Divorce and LDS attitudes?

[rfountain]

Hi, this is something I am pretty curious about. I'm going to be baptized in a couple of weeks and at the same time my husband is in Afghanistan and I've known for awhile that the marriage won't work. He can be very emotionally abusive and nearly hit me in the face just 2 months after marriage. At the time I was too ashamed to admit I made a mistake so I kept that secret from friends and family for over a year.

He has mental issues from going to Iraq and I've tried to get him for years to seek counseling either by himself or with me, and he refuses. But since he has been gone, I have sought counseling for myself and done a lot of things to improve myself and it's made a world of difference in my self esteem.

I recently got my driver's license at age 20 since my husband prevented me from learning for nearly 2 years. He kept me from seeing my mother until she died 4 months after we got married. I knew he was controlling and no good but I stayed partly because I was scared and afraid and loved him despite his many faults. I always backed down for the sake of peace. I constantly had to apologize to friends and family for his rudeness, etc.

Now when he returns it seems we very well may get a divorce. I'm sure it would probably be for the best.

Point is... now I am converting, I wonder if I will be judged in any way for being divorced? A member in Utah told me that a lot of LDS men may not want to date me because I may be seen as "damaged goods" in a way. Does this hold any truth? If I do end up divorced, I would love to find a nice Godly man who loves and respects me like I deserve.

Thanks for reading

[pam]

There may be some that would view a divorced woman in this way but I don't think it's the standard. Besides..a man that thinks that way isn't worth it.

[Jenamarie]

There are many divorced women (or previously divorced and now remarried women) in the LDS congregation I attend. Pam is right, that it may be a "problem" for some LDS men, but there are also many LDS men who can recognize a good thing when they see one. :)

[Iggy]

There are many divorced women (or previously divorced and now remarried women) in the LDS congregation I attend. Pam is right, that it may be a "problem" for some LDS men, but there are also many LDS men who can recognize a good thing when they see one. :)

I agree with Pam and Jenamarie, and want to add that any LDS man who has a problem with a woman who is divorced needs help. Same with a LDS woman who has problems with a man who is divorced.

If someone divorced because she/he was just tired of the 'flavor of the month' so to speak, then they need to learn that marriage is more than just a piece of paper.

In my book, you have every right to divorce your abusive husband. If it was me, I would start the procedure ASAP- In Oregon, if there are no children and there is very little property to divide, you can pick up the paperwork from your county courthouse, fill it out, pay the fees and get the ball started. Whatever state you are in, you need to go to the county courthouse and talk to them about what forms need to be filled out.

I had a Paralegal help me with the paper work, he only charged me $100, and helped me for the 6 months it took. He even served my husband with the papers. Otherwise it would have cost me anywhere from $50 to $150 to pay someone to do it.

[NeuroTypical]

You can find judgemental jerks in any religion - ours is no different. And you can also find folks who say dumb things out of ignorance. But for the most part, I think LDS folks know how about harsh realities and tough decisions. There are no shortage of divorced mormons. I've had more than one bishop who was divorced.

You should be fine.

[MichaelPAGuy]

If anyone is going to judge you for divorcing an abusive husband then that is their problem and they are not worth your friendship. Do not let it stop you from receiving the benefits of the gospel. Congrats on joining the church and best of luck with everything. Please keep us posted.

[Guest mirancs8]

From someone who left a very abusive relationship and was a convert I can tell you from my experience I have had nothing but positive experiences. I have never had any man I dated have an issue regarding that because frankly most of them are divorced as well.

It's reality whether we like it or not that we're divorced. Own it and don't let anyone make you feel less because you left a relationship that was abusive.

It will be the most trying time of your life but it will be the most rewarding in the end. You will go through periods of depression and periods of happiness. Lean on those around you for support and ask for blessings when you need them. This was very hard for me to do but I'm getting better :) Know that you are worth more then what he's made you feel like and your Ward family will be there for you.

I always thank HF for all those i have close to me who have been there through it all.

[Backroads]

I would dare say that a lot of people claim to be against divorce, but when discovering the truth of an abusive situation would very much support a divorce. I think most people are good that way.

