Would you asked to be released from a calling?

[Anonymormon1]

I'm 2nd counselor in a Relief Society presidency. I haven't had this calling for very long. I was not really even very active before, just going to church once every 4 or 5 weeks due to illness and anxiety problems. When I accepted the calling, I thought that it seemed like it would be ok. But I have so much anxiety now that I have chest pains all the time and I'm only sleeping about 3 or 4 hours a night. And I am so depressed! When I get depressed, it's like I am paralyzed, I can't do anything. I can barely take care of the most basic needs of my family. I'm also diabetic and have been too much of a nervous wreck to eat regularly so my blood sugar gets too low and then too high and is just a mess. I can't make simple, stupid decisions like should I wash the towels first or the jeans first and yet I am supposed to plan and carry out all of these Relief Society meetings on weeknights. I made it through the one meeting for this month, but had an anxiety attack just before it and spent the next 2 days in bed too depressed to get up.

I feel so dumb for even thinking that I could do this and if I ask to be released I'll be a bad person and how can I face the ward after that? I know it's a big no no and I've never asked to be released from a calling and I don't even know how to go about doing that. Should I asked to be released or should I just keep going how I am and hope that I don't have a heart attack or kill myself? I'm so embarrassed!

What would you do?

[pam]

If it is affecting your health, then by all means asked to be released. It doesn't make you an ogre. It doesn't mean you are a horrible person.

[ChooseTheSun]

What Pam said...

However, don't stop there. You're describing some pretty serious functional impairments, and a psychiatric evaluation is likely in order.

Untreated mental illness + unmanaged diabetes + impaired self care = potential life threatening crisis.

Get help, get well, and stay safe!

[Guest mormonmusic]

Ask to be released, and in my view, I wouldn't rule out giving them a date beyond which you will no longer function in the calling. There are some who will not like it in the Ward, but for me, that means they have not yet matured in their understanding of Church leadership and the gospel. Forgive them if it happens.

[NeuroTypical]

We're often taught that when we have a problem, we shouldn't approach authorities unless we have a solution in mind. When it comes to callings, that's sort of like trying to cut the bishop and his access to inspiration out of the loop. Why not just meet with the bishop and tell him all the stuff you told us, and then counsel with him? Maybe there's an alternative option that would reduce or eliminate your anxiety and let you stay productive.

Here's an example how my wife does it:

"Hi bishop, you know I'm the Girl's Activity Day assistant for Tuesday nights. This semester, I'm having to take a class on Tuesday nights that conflict. Class starts in 2 weeks - so I'll be there the next two Tuesdays."

It's up to the Bishop if he wants to release her, or change the structure, or whatever. No asking to be released necessary.

[Guest DeborahC]

I agree, ask to be released.

There's nothing wrong with trying something, then realizing you can't do it.

Just this week, I took a job cleaning (I have chemical sensitivities).

I lasted exactly one day! I was deathly ill for the next 3 days due to the chemicals.

I quit, which was the understanding in my contract, that either party could quit the contract with no notice.

Do what is best for your health. Sounds like you need to devote your energy to yourself for a time or you can do nobody else any good.

[pam]

We're often taught that when we have a problem, we shouldn't approach authorities unless we have a solution in mind. When it comes to callings, that's sort of like trying to cut the bishop and his access to inspiration out of the loop. Why not just meet with the bishop and tell him all the stuff you told us, and then counsel with him? Maybe there's an alternative option that would reduce or eliminate your anxiety and let you stay productive.

Here's an example how my wife does it:

"Hi bishop, you know I'm the Girl's Activity Day assistant for Tuesday nights. This semester, I'm having to take a class on Tuesday nights that conflict. Class starts in 2 weeks - so I'll be there the next two Tuesdays."

It's up to the Bishop if he wants to release her, or change the structure, or whatever. No asking to be released necessary.

Kind of hard to change the structure though of the RS Presidency. Each have assigned tasks and assigned responsibilities. It's an extremely busy calling.

[hordak]

It's funny when people think of calling they think they are inspired. But only to actually take on and complete the calling.

I know a person who was called to teach. After about 4 months they resigned.

Some people saw this as wrong, "the calling was inspired for you to grow, how could you quit" what the missed was the fact the person did grow.

They were considering a teaching career, (this showed them it was not the right path) and they had a problem with admitting when something was too much, couldn't let others down.

