YaYaYaYana Posted August 27, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 27, 2012 The problem is not marrying young. The problem is the Peter Pan syndrome, which is now infecting our young women as well as the young men.A 21-year-old is physically old enough to be married and having children. There is no reason such a person should not get married, establish a family, and help build our society, except for the ridiculously extended adolescence we have developed. The best solution is for young men and women to accept and seek for adult responsibility, including marriage, not postpone marriage to ridiculous lengths.I'M not saying that a 21 year old shouldn't...I know some 21 years old who have graduated with a bachelor's degree.... have no debts or student loans to pay off... have done alot to travel and enjoy their life through hreatexperiences during high school and college which their parents 100 percent funded..... now that they have enjoyed...their time have started a career..they can very well seek marriage and look inti having a family.... ad they are now capable of supporting their children.....The above mentioned is actually an examole of a girl i know frim my old church ward... she is happily married at 21 since she was blessed to live her life so well and complete those steps... she can very well move on to step three to becomming a parent and adding to society as she is already quite and acxomplished nd establish edamA young woman...... however most people at 21 @are. Not lucky enough to have that life style run into marriages unccomolished/uneducated / financial unprepared at that age and then their whole family sufferes....I heard in young women's that marriage shouldn't be put off for things like a career or education.... but in my mindI see it as if a women gets her baxhelors degree she shouldn't put off marriage to go crazy and study for another 6 years....to get masters and so o n....and she shouldn't be a crazy work a Holocaust that sje abandons family duties... but every should have the bare.minimun of holding a bachelor's degree and should work at least three days for experience..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vort Posted August 27, 2012 Report Share Posted August 27, 2012 The idea that young men and women should plan to postpone marriage so that they can travel, tour, and play is stunning to me, an absurdity of truly epic proportions. Anyone who understands what marriage means and what it is would never consider postponing it because he wants to play some more.Peter Pan syndrome. Seriously. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slamjet Posted August 27, 2012 Report Share Posted August 27, 2012 Or they're children of the "50%" who's parents marriage has failed and they're scared and timid about getting married themselves. I know we (ex and I) talk to our kids about it, especially the ones who say they don't ever want to get married. At least ours failed because I screwed up royally, not because I wouldn't put the lid down and she got sick of it. edit: Now that I re-read this last sentence, it surely doesn't come off sounding very good, does it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MorningStar Posted August 27, 2012 Report Share Posted August 27, 2012 The idea that young men and women should plan to postpone marriage so that they can travel, tour, and play is stunning to me, an absurdity of truly epic proportions. Anyone who understands what marriage means and what it is would never consider postponing it because he wants to play some more.Peter Pan syndrome. Seriously. Yeah, that's what retirement is for. Playing and traveling. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NightSG Posted August 27, 2012 Report Share Posted August 27, 2012 At least ours failed because I screwed up royally, not because I wouldn't put the lid down and she got sick of it. edit: Now that I re-read this last sentence, it surely doesn't come off sounding very good, does it.According to my ex, not putting the lid down is screwing up royally, and she was sick of it before we were even married. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YaYaYaYana Posted August 27, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 27, 2012 Yeah, that's what retirement is for. Playing and traveling. :)NOPE, Playing and enjoying yourself should be when you"re young!.... You can even meet someone that you can end up marrying on your travels and year long university exchanges...also Young people need to have some freedom to become accomplished and financially stable adults before taking the step to creating a family.... It's only peterpan conplex if you're 27-30 and espexially if your in your 30's and do t want to settle down and have a family...IT is actually more beneficial for. Kids to have older more responisble parents... like for example one of my best friends friends in highschool .. her older sister was born when the mother was 35 and she was born when the mother was 38... by that time the mother already was working as a lawyer.. the father who is same age as tje other had an accomplished career in advertising.....I one the other hand was born when my mother was 24... and my brother was born 4 years later when my familt came to Canada... both couldnt use their degrees and had to work and still have to work labour jobs to nake eds meet.... I look at her life and I look at mine.... and what I realized that it's up to the parents to provide a life for their kids that they can enjoy and not have to endure.....and in most cazes maturity and financial stability comes with age Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vort Posted August 27, 2012 Report Share Posted August 27, 2012 NOPE, Playing and enjoying yourself should be when you"re young!....Why?On the contrary, this breeds a loathsome entitlement mentality.also Young people need to have some freedom to become accomplished and financially stable adults before taking the step to creating a family....They have that freedom. Marriage does not inhibit such freedom.It's only peterpan conplex if you're 27-30 and espexially if your in