intercultural marriage?

[ConnieM]

Hello everybody.

I have a close friend who has been involved in a conversation about marriage last weekend where someone else told her that the church stated somewhere that one should marry someone from his or her own cultural background.

She asked me about it but I could not find anything about this in particular. Do you know any sources with a statement like this or have you heard talks or statements of members concerning intercultural marriage??

Thank you!!

Connie

[MarginOfError]

Nothing in recent years comes to mind, except maybe a fleeting statement about how intercultural marriages face more challenges and are more likely to fail, which I'm sure is a statistical reality. But I certainly don't recall anything since the 70's where members were counseled not to enter intercultural marriages. Someone correct me if I'm wrong, please.

[FunkyTown]

Hello everybody.

I have a close friend who has been involved in a conversation about marriage last weekend where someone else told her that the church stated somewhere that one should marry someone from his or her own cultural background.

She asked me about it but I could not find anything about this in particular. Do you know any sources with a statement like this or have you heard talks or statements of members concerning intercultural marriage??

Thank you!!

Connie

This is a great source.

Interracial Marriage

[Gwen]

i don't have the quote for you, i know what you are talking about though. i believe it's one of those things that was said as an personal opinion of advise and ppl tried to convert it into doctrine.

the quote is along the lines of ... to have the best chance at a good marriage you should marry someone that is of the same race, culture, economic status, etc as you.

which to a certain extent is true. when ppl come from totally different cultures you can have conflict over things that have no eternal consequence. there was a time when mixed race marriages and children were outcasts and persecuted and that makes for a very hard life for the couple and kids. i don't think that is as true now as it was back then. if a "rich" person marries a "poor" person expecting to maintain the same lifestyle that can cause issues in marriage.

all that being said it's a quote i wish would die, the faster the better in my opinion. i think the greater message to the quote should be, if those things are not in common you need to thoroughly discuss them before marriage. you should discuss your expectations in finances, you should discuss your family traditions and what you want to maintain for you kids and what you can live without. how your family will react to your not keeping some traditions. how ppl around you will react to mixed race kids (do you live in a tolerant area or not). what is the impact of your choices on them? which are all good things to be discussing before marriage even if you appear to have all those things in common. that's just good since to give yourself the best start as possible.

i think the end message is... marriage is hard, don't make it harder than need be. make wise choices and know (as best you can) what you are getting into.

[Wingnut]

This has been talked about a few times on this board, though not as repetitively as some other topics. Most recently there was a thread last year about it. You can read the whole thing here. I posted a quote from President Kimball that he gave in 1965 (so consider the time and political climate) about interracial marriage. Even that though was a caution and not a directive. My post is here.

[WillowTheWhisp]

Personally I think it matters more to marry someone with the same spiritual aims, goals and desires. I have been married twice. My first husband was a church member and we were sealed in the temple.I think I took it far too much for granted what a great blessing it was to have a priesthood holder in the home and we were both able to help and encourage each other spiritually. When he died I knew it was not the end because we were sealed and our children born in the covenant.

When I remarried I didn't consider what a 'cultural difference' it would be marrying a non-member who doesn't have an important place for the church in his life. He attends sacrament meeting to 'support the family' and thinks that's all there needs to be. He really does not understand how big a part in our lives the church is. I thought this would work out OK with him not wanting to be sealed for eternity and me still having my first marriage for eternity but there is so much missing in the here and now. So many times I would have loved to have been able to ask for a priesthood blessing.

There are people from very different backgrounds and countries in our Ward but the most important thing in life we have in common and that is our acceptance of the Gospel.

Edited March 15, 2010 by WillowTheWhisp

[bytor2112]

I notice that many of the replies are regarding interracial marriage...rather than intercultural. Theire is a difference....right?

[MarginOfError]

I believe an interracial marriage would qualify as a superset of intercultural marriage. Certainly, you can be of the same race but a different culture. But it's very rare to be of the same culture but a different race.

[bytor2112]

I notice that many of the replies are regarding interracial marriage...rather than intercultural. Theire is a difference....right?

Just in case anyone was curious......theire is the alternate spelling for those who are chronically befuddled by there or their. FYI

[prisonchaplain]

I'm led to believe your church is largely silent on this--and that most members would consider this a matter of "agency." In my case, the experience has been wonderful. Then again--I definitely married up.

[Guest Alana]

This kinda makes me laugh. I mean, seriously. Of course having similar backgrounds can help a marriage, and having dissimilar backgrounds can make things harder, or they can not matter at all. I've never heard anything negative about interracial or cultural marriages at church or from church leaders. There are so many wonderful examples of eternal marriage in just my ward that have inter racial or cultural aspects. A bishop in one of the stakes wards is black, being born and lived half his life in Africa (can't remember the country) and it seems to just enrich his marriage to his nice white California raised wife. Oh, how scandalous! Seriously, not.

[susieSA]

Culture isn't only about the colour of your skin.

It also has alot to do with where you are from.

For me for example, going to Australia, New Zealand or even the US would be different for me culturally.

