Marriage Update

[Ivy64]

So long story short, we decided go ahead and do a civil wedding. I have a few questions about it.

I knew a couple that got married after the girl got pregnant, they had to have the ceremony in the RS room and not the chapel. Will I have to do that cause I am no longer a virgin? Or was it just if I were pregnant (which I am not.)

Also, whats it like? Is there the typical walk down the eisle thingy...kiss the bride all that? Cause I sorta hope not haha

Also does anyone know if it has to be MY bishop that does it? Or could it be like my former bishop?

Also I have talked to my parents and they are supportive. No questions or anything :) I think really they are smart enough to figure things out but, I am thankful...

Thanks in advance :)

Oh and I am excited hehe

Edited April 11, 2009 by Ivy64

[Dravin]

I never know a ceremony to be held in the chapel, they were in the Relief Society Room with the reception in the Cultural hall. Of course my sample group is pretty small so...

[Soul_Searcher]

Congratulations Ivy! I have never in my life heard of a wedding being held in the RS room??!! Why would the chapel not be used? Its an ordinance after all.

We are in the UK where church weddings are standard. Mine was in the chapel, walking down the aisle, hymns, vows, kiss the bride, the works! I think it would be sad if you weren't to have this if you are having a civil wedding. As far as my experience goes...it can be another Bishop. My Brother in law got married in our chapel, but with his Bishop doing it. This also just happened with another couple who got married in our chapel (its a big chapel) but with their Bishop.

Of course if you don't want the walking down the aisle thing (cant imagine why, it was the best part of my life!!!!!) then discuss it with whoever is performing the ceremony. Its your wedding, so you should have what you want!

Good luck, Hope it works out x x

[Tarnished]

I don't know if it can be held in the chapel or not, I would ask your Bishop about it. As for who can marry you, it has to be a leader of a recognized religious order, or a justice of the peace. Ironically my husband and I were talking about this last night, we were on the subject of people who get married by Elvis in Las Vegas, and I asked him if Elvis had to be certified in some way, and he said that they have to either be a justice of the peace or a leader of a recognized religious group, yes our church counts as one. However, as I am guessing that your "former" bishop was released from his calling I am not sure if he would still be eligible, you would probably have to check with him. In that case it is a matter of the law recognizing your marriage as performed by a legal authority.

[Soul_Searcher]

Ur right tarnished I didnt spot that.

[Gwen]

i think this was discussed in another thread and it was basically said it had to be a current bishop since being bishop is what qualified him to do it.

in the us i have never known a ceremony to be held in the chapel. we do not see it as an "ordinance" and it's not one that is ever done in the chapel. it is a ceremony, and it is important, and it is sacred. in countries where you can not be "married" in the temple at the same time as the sealing it may be very different approach (thus the chapel wedding). but here in the us we can be sealed and married at the same time in the temple. that makes things a bit different. in the end it's up to your bishop and i would talk to him.

i know of one where the bishop required it to be a very small event. another the bishop allowed it to be very large. (neither in the chapel)

something to consider, you don't have to have it at the church. you can have it at a home or a park or whatever and still have the bishop preside (assuming he will agree but i don't see why not). i know of 2 weddings that a bishop presided over that were done in locations other than the church.

[Wingnut]

I knew a couple that got married after the girl got pregnant, they had to have the ceremony in the RS room and not the chapel. Will I have to do that cause I am no longer a virgin? Or was it just if I were pregnant (which I am not.)

Also, whats it like? Is there the typical walk down the eisle thingy...kiss the bride all that? Cause I sorta hope not haha

I attended a wedding a few years ago in an LDS building, in the chapel. The woman walked down the aisle, escorted by her father...the whole shebang. But she was a traditional girl, with a big ball-gown style dress. If you don't want to walk down the aisle, I doubt anyone will force you to do it.

Also does anyone know if it has to be MY bishop that does it? Or could it be like my former bishop?

It has to be someone who is currently a bishop or currently a justice of the peace. If your former bishop is certified by the state to currently perform weddings, then he can do it, but the Church no longer authorizes him to do it.

