31 Years Old is not "Midlife" for a man! RANT!

[bristleconesky]

Okay... It's Sunday and I'm not going to church today? Why?

Because I've moved to a new town and left my old town where I was still welcome in a singles ward and dating a girl that was younger than me. All my friends were in their late twenties and I felt like I was apart of something where age doesn't really matter.

I know about the age restrictions with singles wards. I just turned 31 and I'm not returning to any singles ward based on the fact that I'm 31. I also don't feel inclined to go to a family ward because I'm still single and dating and don't want to go to a "midlife" singles ward because I date girls that are younger than me. I've had the most luck and a few relationships where the girl was around 5 years younger.

So I'm 31 but only in Utah is this considered midlife. And I think it's jacked-up that they have a cut-off age of 31! So am I a little perturbed? Sure am!

Am I still dating a girl that's younger than me? Yeah, even though our relationship has been separated by distance. Think about it though... in my shoes for a second.

Where does this all put me!? In no-mans-land! :/

Edited September 30, 2012 by bristleconesky

[pam]

Why do you say only in Utah? The rules for age are standard all over.

[bristleconesky]

Yeah, but in Utah it spills over into the culture. Sorry that was my sarcasm. I feel better after ranting. I couldn't think of any other place to vent feelings except this forum. This is where I have come to vent some real deep feelings before where religion and church is the topic for LDS members.

[RipplecutBuddha]

Walking away.....(38 year-old walking away)

[Soulsearcher]

Walking away.....(38 year-old walking away)

Heck with most of my friends and most of the people i date 31 is just plain old lol, now i know how pam feels most of the time

[pam]

Don't make me ban you Souly.

[NeuroTypical]

Hey bristleconesky, just whatever you do, please, PLEASE don't call me 'sir'. It happened to me a few years back and I'm still reeling.

By way of advice, if you're all bent out of shape that you're not 25 any more, 40 is gonna blindside you like nothing you've ever seen before.

[applepansy]

Since when was 30+ midlife?

Can I please go back to 30. I liked 30. I liked 26 better, but the first have of 30 was great!

Its good to rant and then put it away, go to church in the ward you're suppose to go to and don't go with anger or resentment. Let the spirit tell you why you're there. Who knows? You just might find the girl of your dreams.

Edited September 30, 2012 by applepansy

[beefche]

By the way, Midsingles does not refer to "mid life" people. It's talking about singles who are older than Young Single Adults and younger than older singles. And it's a much better term than "Special Interest" as the church used to call people older than YSA age.

Before they had Midsingles, it was not unusual being at an activity that had 31 y/o people interacting with 70 y/o people. Due to the growing number of singles in the church who are out of the YSA ages, the church is beginning to form groups of Midsingles (typically between the ages of 28-49--each region varies slightly on the age group of the Midsingles).

[annewandering]

I know a couple of others who turned 31 and were very upset to be out of singles ward. They felt that they had failed and now were put on the shelf forever. They felt insulted and stabbed in the back.

I can understand being upset but is it worth denying yourself church activity? The ladies are not going to be impressed at your becoming inactive over it. Not the ones you would want to marry in the church. So why dont you just ask the girl to marry you and then you wont have to be concerned any more about it?

[beefche]

Well, it's like any other transition--it's difficult. Going from YW to RS, going from a family ward to student ward, or leaving YSA--all difficult to deal with.

I can tell you from experience that it is a difficult thing to be a member of this church as a single member. And I feel especially bad for the men. They are the ones who get beaten down the most about being single.

[prisonchaplain]

Yeah...but when you get married all your troubles will go away. :::cough:::

Urr, uh...so how long have you been married now? What? No bun in the oven...you know you got started kinda late, and have some catching up to do. :::wink wink:::

Not that I'm speaking from experience, or anything...

[Wingnut]

Don't like the age guidelines? Take it up with the Brethren. No need to have a chip on your shoulder in the meantime.

[Guest]

So what would be the appropriate age for SA to move to family wards? When I was 18 in a student ward, I had a 30-something-year-old after me (before they made the guideline). I didn't like it.

[dahlia]

My son came to church with me on Mother's Day. We are in a university town and many of the people in the ward are in their 30's, but already established. Son is 35, single, looking, and wouldn't mind a Mormon girl.

Anyway, everyone was very friendly, but you should seen the faces when he said he was 35 and no, he wasn't married and didn't have any children. My ward friends generally have 3-5 children and are 30-35 yrs old.

Because he's a grad student, he thought he could go to the YSA and the elders tried to hook him up with some activities, but he's 35 and it didn't work out. : ( I met a really cute sister of a friend's husband, I immediately thought I might try some matchmaking, but she's already engaged with a wedding this winter! Seems like you gotta catch these Mormon girls young.

I don't know if he would meet many girls in my ward. Most of the girls in their 20's are away at school. So, I hear you, OP. It's not easy.

[EarlJibbs]

31 is a good age to ditch a singles ward that starts with a lot younger people. It's like not wanting to graduate highschool because there are plenty of cute girls. Sure, you could always go back and creep on some, but I say you embrace moving to a mid-singles ward and maybe you will find a 31 year old woman that is just right for you.

[mdfxdb]

I say go to the 30 and younger ward until you are kicked out.

[mnn727]

As a convert myself - I didn't know there was any such thing as a singles ward until I was already engaged.

No one ever told me and our stake covered parts of 2 states.

It was a 2 hour drive to the Stake Center and only a 30 minute drive to my Ward

[beefche]

I say go to the 30 and younger ward until you are kicked out.

Ah, yes. Stay in the YSA ward and be the creepy old guy!

[mdfxdb]

31 isn't creepy. And you obviously want to date younger women. So you have to go where they are. Don't worry you will be asked to leave...

[beefche]

To an 18-20something year old girl/woman, 31 can be creepy old. And the older he gets, the creepier it feels to the women.

[mdfxdb]

What do you think goes on? If they aren't interested, they should say so and move on. the end. besides it wont last long. he will be asked to leave. Attractive young women get hit on in the general population and there are no dividers for age. they can deflect really old guys as easily as a 31 year old. 20 something dating a 30 something isn't creepy. That varies based on the person. The real problem is when the 31 year old has some significant baggage they are trying to bring to a relationship with someone relatively young who has significantly less life experience.

I'm not disagreeing with the 30 year old rule as a divider. It is put there to negate the possibility of what I just mentioned, however I would still go until I got asked to leave.

[Guest]

"We find it creepy."

"No you don't!"

[dahlia]

The thing about dating younger women is not because he doesn't like women his own age, but that at 35, women start having fertility issues. He wants children and wants to avoid this problem.

Yeah, yeah, not that younger women can't have issues, too. I know that.

[annewandering]

At 31 you might start thinking about marriage not dating.