Advice for single dad with two little girls?

[PV2004]

So my wife and I are seperated, she left about a month and a half ago. I won't go into the background on that, you can read it in one of my other posts. Luckilly she is giving me full custody of our two daughter who are 2.5 and 4.5. They are the best two little ladies!! Anyway, as I have been thinking about things, I realize there are some situtations that will and do arise in everyday life that are usually handled or better addressed from their mom or a female prespective. Unfortunately, with their mom living 2 states away, I am left to handle these situations on my own, so I am looking for any advice / help with these types of situations.

For example, one thing I really need help with is, how do you do little girls hair???? All I can do is put their hair in a single pony tail and that is it!! Does anyone know of a book that teaches how to do little girls hair (braids and so on)? I just can't make it look cute. Hopefully they won't have a complex later on in life because all their daddy could do was put their hair in a single pony tail.

Second example, how do I know they are "too" old to see daddy, let's say in "the shower" (hopefully you understand what I am getting at) and at what age should I stop giving them a bath and let them do it on their own? I mean this is a question all moms and dads deal with at some point don't they? I mean if I had two sons these wouldn't really be issues, but with two little girls I do ask myself those questions. Currently, I don't tend to lock the door to the bathroom when I am in there because I have to shower when they are watching a show or something, and I want to make sure if there was really a problem they could come in and get me. However, if they do come in, I try and make sure they see as little as possible.

Another question I have is, how do I know when I should give them hair cuts? I mean girls hair is naturally longer than guys so I don't know when it should get cut or not. Then what is a cute haircut for little girls? I just don't know. Help!!!

I am just lucky they are not pre-teens yet going into teenage years and having to deal with all those, let's say "issues", that come to maturing young women, if you catch my drift. I will definitely have to defer on those situations to a woman.

Anyway, as in the way of cooking, cleaning, and all the general household chores, my parents brought me up well and so I am not worried about that. I actually enjoy all the cooking, cleaning, and household duties. Anyway, my question is in regards to those situations where a little girl needs a mommy's touch, which unfortunately they don't have right now close by.

Hopefully the ladies reading this question will understand what I am talking about. If there are any men in the same situation I am in, I would like to hear your perspective too.

Thanks.

Edited May 21, 2010 by PV2004

[JThimm88]

As for hairstyles, if you even go to your library and look at the online catalog, there will be tons of informational/instructional books on how to do hair or you can buy one from a bookstore (ie: how to do braids -- I do have a book on that myself, bought it so I could learn how to braid my own hair back when I was a teen). As far as cutting hair goes, a "trim" (less than an inch or so) every couple of months keeps the ends of hair looking nice and clean, but there is probably no need to go chopping off yours daughters hair at their ages. :)

As far as the bath situation goes, I would make it clear to the girls that they should only come in the bathroom while you're showering if it's an emergency or something is wrong, if girls that young can understand any of that, maybe your 4 1/2 year old can. But as for giving them baths, I wouldn't worry about it for now, I'd say when your oldest is about 6 or 7 it might be time to start having her take baths herself (at least that's what my parents did with me and my sisters).

Wow... cooking, cleaning, chores? I wish my husband enjoyed doing those things more!

(Edit): Also another book here that might be of help. Growing up I used to be a fan of American Girl and have found the instructional books to be wonderful; they have step by step pictures most often than not!

Edited May 21, 2010 by JThimm88

[PV2004]

Thanks and good advice. That "chopping off their hair" sounds like a good idea. No more combing, styling or screaming when it comes to hair washing time. It is a win-win situation all around. Is that something I could do myself or should I have a professional cut it all off?

Just kidding

[mightynancy]

When it comes time for them to learn about their physical development, I second the American Girl recommendation! Their book called The Care and Keeping of You addresses development without addressing sexuality. Girls are developing younger than they used to; I recommend this book from about age 9.

Do you have any friends who are women, or friends who have teen daughters? They could train you in hair styling.

My husband began staying out of the bathroom when our daughter was bathing when she was about 7. She has long hair, so I still help her rinse the conditioner out, but I'm her mom. That rinsing has proved itself to be the toughest part of having our DD responsible for her own shower/bath (she's 9).