Reviving a calling that was too much, having to quit, and risk disappointing an authority figure, was a greater learning/growing experience for the individual than, doing the calling, because it was expected would have ever been.

The calling may have been inspired to help you grow and learn, but that doesn't mean you can only grow by completing it.

[Anonymormon1]

I found an interesting quote. However, I don't necessarily feel that my calling was uninspired, I just thought it was interesting.

Elder Loren C. Dunn said this about the nature of a Church calling: “A calling in the Church is both a personal and a sacred matter, and everyone is entitled to know he or she has been called to act in the name of God in that particular position. Every person in this church has the right to know that he has been called of God. If he does not have that assurance, then I would suggest he give his calling serious, prayerful consideration so that he can receive what he has a right to receive” (in Conference Report, Apr. 1972, 20; or Ensign, July 1972, 44).

[jthomb1959]

I'm 2nd counselor in a Relief Society presidency. I haven't had this calling for very long. I was not really even very active before, just going to church once every 4 or 5 weeks due to illness and anxiety problems. When I accepted the calling, I thought that it seemed like it would be ok. But I have so much anxiety now that I have chest pains all the time and I'm only sleeping about 3 or 4 hours a night. And I am so depressed! When I get depressed, it's like I am paralyzed, I can't do anything. I can barely take care of the most basic needs of my family. I'm also diabetic and have been too much of a nervous wreck to eat regularly so my blood sugar gets too low and then too high and is just a mess. I can't make simple, stupid decisions like should I wash the towels first or the jeans first and yet I am supposed to plan and carry out all of these Relief Society meetings on weeknights. I made it through the one meeting for this month, but had an anxiety attack just before it and spent the next 2 days in bed too depressed to get up.

I feel so dumb for even thinking that I could do this and if I ask to be released I'll be a bad person and how can I face the ward after that? I know it's a big no no and I've never asked to be released from a calling and I don't even know how to go about doing that. Should I asked to be released or should I just keep going how I am and hope that I don't have a heart attack or kill myself? I'm so embarrassed!

What would you do?

To answer your question, I would and have asked to be released. Sometimes the Lord calls us to fulfill a mission in our wards and he leaves it up to us to do our best. After a while of magnifying the calling, we may come to the conclusion that we have done all we can. Then through intense prayer and councilng with the appropriate Priesthood Authority we might very well receive the answer that it is ok to be released. That has been the case with me on a couple times but I am very cautious and patient to make sure it's not just me getting tired or downtrodden.

[Backroads]

If I seriously could not handle a calling, I would ask to be released.

Let's be honest: we can say all we want that callings help us for personal growth. And while there is certainly a lot of truth to that, callings first and foremost exist to help the ward/other body of church members function.

I believe it's in the best interest of the ward to make sure everyone can handle it.

[applepansy]

I would ask to be released and I have. I explained the reasons. I've also turned down callings and explained the reasons.

I do feel that every single calling was inspired.... I know that sounds like a conflict, but its what I know.

I have health issues. Chronic pain and other chronic stuff that kicks my rear end. I am also raising my almost-3yo grandson. I don't talk about my health issues much even when asked. Most people only want to hear "I'm fine" when they say "how are you?" My bishop has finally learned to take it a step further and say "I really want to know."

I recently turned down a calling to teach primary with my husband. We were the Ward Missionaries (Hubby was WML) prior to this. Because of my grandson's situation I can't be stuck in a class every week. When I explained the situation the Bishop agreed. I do know if I had accepted I would have been blessed but the Bishop agreed that my focus needs to be different right now. My health is adversely affected when my grandson has a bad day(s).

A few years back I acepted a RS calling, against what I really felt. I'm glad I did. I know it was the right thing to do at the time and that was confirmed by the things that happened while I was in the calling. I had to ask to be released 3 months later... it was time, my health issues got worse and what I could do in the way I do things was done.

Sometimes we're only needed for a short time. The key here is to be prayerful when we make these decisions. Its also important to be honest with our Bishop and not feel guilty because we have struggles.

Best Wishes

Edited February 7, 2011 by applepansy

[Madriglace]

Have you had a Priesthood blessing? Along with serious prayer this is a place to start. If your health won't allow you to fill the calling then asking to be released is the better part of valor. But also remember ... the Lord magnifies those who magnify their callings ... sometimes we need to do all we can and then leave the rest to the Lord trusting He knows best what we need.