Gwen also made a good point. If you want to do it at a park, or someone's home, that's fine, too. It doesn't have to be at the chapel itself.

[OtterPop]

Back in 1972, my sister (16 years old and pregnant) was married in the chapel.

[Faded]

Xxxxxxx

Edited April 11, 2009 by Faded

[Faded]

Also, whats it like? Is there the typical walk down the eisle thingy...kiss the bride all that? Cause I sorta hope not haha

Also does anyone know if it has to be MY bishop that does it? Or could it be like my former bishop?

I think that the individual performing a marriage just has to be a legally recognized minister. As a missionary, I had the authority to perform a marriage for that very reason -- I had a legal license as a minister, just like all missionaries. I'm fuzzy on this one though. If there is a reason to do it, couldn't any Melchizedek (or even a Priest in the Aaronic) be able to perform the ceremony? I think it would only require legal recognition of your ministerial credentials.

Point is, you've got options.

You should be fine getting married in the chapel is that's what you want. The general tradition of using the Cultural Hall or Relief Society room is because of two things. Wedding Receptions are not Priesthood ordinances, so we don't do the reception in the chapel. The other thing is, temporal weddings are often kept small and quiet because the couple involved wants it to be that way. You can go as big or small as you like.

Edited April 11, 2009 by Faded

[TruthSeekerToo]

My sister got married in a chapel by a bishop. She is not active and married a non member. She has a child from a previous relationship (not that that should make a difference).

Come to think of it she got married once in the chapel with just the bishop, my mom and two witnesses (snagged from another room, they forgot to bring their own).

Then they had the wedding a few months later with the whole walk down the isle, decorations (tasteful) and approved music. I don't think you are allowed to do "here comes the bride" fanfare music. it was beautiful and the bishop did a splendid job of it.

Basically, each bishop is different. But, there is no rule against having a wedding in the chapel. It would be important to me to have it in a chapel so it is something I would (gently) push for.

Congrats and best wishes!!!

[winterstar]

I was married in the chapel. So was my sister (and they goofed before marriage, so that should not be a factor.)

I had my reception in the cultural hall, as I was going for as inexpensive as possible. (I had no money, and my parents did not either.) My sister, had a reception at a wedding hall, complete with bar for those that drank.

Talk to your bishop. If you don't want him to do it, ask your Stake President, or see if you can bring in an officiant. (I can see bringing in a non-Mormon officiant maybe causing you to need to use the RS room for example). Ask.

If you don't want to walk down the aisle, then don't. (I remember not being too thrilled on that before the event, but it went soo fast. Plus, I had my bridemaids all before me-- being the first would be the worst!)

They do have a brief ceremony, your Bishop can read it to you prior. And then it's over.

There's also no reason you can't be married before a couple of witnessess, (let's say your parents), and then just having a reception. It's YOUR wedding. The important part is you and your husband, and the promises you'll be making to each other before God.

[winterstar]

My sister got married in a chapel by a bishop. She is not active and married a non member. She has a child from a previous relationship (not that that should make a difference).

Come to think of it she got married once in the chapel with just the bishop, my mom and two witnesses (snagged from another room, they forgot to bring their own).

Then they had the wedding a few months later with the whole walk down the isle, decorations (tasteful) and approved music. I don't think you are allowed to do "here comes the bride" fanfare music. it was beautiful and the bishop did a splendid job of it.

Basically, each bishop is different. But, there is no rule against having a wedding in the chapel. It would be important to me to have it in a chapel so it is something I would (gently) push for.

Congrats and best wishes!!!

oh, I remember my sister telling me that you can't use the typical bridal march because of it's history. which was fine by me, I've always hated that tune. Dum Dum Dee dum.... bleh.

[TruthSeekerToo]

oh, I remember my sister telling me that you can't use the typical bridal march because of it's history. which was fine by me, I've always hated that tune. Dum Dum Dee dum.... bleh.

I never did know why. I wouldn't wanna "march" down the isle to it, either!