your 30's and do t want to settle down and have a family...Did you ever actually read Peter Pan? He wasn't 25.IT is actually more beneficial for. Kids to have older more responisble parents...I don't buy the "older" part. And people who are not "responsible enough" to have children before age 30 are likely never to be responsible enough.I look at her life and I look at mine.... and what I realized that it's up to the parents to provide a life for their kids that they can enjoy and not have to endure.....and in most cazes maturity and financial stability comes with age"Financial stability" is vastly overrated, in my view. I don't live among a bunch of food stamp recipients; rather, I live among mostly more privileged folks. And I cannot count the number of old people who waited until their 30s or later to start having children, resulting in children with an unmatched entitlement mentality.No, waiting for "financial stability" is a selfish and ultimately foolish reason for not marrying and having children. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NightSG Posted August 27, 2012 Report Share Posted August 27, 2012 IT is actually more beneficial for. Kids to have older more responisble parents...There's also no rule that couples must conceive on the honeymoon. IMO, the ones who find the right person then put off marriage waiting to finish school, get financially stable, etc. are almost as bad as the ones that rush into marriage with the first partner that passes their "must have" list. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bini Posted August 27, 2012 Report Share Posted August 27, 2012 I really believe there's an in between here.The LDS Church does not teach girls and boys to marry right out of high school. However, it is not an uncommon within Mormon culture for young men and young women to do that but it's not a result of any official doctrine, instead, it's a result in how people have emphasised on the subject.Personally, I believe that nothing can prepare you for marriage and being a parent - nothing. You live and learn, literally. That said, there are things within our power that can HELP prepare us for marriage and having a family. I firmly believe that an individual that pursues an education, gets out and meets and dates LOTS of people, and through this process learns more about himself or herself - is making better plans for their future than someone that does not do this. Yes, there are always exceptions but bottom line - marriage isn't a race - do it when YOU feel the time is right and you feel at peace with the decision. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YaYaYaYana Posted August 27, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 27, 2012 Why?On the contrary, this breeds a loathsome entitlement mentality.They have that freedom. Marriage does not inhibit such freedom.Did you ever actually read Peter Pan? He wasn't 25.I don't buy the "older" part. And people who are not "responsible enough" to have children before age 30 are likely never to be responsible enough."Financial stability" is vastly overrated, in my view. I don't live among a bunch of food stamp recipients; rather, I live among mostly more privileged folks. And I cannot count the number of old people who waited until their 30s or later to start having children, resulting in children with an unmatched entitlement mentality.No, waiting for "financial stability" is a selfish and ultimately foolish reason for not marrying and having children.IT it not vastly overated... I would much rather have a 10 year old kid by the time I'M 40 and when she asks me.. "mom" I want to take jaoanese lessons at saturday school... or dance lessons.. or have a birthday party ata specific place....and wants to invite a certaun mount of friends over.... I want to be able to afford all ofthat... and not be the mother that has to tell her kids that write can't afford that.... or later on in life have to tell my kifs tt you can't go to this school...becuase I'M too poor to pay for the dorm....and tell them that they need to take out student loans becuase i can't support their education.....-as with my friend and me.... we are the same age almost...she is 21 her mother who took time to study become a lawyer and had her at 38 just paid off her under grad education...during these 4years she was able to go o. A year long exchange program to japan.. and is niw goung again to do masters in music over there... as her dream was to be a music manager over there since she was 14...... her older parents that bothered to build up finances Gave her a life that she enjoys....a life that enabled her to also bexome accomplished and soon start to build up her own finance..... so she would do that same for her chuldren some day...I being 23.... being to a mother in her Young 20's who hasn't bothered to build up her carer or stable finances....suffered for 23 years... always having to. SEttle for second hand or second best simply because we couldnot nd still cannot afford it...And I remind my mother every day about it... when I go out to work everydayjust to make some.money to cover text book cost and tuition costs by slaving my butt of in a burger sh which leaves me no time to pursuers hobbies or dreams at the end of the day.... because i am trying to survive on the the bare minimum...... I tell my mother every day about how could she be so selfish....and that It would havemo been better is i was born in 1999 when she was 34 instead of 1989 when she was 24.......now you tell me if it's selfish to wait... and put off.family for a short time.. in order to become accomplished and build up funances that would benifit your family in the long run......I KNOW IT WOULD HAVE DONE A LOT OF GOOD FOR ME ...what was the point of me being born early 10 years.... only to live a life that i need to.endure instead of enjoy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MorningStar Posted August 27, 2012 Report Share Posted August 27, 2012 So this is about your parents not giving you everything you want? