that's what makes it a family movie, something for everyone...... right? after all the kids won't understand it anyway...... right?

[beefche]

for the parents? that's what makes it a family movie, something for everyone...... right? after all the kids won't understand it anyway...... right?

I had a friend that didn't have a problem with Grease. I then asked him how he would feel if his then 8 y/o daughter ran around singing the words to "Greased Lightening." Sure, she wouldn't understand it, but did he really want those words and thoughts in his daughter's thoughts and mouth?

I'm also opposed to innuendo because it de-sensitizes children into accepting things later when they are able to understand it more.

[Gwen]

as for the op...

What is the best way to help others understand that love is not "happily ever after?"

personally i think we need to stop hiding the truth. i think we are getting better but still not there. i'm not talking about scaring ppl about having kids or getting married, but sharing the challenges as well as the joy.

for example, i heard a story of a lady whose mother told her having a baby (the delivery) was pure joy, she went into labor with her first and really was in shock about how painful it was.

another lady i talked to said her daughter called her up in tears about how hard it was to have several young children in the house, wanted to know how she did it. 'mom you made it look so easy and joyful all the time.' only then did mom confess to the many nights she spent in tears after all the kids were in bed and finally asleep.

is that kind of deception necessary or helpful to our kids?

[GingerGolden]

I didn't like Shrek 1 because of the sexual humor in it.

Really?

Hmmm...

I must have missed that somewhere, but I have a sneaky feeling it must have come from something the donkey said...

[Dravin]

Really?

Hmmm...

I must have missed that somewhere, but I have a sneaky feeling it must have come from something the donkey said...

What comes to my mind (can't think of anything else), is when Farquad watches the Princess Fionna 'commercial' in his bed, he lifts up the sheets, looks down and gets a look on his face then you get a shot of Mirror with a disgusted look on his 'face'.

[prospectmom]

Or we can be like little children and let it pass over our heads......and just enjoy the movie....... Any movie can be picked apart.....:}

[NeuroTypical]

Dang - I'm no stranger to innapropriate innuendo, but I don't remember any of it in any of the Shreks. Just nasty slime and poop jokes. I guess I'll have to break them out again and take a fresh look.

I remember that scene Dravin mentions, I don't remember the sheet lifting... Any other examples?

LM

[edit - The sexual innuendo seems to have also escaped the microscopic gaze of one of my favorite movie review websites - kids-in-mind.com.]

Edited April 5, 2009 by Loudmouth_Mormon

[Gwen]

dove.org (one of my favorites to look at) recommends it for 12 and over (all three). they did pick up on the innuendo, seems they thought there was more in the second than the first and third. The Dove Foundation - Family Friendly Movie, DVD, Video and Game Reviews

hummm seems the link doesn't take you to the page i was looking at when i copied it. lol you'll have to search shrek to see what they say.

[beefche]

I can't remember the other ones off hand. This scene offended me so much (and I was SO not expecting it that I re-watched it a couple of times to see if I was just being too sensitive), that I just tried to block out the rest of the movie. I remember not liking them calling donkey "a$#" all the time--felt it wasn't appropriate for children.

[Guest]

Living Happily Ever After is what we should strive for! It is the kind of marriage that lasts. Disney/Grimm never said... and they lived happily ever after without working for it...

If you can't imagine yourself living happily ever after with the guy then don't get married. Find another guy.

My husband and I met when my husband was inactive. I was Catholic. We were friends for over a year - just friends hanging out with a whole group of friends. He drank, he smoked, ironically, I never did like drinking or smoking. Over a year later, he asked me out on our first date - just him and me - he took me to his ward for church service. That was our first date. The following week, he quit smoking and drinking - cold turkey. Why, because he decided I'm the one, and he has to be the best he can be to make a marriage out of it.

I went through the same changes as well - I had to fight my entire family who was against a non-Catholic. But, I know he is the one. So, we eloped.

We got married not even a week later. We know this is IT. There is no option for divorce, there is no option for affairs. We are IT. Forever. Of course we fight - I am not the easiest person to live with, and neither is he. But we take that all in stride as part of this thing called life. It doesn't take away from the happily ever after - because just waking up and the first thing I see is his face makes me extremely happy already.

That's happily ever after.

[firehotemily]

I agree, the type of love that lasts forever is a selfless love, not just the attraction...people may say "oh i'm in love with him" it's more or less the fact that their infatuated with them and that kindof crap. But, with love it takes effort. and everything else you guys said.