Reconciling Asking to be Released with GA Statements

[james12]

I have seen this question, "should I asked to be released" come up a number of times now on this forum. The advice regularly given is, "Yes, go asked to be released." My question is where does this advice come from? It seems contrary to statements from general authorities. Here are just a few I remember:

In the service of the Lord, it is not where you serve but how. In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, one takes the place to which one is duly called, which place one neither seeks nor declines. (J. Ruben Clark, Conference Report April 1951)

Whatever our calling, regardless of our fears or anxieties, let us pray and then go and do. (Thomas S. Monson, "They Pray and They Go," Ensign, May 2002, 49)

Now, some of you may be shy by nature, perhaps feeling yourselves inadequate to respond affirmatively to a calling. Remember that this work is not yours and mine alone. It is the Lord’s work, and when we are on the Lord’s errand, brethren, we are entitled to the Lord’s help. Remember that the Lord will shape the back to bear the burden placed upon it. (President Thomas S. Monson, “The Sacred Call of Service,” Ensign, May 2005, 54)

Whom the Lord calls, the Lord qualifies. (President Thomas S. Monson, "Duty Calls" May 1993 Ensign, p. 43)

Now, I understand that a call to serve is a call to grow and that our salvation does not, "hang in the balance" if we asked to be released. But statements from leaders are very clear. It seems many do not agree with this stance. Please explain why.

[Jenamarie]

Well, ask yourself this: is the Bishop (or SP or whoever) the only one the Lord will tell when it's time to change out who's serving in a Calling? Might He also let the person in the calling know that it's time for a change?

Edited September 5, 2012 by Jenamarie

[applepansy]

James, we are suppose to accept callings. Refusing or asking to be released is a needs serious consideration and especially prayer. Then you have to go talk to the Bishop.

Its hard to walk away from a calling. Especially because of what the GAs have said on the subject. However, the overriding principle is "Family Comes First."

You will be blessed for sacrificing for your calling. But if your calling is putting undo hardship on you then Pres. McKay's quote trumps it all. Paraphrasing: No other success can compensate for failure in the home.

[NeuroTypical]

I rarely suggest people ask to be released. I will usually suggest the person go meet with their bishop and explain the situation that is making them want to be released, and then counseling with their bishop about what to do.

[Sharky]

For the Spirit to prompt, one must be receptive.

If a person seeks a particular answer they will "get" that answer, though it may not be of the spirit.

I fully believe that sometimes the Bishop & his counselors may be so busy on their duties that they either may not be recpetive to some promptings of the spirt, or they set them aside for a time.

I also believe fully that there are times that people are "called" not by the spirit but rather by the man.

I have been in wards where 75% of the callings were held by the same small gorup of members, some with 3 or 4 or 5 callings, while a large %age of members had no callings. You will never convince me that was because of the spirit promptong those callings.

What it comes down to, does the individual feel as if they were called by the Spirit?

Have they prayerfully sought to know if being released is the right thing?

Are they willing & able to continue peforming the duties? It is better to decline or be released then to not perform the duties of the colling.

First responsibility in the church is taught to be your family .... if your & your family needs are not being addressed then you can not give fully of yourself to that calling.

Edited September 5, 2012 by Sharky

[estradling75]

All the statements you give strike me as don't turn down a calling quotes... That is quite a bit different then asking to be released after serving for awhile.

I have never seen a quote or statement that says you should never keep your leaders in the loop on how your personal situation has changed and how it will impact your ability to serve. Quite the opposite really.

It been my understanding and experience that the Lord answers when asked, but if we are not asking he doesn't always prompt us. So how is a leader suppose to know he should be asking? Clearly when someone tells him that things have changed. Who is the best person to tell the leader this information? The person most directly affected. This is much more preferable then having the person holding the calling simply start failing to perform while waiting for the leader to clue in that something is no longer working.

[Wingnut]

All the statements you give strike me as don't turn down a calling quotes... That is quite a bit different then asking to be released after serving for awhile.