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dravin Posted August 27, 2012 Report Share Posted August 27, 2012 (edited) IT it not vastly overated... I would much rather have a 10 year old kid by the time I'M 40 and when she asks me.. "mom" I want to take jaoanese lessons at saturday school... or dance lessons.. or have a birthday party ata specific place....and wants to invite a certaun mount of friends over.... I want to be able to afford all This is the entitlement mentality Vort is talking about, that not being able to take Japanese or have a spiffy birthday party is a deprivation worth holding off having children for. Edited August 28, 2012 by Dravin Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beefche Posted August 28, 2012 Report Share Posted August 28, 2012 IT it not vastly overated... I would much rather have a 10 year old kid by the time I'M 40 and when she asks me.. "mom" I want to take jaoanese lessons at saturday school... or dance lessons.. or have a birthday party ata specific place....and wants to invite a certaun mount of friends over.... I want to be able to afford all ofthat... and not be the mother that has to tell her kids that write can't afford that.... or later on in life have to tell my kifs tt you can't go to this school...becuase I'M too poor to pay for the dorm....and tell them that they need to take out student loans becuase i can't support their education.....-as with my friend and me.... we are the same age almost...she is 21 her mother who took time to study become a lawyer and had her at 38 just paid off her under grad education...during these 4years she was able to go o. A year long exchange program to japan.. and is niw goung again to do masters in music over there... as her dream was to be a music manager over there since she was 14...... her older parents that bothered to build up finances Gave her a life that she enjoys....a life that enabled her to also bexome accomplished and soon start to build up her own finance..... so she would do that same for her chuldren some day...I being 23.... being to a mother in her Young 20's who hasn't bothered to build up her carer or stable finances....suffered for 23 years... always having to. SEttle for second hand or second best simply because we couldnot nd still cannot afford it...And I remind my mother every day about it... when I go out to work everydayjust to make some.money to cover text book cost and tuition costs by slaving my butt of in a burger sh which leaves me no time to pursuers hobbies or dreams at the end of the day.... because i am trying to survive on the the bare minimum...... I tell my mother every day about how could she be so selfish....and that It would havemo been better is i was born in 1999 when she was 34 instead of 1989 when she was 24.......now you tell me if it's selfish to wait... and put off.family for a short time.. in order to become accomplished and build up funances that would benifit your family in the long run......I KNOW IT WOULD HAVE DONE A LOT OF GOOD FOR ME ...what was the point of me being born early 10 years.... only to live a life that i need to.endure instead of enjoyIf my daughter said that to me, honestly, I'm not sure if I could restrain myself.BTW, by your standards, over 50% of the world should never marry and never have children. Those idiots in India and Africa--what are they thinking bringing kids in the world and not giving them a pony party for their birthday! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bini Posted August 28, 2012 Report Share Posted August 28, 2012 Like I said, there's an "in between" here.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YaYaYaYana Posted August 28, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 28, 2012 So this is about your parents not giving you everything you want? It not about my patents not giving them everything I wanted. Parents aren't suppose to just throw .or shower their children with every single thing they want.. but as parents they are responsible to provide for them.... things that would help them learn and grow like language lessons or extra curricular activities and sports that can be very costly as well as a good college fun d........my parents being at the age they were not stable enough to.have a family.... they should of waited as my friends family did to work up and study up for 10 years... it would have benifited us all....THE FACT that the church emphasis young people who are just in or just graduating school... both the young women abd men to get married when they are in that fragile state is not the best idea.......... If marriage is so important in the church I would rather it be that the emphasis would be placed in young women marrying someone 8-10years older... and more stable Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applepansy Posted August 28, 2012 Report Share Posted August 28, 2012 THE FACT that the church emphasis young people who are just in or just graduating school... both the young women abd men to get married when they are in that fragile state is not the best idea......This is false. The church strongly encourages all young people to get their education! Where did you get this false idea? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YaYaYaYana Posted August 28, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 28, 2012 This is false. The church strongly encourages all young people to get their education! Where did you get this false idea?I really wish this wad wrong...From the wards i attended and those that i heard attended build said they really felt the pressure there Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MorningStar Posted August 28, 2012 Report Share Posted August 28, 2012 Your parents could have waited 10 years, saved some money, lost their jobs or become disabled, lost their money, and been back to square one. And then possibly been infertile after that. My mom was abandoned by her alcoholic mother (her dad drank himself almost to death and was in a mental institution), doesn't remember how she ate, and doesn't remember even owning toys. I'm sure she would have been overjoyed by a birthday party at home, especially with sober parents. Not crying herself