When I was on the third date with my fiance, he finally nervously asked if our mutual friend had mentioned his divorce. Apparently he had some trouble back in the dating pool, but only enough to make him cautious. He's a great guy who had plenty of dates.

[ADoyle90815]

I'm not LDS, but I would think most people in general would understand divorcing an abusive spouse, especially before there were any children. I'm divorced because my ex-husband was emotionally abusive, and if I didn't get out when I did, the abuse certainly would have turned physical. I also got out before there were any children, which is a good thing because I was able to completely cut him out of my life once the divorce was finalized. I was only married for almost 10 months when I filed, so I got a paralegal to help me with the paperwork, and they served him. I was fortunate that he signed the papers, as he had a major fit when I told him I was divorcing him. I actually had a restraining order issued against him, that's how scary it was, since the most dangerous time for someone who is abused is when they're leaving the abuser. As he signed the papers, there was no need for a court battle, and the divorce was finalized without having to go to the county courthouse.

[bert10]

IF they view you as damaged goods..then they do not understand the Scriptures...it is very hard to marry a divorced woman because one needs to be sure that GOD has granted the divorce in heaven.

So it is not a view as such as being damaged...but being still married.

It is said if one marries one who is put away or divorced he commits adultery.

Matthew 5:31 - It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement:

Matthew 5:32 - But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery

Pray for peace in your marriage and pray for GOD to remove his rage and jealousies.

Rage is anger turned inward. God can heal this. And God can also heal Jealousies which is envy turned inwards.

If one uses "Unconditional Love" coupled with praising and thanking GOD for every good and woes in our lives we can overcome all things of the world.

Before I go...the reason why Jesus said the above is because the woman is the keeper of the Spiritual line in heaven as well and the physical line of her husband here on the earth. And this also explains why men can have many wives and women can have but one groom. This is also valid for us and the Church of GOD. There can only be one Groom for us in time and in eternity.

bert10

Hi, this is something I am pretty curious about. I'm going to be baptized in a couple of weeks and at the same time my husband is in Afghanistan and I've known for awhile that the marriage won't work. He can be very emotionally abusive and nearly hit me in the face just 2 months after marriage. At the time I was too ashamed to admit I made a mistake so I kept that secret from friends and family for over a year.

He has mental issues from going to Iraq and I've tried to get him for years to seek counseling either by himself or with me, and he refuses. But since he has been gone, I have sought counseling for myself and done a lot of things to improve myself and it's made a world of difference in my self esteem.

I recently got my driver's license at age 20 since my husband prevented me from learning for nearly 2 years. He kept me from seeing my mother until she died 4 months after we got married. I knew he was controlling and no good but I stayed partly because I was scared and afraid and loved him despite his many faults. I always backed down for the sake of peace. I constantly had to apologize to friends and family for his rudeness, etc.

Now when he returns it seems we very well may get a divorce. I'm sure it would probably be for the best.

Point is... now I am converting, I wonder if I will be judged in any way for being divorced? A member in Utah told me that a lot of LDS men may not want to date me because I may be seen as "damaged goods" in a way. Does this hold any truth? If I do end up divorced, I would love to find a nice Godly man who loves and respects me like I deserve.

Thanks for reading

[slamjet]

IF they view you as damaged goods..then they do not understand the Scriptures...it is very hard to marry a divorced woman because one needs to be sure that GOD has granted the divorce in heaven.

So it is not a view as such as being damaged...but being still married.

It is said if one marries one who is put away or divorced he commits adultery.

Matthew 5:31 - It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement:

Matthew 5:32 - But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery

Pray for peace in your marriage and pray for GOD to remove his rage and jealousies.

Rage is anger turned inward. God can heal this. And God can also heal Jealousies which is envy turned inwards.

If one uses "Unconditional Love" coupled with praising and thanking GOD for every good and woes in our lives we can overcome all things of the world.