That's what I thought, too.

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

As someone who just asked to be released from visiting teaching supervisor yesterday, I read this thread with interest.

I appreciated all the great replies. Too many good answers to quote them all.

When I asked to be released (there's a good reason I wont get into here), I felt such a weight lifted off my sholders. I felt peaceful about my decision.

I have another calling that I will continue to "magnify".

[mnn727]

When circumstances change that can be enough to request a release.

I took a job that required me to be out of town 3 weeks a month. I informed the Bishop and requested a release. He agreed.

[james12]

Well, ask yourself this: is the Bishop (or SP or whoever) the only one the Lord will tell when it's time to change out who's serving in a Calling? Might He also let the person in the calling know that it's time for a change?

I agree that the Lord may let the individual serving know. But who issues the call and who issues the release? The person called, or the Lord through his servants?

I rarely suggest people ask to be released. I will usually suggest the person go meet with their bishop and explain the situation that is making them want to be released, and then counseling with their bishop about what to do.

I agree there is an important distinction here. We should explain our situation to the bishop so that he understands our difficulties and concerns. No one should be worried about doing so. But further there is an important point where we need to respect the Lord's servants and the guidance they receive. We do this by following their counsel and the decisions they make.

James, we are suppose to accept callings. Refusing or asking to be released is a needs serious consideration and especially prayer. Then you have to go talk to the Bishop.

Its hard to walk away from a calling. Especially because of what the GAs have said on the subject. However, the overriding principle is "Family Comes First."

You will be blessed for sacrificing for your calling. But if your calling is putting undo hardship on you then Pres. McKay's quote trumps it all. Paraphrasing: No other success can compensate for failure in the home.

I understand that family comes first but where is the dividing line? Might it sometimes be better to show your family the example by continuing to serve in a difficult calling? I'm reminded of the story reiterated by Elder Uchtdorf in General Conference a few years ago about John Rowe Moyle. Brother Moyle had to walk 22 miles to the Salt Lake Temple and 22 miles home every week. After a cow seriously fractured his leg he was forced to have his leg cut off just below the knee. He eventually fashioned an artifical leg that hurt when he used it. Even with all these challenges he continued to make the weekly trip to the Temple. He is the person who carved the words, "Holiness to the Lord" that still show today. Elder Uchtdorf concludes, "John did not do this for the praise of man. Neither did he shirk his duty, even though he had every reason to do so. He knew what the Lord expected him to do" ("Lift Where You Stand", Ensign October 2008). I feel most of us, probably even myself, would feel this is asking too much. But was Brother Moyle wrong for putting such a burden on his family?

All the statements you give strike me as don't turn down a calling quotes... That is quite a bit different then asking to be released after serving for awhile.

True, most of what I provieded has to do with not turning down a calling. But there are others that have to do with continuing to serve. In addition to Bro. Moyle's story here is another from Elder Packer.

One of the great influences in my life was to work closely for many years with Belle S. Spafford, general president of the Relief Society, surely one of the greatest women of this dispensation.

One day she told me that as a young woman she explained to her bishop that she was willing to serve but preferred a call to teach. The following week she was called as a counselor to the ward Relief Society president. “I did not relish the call,” she said. “The bishop had misunderstood.” She told him bluntly Relief Society was for old women. Except for the counsel of her husband, she would have refused the call.

Several times she asked to be released. Each time the bishop said he would pray about it.

One night she was seriously injured in an automobile accident. After some time in the hospital, she was recovering at home. A terrible laceration on her face became infected. The worried doctor told her, “We can’t touch this surgically; it’s too close to the main nerve in your face.”

That Sunday night, as the doctor left the Spafford home, the bishop, returning from a late meeting, saw the lights on and stopped in.

Sister Spafford later told me, “In that pathetic condition I tearfully said, ‘Bishop, now will you release me?’”

Again he said, “I will pray about it.”

When the answer came, it was, “Sister Spafford, I still can’t get the feeling that you should be released from Relief Society.”