to sleep every night would have been another bonus. Thank your lucky stars that you were simply denied foreign language lessons, sports, and expensive birthday parties! I had birthday parties at home and I loved it. Parties are out of control these days and cost a ridiculous amount. This is about seeing what other people have and wanting that. I had friends who were spoiled and are unhappy people today. They had such a sense of entitlement and their parents finally cut them off financially. When I was a kid, I got a dollar a week for allowance and had to save it to buy what I wanted, otherwise I would wait until Christmas or my birthday. There was a conference talk that said the more you give kids, the more they want. It doesn't make them grateful. My son's birthday ended abruptly one year when we gave him multiple things he asked for and then he yelled at us angrily that there was something else he wanted. The party was over. It was very sad, but he had to earn his gifts back and the decorations came down immediately. We felt like we had to make a lasting impression that being ungrateful like that was unacceptable. I'm very grateful for the way I was raised. I learned early that money doesn't grow on trees. My dad made a decent living, but he was laid-off the year I was starting college. I was denied foreign aid because they were going off of what he made the year before. Did it turn out how I wanted? No. But I have an awesome family and it was meant to be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YaYaYaYana Posted August 28, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 28, 2012 Your parents could have waited 10 years, saved some money, lost their jobs or become disabled, lost their money, and been back to square one. And then possibly been infertile after that. My mom was abandoned by her alcoholic mother (her dad drank himself almost to death and was in a mental institution), doesn't remember how she ate, and doesn't remember even owning toys. I'm sure she would have been overjoyed by a birthday party at home, especially with sober parents. Not crying herself to sleep every night would have been another bonus. Thank your lucky stars that you were simply denied foreign language lessons, sports, and expensive birthday parties!I had birthday parties at home and I loved it. Parties are out of control these days and cost a ridiculous amount. This is about seeing what other people have and wanting that. I had friends who were spoiled and are unhappy people today. They had such a sense of entitlement and their parents finally cut them off financially. When I was a kid, I got a dollar a week for allowance and had to save it to buy what I wanted, otherwise I would wait until Christmas or my birthday. There was a conference talk that said the more you give kids, the more they want. It doesn't make them grateful. My son's birthday ended abruptly one year when we gave him multiple things he asked for and then he yelled at us angrily that there was something else he wanted. The party was over. It was very sad, but he had to earn his gifts back and the decorations came down immediately. We felt like we had to make a lasting impression that being ungrateful like that was unacceptable. I'm very grateful for the way I was raised. I learned early that money doesn't grow on trees. My dad made a decent living, but he was laid-off the year I was starting college. I was denied foreign aid because they were going off of what he made the year before. Did it turn out how I wanted? No. But I have an awesome family and it was meant to be.------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------When I was a kid, I got a dollar a week for allowance and had to save it to buy what I wanted, otherwise I would wait until Christmas or my birthday. There was a conference talk that said the more you give kids, the more they want. It doesn't make them grateful. - Giving kids all the money and toys when they are young doesn't not make them grateful and it certainly doesn't help them learn the importance about earning money.... My friend told me that Even bill gate doesn't give his grow-up children any of his money.... However he said they are well taken care of... as in all of their extracurricular/ their college education and anything they may need to help them grow an developed is fully funded... This is the difference ........-It is a good thing to thing to give your kids allowance in return for chores and having them work in the summer....and make them save up for useless things like toys and clothes that's not going to last anyways... through this way they learn about fiances and work ethic.. - However; Kids do and will have interest in dance/ sports/ arts/ maybe foreign language../ Maybe a talent that if developed would help them determine what they want to do later on in life and help them discover more about them selves ..... kids need to try many different things to discover talents and abilities .... Sometimes this requires a special school like a private school... or if a kid decides that he or she wants to study foreign languages in college to be come a translator.. to get the upper hand advantage a year long study abroad and additional trip to practice the language in the original country would be important ,.... These are the things that parents need to have finances saved up for... To save up for that the parents would have to be quite educated and have a couple of years of work put in to put money aside for the child... such as 5,000 college fund when their baby is born.. so that he or she would have a peaceful debt free / mostly stress free fun and enjoyable experience ...and a lot of other expanses for growth and development -That is the difference between my friend and I she had parents who saved up for her and her older sister... she is only 3 years older than me and just became a lawyer a couple of months ago.. Her parents financed the whole 8 years of school!!!