Before I go...the reason why Jesus said the above is because the woman is the keeper of the Spiritual line in heaven as well and the physical line of her husband here on the earth. And this also explains why men can have many wives and women can have but one groom. This is also valid for us and the Church of GOD. There can only be one Groom for us in time and in eternity.

bert10

Oh... my... word. That is the most convoluted thing you have posted thus far. That really does goes to the top of the most non-sensible, non-compassionate, misogynistic garbage you've posted thus far.

[Soulsearcher]

Oh... my... word. That is the most convoluted thing you have posted thus far. That really does goes to the top of the most non-sensible, non-compassionate, misogynistic garbage you've posted thus far.

Reminds me of a girl who was screaming and trying to preach outside the bar last night, made no sense, couldn't try and talk to her and finally had to be dragged away by security lol.

[pam]

IF they view you as damaged goods..then they do not understand the Scriptures...it is very hard to marry a divorced woman because one needs to be sure that GOD has granted the divorce in heaven.

So it is not a view as such as being damaged...but being still married.

It is said if one marries one who is put away or divorced he commits adultery.

Matthew 5:31 - It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement:

Matthew 5:32 - But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery

Pray for peace in your marriage and pray for GOD to remove his rage and jealousies.

Rage is anger turned inward. God can heal this. And God can also heal Jealousies which is envy turned inwards.

If one uses "Unconditional Love" coupled with praising and thanking GOD for every good and woes in our lives we can overcome all things of the world.

Before I go...the reason why Jesus said the above is because the woman is the keeper of the Spiritual line in heaven as well and the physical line of her husband here on the earth. And this also explains why men can have many wives and women can have but one groom. This is also valid for us and the Church of GOD. There can only be one Groom for us in time and in eternity.

bert10

This would apply if we were living the higher law. We are not. The Church allows people who are divorced to remarry and to get married in the temple after divorce. Yet many of them are not brought to a church disciplinary council because of adultery.

You are starting to sound just like a lady we had that used to post here. She was eventually banned for false doctrine/info.

Edited February 14, 2011 by pam

[Wingnut]

You are starting to sound just like a lady we had that used to post here. She was eventually banned for false doctrine/info.

I've been noticing that for awhile, specifically with regard to conversations about marriage.

To the OP, I'm not saying bert10 is wrong, or that he's right, but rather that his posts are often nonsensical and very off the mark. I hope that you don't zone in on what he says and pay attention to only it.

[slamjet]

I've been noticing that for awhile, specifically with regard to conversations about marriage.

To the OP, I'm not saying bert10 is wrong, or that he's right, but rather that his posts are often nonsensical and very off the mark. I hope that you don't zone in on what he says and pay attention to only it.

I'll say it, HE'S WRONG!

[bert10]

Continue to read my posts and listen to the Spirit of GOD...after all what have the people to lose? Is not the divorce rate already too high? and this is not taking into account the many more dysfunctional families that have not yet divorced.

Where else are you going to get stuff in reference of having the honor of being called a daughter of Sarah she who called Abraham my Lord.

Restoring gender roles, and also restoring the authority of man in the family is the foundation of a successful marriage. The history I gave in the previous posts...concerning marrying outside the covenanted people is still valid today. God as not removed the statutes.

Also that person should be given the history, and the reasons why GOD in the past forbid marriage outside of the faith (people). And this will also cause extra stress on the marriage.

bert10

I've been noticing that for awhile, specifically with regard to conversations about marriage.

To the OP, I'm not saying bert10 is wrong, or that he's right, but rather that his posts are often nonsensical and very off the mark. I hope that you don't zone in on what he says and pay attention to only it.

Edited February 15, 2011 by bert10

[slamjet]

The Stuff I give is the restoration of some of the knowledge that men and women have lost or disregarded over time. Today's men and woman have lost their way...and cannot understand why the divorce rate is so great today.

I can tell you why the divorce rate is so high even amongst LDS....it is always the same thing...it is because the people refuse to follow the right ways of GOD and reject the scriptures and instead have substituted them for the philosophies of Satan. Being of a different faith put extra stresses on the relationship and cause divisions within and adds to the divorce rate.

I want a straight-up answer to my question. In your opinion, Because I am divorced, am I a follower of Satan? Yes or no?

