My children being picked on at church..

[coral]

Hi all :)

So this isnt a major issue but im unsure how to go about sorting this.

I have recently started going back to church and my 2 sons (age 11 and 8) are loving it.

but for the past couple weeks a young boy the same age as my eldest son has been pretty mean to both my boys.

2 weeks ago during their lessons in primary class this boy chucked a stress ball at my son's head im not sure if a adult was made aware of this but my son choose to ignore this. but last week this same boy pushed and took my youngest son;s toys from him and wouldnt give them back, so my eldest son (being the protective brother) went and took the toys back and gave them to his bro, which resulted in this boy to go to my youngest son and pushed him into a wall. and hit him, Now my eldest son did wrong and chased this boy and tryed to push him back which he got cought by a teenager who told him not to do things like that.

i have explained to my son that although i understand he was trying to stick up for his little brother he should not result in chasing this boy and that he should have told a adult (one of the teachers or any adult around) and come to me so i could deal with it.

Now, i know this boys mother (not his real mum but she looks after him) but im not sure about how to go to her and speak to her about this. only reason im not sure is because i knew her from the past (she has only been a member of the church for 5 months) and she has a past that isnt so pleasent and although im sure going to church has helped her, i still feel a bit nervous to talk to her with out offending her.

i dont want to course a problem but at the same time i dont want my children feeling uptight or scared to go to their lessons.

How would you handle this situation?

[justaname]

Nice job for coming back to church!

I wouldnt worry too much about it. Boys will be boys. This is all part of them growing up and learning to deal with adversity. Its gonna happen at school too. You cant protect them from everything!

[dazed-and-confused]

i think there is some truth to what justaname said, however, i also think that this wont stop until the kid or his mum or both, or someone in authority is notified.

by all means speak to the mother about it.

[coral]

thankyou :)

i agree boys will be boys, and i hope they can sort it out by them selfs.

i guess im very protective of my boys as is any parent.

I just feel that im trying to teach my children thats its not ok to hurt other children.

i think this sunday i will speak to his mother, i just dont want to sound like im pin pointin it on her son as being a trouble maker (although she has admitted that he is hard work) i will tell her that i have already talked to my eldest son and told him he was wrong for retaliating in the way he did. i just hope she dont feel im starting trouble and speaks to her son

[talisyn]

This is a chance for a priesthood holder (bishop, stake president, etc.) to have a nice long chat with all the boys on proper behavior in Church. It's not fair that your kids are bullied, and it's not fair that the other boy gets away with poor behavior. All three of them need to learn the lessons and feel the Spirit, after all.

[Misshalfway]

I love it when other parents tell me if my kids are misbehaving. It helps me to make things better. I do think some parents have a hard time hearing that their kid was mean and then you just have to empower your kids. But if you approach the parent in a nonthreatening way, I think good problem solving can happen. :) Good luck!

It might help to make the Primary teacher aware. They can help run interference.

[coral]

i agree, i think all kids need to be tought how to treat others. and i think that will be my next option is to talk to the bishop if things dont go well with speaking to his mum,

i think all 3 (yes including my kiddos) need to know it is NOT ok to behave in a threatening way, esp in church.

and i also agree im happy for parents to come to me if my children have been behaving in a bad way

[jadams_4040]

Hi all :)

So this isnt a major issue but im unsure how to go about sorting this.

I have recently started going back to church and my 2 sons (age 11 and 8) are loving it.

but for the past couple weeks a young boy the same age as my eldest son has been pretty mean to both my boys.

2 weeks ago during their lessons in primary class this boy chucked a stress ball at my son's head im not sure if a adult was made aware of this but my son choose to ignore this. but last week this same boy pushed and took my youngest son;s toys from him and wouldnt give them back, so my eldest son (being the protective brother) went and took the toys back and gave them to his bro, which resulted in this boy to go to my youngest son and pushed him into a wall. and hit him, Now my eldest son did wrong and chased this boy and tryed to push him back which he got cought by a teenager who told him not to do things like that.

i have explained to my son that although i understand he was trying to stick up for his little brother he should not result in chasing this boy and that he should have told a adult (one of the teachers or any adult around) and come to me so i could deal with it.