~ she is out working with no debts now happily married at 26 ... and ready to save up and start own family.... ( Her parents had her when her mother was 33 and also a recently working lawyer...Had her mother been 23 and had her when she only fished an English degree and not the law school with a few years of work... she would not have had the same happiness/ relief and success as she does now) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 28, 2012 Report Share Posted August 28, 2012 (edited) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Giving kids all the money and toys when they are young doesn't not make them grateful and it certainly doesn't help them learn the importance about earning money.... My friend told me that Even bill gate doesn't give his grow-up children any of his money.... However he said they are well taken care of... as in all of their extracurricular/ their college education and anything they may need to help them grow an developed is fully funded... This is the difference ........-It is a good thing to thing to give your kids allowance in return for chores and having them work in the summer....and make them save up for useless things like toys and clothes that's not going to last anyways... through this way they learn about fiances and work ethic.. - However; Kids do and will have interest in dance/ sports/ arts/ maybe foreign language../ Maybe a talent that if developed would help them determine what they want to do later on in life and help them discover more about them selves ..... kids need to try many different things to discover talents and abilities .... Sometimes this requires a special school like a private school... or if a kid decides that he or she wants to study foreign languages in college to be come a translator.. to get the upper hand advantage a year long study abroad and additional trip to practice the language in the original country would be important ,.... These are the things that parents need to have finances saved up for... To save up for that the parents would have to be quite educated and have a couple of years of work put in to put money aside for the child... such as 5,000 college fund when their baby is born.. so that he or she would have a peaceful debt free / mostly stress free fun and enjoyable experience ...and a lot of other expanses for growth and development -That is the difference between my friend and I she had parents who saved up for her and her older sister... she is only 3 years older than me and just became a lawyer a couple of months ago.. Her parents financed the whole 8 years of school!!!~ she is out working with no debts now happily married at 26 ... and ready to save up and start own family.... ( Her parents had her when her mother was 33 and also a recently working lawyer...Had her mother been 23 and had her when she only fished an English degree and not the law school with a few years of work... she would not have had the same happiness/ relief and success as she does now)Yeah man, Filipinos should just stop having babies already. I mean, c'mon, you can't even afford to go to college! And what if the kid ever decides he wants to go to ballet class? You're done for! You can barely afford to give him a Big Mac for his birthday for crying out loud.Must be nice to be American.... ok, ok... I was being funny-sarcastic. but there's some truth to that. Financial stability is a relative term. Yes, raising a kid can be expensive... but it doesn't have to be. Edited August 28, 2012 by anatess Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MorningStar Posted August 28, 2012 Report Share Posted August 28, 2012 I'm sure I would have had money for all of that stuff by the time I was maybe 80. Then my husband and I could finally start our family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YaYaYaYana Posted August 28, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 28, 2012 Financial stability is a relative term. Yes, raising a kid can be expensive... but it doesn't have to be.I never said you have to be a millionaire Either ... but you should plan to have saving to have a kid... just as you save up for other things such as a house/ car.. The only thing is that the kid is more important because it will be a human being with hopes and dreams... and he/she will depend look up to parents to provide for him/her...And in my honest opinion... If third world counties would stop reproducing so much it would be great.. They have horrible finances .. and have 5/6 kids who end up eating garbage / orphaned in danger .... and now depend on foreign aid to rescue them...China for instance... is a smart country that has got the right Idea " The one child policy"...If in the other countries.. a one or 2 child policy was put in ... things would be better.... No one really needs to have 5 of 6 children.... 1or 2 could bring just as much joy and things would be more affordable on the parents and also the child will be able to do more with the finances set aside....Even though that is kind of mean... this is what I think... a lot of 3rd world countries/ children would benefit from it... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MorningStar Posted August 28, 2012 Report Share Posted August 28, 2012 Oh yes. China. Those smart, baby girl killing communists. They definitely have it right! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YaYaYaYana Posted August 28, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 28, 2012 I'm sure I would have had money for all of that stuff by the time I was maybe 80. Then my husband and I could finally start our family.That's not true... Maybe closer to 35-38.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YaYaYaYana Posted August 28, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 28, 2012 I'm sure I would have had money for all of that stuff by the time I was maybe 80. Then my husband and I could finally start our family.That's not true... Maybe closer to 35-38....You don't necessarily need to save up everything by the time a baby is born... Just 5,000 for college fund that would grow automatically over the 20 years... and just save up some more for expenses for the kid along the way Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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