I'm glad you're at ease with housekeeping! My husband is a star at that, too. You guys rock!

[JThimm88]

Thanks and good advice. That "chopping off their hair" sounds like a good idea. No more combing, styling or screaming when it comes to hair washing time. It is a win-win situation all around. Is that something I could do myself or should I have a professional cut it all off?

Just kidding

Ha! It'd be a win-win situation for you -- no having to deal with that hair, but those girls would probably miss it. ...Then again, when they're older they'll probably want to shave it all off. I know there are days I want to!

[Gemma]

A friend of mine asking the same question about her little boy when he was 4 - the answer she got was its time to start locking the door when he starts to get embarassed. Similarly, your girls will let you know when they want to bath themselves. No point in letting them think their bodies are something to be embarassed about!

Try this link for basic braiding - to make it easier, start by put their hair in a ponytail then braid the ponytail. You could even divide the hair into three and put elastics at the bottom of each, then take the elastic off when you're done braiding. You'll find your hands get used to holding three things at once then you can try more things.

The Simple Hair Plait

I really admire the thought you're putting in to raising your girls well and the fact that you're asking to help. You'll do a great job because you obviously love them!

[hordak]

For example, one thing I really need help with is, how do you do little girls hair???? All I can do is put their hair in a single pony tail and that is it!! Does anyone know of a book that teaches how to do little girls hair (braids and so on)? I just can't make it look cute. Hopefully they won't have a complex later on in life because all their daddy could do was put their hair in a single pony tail.

Youtube. Books are ok but seeing it in action is better. I had no sisters and can french braid (when my daughter cooperates)

Second example, how do I know they are "too" old to see daddy, let's say in "the shower" (hopefully you understand what I am getting at) and at what age should I stop giving them a bath and let them do it on their own? I mean this is a question all moms and dads deal with at some point don't they? I mean if I had two sons these wouldn't really be issues, but with two little girls I do ask myself those questions. Currently, I don't tend to lock the door to the bathroom when I am in there because I have to shower when they are watching a show or something, and I want to make sure if there was really a problem they could come in and get me. However, if they do come in, I try and make sure they see as little as possible.

The sooner they bath themselves the better. Because it frees up your time. The important thing is that they know it is only ok for you, or the Dr to see them in their birthday suit. When thy hit the age when it becomes and issue they will let you know.

Another question I have is, how do I know when I should give them hair cuts? I mean girls hair is naturally longer than guys so I don't know when it should get cut or not. Then what is a cute haircut for little girls? I just don't know. Help!!!

As a man you know nothing of fashion. If you get there hair cut take them to a salon, not a barber, and let them give you ideas. Short hair is easier to do but you can't do as much.

[zippy_do46]

"Anyway, as in the way of cooking, cleaning, and all the general household chores, my parents brought me up well and so I am not worried about that. I actually enjoy all the cooking, cleaning, and household duties. "

Don't forget to share your enjoyment with these little ones. The younger the better. Sometimes we tend to do instead of teaching our little ones that they need to clean up after themselves. You can make a game of it. I have worked with younger children and they do like to do when you make it into a game. I can not tell you how many mothers are so shocked when they see their younger children cleaning up toys in the Nursery class. You might use this as a Family Home Evening. Tell the children that Heavenly Father loves a clean home. PV2004, don't forget to thank them for helping make your home and theirs pleasing for Heavenly Father. I know this sounds funny for a man, but little girls will love it. My prayers are with you. Zippy

[Gwen]

the 4.5 yr old is old enough to go to the salon and look through a book of kids hair cuts and pick what she likes. consult the person that will be cutting the hair on the choice. tell them your lifestyle and they can give good suggestions. the 2.5 there is nothing wrong with a cute bob, which she probably has pretty naturally anyway, just need to trim the bangs up some. take them to the salon. as they get older they will be able to have more say and doing of their own hair. my sister used to do my hair and i had a mom at home so there is nothing wrong with you learning the basics and letting the older one learn if she gets interested.