Belle S. Spafford served for 46 years in the Relief Society, nearly 30 as general president. She was an influence for good in the Church and was respected by women leaders worldwide. ("Called to Serve", Ensign, Oct. 1997)

[estradling75]

True, most of what I provieded has to do with not turning down a calling. But there are others that have to do with continuing to serve. In addition to Bro. Moyle's story here is another from Elder Packer.

Your story just proved the point... The dear Sister asked to be released... She was not rebuked or belittled or told she lacked faith for bringing her desires to the bishop's attention.

She asked and it was considered perfectly acceptable for her to do so, in so much that the Bishop took it to the Lord. The fact that it is also a great story of being humble and doing the Lord's will is secondary to the subject to this thread. For many people in many situation the answer could very well come back yes.

[james12]

Your story just proved the point... The dear Sister asked to be released... She was not rebuked or belittled or told she lacked faith for bringing her desires to the bishop's attention.

She asked and it was considered perfectly acceptable for her to do so, in so much that the Bishop took it to the Lord. The fact that it is also a great story of being humble and doing the Lord's will is secondary to the subject to this thread. For many people in many situation the answer could very well come back yes.

Estradling,

Indeed she was not belittled or told she lacked faith. And as I stated before there is no problem with bringing concerns to the bishops attention.

But, I'm afraid your conclusion that, "it was perfectly acceptable for her to do so" was definitely not the point of the story because Elder Packer sums it up by saying, "She often spoke of being tested in her calling. Perhaps the greatest test came when, as a young woman, she learned to respect the power and authority inherent in the priesthood and that an ordinary man serving as bishop can receive direction from the Lord in calling members to serve." If it is as you claim then how is it that she, as a young woman, did not respect the power and authority of the priesthood?

[estradling75]

But, I'm afraid your conclusion that, "it was perfectly acceptable for her to do so" was definitely not the point of the story because Elder Packer sums it up by saying, "She often spoke of being tested in her calling. Perhaps the greatest test came when, as a young woman, she learned to respect the power and authority inherent in the priesthood and that an ordinary man serving as bishop can receive direction from the Lord in calling members to serve." If it is as you claim then how is it that she, as a young woman, did not respect the power and authority of the priesthood?

Which she did. Being tested doesn't mean we failed. Learning something doesn't mean we were doing the opposite before. She got a calling she didn't like or want (the test) she fulfilled the calling (presumably to the best of her ability).. After a time she asked to be released. She was not (the test again) and she continued to serve (again presumably to the best of her ability) and then different things came up, time passed, and she asked again and the cycle repeated. By doing it the Lords way she learned(according to Elder Packer) that it was the right way.

In fact we can go so far as to say Christ asked to be released when in the Garden he asked the Father if the cup might pass from him.

Now if you equate 'asking to be released' as meaning refusing to do the calling then I would agree with you. But as Christ's example shows, the asking is not a sin, and not of itself wrong. That potentially comes when we get an answer we do not like to our request

[james12]

Which she did. Being tested doesn't mean we failed. Learning something doesn't mean we were doing the opposite before. She got a calling she didn't like or want (the test) she fulfilled the calling (presumably to the best of her ability).. After a time she asked to be released. She was not (the test again) and she continued to serve (again presumably to the best of her ability) and then different things came up, time passed, and she asked again and the cycle repeated. By doing it the Lords way she learned(according to Elder Packer) that it was the right way.

In fact we can go so far as to say Christ asked to be released when in the Garden he asked the Father if the cup might pass from him.

Now if you equate 'asking to be released' as meaning refusing to do the calling then I would agree with you. But as Christ's example shows, the asking is not a sin, and not of itself wrong. That potentially comes when we get an answer we do not like to our request

A fine line here...I am equating asking to be released with refusing to perform a calling. But I can see that there may be some people who might ask to be released but who are still willing to serve. Christ indeed asked that he might not have to drink the bitter cup but he also said, "nevertheless not my will, but thine be done." If someone was humble and approached it in this manner I think the spirit would be in it.