Good Luck.

[Anonymormon1]

I prayed and prayed about it, received a priesthood blessing and feel good about being released. I went to talk to my bishop today and I was waylaid by the Relief Society President on my way to his office so I missed my chance to talk to him today. She asked me what was wrong so I told her. She told me that the only reason anyone is ever depressed is because they are doing something bad and feel guilty or they are being abused by their spouse or are fighting with their spouse. She told me that whatever my sin was, I needed to confess to her or tell her that I was being abused. I was like, are you kidding me?! I don't have any sins that need confessing and my husband has never been abusive, we don't fight, and he is very good to me and if there was anything to be confessed, it would not be to her.

So then she told me I should have the bishop give me a blessing so I could tell her my "secrets". I told her that I had already had a blessing from my husband and I was satisfied with the comfort and answers that came through it. She told me that I needed to have someone "higher up" give me a better blessing. ???? Then she told me that she would not release me from my calling. I think the woman is either nuts or very misguided. She's been the RS pres for a long time and had been a member of the church for over 30 years. Why in the world would she say those things to me? It was very strange.

[slamjet]

I prayed and prayed about it, received a priesthood blessing and feel good about being released. I went to talk to my bishop today and I was waylaid by the Relief Society President on my way to his office so I missed my chance to talk to him today. She asked me what was wrong so I told her. She told me that the only reason anyone is ever depressed is because they are doing something bad and feel guilty or they are being abused by their spouse or are fighting with their spouse. She told me that whatever my sin was, I needed to confess to her or tell her that I was being abused. I was like, are you kidding me?! I don't have any sins that need confessing and my husband has never been abusive, we don't fight, and he is very good to me and if there was anything to be confessed, it would not be to her.

So then she told me I should have the bishop give me a blessing so I could tell her my "secrets". I told her that I had already had a blessing from my husband and I was satisfied with the comfort and answers that came through it. She told me that I needed to have someone "higher up" give me a better blessing. ???? Then she told me that she would not release me from my calling. I think the woman is either nuts or very misguided. She's been the RS pres for a long time and had been a member of the church for over 30 years. Why in the world would she say those things to me? It was very strange.

About the only thing that comes to mind is "WOW!"

[Dravin]

I think the woman is either nuts or very misguided

Yes to both. I probably would have called her so to her face, but I'm not the best people person.

[Suzie]

I prayed and prayed about it, received a priesthood blessing and feel good about being released. I went to talk to my bishop today and I was waylaid by the Relief Society President on my way to his office so I missed my chance to talk to him today. She asked me what was wrong so I told her. She told me that the only reason anyone is ever depressed is because they are doing something bad and feel guilty or they are being abused by their spouse or are fighting with their spouse. She told me that whatever my sin was, I needed to confess to her or tell her that I was being abused. I was like, are you kidding me?! I don't have any sins that need confessing and my husband has never been abusive, we don't fight, and he is very good to me and if there was anything to be confessed, it would not be to her.

So then she told me I should have the bishop give me a blessing so I could tell her my "secrets". I told her that I had already had a blessing from my husband and I was satisfied with the comfort and answers that came through it. She told me that I needed to have someone "higher up" give me a better blessing. ???? Then she told me that she would not release me from my calling. I think the woman is either nuts or very misguided. She's been the RS pres for a long time and had been a member of the church for over 30 years. Why in the world would she say those things to me? It was very strange.

Sorry, but I don't believe a word of what you wrote in this message. Nothing personal.

[Wingnut]

I prayed and prayed about it, received a priesthood blessing and feel good about being released. I went to talk to my bishop today and I was waylaid by the Relief Society President on my way to his office so I missed my chance to talk to him today. She asked me what was wrong so I told her. She told me that the only reason anyone is ever depressed is because they are doing something bad and feel guilty or they are being abused by their spouse or are fighting with their spouse. She told me that whatever my sin was, I needed to confess to her or tell her that I was being abused. I was like, are you kidding me?! I don't have any sins that need confessing and my husband has never been abusive, we don't fight, and he is very good to me and if there was anything to be confessed, it would not be to her.