the general guideline i've been using for the shower and dressing thing is when they start school. when they start school they will be learning about privacy and boys vs girls bathrooms. they need to learn to knock and they are more capable of being independent and not need to come in. yes it's ok to say the 2 yr old can come in while you are dressing but the 5 yr old can not. i can't stand dressing with a kid screaming at the door. i let my kids dress in the living room when everyone is getting ready for school or after baths. i teach them mommy and daddy need privacy to use the bathroom and dress. around 7 my older kids became aware enough to extend that to themselves and dress in their rooms. don't freak out if they do see you, there is nothing wrong with the body and if old enough they are probably more embarrassed than you are. i don't lock doors, if one of the kids walk in on me i calmly say, "you forgot to knock, go back out and try again" they go out and knock and i reply with "you will have to wait a min mommy is dressing". don't use a clear shower curtain. then if they do have to come in you can talk to them and not be seen. as for bathing them around 6 my boys decided they didn't need my help. they wanted to start taking showers and i just go in at the beginning to wash their hair, make sure all the soap gets rinsed out etc. then they do the rest on their own.

around 5 or 6 i let the boys go in the boys bathroom when we are out (usually with a big brother) instead of forcing them to go into the girls bathroom with me. you are in a bit of a different situation, that i have a lot of sympathy for. women's restrooms are more private. you don't really want to be taking your girls into the men's room if you can help it. fortunately a lot of places are starting to have family restrooms, love those. when you do start letting them go in alone, i would (i've done this with my boys when they had to go in alone) stand right outside the door and as she goes in say loudly enough that anyone in there can hear you "daddy is right out side. if you need anything just call for me and i'll be right there" if the door is heavy or thick put your toe in the door (don't peek in lol) so you can know when she is ready to come out. yes i've gotten odd looks from men while hovering outside the men's room but it's important to keep our kids safe. i would have no issues with seeing a father do that.

something i hate thinking about but as parents we must. men are not the only ones that will molest a child. a little girl alone in the ladies room is not any safer or in more danger than a boy in the mens room. talk to them about strangers and what is ok or not. encourage them to always tell you if anyone tries to touch them or wants the girls to touch them. sometimes the abuse does not come from an adult but a fellow kid at recess or after school playing.

i would not pass off the development discussions off to a woman. it's ok to make sure there is a woman they can talk to but you personally keep an open line of discussion with them about it. i do most of that kind of talking with my boys. they need to know dad is there and knows this stuff, you should always be their first resource. if you don't know this stuff get some books and educate yourself (if you do not know that the vagina has nothing to do with peeing then you need to do some serious studying). the younger you start talking about it the better and more comfortable it will be. it starts with little things, proper names for body parts, not avoiding their questions, if they ask answer (even if it's at the dinner table). it is ok to say, can we talk about that later, if one of the kids is ready and not the other, or you don't really know the answer. but make sure you schedule the time, in the near future, to talk about it. don't ever say that to skirt the issue. only answer the questions asked to start with. you will find they are very simple questions. if you don't understand the question ask questions till you do. as adults we sometimes here more in the question than the kids were thinking when they asked it.

i find with my kids the best resource is a good picture book about the body, they can look at it any time they want. not just reproductive information but digestion, muscles, all of it. when they ask questions about something have them get their book and talk about that page. eventually they will ask something reproductive related and will be comfortable when you pull out the body book and handle it like any other bodily function. when you get to topics not covered in a basic book then they are ready for something more detailed.

got longer than i intended, sorry.

[Guest mormonmusic]

Regarding the hair issue -- I'd second the hair salon idea.

When you go to get your haircut, as for a female stylist and pick her brain while you're getting your hair cut on all the hair issues. Do this with different hair stylists every time you get your hair cut. You may end up knowing more about hair than your little girl's friends as they grow up!!! Also, Amazon is a great place to look for books -- read the reviews from people about books before you buy them. And used copies are really cheap.

Regarding the issue of when to be extremely modest -- my wife and I have debated that one a lot. She grew up in a Mormon family where from a VERY young age, there was strong modesty across sexes in the family. On the other hand, my family, all non-members, where very open about it, and I routinely saw my parents getting in and out of the bathtub or changing. Our whole family was like a lockerroom where we would all talk about life and things when people were getting changed etcetera. No one thought anything about it.