[HEthePrimate]

Well, I'm the product of an intercultural marriage, and I feel enriched by it. Just before heading off to serve my mission to a European country, though, my bishop told me to be careful about marrying a woman from over there, because it's a different culture. I was really taken aback, because he knew perfectly well my mother is from another country, so where did he get off saying something like that?! *shrug*

HEP

[Moksha]

The thoughts of marriage to someone outside the Jell-O belt seem potentially fraught with problems, I mean what does one discuss with someone from say Philadelphia? Surely they would not understand our fry sauce, as we would not understand their use of cheese whiz on steak sandwiches. Still we would have a mutual admiration for Velveeta.

But is that Enough? Would we not feel ourselves unequally yoked to someone who would snicker at the way we said barn or egg? Would we not feel righteous wrath when then spoke of a city of "Brotherly Love". That would go against our grain and teachings. It would be like embracing Sodom and Gomorrah or even worse, San Francisco.

How could we find commonality with someone from Hobart, Tasmania? One only needs to look at the map to realize the precarious gravitational position that would place true blue Jell-O Belter in. And what of those Tasmanian Devils? As Anita told Maria, "Stick to your own kind, one of your own kind. A Devil like that would kill your brethren. A Devil like that you would not go to Heaven...".

Just a thought...

[ConnieM]

Thank you all for your help, for sharing something personal or your experience. :)

There has been a huge discussion here, in Germany, in that ward about it and I feel the need to be more informed. My friend also is doing some research but we could not find any official church statement about intercultural or interracial marriage.

Thank you for the links!

@wingnut: it was indeed helpful! thank you.

@funky town: a very good quote, thank you :) I never heard about this site... it's not from the church, is it?

[Saguaro]

This quote is currently in the Aaronic Priesthood Manual 3. IMHO, those manuals along with the YW manuals desperately need to be updated, they can start by throwing this quote out the window.

“We recommend that people marry those who are of the same racial background generally, and of somewhat the same economic and social and educational background (some of those are not an absolute necessity, but preferred), and above all, the same religious background, without question” (“Marriage and Divorce,” in 1976 Devotional Speeches of the Year [Provo: Brigham Young University Press, 1977], p. 144).

[Guest mysticmorini]

I don't think its bad advice to marry someone with the same racial background especially if it would cause problems with your family.

[theoriginalavatar]

I notice that many of the replies are regarding interracial marriage...rather than intercultural. Theire is a difference....right?

I appreciate that comment. There is a difference.

If we may back up and focus for a moment on the term "culture" as used originally in the context of this thread, there is a difference to be found here as well. The term culture is a problematic term at best. Taken in its very broadest, ethnographical sense, culture can be inclusive of such diverse things as knowledge, beliefs, art, morals, laws, customs, and any other capabilities and habits acquired as a member of any given society.

Clifford Geertz provided a very cognitive definition of culture when he described it as "... an historically transmitted pattern of meanings embodied in symbols, a system of inherited conceptions expressed in symbolic forms by means of which men communicate, perpetuate, and develop their knowledge about and attitudes toward life" (Geertz 1973: 89).

I mean no disrespect to the OP as she raises a very valuable and interesting point, but there is much that can be explored here that a merely subjective skimming of the surface cannot possibly provide.

*sigh* I do apologize...just tell the anthropologist (me) to be quiet.

[mrmarklin]

Hello everybody.

I have a close friend who has been involved in a conversation about marriage last weekend where someone else told her that the church stated somewhere that one should marry someone from his or her own cultural background.

She asked me about it but I could not find anything about this in particular. Do you know any sources with a statement like this or have you heard talks or statements of members concerning intercultural marriage??

Thank you!!

Connie

There is no church doctrine AFAIK about this, but there have been statements over the years by various GAs and others regarding the "problems" of cultural differences.

Frankly, if one has married in the temple to another worthy member, isn't that the same culture??? Both share the same basic beliefs about family, religion and how to live etc, etc. So I'm not sure what "intercultural" means as applied to members unless it means marrying outside the faith.

I married a woman from another country, and we seem to have survived 35+ years so far and had 4 kids. Two of whom married persons from other countries......but then I live in California which is a big melting pot of "cultures".:)

[Elgama]

My husband is American, I am British our marriage is interracial and intercultural - seems to be working lol

[Seminarysnoozer]

The story of Isaac and Rebecca is an example of where it was important to find someone of the same cultural background. But I take from that story the most important thing is to find someone who is worthy of all the things that you are trying to accomplish in your life. In other words, someone who is temple worthy and has a testimony of the gospel, regardless of race or culture.

[prisonchaplain]

POP QUIZ: Which religion is it that actually encourages intercultural marriages--with the main leader even serving as match maker?

[HEthePrimate]

POP QUIZ: Which religion is it that actually encourages intercultural marriages--with the main leader even serving as match maker?

The Unification Church (aka 'Moonies').

[prisonchaplain]

Primate wins a free cyber-indulgence from prisonchaplain!!! Kudos!

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Edited March 16, 2010 by prisonchaplain