I just remembered another wedding I went to in a chapel. It was really interesting to see two cultures collide. The non-member side all started clapping and stuff at the end and the Mormon's didn't know what to do!

[RachelleDrew]

The location is up to your bishop, so I would specifically ask him if the chapel is off-limits or not Some wards don't allow weddings in the chapel at all, it has nothing to do with your v-card status.

Also, I've never head of a bishop refusing to marry people just because they were sexually active. Doesn't mean it doesn't happen, but i've never heard of it.

Keep in mind that if you did have your wedding in the chapel then your family members can't take video or pics. Your decorations also have to be limited, or even none at all in some wards. So you may very well not want it in the chapel.

Your best bet is to just go with your fiance to have a quick chat with the bishop. He can give you all the specifics.

[NeuroTypical]

If you're getting married in an LDS church, here's the short list of requirements:

* It's for time only (after one of you dies, no more marriage).

* Local laws are obeyed.

* Not on Sunday.

* The only church folks who can perform the marriage are bishop, st pres, miss pres, branch pres, or LDS military chaplain on active duty. Only if they haven't been released from the office.

* Our church will happily marry folks, even if neither person is a member.

* If happening in the church, the person performing the ceremony picks the room it's done in.

* If done in the Chapel, no camcorders or cameras.

* The person doing the marriage does have a set script to read. They can also add stuff as they wish.

* No receptions in the Chapel.

Happy marrying!

LM

[Just_A_Guy]

Gwen's right; we discussed this a couple of months ago and I think MarginofError ultimately posted an extract from the Church Handbook of Instructions.

From a legal standpoint, as a matter of state law, some states (e.g. California) allow pretty much anyone to perform a wedding ceremony.

From a Church standpoint, though, as others have said--it must be a currently serving ecclesiastical officer.

I have seen weddings done in the chapel. I'm not aware of any prohibition against it; I would suspect the decision is more a function of the number of anticipated guests.

[Ivy64]

Oh thank you all so much! You've been such a big help! I got a much better idea of this now...

Of course I always wanted a temple marriage, but right now it just isn't possible so I guess thats why I didn't want to do the whole traditional "walk down the eisle" stuff, but my inlaws are non-members so it would be really nice for them. :)

I know this is whats best for us know and I know we will make it to the temple.

Winterstar, we too have no money and nor do our parents. We are expecting some though (hopefully) through a buisness investmen but we thought it unwise to wait. WE are whats most important. However getting ready for the if all has made me really think of a receiption and stuff. I mean, it would be such a waste to wear a wedding dress for just 15 minutes right?! I am hoping to use part of my tax return for most of these expenses. We were planning on forgoing a reception but, think we can do it for less then $1000? XD

And also just out of curiosity, have yalls families/you been married in the chapel with a less then modest dress? Do they let you? Im going to go to a speciality modesty store here that we are SO blessed to have (face it when you ask for sleeved dresses anywhere the people look at you funny!) I definitly want to be modest and show my intentions to go to the temple in that way too (which is also why I want it in the chapel.) So just curious

Thanks again all!!

[TruthSeekerToo]

I'm pretty sure my sisters dress had absolutley no sleeves. It stopped just above her *ahem* chest.

I don't remember if she had a little jacket thingy to cover over or not???

I don't know about rules, but it seems like cap sleeves or more would be fine. I'm sure you would avoid backless gowns anyway.

Remember you can always add a bit of fabric to a plunging neckline or little jacket to a sleeveless gown.