I believe now that it's better to err on the side of modesty. I actually asked my daughter what she thought about the whole "modesty in the famly concept" when she was 10 and she said "I think you should cover up when you're around me and Mom". So I do because she appreciates it.

My wife thinks that if we're too immodest in the family, my daughter will not have the right barriers when she's in situations where young men want to get "familiar". She'll be too used to seeing her Dad and brothers and may not put the brakes on things early enough to prevent losing her virtue, or getting into a situation where she's tempted too much. Through inaction, she may not give the right "No" signals to other men.

Quite honestly, I've deferred to my wife and my daughter on this one, and I go with the strict modesty route, breaking with tradition from my original family.

If I was you, as soon as the kids are able to do things for themselves that involve nudity, I'd make the whole thing private for them.

Edited May 21, 2010 by mormonmusic
clarity

[Guest xforeverxmetalx]

As far as hair, you really just have to do what you and the girls like. Let them pick how they want it, like have them point out girls in church whose hair they like. If it's a style you don't know how to do, ask the parents how. And if they want a haircut, let them choose what they like [within reason of course] and take them to get it done. You might also want to learn how to do a bunch of different styles you all like and practice on them, and let them practice on each other and dolls too. Make it into a family activity.

If you're concerned about emergencies, I'd say keep the bathroom door at least closed and tell them not to otherwise come in when you're in there. And from a more practical standpoint, I'd say start teaching them how to properly wash themselves and their hair. Once they can do a good enough job on themselves [or at least the older on the younger], I'd say then stay out and leave it to them.

I think in situations like that, and especially with them being so close in age, they'll probably rely on each other a lot as they grow up. So let them, while of course guiding them along the way. Also second the recommendation on "The Care and Keeping of You" by American Girl, my mom got me that years ago and it helped a lot, since my parents weren't really that open about that sort of thing. Read it yourself and then give it to them to read.

[PV2004]

I appreciate everyones feedback. You all gave me some good ideals. I did't think of the one situation of having to use a public restroom. That is a good one to keep in mind. I appreciate the help again.

[Guest Alana]

It was just me and my dad from about age 4-10. He always chopped my hair off and kept it short. I didn't like it, but I didn't mind too much. If you're 4.5 year old wants longer hair, and she can keep it combed, go for it, other wise, nothing wrong with cute little bobs until they can maintain it themselves. Oh, I remember once my grandmother taking me to a beauty school and I got a french braid for $1. Though it might be more now:)

As far as seeing you naked, I think that's up to you. Some families don't care if their kids see either parent naked no matter the age. Some other families never let the kids see them naked even when really little. We try to make it so that we each have privacy while dressing but if someone walks in or really needs to go to the bathroom, so what, it's not an embarrassing thing.

As far as baths, my dad stayed in the bathroom until about age 5, but let me do all the cleaning myself, including my hair.

I think my biggest piece of advice is to realize that your girls will adapt just fine, but if something is weird for you or embarrasses you, they'll probably pick up on that and feel embarrassed about it (like the seeing you naked thing.) I personally think my dad did a great job and was a great dad. Though, my grandmother did tell me that for that first year I was always running around half naked, tangled hair and a dirty face. I see no problem with that. Oh, also, please don't dress your girls like boys. Just don't do it. Especially if that means wearing sweat pants allllll the time...

[Guest mirancs8]

So my wife and I are seperated, she left about a month and a half ago. I won't go into the background on that, you can read it in one of my other posts. Luckilly she is giving me full custody of our two daughter who are 2.5 and 4.5. They are the best two little ladies!! Anyway, as I have been thinking about things, I realize there are some situtations that will and do arise in everyday life that are usually handled or better addressed from their mom or a female prespective. Unfortunately, with their mom living 2 states away, I am left to handle these situations on my own, so I am looking for any advice / help with these types of situations.

I can imagine this would be a bit overwhelming for a father of young daughters to have to think about these things. I'm sorry to hear that their mother is not going to be a part of their day to day lives but it is what it is. You'll do a great job and you're taking the right steps to know what you can do to make it a pleasant experience not only for your daughters but for you as well.