So then she told me I should have the bishop give me a blessing so I could tell her my "secrets". I told her that I had already had a blessing from my husband and I was satisfied with the comfort and answers that came through it. She told me that I needed to have someone "higher up" give me a better blessing. ???? Then she told me that she would not release me from my calling. I think the woman is either nuts or very misguided. She's been the RS pres for a long time and had been a member of the church for over 30 years. Why in the world would she say those things to me? It was very strange.

I would definitely still speak with the Bishop. It's not up to the RS president to release you or not. It's also entirely inappropriate for her to demand that you confess to her. Even if you had sins needing confessing, it would be inappropriate to confess them to her. General Authorities disagree with her about reasons for depression. The bishop needs to know about her behavior.

Sorry, but I don't believe a word of what you wrote in this message. Nothing personal.

It is a bit far-fetched. Kinda weird.

[MarginOfError]

Sorry, but I don't believe a word of what you wrote in this message. Nothing personal.

Sadly, I don't find it entirely unbelievable. But if half of what is reported is true and it were up to me, I'd have that Relief Society president released faster than you could blink.

[Suzie]

Wingnut, Margin I just don't believe it. The story is absolutely crazy, the things the RS allegedly said, etc just doesn't sound real to me. I don't believe it.

[Iggy]

It's funny when people think of calling they think they are inspired. But only to actually take on and complete the calling.

I know a person who was called to teach. After about 4 months they resigned.

Some people saw this as wrong, "the calling was inspired for you to grow, how could you quit" what the missed was the fact the person did grow.

They were considering a teaching career, (this showed them it was not the right path) and they had a problem with admitting when something was too much, couldn't let others down.

Reviving a calling that was too much, having to quit, and risk disappointing an authority figure, was a greater learning/growing experience for the individual than, doing the calling, because it was expected would have ever been.

The calling may have been inspired to help you grow and learn, but that doesn't mean you can only grow by completing it.

What if this calling for Anonymormon1 is to wake her up to the fact that she needs to address her medical issues, and to stop putting them on the back burner?

Don't delay in requesting from the BISHOP to be released from your calling. Be honest, tell him the truth of what has been said to you and how you are feeling emotionally and health wise. Don't wait for Sunday either, call him on the phone and get this done STAT!!

[Mahone]

Sadly, I don't find it entirely unbelievable. But if half of what is reported is true and it were up to me, I'd have that Relief Society president released faster than you could blink.

Ditto, unfortunately. I know several people in similar positions within the church who I wouldn't put that past due to previous experience with them. The members of the church have never been perfect.

[Anonymormon1]

So now I'm the weird one because my RS president said some really crazy stuff to me? Thanks a lot. That helps so much.

[llhilton]

I'm surprised at the number of people who don't believe the comments of the RS president. I can certainly think of some not-bad reasons for the president to say some of the things along those lines (maybe she has some reason to think abuse might be an issue, or maybe she is hyper-sensitive about that issue because of dealing with it with another sister or something), so perhaps there's some hypersensitivity there. (Heaven knows I've been guilty of that, especially when depressed or anxious!) However, I have known many people in the church who do not understand the difference between feeling the guilt that leads to godly sorrow and repentance and the feelings of anxiety, depression, guilt, fear, and other negative things associated with mental disorders like depression and anxiety.

To Anonymormon1, I would advise telling your bishop what she said. The things about you needing to confess to her and her not releasing you are not in line with our doctrine at all. (As is the whole thing about the only reason to be depressed is because of sin or marital problems!) While it seems surprising to me, there are people who've been in the church their whole lives and yet have strange views of how things are set up. You may never know, but this could be part of the reason for your calling--to bring to light that this sister has some incorrect understandings and to get the bishop aware of it and dealing with it. This sister may have said such hurtful things to others. She might also be standing in the way of those trying to get repentance, if she's the one they're talking about their sins with.

I found this post because I have a similar question. I've been getting sick really frequently, and I'm pretty sure it's due to my calling to the primary and the exposure to the adorable little germ factories. I've loved it (and hated it ), and I've learned tons. I know there's still tons more for me to learn, but I've also missed tons of work. (Like this week, when it's super-critical that I was working, and instead I've been home with a nasty case of the flu.) I really appreciate the comments from those who have commented that learning to ask for help or to admit weakness could be part of the reason for my calling. (And to deal with the emotional baggage that will come from doing one or both of those things.) Good food for thought. And for prayer.

[NobodysFool]

Anonymormon1, talk to the Bishop. Tell him about what's going on. And do tell him what the RS President said.