[Sharky]

When I have asked to be released, I did so mostly because the feeling that I was called of God to that calling was no longer present.

I continued in that calling for about 5-months before finally telling the Stake President it was time for a change.

Those 5-months were a constant struggle. I was willing to put forth the time & effort; however, the flow of ideas & concepts seemed to be stumpped.

Eventually I even started struggling to put in the time & effort required, church over all started seeming lilke a chore.

Asking to be released was nothing short of an exhilerating experience. Doing so confirmed to me that the spirit had released me sometime earlier - probly when I lost that feeling of having been called of God.

I look back now & tell myslef that if I even feel "released by the spirit" that I will immediately go to the Bishop/Stake Preesident ..... whether or not I really would I don't know as I have never had that experience since.

[applepansy]

I understand that family comes first but where is the dividing line? Might it sometimes be better to show your family the example by continuing to serve in a difficult calling? I'm reminded of the story reiterated by Elder Uchtdorf in General Conference a few years ago about John Rowe Moyle. Brother Moyle had to walk 22 miles to the Salt Lake Temple and 22 miles home every week. After a cow seriously fractured his leg he was forced to have his leg cut off just below the knee. He eventually fashioned an artifical leg that hurt when he used it. Even with all these challenges he continued to make the weekly trip to the Temple. He is the person who carved the words, "Holiness to the Lord" that still show today. Elder Uchtdorf concludes, "John did not do this for the praise of man. Neither did he shirk his duty, even though he had every reason to do so. He knew what the Lord expected him to do" ("Lift Where You Stand", Ensign October 2008). I feel most of us, probably even myself, would feel this is asking too much. But was Brother Moyle wrong for putting such a burden on his family?

There isn't a dividing line. Nothing should divide the family from Christ's church. As my grandfather used to say "the church is here for the family, NOT the family here for the church."

I admire Bro Moyle. Coming from an old pioneer family I've heard his story and others just like it all my 54 years. Callings are sacred things but they don't trump family. These decisions are personal and should be made with all seriousness. No Bro. Moyle was not wrong, his decision was the right one for him. But just because it was right for him doesn't mean it was right for his neighbor. What we don't know about the story is the seriousness of the fracture. Was is a simple fracture or was it a compound fracture? I can't imagine him walking at all with a compound fracture.

Again... its a personal decision. I will never advise someone to take asking to be released lightly. But I will always say its their decision since ONLY they can know their circumstances.

Sharky, Thank you for your story. It illustrated my point.

Edited September 6, 2012 by applepansy

[estradling75]

A fine line here...I am equating asking to be released with refusing to perform a calling. But I can see that there may be some people who might ask to be released but who are still willing to serve. Christ indeed asked that he might not have to drink the bitter cup but he also said, "nevertheless not my will, but thine be done." If someone was humble and approached it in this manner I think the spirit would be in it.

It is a fine line... But I think it is just as wrong to say one should never asked to be released, due to the absolute nature of the never, as it is wrong to say that one should be always be released because it they would rather do something else.

In the end we have two Stewardships in play and they both need to be synced up to the will of the Lord. You have the bishop who will generally know of the wards needs before the individual does and therefore is more likely to be seeking answers on who to call. And the individual who will generally knows of their needs before the bishop and therefore is more likely to be seeking answers on what they need to do. Then there is the Lord who knows all but respects agency and wants us to ask. Therefore it is quite likely that one of the two Stewards will come to understand the will of the Lord before the other. Not because of worthiness but because one became aware of the need to ask first. Thus the two stewards need to council together and share thoughts and idea and impressions and desires. A council that will not happen if one side feels they should never 'ask'.

Now the question becomes if after council together both the bishop and the individual have different ideas on what the next step should be. This is when the church teaches that one should support the Bishop, one should obey, and gain the blessing of obedience. And this teaching is pretty simple to understand. The church has to teach general principles. If they tried to detail every exception they would be bogged down forever. And as a general principle the Bishop should be a ideal candidate for learning the will of the Lord. He has the authority, stewardship, he should be a third independent party that understand the situation and loves the individual, and he should be well versed in following and understanding the promptings of the spirit. Whereas the individual could be anywhere on the map spiritually. Therefore while the bishop could be wrong for various reasons it seems more likely that the individual would be.

