Bini Posted June 13, 2012 Report Share Posted June 13, 2012 My husband and I are already thinking about having another child and then he's dead-set on getting snipped. I'm not thrilled about this ironclad decision (it's pretty ironclad) because I'd love to have more children but his reasoning is valid. How did you and your spouse know when your family was complete? Like what exactly were the determining factors in it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwen Posted June 13, 2012 Report Share Posted June 13, 2012 I would not make any permanent decisions on the heels of having a baby. Emotions, hormones, etc are all off balance. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NeuroTypical Posted June 13, 2012 Report Share Posted June 13, 2012 My wife was told that if she got pregnant again, it would most likely not go to term, and there were good odds that it would kill her too. Kind of an easy choice there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennarator Posted June 13, 2012 Report Share Posted June 13, 2012 I still; don't know if my family is complete, yet........I suppose a lot of prayer would let me know. After my second child (over nine years ago.) I had just had my second horrible pregnancy. I was going to have my tube tied. I am so glad I didn't!! I now have a baby with a loving and supportive husband. Yet when I wanted to get the tubes tied I was very sure I nver wanted another. At that time I had drug addict husband that blamed my bad pregnancies for his addictions. I had very low self esteem and I was emotionally abused. I never thought I would get divorced and never thought I would be remarried. To me it was very cut and dry. I cannot have another baby. I was sure. Well, then my whole life changed and I am so glad my mom talked me out of it, nine years ago. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annewandering Posted June 13, 2012 Report Share Posted June 13, 2012 One person deciding is a pretty harsh thing in a marriage. I know a man who got snipped without telling his wife. She never forgave him.. Those things need to be decided by both. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applepansy Posted June 14, 2012 Report Share Posted June 14, 2012 I decided I didn't want any children after age 30. Married young (age 18), no birth control, four kids and 3 miscarriages. I thought by the time I was 50 all the kids would be out of the house and I'd be playing with grandbabies (emphasis on the plural). I'm playing with one grandbaby...but he's 4 and I'm raising him so I'm MOM too! sigh... once you start having babies Heavenly Father sends them to you how ever he can get them there. ROFL I agree with Gwen. Now is not the time to make a permanent (or as permanent as man can make it) decision. Give it a few years. When the youngest is 4-5 then decide. There are cases where vasectomies failed and resulted in pregnancy. Small percentage but still happens. Heavenly Father sends babies to whom and when he wants them to come regardless of what we do or not do to conceive or prevent conception. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vort Posted June 14, 2012 Report Share Posted June 14, 2012 I wish we could stay young for thirty more years and have a dozen more children. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applepansy Posted June 14, 2012 Report Share Posted June 14, 2012 I wish we could stay young for thirty more years and have a dozen more children.Be patient Vort. That's what we'll be doing in the Celestial Kingdom Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 14, 2012 Report Share Posted June 14, 2012 One person deciding is a pretty harsh thing in a marriage. I know a man who got snipped without telling his wife. She never forgave him.. Those things need to be decided by both.I agree. I think it takes 2 people to decide to have a child, and 2 people to agree that they're done. I thought I was done for at least 2 years after each child, including the first. Then that pull would come back and I knew it was time for another Ask him to sit on it for awhile, but don't do anything crazy like "accidentally" get pregnant. Your baby is so young. I knew these twins would be my last while I was still pregnant, because that pregnancy was so hard on my whole family. I can't put myself or them through that again, and I feel like I'm on the razor's edge of sanity as it is, so 5 is going to have to do it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annewandering Posted June 14, 2012 Report Share Posted June 14, 2012 5 is a really lovely number. ) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bini Posted June 14, 2012 Author Report Share Posted June 14, 2012 He's pretty certain he wants to get snipped after we have our second child. I'm fine with this IF our second is male but if not, I want to keep trying.. Lol. Of course, there's no guarantee we'll get a boy either. His reasoning is he doesn't want to be 55 years old and still having kids. It's a valid reason. Right now I'm 27 and he's 45. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applepansy Posted June 14, 2012 Report Share Posted June 14, 2012 He's pretty certain he wants to get snipped after we have our second child. I'm fine with this IF our second is male but if not, I want to keep trying.. Lol. Of course, there's no guarantee we'll get a boy either. His reasoning is he doesn't want to be 55 years old and still having kids. It's a valid reason. Right now I'm 27 and he's 45.Bini, I understand his reasoning. That's why I wanted to be done having children at age 30. I didn't want to be raising children in my 50s. But...here I am. (Raising my grandson has been a huge blessing, but not something I planned or would have chosen.)I didn't realize there was the age difference between the two of you. It is definitely a consideration in planning your family. He'll be in his 60s when your daughter is getting married. However, we're living longer and we're healthier which is another consideration.Make this a matter of prayer both as a couple and individually. Then remember that having children ... or not ... needs to be an unselfish decision (for everyone involved). