A young man was to join the Church

[Guest JustaMereBoy]

He reads the Quad set of scripture everyday. He believes in and follows the doctrines of the Church and even had a blast watching the General Conference from his apartment this weekend.

He is afraid to formally join because his parents looked him straight in the eye and told him under no circumstances could he join the LDS Church. This was initiated because the young man was found reading a book on the LDS Church detailing its general history.

So what does he do? What can he do? This young man is a junior in his undergrad and relies on his parents for tuition and he doesn't want to be on anyone's bad sad.

He prays to Heavenly Father everyday that he might find an answer and he continues to do so.

[slamjet]

He prays to Heavenly Father everyday that he might find an answer and he continues to do so.

You just answered your question.

[Just_A_Guy]

IMHO, if you're sure you want to join the LDS Church, I think you should tell your parents. If you bide your time and keep taking their money, then go out and become a Mormon as soon as you get out of college--your parents are going to feel taken in. That won't help you, and it won't help their attitude towards the Church.

[NightSG]

You just answered your question.

Mostly, but "Let him ask in faith, nothing wavering."

You have to have complete faith that He will provide a way for you to do that which He commands, then He will aid you in finding that way.

[candyprpl]

If you know the Church is true and the gospel brings you joy and you belief Christ is the great comforter, then follow his teachings and be baptized. You will receive blessings beyond your imagination. Faith is the key.

[Vort]

To avoid joining a Church you believe is true because you might lose your account at the Bank of Mom and Dad seems not quite above-board.

As an adult, never, ever be dependent on your parents for living expenses. For one thing, it's unfair to them. For another, it gives them entirely too much power in your life.

That's my view, anyway.

[Backroads]

To avoid joining a Church you believe is true because you might lose your account at the Bank of Mom and Dad seems not quite above-board.

As an adult, never, ever be dependent on your parents for living expenses. For one thing, it's unfair to them. For another, it gives them entirely too much power in your life.

That's my view, anyway.

I completely agree. Yes, others on this board have brought up cases where the parents helped out financially, but even in those cases I failed to see it as a dependency.

I personally have seen examples where parents used finances to purposefully control adult children. It's all well and good until a disagreement arises, and the child is stuck between making an adult decision/living his own life and remaining financially secure. How in the world is that living as a responsible and self-sufficient adult?

Now, I do believe that in most cases a person under 18 should respect his parents' wishes and rules regarding a church (no 15-year-olds causing family disharmony by sneaking off to get baptized). But at 18 you are legally an adult and while family harmony and respect are still good things to seek the same dynamics and rules no longer exist. A parent creating such parameters for another adult is NOT okay.

Yet if a parent still insists on such rules, a true adult understanding that he is now an adult will accept the consequences. There are OTHER financial options out there for students.

I really do understand that college is expensive, I really do. But the bigger picture here is that a college student is an adult and does not require parental approval for every life decision.

I, personally, would be horrified at my parents if they looked me straight in the eye and told me under no circumstances would I do such-n-such.

[applepansy]

You just answered your question.

Mostly, but "Let him ask in faith, nothing wavering."

You have to have complete faith that He will provide a way for you to do that which He commands, then He will aid you in finding that way.

After you pray, asking in faith, with nothing wavering...then you go to work to make it happen.

In this young man's situation I think getting a job to support himself, applying for grants and such for school and doing everything possible to be independent would be the first step. The second would be honest with his parents.

[JosephP]

I can't help but wonder what's your parents concern are. There are lots of people who dislike the church, but they do so for a wide variety of reasons. Perhaps understanding what it is they object so strongly about would allow someone to help you better.

If we can trust in miracles to the point that we understand that God has restored His church in these days, is it so hard to believe your parent's concern can be addressed if we know what they are?

Would you be willing to share a bit about what your parents objections and opinions are?

Edited October 8, 2012 by JosephP
Typo

[Misshalfway]

He reads the Quad set of scripture everyday. He believes in and follows the doctrines of the Church and even had a blast watching the General Conference from his apartment this weekend.

He is afraid to formally join because his parents looked him straight in the eye and told him under no circumstances could he join the LDS Church. This was initiated because the young man was found reading a book on the LDS Church detailing its general history.

So what does he do? What can he do? This young man is a junior in his undergrad and relies on his parents for tuition and he doesn't want to be on anyone's bad sad.

He prays to Heavenly Father everyday that he might find an answer and he continues to do so.

Well....you could start by not being "justamereboy" anymore.

I know this is blunt, but your whole post sounds unempowered. It's like you are frozen and afraid to move. You even plead with God to fix it for you so you don't have to make your choices and deal with the situation. I appreciate that prayer is great thing and that God does help. But my experience with God is that He doesn't do my work for me.

I guess what I'm saying is that at some point growing up means making autonomous choices. And sometimes that means dealing with parents who don't offer support or approval. I think back on a few times when I had to tell my parents that I would be going in a different direction. It was rocky for the first few moments, but my parents learned to let go and respect my decisions.

I can't know what kind of relationship you have with your parents. But it sounds like to me that it's time for you to start being your own man.

I think it's time for you to grow up and to not only pray in faith, but learn how to make choices in faith as well.

One more thing....are you talking to your parents? I always think these situations become easier when both parties are talking about their concerns/feelings/fears with each other and listening to each other too. Listening is so important on both sides! When we share and listen to others, it doesn't mean we'll change our course. But it does help preserve the relationship while we do.