[Wingnut]

When circumstances change that can be enough to request a release.

I took a job that required me to be out of town 3 weeks a month. I informed the Bishop and requested a release. He agreed.

I agree, though it should always be done with prayer, and often with fasting as well (not saying you didn't).

My dad was called as bishop a little over two years ago. Three months later, he began traveling overseas for work for two weeks at a time, with only two weeks back at home in between. He did that for a year. He held bishopric meeting via Skype sometimes, and conferenced in to ward council. He even extended callings over Skype. I don't know my dad's thoughts, but I know my dad, and I would venture a guess that he never considered asking to be released. Just this week he was telling me that he actually thinks that it made the ward -- as a whole -- stronger. People couldn't just come running to the bishop's office when they had trouble or mundane concerns. His counselors assumed responsibilities and acted fully in their callings. It was tough on he and my mom (not that he ever said so, but I could tell), but their oldest two kids were out of the house already, and my brother was a senior in high school (and now on a mission), so they weren't a young family, which made it more manageable.

I don't share this personal story as an example of "see...even in the most extreme blah blah blah you should still blah blah blah." It's one person's story, and and example that it can work. However, I strongly feel that personal revelation trumps Bishop's revelation every time. Personal wants and wishes...not so much. But personal revelation.

[EarlJibbs]

I have been in wards where 75% of the callings were held by the same small gorup of members, some with 3 or 4 or 5 callings, while a large %age of members had no callings. You will never convince me that was because of the spirit promptong those callings.

Now I am not saying you are completely wrong. But hear me out on my perspective. I have seen this in my ward where the majority of the callings are handled by a few small group of members. I also may have thought as you did, until I was called into the bishopric and then I understood. Some cannot hold callings, some cannot hold callings in certain areas of the church, a lot decline callings, some people cannot due to jobs....etc... and the list goes on.

To simply say that the spirit was not prompting those callings is an easy answer, but may not be the correct one. How would one even know unless you were in the Bishopric or the individual? The Bishop surely isnt going to explain to everyone why so and so is not getting a calling. And the person not getting the calling surely isnt going to come out and say "I am never called into the primary or youth programs because I am a registered sex offender" or "I have been dealing with pornography for so long and do not want to change" or "I have been endowed in the temple but I really love the person I am sleeping around with"

Too many reasons. I saw it first hand and still am living it. In my 5 years in my current ward I have served as EQP, 1st councelor in the bishopric and am now the YM president. All of the other people that have been shuffled around have had similar experiences. Huge part of being called to serve....Ispiration... WILLING and ABLE.

[carlimac]

I'm in a situation where my partner in my calling (Activity Day's leader) is unable to fulfill her part because of her school and family schedule. If I change it to a time when she can be there we have to drop half the girls in the group because they have afternoon and evening conflicts. So I am hoping she asks to be released so that I have a partner that can actually help. Life happens.

A couple years ago my husband got a job in another state. He was bishop at the time and had only been in that position for a year. When he counseled with the stake president about it he was told to never feel held hostage to a church calling. If life takes you out of the game for a particular calling, never feelguilty or bad. There are innumerable ways to help build the kingdom of God. So we moved. and my husband was put in as YM president within 2 months. See?

[james12]

There isn't a dividing line. Nothing should divide the family from Christ's church. As my grandfather used to say "the church is here for the family, NOT the family here for the church."

Applepansy,

I understand that nothing truly divides the family from Christ's church. The dividing line I am speaking of is being with the family versus spending time fulfilling a calling away from them. Don't you agree that at times the best service we can give our family is to serve faithfully in the church?