Second example, how do I know they are "too" old to see daddy, let's say in "the shower" (hopefully you understand what I am getting at) and at what age should I stop giving them a bath and let them do it on their own? I mean this is a question all moms and dads deal with at some point don't they? I mean if I had two sons these wouldn't really be issues, but with two little girls I do ask myself those questions. Currently, I don't tend to lock the door to the bathroom when I am in there because I have to shower when they are watching a show or something, and I want to make sure if there was really a problem they could come in and get me. However, if they do come in, I try and make sure they see as little as possible.

I really think this depends on you and your situation. I'm a recently separated mother with 2 boys 6 and 9 so it's a real challenge to have any privacy. I've tried the locking the doors system but the little one kicked the door so hard he broke the door down . If I am in the bathroom it takes only a couple of minutes for an argument to erupt between brothers and in they come into the bathroom. If I do lock the door the screaming starts (though all day they were fine... go figure) and well you know how that goes. Wait till they are a little older it get's interesting. A shower.. ha ha ha yep that's a challenge. No way can the door be locked. If I don't lock the door the little one will just open the door. I don't care how much I talk to them or tell them I need my privacy it doesn't matter. I've learned to take my showers when they are fast asleep either late in the evening or early in the morning before they wake up.

I do however think girls are different then boys. I would imagine girls would listen more then the boys would. Though I believe in being modest I don't want them to be shy either. They need to be comfortable in their bodies. You daughters should never feel weird around you at bath time and such... you are their father. I hate to say this but no matter how careful you are they are bound to "see daddy". Just don't let the soap get in your eyes to long if you catch my drift Otherwise you'll be wondering exactly how long have they been standing their with the shower curtain open.

Seriously though they will get to an age when they start to be more private and you'll just know. They change. You'll notice they will close the door when they get dressed and things like that. My oldest is like that when he is changing his clothes now. I notice he's not as comfortable with me (or anyone) in the room. I respect that and I don't try to make him feel uncomfortable. Your their father... you will know.

Another question I have is, how do I know when I should give them hair cuts? I mean girls hair is naturally longer than guys so I don't know when it should get cut or not. Then what is a cute haircut for little girls? I just don't know. Help!!!

Ugh my mother chopped my hair when I was around 8 and it was traumatizing!! She got tired of fusing with it and made me into a boy!! It was horrible.

I am just lucky they are not pre-teens yet going into teenage years and having to deal with all those, let's say "issues", that come to maturing young women, if you catch my drift. I will definitely have to defer on those situations to a woman.

You'll be an expert by that point believe me. Take each thing as it comes and don't think to much ahead.

I wish you lots of luck and have fun with them. They grow so fast. It is a huge responsibility and take it one day at a time.

[beefche]

I haven't seen anyone suggest this, but I think it's valid. Church members are there to help you. Rely on your home teacher(s) and wife to help. Rely on primary presidency/teachers to help. When your daughters become pre-teens and teens, your YW leaders will be vitally important to you, as a father. I've had many intimate discussions with my YW (when I served there) about various things--makeup, feminine needs (you know that monthly event), boys, clothes, etc. Obviously, church members cannot replace a mother, but they are there to supplement your teachings and help you in ways you need.

[lizzy12]

I haven't seen anyone suggest this, but I think it's valid. Church members are there to help you. Rely on your home teacher(s) and wife to help. Rely on primary presidency/teachers to help. When your daughters become pre-teens and teens, your YW leaders will be vitally important to you, as a father. I've had many intimate discussions with my YW (when I served there) about various things--makeup, feminine needs (you know that monthly event), boys, clothes, etc. Obviously, church members cannot replace a mother, but they are there to supplement your teachings and help you in ways you need.

Deffinitley a valid point. Once your girls reach age 8 they will have their Achievement day leaders their for them.

A cute bob is fine for both girls ! I had a bob all through school because brushing my hair was torture time in my house.

My sister is 10 and is quite open with nudity, She changes in our living room while carrying on a conversation....and strips while watching TV :/ My dad and brother (18) constantly tell her to go to the bathroom..but she dosent want to miss anything. It really depends on the kid. My sister (10) still has trouble washing ALL the shampoo out of her hair..its always a bit soapy.