Now, i know this boys mother (not his real mum but she looks after him) but im not sure about how to go to her and speak to her about this. only reason im not sure is because i knew her from the past (she has only been a member of the church for 5 months) and she has a past that isnt so pleasent and although im sure going to church has helped her, i still feel a bit nervous to talk to her with out offending her.

i dont want to course a problem but at the same time i dont want my children feeling uptight or scared to go to their lessons.

How would you handle this situation?

Hide the body when yer done.:)

[RachelleDrew]

Church is a place where kids should feel safe. I would politely let the parents know, chances are they don't want their kid to be known as a bully.

[Generally_Me]

You could always just point out that roughhousing isn't very reverent, and if he wants to play with your boys (at YOUR house and YOUR supervision) that would be fine, but you'd just like to make him aware that throwing balls in primary is not a church activity.

[lydlou]

I would give bad advice. i whould tell the older by good job defending his brother, but next time dont get caught. and expecialy not togo chasing afer someone whos running away, becase that always paints you as the agressor. like i said bad advice dont folow it.

[pam]

My experience is, when you first contact the other parent, don't approach it in a way that will immediately put her on the defensive. Perhaps stating you've noticed that your boys and her son seem to be having a hard time getting along and asking her what you all could do to come up with a solution.

[Wisc]

I would give bad advice. i whould tell the older by good job defending his brother, but next time dont get caught. and expecialy not togo chasing afer someone whos running away, becase that always paints you as the agressor. like i said bad advice dont folow it.

So far this is the best advice. (in an other than church setting)

I had a kid try to bully my little brother once. He learned very quickly that "in the land of predators a lion is never afraid of the jackle."

However since it is at church I would suggest sitting in on the class one sunday *unknown of course* and just see first hand what may be happening. Might be supprised to learn one of the brothers is actually starting it up!

[idahomommyof4]

I would also notify the Primary President about what is going on. I just got released as the 2nd counselor in our primary presidency and we had boys (twins) that are developmentally delayed. We have had a lot of problems with them (starting when they first came into Sunbeams). We decided that as a presidency that we would help these boys as much as we could without having their parents have to come sit with them (which their parents every Sunday assured us that we could come get them if we ever needed them--but we told them we'd see how well we could do on our own). If the child is misbehaving in primary (whether it's in class or in singing/sharing time), they went out in the hallway with one of us Presidency members. We sat down with them and quietly explained to them why their behavior was unacceptable. We reminded them that they are at church, and that the spirit can't be there if they are not acting right. We then gave them two options--they could go back to class and behave, or else they could go sit in a classroom by themselves with the Primary president or other presidency member and have a one-on-one primary lesson. Of course they wanted to be with their classmates. This really worked well not only for these twins but also some other kids who occasionally were having problems that day.

I also liked the idea another member posted about talking to the mom and mentioning that you noticed that the boys weren't getting along and asking for her help in coming up with a solution. Then she won't be defensive, but rather responsive and most definitely would appreciate having the opportunity to help resolve the problem than add "fuel to the fire" that the boys seem to already have going on.

I hope things get resolved!!

[coral]

thanks everyone, theres some great advice there.

I am going to have a chat with his mum tomorrow hopefully,

i will keep u posted how it went :)

[Peace_B_Un_2U]

What does your intuition tell you? Don't be fooled. You are the mother of your boys, if you don't protect them then they will have to do what they need to in order to protect themselves. Parents are within their obligations to nurture and protect their children - that is our role as parents. Do not allow your children to be bullied, you will teach them violence is acceptable. If other children cannot behave then it is they who need to learn that in an LDS meetinghouse, it is never acceptable to assault or harass another.

Boys will be boys - what a cop out! We are taught we are to put the natural man aside and how will these young men learn to be disciples of Christ if they are excused for beating up on the very boys who will be passing the sacrament along side them in a few years.

Boys will be boys - rubbish! Animal behaviour is to be disciplined. Many a criminal is behind bars because they were excused as "boys".