I admire Bro Moyle. Coming from an old pioneer family I've heard his story and others just like it all my 54 years. Callings are sacred things but they don't trump family. These decisions are personal and should be made with all seriousness. No Bro. Moyle was not wrong, his decision was the right one for him. But just because it was right for him doesn't mean it was right for his neighbor. What we don't know about the story is the seriousness of the fracture. Was is a simple fracture or was it a compound fracture? I can't imagine him walking at all with a compound fracture.

Again... its a personal decision. I will never advise someone to take asking to be released lightly. But I will always say its their decision since ONLY they can know their circumstances.

Sharky, Thank you for your story. It illustrated my point.

It was a compound fracture and his leg was cut off just below the knee. He had to recuperate for a time before he again undertook the 22 mile journey to the temple. This is an extreme example but other sacrifices are made on a daily basis by Bishops and Stake Presidents who leave their family to serve for long hours. I think they, and their family, will be blessed for the service. If their families will be blessed for their service, will not other families?

Edited September 7, 2012 by james12

[Sharky]

Now I am not saying you are completely wrong. But hear me out on my perspective. I have seen this in my ward where the majority of the callings are handled by a few small group of members. I also may have thought as you did, until I was called into the bishopric and then I understood. Some cannot hold callings, some cannot hold callings in certain areas of the church, a lot decline callings, some people cannot due to jobs....etc... and the list goes on..

Believe me I understand your point; however, I also recognized it when a new Bishop was put in & he started going to different Auxillary leaders saying, so-&-so has 6 callings, we need to get that down, lets find someone who can fill some of those positions.

I was witness to members of the ward that were just existing suddenly stepping up & doing things because they were asked.

Sure, there were still people with multipe callings and still many without callings; however, there were a lot more people that felt involved. Semi-Active members suddenly have the "less threatening" callings that had always just been "picked up" by whomever.

I also witnessed a less-active couple start attending each week because they were suddenly needed! They were asked to accept a calling & they did & they have been wonderful at it.

I think that was the enlightenment to me as to why Bishops are generally release at about 5 years ... the old Bishop had been 2nd Counselor for 3 years, then Bishop for 6 years.

Changing out the entire Bishopric brought about A LOT of changes through-out the ward including the effort to make sure no one was overburdened with multiple callings.

A Stake Presidency change a few months later brought about even more changes to the ward organization.

Edited September 7, 2012 by Sharky

[EarlJibbs]

Believe me I understand your point; however, I also recognized it when a new Bishop was put in & he started going to different Auxillary leaders saying, so-&-so has 6 callings, we need to get that down, lets find someone who can fill some of those positions.

I was witness to members of the ward that were just existing suddenly stepping up & doing things because they were asked.

Sure, there were still people with multipe callings and still many without callings; however, there were a lot more people that felt involved. Semi-Active members suddenly have the "less threatening" callings that had always just been "picked up" by whomever.

I also witnessed a less-active couple start attending each week because they were suddenly needed! They were asked to accept a calling & they did & they have been wonderful at it.

I think that was the enlightenment to me as to why Bishops are generally release at about 5 years ... the old Bishop had been 2nd Counselor for 3 years, then Bishop for 6 years.

Changing out the entire Bishopric brought about A LOT of changes through-out the ward including the effort to make sure no one was overburdened with multiple callings.

A Stake Presidency change a few months later brought about even more changes to the ward organization.

Thanks Sharky. I love how most things cannot be bundled up the same for everyone. Other than the gospel principles, everything else can be quite different for everyone. I appreciate your story.

[Blackmarch]

I have seen this question, "should I asked to be released" come up a number of times now on this forum. The advice regularly given is, "Yes, go asked to be released." My question is where does this advice come from? It seems contrary to statements from general authorities. Here are just a few I remember:

Now, I understand that a call to serve is a call to grow and that our salvation does not, "hang in the balance" if we asked to be released. But statements from leaders are very clear. It seems many do not agree with this stance. Please explain why.

I'd like to point out its fine to ask for whatever you want.

It's how we deal with the answer is what is important.