I suggest getting a babysitter from the YW's who's a Miamaid age (about 14-16) and having her come over every once and a while and babysit. It will help having her around for the girls when they get older.

I babysit for a family and the mom died and the dad recently discussed talking about "the birds and bee's" with her daughter and how he should approach it.

I volunteered to sit down with both of them and talk it over. It's great to have a female their for the "talk :eek:" The girl was 8.

I brought the American Girl book ( Wal-Mart sells it) and basically talked about pubic hair, periods, bras and such. After the dad said his bit... the phone rang and he went to talk on it and I asked if she had any questions or anything. Honestley, kids learn about this stuff from friends. Some people never had "the talk."

For her first bra try and have her and her friend, and her friends mom go get one. It will save her embarrassment.

Clothes are expensive so deffinitley look at Garage sales ! Tons of people will sale cute girl clothes.

Watch out for clothes that feel "itchy" (anything non-cotton) and with buckles or jeans hard to zip. Going to kindergarden and asking the teacher to unbutton your pants is not fun :) ( I had to ask once )

Once she gets her period I suggest already having some pads at your house (buy them when she turns 8 and keep them around....My aunt had her period when she was 8 !! You don't want to have to have the neibor come over and watch the girls while your daughter sits on the toilet freaked out.

In school they have The Movie (always whispered about on the play ground ) and they should cover most everything. Call the school around 3rd grade and ask when it will be showed. Some schools show it earlier..some wait for 6th grade health class.

Cute lip gloss makes great presents for 6-10 year olds. Little pet shops (often found at garage sells are a great toy for 4 yr olds !

I know some of the stuff i covered is a while off...but just to cover it all :)

Most 7 yr olds can take showers by themselves perfectly fine w/o getting soap in their hair..at least the girls i watch.

Try to eliminate fights between teh girls now so when the older one is a teen they can be close and she can help the younger out.

[Bini]

Generally speaking, children become sexually aware around the age of six years old. That's when they notice differences between boys and girls, and may even start sexual exploration. You see it a lot with siblings of opposite genders playing "doctor". They're curious and what to know what that is or what that does. Of course, these things vary but I would suggest once they start reaching that age, you take a step back and allow them to bathe and dress themselves. Let them know that you're there to help, give advice, give information but that personal space and personal privacy is important. I think it's also important to remember that while inside our homes it's safe and perhaps even accepted to expose one's self, the outside world is not as safe and it's not always as accepted. You want to protect your children from being taken advantage of as well. So teaching modesty is a good lesson learned for when they are outside the home, around other people and not family.

I like the suggestions of the posters above. Don't hesitate to seek and ask help from Church members. There's lots of sisters, mums and grandmas available to soften some of the realities that children are forced to face sooner or later. I don't see any problems in having one of these ladies assist you in bringing up matters when it comes to sexual health etc etc.

[Moksha]

For example, one thing I really need help with is, how do you do little girls hair???? All I can do is put their hair in a single pony tail and that is it!! Does anyone know of a book that teaches how to do little girls hair (braids and so on)? I just can't make it look cute. Hopefully they won't have a complex later on in life because all their daddy could do was put their hair in a single pony tail.

Nothing wrong with straight hair and pony tails. Buy a really good natural bristle brush for less pain and aggravation. Some Sundays you might want to ask one of the teens or ladies to help with braids.

Second example, how do I know they are "too" old to see daddy, let's say in "the shower" (hopefully you understand what I am getting at) and at what age should I stop giving them a bath and let them do it on their own?

Whatever you do, don't make them neurotic about nudity. When they get older, just tell them daddy needs some privacy. Around age six, they can take a shower by themselves if you have shown them in advance how to shower. Have everything ready and keep reminding them to shower and not just play. Have an easy to reach towel.

Another question I have is, how do I know when I should give them hair cuts? I mean girls hair is naturally longer than guys so I don't know when it should get cut or not. Then what is a cute haircut for little girls? I just don't know. Help!!!

Good to get haircuts every year or two. The longer the hair, the harder to brush. After about age seven, let them look through hair style books at the salon and pick out what they want.