[Tarnished]

If you plan to wear your dress to the temple some day then they will require sleeves of some sort or a little jacket. As for modest dresses for getting married in the chapel, I am not really sure that they have a standard.

think we can do it for less then $1000? XD

Yes, it might take a little bit of work, and creative thinking, but yes I do. There are actually quite a few good ideas out there on how to have a cheap but good wedding. My advice would be to ask around the ward, especially in Relief Society and find out what skills people have. For example, my brother is getting married in June of this year. My mother has asked a sister in one of our old wards to make the cake (this sister did my sister's flowers when she got married), my mom is having another family from the ward we grew up in take care of the catering. Now these things cost my mom money, but if you explain your situation and discuss price with them I am sure they would be willing to find a good solution that can be pretty but not pricey. One of the things my mom has done as well is go to Salvation Army, Good Will, (or if you are out in the west) Deseret Industries and has found things that she could tweak a little to work for decorations. My mom also has made all the bouquets and flowers for my wedding, part of my sister's wedding and she already has the flowers ready for my brother's wedding. She goes to craft stores and finds the silk flowers on sale in the colors she needs and then with a few supplies (like the green floral tape and a bouquet handle) she creates bouquets, boutonnieres and corsages. For invitations my family has used pictures taken with a digital camera of the happy couple and with a little Power Point magic has been able to create some wonderful invitations that can be printed out at Walmart or Sam's Club. Another thing we have done for the receptions is to create a power point of pictures of the couple growing up and put it to music, then at the reception have it showing either on a TV or projected onto a white wall.

There are ways of making weddings cheap, you just have to look for them. And from some advice my mom has given me, if you come to a situation where you just don't know how to be creative with it, sit down and have a prayer asking to be inspired and then go back to your project and see what ideas come to you. Thankfully there are some great resources out there for weddings and we don't have to go the way my mother did for her wedding where she made her own silk flowers, and then made the bouquet from them. Good luck with it all, and Congratulations!!

[Guest Alana]

My parents were married in the RS room. It was nice and simple and quick. My mom did walk 'down the aisle' but it was more of a hurried regular walk, just to get to the front. It was small enough to be in the RS room, plus we were able to use cameras (no cameras in Chapel) If you were to have a lot of people attending and didn't fit in the RS room you could prob do it in culteral hall? Or somewhere else. I've even seen people married in the foyer!

[Soul_Searcher]

oh, I remember my sister telling me that you can't use the typical bridal march because of it's history. which was fine by me, I've always hated that tune. Dum Dum Dee dum.... bleh.

I walked down the aisle to Pachelbel's canon in D. I had always had my heart set on it. It was perfect

[Still_Small_Voice]

I was married by a preacher in Reno, Nevada before I sealed to my wife exactly one year later in the Salt Lake Temple. Many people I'm sure thought it was because we doing things together that were unchaste. That wasn't the reason.

Set a goal for yourself to get sealed to in one year. Advice on a wedding dress: buy a nice used one.

A warning that there are just so many immodest wedding dresses these days. I would look on E-bay and find a place near you that you can go and examine the dress and try it on before buying.

Congratulations!

[Guest missingsomething]

So long story short, we decided go ahead and do a civil wedding. I have a few questions about it.

I knew a couple that got married after the girl got pregnant, they had to have the ceremony in the RS room and not the chapel. Will I have to do that cause I am no longer a virgin? Or was it just if I were pregnant (which I am not.)

Also, whats it like? Is there the typical walk down the eisle thingy...kiss the bride all that? Cause I sorta hope not haha

Also does anyone know if it has to be MY bishop that does it? Or could it be like my former bishop?

Also I have talked to my parents and they are supportive. No questions or anything :) I think really they are smart enough to figure things out but, I am thankful...

Thanks in advance :)

Oh and I am excited hehe

Whether or not it is in the chapel is up to the bishop. We've had them in the chapel for people who are not virgins (prior marriages, etc). If you have unresolved issues, he may ask to have it somewhere else.

You can have your other bishop do it, I'd just let your current bishop know since it will be in your ward building.

Ceremonies are the take this man... take this woman... death do you part... kiss... pretty much from what I have seen/experienced - (been to about 8). They dont read a script but they hit the major points. Its up to you if you do the music/candles/down the isle/bridesmaids...etc.

[Guest missingsomething]

* The person doing the marriage does have a set script to read. They can also add stuff as they wish.

Happy marrying!

LM

they do??!?! Ive been to 8 diff ones and never heard the same thing twice.