[Elgama]

They are too little to be expected to deal with bullying alone its not fair, if your instinct as a Mother tells you this wrong, evil etc I would speak to the Primary President and the Bishop. Children don't have to be cruel and boys don't have to be boys and treat each other badly. Play fighting is acceptable but only if all parties want it. Personally and it may get me into trouble lol if you see anything say to the boy concerned 'I do not find your behaviour towards my sons acceptable, if it continues I will do something to stop it' Bullying should be stamped on and not excused at any age, If I knew my children were bullying I'd be down on them like a ton of led bricks, my daughter and I have been having a conversation about her calling a boy bossy in her art class'

[SeattleTruthSeeker]

My wife and I had a similar situation like this happen with her son. He is 11 and there is a young girl around his age that gave him trouble. The problem is that the Teacher did nothing about this. My wife talked about it with our home teachers, the primary president, the teacher, etc.

So, I told my stepson, 1) Ignore it, 2) inform her politely that you do not like it and to leave you alone, 3) Get the teachers attention and let the teacher know that it is bothering you, 4) if the teacher does nothing and it still persists, in a very authoratitive voice, tell her that if she does not knock it off, you will put her in place and let her know that you will not tolerate being treated like this.

He defended himself, and the teacher pulled him out of class saying it is not appropriate. My wife went in and sat with him in the class, when the girl started in on him, my wife took her hand and pulled her out of class and told her that she needed to knock it off or she (my wife), her, and her parents will go to the bishops office and she will have to explain herself.

It so happened that a new primary presidency had been called, and one of the lady's very familiar with the situation resolved the issue and we have not had any further incidents.

[coral]

some good points there lemme comment on some of them :)

What does your intuition tell you?

my intuition tells me i need to step in before it gets out of control

Boys will be boys - what a cop out! We are taught we are to put the natural man aside and how will these young men learn to be disciples of Christ if they are excused for beating up on the very boys who will be passing the sacrament along side them in a few years.

actually now i think about it, i guess it is a good point. i guess truley boys being boys isnt an excuse for fighting each other. i do wonder why boys have it in them the need to prove who is stronger and better then the next boy.

if you see anything say to the boy concerned 'I do not find your behaviour towards my sons acceptable, if it continues I will do something to stop it' Bullying should be stamped on and not excused at any age, If I knew my children were bullying I'd be down on them like a ton of led bricks, my daughter and I have been having a conversation about her calling a boy bossy in her art class'

good point, id rather the parent be the one to tell them first hand though

So, I told my stepson, 1) Ignore it, 2) inform her politely that you do not like it and to leave you alone, 3) Get the teachers attention and let the teacher know that it is bothering you, 4) if the teacher does nothing and it still persists, in a very authoratitive voice, tell her that if she does not knock it off, you will put her in place and let her know that you will not tolerate being treated like this.

good advice u gave your step son. i have told my boy's to ignore him, no matter how much he trys to annoy you. i guess its easier said then done.

So i went to church on sunday and his mum was not there, but the boy was there with some adults im not sure who they are. i told my son's before they went in to ignore or if he does something tell an adult right away, and i will try get word to the adults who are with him today.

when my children came out of class they told me what this boy had done. he chucked things across the class, swore at everyone, jumped on the tables, taking toys of kids and just being rather naughty. this boy did all this infront of all the primary teachers, im not sure how they delt with it to be honest as my children didnt know them selfs, but they did say their primary teachers was having a hard time getting him to settle. and he found it all rather funny.

i tryed looking for the adults he was with but its seems after sacrament they went of some where, so im not sure what was going on there. i spoke to the missonaries, and they was pretty aware this boy misbehaves. and from wot they have said his older bro whos 14 is pretty much the same,

its funny coz my brother knows this other boy (little boys 14 year old bro) and he said they go to same school and this boy smokes, but i was a little confused into why he stands up and does sacrament with the other teen boys, i thought if u smoke then u are not ment to patake in sacrament?

but anyhow, hopefully i can speak to his mum next week.