[FairChild]

Could you get one of the teen aged girls in the ward with cute and trendy hair to come babysit and show you how to do girl's hair? That way your daughters could have someone to look up to, you could learn how to do girl's hair and once the babysitter knows your girls, someone to protect and mentor them as they grow. P.S. Not all women are good at doing hair. Some of us, the best we can do is a bun or ponytail ourselves.

[Ruck]

Just a thought that came to mind, do they have an aunt or grandma that lives near by? If so, you could send them to spend time with that person so they have a female role model in their lives and can learn how to do the different hair styles, maturity issues, etc.

[Guest Alana]

I still can't do my hair. I'm fine with this:P

[baver3]

My brother has two girls who are 5 and 8. I asked him the same question about showering with them around. He said that his 8 year old has seen him and he just doesnt make a big deal about it. I know that he 'avoids' opportunities for them to actually see him but when it does happen he completely down plays it.

I think it is good to talk to the girls (2.5 seems a smidge young). They should understand that everyone has private areas and what is appropriate. I think if you go over the top trying to cover them up or cover yourself up it may make the situation more than it needs to be and could conjure up feelings that it is wrong when in actuality you are doing nothing wrong. Giving your girls baths is not wrong.

Yes, they will let you know when they need their privacy. For now, they will need help washing their hair. Also, girls need CONDITIONER. It will also help you do their hair if you buy some spray leave in conditioner. My kids (boys) are 2 and 4 and I make them wash their own private areas. There is no reason that I should be touching them there. I have made it known that it is their responsibility. I wash everything else.

They see me shower but I make sure that as soon as I am out I am totally covered or I go get a robe or something. When they do see me completely naked it is for a VERY short time and I dont make a big deal about it.

Being a girl is hard. Being a girl with high self esteem is hard. It is so important they feel pretty and hearing from their dad will be very important. It is so sweet that you are willing to do their hair. I would ALWAYS give them the choice of how short to cut their hair. Most girls like it long (er).

I think you could get away with cutting a girls hair about every 2 months. When you take them in to get it cut ask the lady to 'do' their hair. You can watch and you will learn some new things. Get some pointers from them.

Best of luck!

[PV2004]

I just want to say thanks again for all the good advice. I appreciate it.

[BenficaGal]

Hey there. Just stumbled upon your post and it kind of struck me. I'm in the exact same position now (divorce almost finalized) and I've been wondering what I'm going to do with my son (7 months) when he gets older. Maybe you have some advice for me! It's easy with my daughter, but thinking about teaching my son everything a father should be teaching him is going to be hard. I will tell you that your daughters will love you all the more for everything you do for them.

[mountainsara73]

I'm the nanny of 2 boys, ages 18 mos and 4 yrs. Sometimes we go to the pool so I understand the shower thing. We've talked about privacy in the bathroom (18 mo old is fine to come in but I think 4 is too old!) Personally, I think age 3.5-4 is about right to start the privacy talks and not coming in while you're in the bathroom/shower and vice versa. Also I think 3.5-4 is old enough to bathe alone with assistance with washing (but I wouldn't close the door or go too far away to hear them; if they're splashing they're fine.) I think it's better to err on the side of caution because you don't want your daughters to say something really innocuous and have it taken the wrong way by someone who suddenly suspects you of inappropriate touching or whatever.

Case in point, my 4 yr old charge had swim lessons the other week and I forgot his clothes and towel in the car so I got him dressed in the back of my station wagon. I wrapped the towel around his waist and had him put his shirt on first and talked about privacy. He made a comment that he could see his mom's vagina anything he wants. If I didn't have a good relationship with the family so I could joke about it (and she assured me he most definitely does not get to see that ever) it could have been misconstrued.

Anyway, as far as the hair...I wouldn't cut it all off, I would no shorter than jaw length and then instead of worrying about braids and such you can put a cute clip or barrette in it and call it good. There are probably young women in the ward who would be happy to help out in that regard. There are hair products out there to help with the tangles. You spray it on after you wash but before you comb and it helps the comb to glide through better. I have also learned from experience not to comb the hair from the top to the bottom if there are tangles. It works better to grab a handful of hair in one hand and then comb it out with the other hand because it keeps the hair from pulling on the scalp.

Good luck to you!