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annewandering Posted June 14, 2012 Report Share Posted June 14, 2012 He may be older than you but he is denying you being young and wanting kids. My husband was 45 when our youngest was born. His age was a concern to him. was since we first got married actually. He didnt want to be the 70 yearsold with the baby just graduating. He didnt think he would be alive when the grandkids were growing up. Well he is 71 now. Our oldest grandchild is 14 and the youngest is under 1. The age thing is more ego dont you think? Its not like the spirits would say 'oh I dont want an old man for a dad. Let me just stay here for a few years till I can go into a young couples family." Whats wrong with being mature and raising kids? It might just be an advantage. ' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bini Posted June 14, 2012 Author Report Share Posted June 14, 2012 Thanks everyone for sharing your own experiences and thoughts.Anne, you'd have to know my husband and understand the dynamics of our relationship to grasp the age thing. You got it partly right, he doesn't want to be crippled or dead with having young kids but that's not the root reason. He worries about me being left to handle young kids IF any of that were to happen. That's assuming we continue to have babies 10 years from now when he's 55. I rely on him sooo much, especially when it comes to raising and rearing our daughter. It's a valid concern. He wants to be a functional (physically & mentally) father to our kids and help me raise them. But we were in the car the other day and he says, "Sosie, let's wait until we have kid number two before you insist on having a third." I suppose that's a good call too, hah. Maybe I'm getting ahead of myself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applepansy Posted June 14, 2012 Report Share Posted June 14, 2012 Thanks everyone for sharing your own experiences and thoughts.Anne, you'd have to know my husband and understand the dynamics of our relationship to grasp the age thing. You got it partly right, he doesn't want to be crippled or dead with having young kids but that's not the root reason. He worries about me being left to handle young kids IF any of that were to happen. That's assuming we continue to have babies 10 years from now when he's 55. I rely on him sooo much, especially when it comes to raising and rearing our daughter. It's a valid concern. He wants to be a functional (physically & mentally) father to our kids and help me raise them. But we were in the car the other day and he says, "Sosie, let's wait until we have kid number two before you insist on having a third." I suppose that's a good call too, hah. Maybe I'm getting ahead of myself.The bolded made me smile. Its great you have him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pam Posted June 14, 2012 Report Share Posted June 14, 2012 When I was delivering my twins by C-section the doctor asked me if I wanted my tubes tied at the same time. I knew these two would be my last. But I had not thought of it until he asked me while in the delivery room. I just couldn't make a decision that quickly. Two years later I had my tubes tied. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maureen Posted June 14, 2012 Report Share Posted June 14, 2012 ...But we were in the car the other day and he says, "Sosie, let's wait until we have kid number two before you insist on having a third." I suppose that's a good call too, hah. Maybe I'm getting ahead of myself. Bini, you have a wise husband.M. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwen Posted June 14, 2012 Report Share Posted June 14, 2012 When I was delivering my twins by C-section the doctor asked me if I wanted my tubes tied at the same time. I knew these two would be my last. But I had not thought of it until he asked me while in the delivery room. I just couldn't make a decision that quickly. Two years later I had my tubes tied.I would be very upset if a dr dropped such a question on me. A dr of all ppl ought to know what the hormones of having a child does to woman. He should have asked you about that in one of your appointments when you discussed c-section, given you time to ponder it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
count58 Posted February 13, 2013 Report Share Posted February 13, 2013 My partner and i are having issues on the same thing i would love nothing more then to have another baby but he doesnt want anymore. We already have two little boys and they are the best thing apart from him that has happened to me in my life. I want one more whether it be a boy or girl (preferably a girl) but he doesnt as he keeps saying to me "two's enough we dont need anymore" but yet somehow i am struggling to come to terms with being told no more kids. I thought gee whiz come on love its only one more, i have so much love and devotion to give but no one else to give it to hence why i have a partner a 3yr old dog, 3yr old son, 2 yr old cat 21mth old son and a 1yr-18mth old kitten/cat i have time for all of them i love my family so much and i dont want to go behind my partners back and stop using contraception but i feel he's being unreasonable. Whats everyones opinion on this matter? Bini i can kind of relate because my partner has used the words i might get myself snipped and i was mostly upset given that he had never even mentioned anything like this to me ever before so as far as i know were just going to wait and see what the future holds in store for us maybe you and your partner could do the same and just hope for the best and see what happens Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anddenex Posted February 13, 2013 Report Share Posted February 13, 2013 (edited) With regard to Church instruction we are highly discouraged to receive any surgical sterilization as an elective form of brith control, and should only be considered if: 1. Medical conditions seriously jeopardize life or health 2. birth defects or serious trauma have rendered a person mentally incompetent and not responsible for his or her actions. In light of this suggestion, we also know this is between the couple and The Lord. I have always been impressed by my parents and their experience with deciding two children were enough (they have 4). When I was born, the second oldest/child, my parents were done. A wise bishop in a meeting with them asked them about children. They were honest and mentioned they were done. He asked them to go to the temple and pray about it. When they went to the temple, The Lord confirmed another baby was on the way at some point. After their third child was born, they met with the bishop again, and he asked again. Yep, the bishop asked again for my parents to go to the temple. They went again, and The Lord confirmed my parents were to have another child. After their forth child, and going to the temple confirmation was received that they were done. Thus, the decision is between the couple and The Lord. * Dang it, didn't realize this was posted almost a year ago now. :) Edited February 13, 2013 by Anddenex Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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