[bert10]

Much of our decision making and life style is based on the information that we have in the present. And GOD in His wisdom allowed a lot of this stuff to be lost or forgotten. This has for the effect of lessening the penalty for failing. And GOD allows such things because the people are not able to live up to the whole law.

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It is not up to me to judge you personally so I will speak of myself and what I know. There is only light and darkness. The source of all our decisions is either out of love (light) or out of fears (darkness).

Whenever I am not led by the Spirit, I am led by my Ego..and this has been called devil. Judas was led by the Ego instead of the Spirit and was called by Jesus a Devil.

Now this stuff did not come to me in day nor in a month. It took a long time. Do I always live up to the knowledge that I have received? The answer is no. And the condemnation is greater when we have received what we have asked..because the law is ...where much is given much is required.

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But I did received it in time to save my marriage so far.

Now I tell you the truth...we are right now living in BABYLON and few are aware and I will give you some everyday examples of it.

The Calender which we use to reckon the days, months and seasons.

Even the months and days of our calender are named after demons and false gods. There are days when the names of these false gods are mentioned are on our lips more often than the Name of our GOD.

Soon we shall be delivered when GOD shall say to us...

Revelation 18:4 - And I heard another voice from heaven, saying, Come out of her,((Babylon)) my people, that ye be not partakers of her sins, and that ye receive not of her plagues.

Even in having savings in banks we are helping Babylon. For God has commanded us to not lend with usury. And our money is being used for lending and we are also receiving Usury.(interest). And what is really devilish about it is that it is COMPOUNDED interest. Rockefeller called it the eight wonder the world, though he was not the one who first coined it.

In Doctrines and Covenants Jesus told Joseph Smith to free himself from BONDAGE...but in bondage to whom?

D&C 19:35 - Pay the debt thou hast contracted with the printer. Release thyself from bondage.

Interest rates bring slavery and poverty to people.

These are just some of the examples where the majority are not yet awaken. Babylon and Zion are truly opposites.

So, It is not my job to judge and condemn a individual. As I have said...many times...I speak generally.

And another thing I have often said...is that all things are possible with GOD. Who has GOD given a divorce to or not is not my affair. The only thing that I know it is hard for one to receive a divorce from GOD simply because it involves Spiritual matters in heaven as well as concerns on the earth.

As for men...God does not need to give him a divorce...and He can allow a man to have more than one wife Spiritually even though the world has given him a divorce in the flesh.

I am wondering here just how many Christians who are condemning the LDS and the FLDS for Polygamy where GOD may have allowed some of them to have more than one wife Spiritually even if they think that they are divorced from their first wife.

Now to answer your post....Which also applies to me...Equally since I have not yet overcome the world......When we are not led by the Spirit of GOD ....who is there left for us to follow?

Becoming aware is the first step in correcting our thoughts which will lead to better choices down the road. The commandment to awaken is given to us in all generation.

bert10

[slamjet]

No, Bert, you judged me. You spoke in the first person and posted your conclusion. Don't distance yourself from your words. So I'll post what you posted and ask you again:

I can tell you why the divorce rate is so high even amongst LDS....it is always the same thing...it is because the people refuse to follow the right ways of GOD and reject the scriptures and instead have substituted them for the philosophies of Satan. Being of a different faith put extra stresses on the relationship and cause divisions within and adds to the divorce rate.

So, without the usual garbage and nonsense you use to hide your pompous self, answer in a succinct way (that means in one sentence); Because I am divorced, do you contend that I follow Satan?

[prospectmom]

Oh my Bert you are a very scary judgmental, over zealous person. I am saddened by your lack of Christ's love and compassion. I one just growing in the gospel listened to you they might feel hopeless and might think why try at all. I for the life of me do not understand your thought process.... You choose all the JUDGMENTAL Quotes from the old Testament that do not all apply to us at this time. Have you ever read and applied the New Testament to your life because it doesn't appear so. I encourage you to do so, and pray about the way your presenting the gospel and maybe you will be enlightened to a better understanding of God's plan for us all. I wish you peace and a clearer mind.

[Dravin]

As the thread has been successfully derailed and the tangent is not headed to a good place I'm closing the thread.