[prisonchaplain]

My oldest is 12, so I can begin to picture this from the opposite side of the fence. My cherub turns 18, heads off to college, and after a semester or year out from under our wing, announces she's joining the LDS faith...or the Jehovah's Witnesses, or the Unification Church (Moonies).

It's actually easy to put ourselves in these shoes. Imagine your budding college student decided to join the Catholic church, or the University Calvary Chapel, etc. Or, up the fear factor...Scientology. It would be real easy to say, "You will never join that ... and no more Tom Cruise movies in our household, either!"

Not sure what the answer is...but I like what's been said. Immediate honesty, let God provide, if the parents won't. Be ready to work jobs, and perhaps slow down to part time. If nothing else, the parental opposition is an opportunity to determine if this is a conversion one really believes in. Too many take that leap of faith, and then quickly jump out when they realize they hadn't truly weighed the costs.

[tcage]

You are caught between a rock and a hard place, or between 2 Gospel principles really.... If you know the Truth, then it is imparative to be baptized in His name, but on the other hand there is also that oft-neglected "Honour thy Mother and Father" that most sadly think only applys if the mother and father are LDS....

Keeping praying about it is the best advice I could give. There is "middle ground" in there, but the Lord is the best one to lead you and your folks to that compromise. Leaning to either extreme (either staying non-baptized cause you need the free money, or taking the stance of "I'm getting baptized and i don't care what you think about it") is asking for unnecessary headache.

((I would say, however, to plan for the extreme. IF your parents do cut you off, there are many "Plan B"s.......deferring school for a year to raise your own money, attending part-time, doing the work and school mix, even going to your Bishop for help if needed. Just because the Lord will guide us doesn't mean we shouldn't do our due dilligence in our lives))

[Guest JustaMereBoy]

I can't help but wonder what's your parents concern are. There are lots of people who dislike the church, but they do so for a wide variety of reasons. Perhaps understanding what it is they object so strongly about would allow someone to help you better.

If we can trust in miracles to the point that we understand that God has restored His church in these days, is it so hard to believe your parent's concern can be addressed if we know what they are?

Would you be willing to share a bit about what your parents objections and opinions are?

My parents disapprove of most religious organizations in general, and seem to abhor especially the LDS Church and JW's. They made it a point to install a gated front entrance so we would never be solicited by anyone, on any matter.

They work most of the time and I have trouble reaching them (literally and emotionally). We don't really talk much about feelings or emotions in my family. Everything can get tense right away and the best way I've managed to deal with it all is just to be obedient and never give them trouble.

[Guest JustaMereBoy]

Well....you could start by not being "justamereboy" anymore.

I know this is blunt, but your whole post sounds unempowered. It's like you are frozen and afraid to move. You even plead with God to fix it for you so you don't have to make your choices and deal with the situation. I appreciate that prayer is great thing and that God does help. But my experience with God is that He doesn't do my work for me.

I guess what I'm saying is that at some point growing up means making autonomous choices. And sometimes that means dealing with parents who don't offer support or approval. I think back on a few times when I had to tell my parents that I would be going in a different direction. It was rocky for the first few moments, but my parents learned to let go and respect my decisions.

I can't know what kind of relationship you have with your parents. But it sounds like to me that it's time for you to start being your own man.

I think it's time for you to grow up and to not only pray in faith, but learn how to make choices in faith as well.

One more thing....are you talking to your parents? I always think these situations become easier when both parties are talking about their concerns/feelings/fears with each other and listening to each other too. Listening is so important on both sides! When we share and listen to others, it doesn't mean we'll change our course. But it does help preserve the relationship while we do.

Honestly, I'm a bit terrified of telling my parents that I got a B+ on an exam, let alone telling them how I feel my spiritual needs have to be met. It just isn't a good relationship, in general.

[Guest JustaMereBoy]

My oldest is 12, so I can begin to picture this from the opposite side of the fence. My cherub turns 18, heads off to college, and after a semester or year out from under our wing, announces she's joining the LDS faith...or the Jehovah's Witnesses, or the Unification Church (Moonies).

It's actually easy to put ourselves in these shoes. Imagine your budding college student decided to join the Catholic church, or the University Calvary Chapel, etc. Or, up the fear factor...Scientology. It would be real easy to say, "You will never join that ... and no more Tom Cruise movies in our household, either!"

Not sure what the answer is...but I like what's been said. Immediate honesty, let God provide, if the parents won't. Be ready to work jobs, and perhaps slow down to part time. If nothing else, the parental opposition is an opportunity to determine if this is a conversion one really believes in. Too many take that leap of faith, and then quickly jump out when they realize they hadn't truly weighed the costs.

Thanks for the advice. It certainly is a difficult process that I find myself in.

[Misshalfway]

Honestly, I'm a bit terrified of telling my parents that I got a B+ on an exam, let alone telling them how I feel my spiritual needs have to be met. It just isn't a good relationship, in general.

Wow. I guess I didn't realize it was that bad. I'm sorry it's not a good relationship. That certainly makes things more difficult and complicated. If I were in your shoes, I'd probably be just as terrified.

Do you have older siblings, by chance? If so, how do they handle your parents?

Would you feel more comfortable if you didn't need their money for school? Is there any way for you to take on that responsibility? Maybe a student loan or something. I know school can be very expensive.

[bytor2112]

I think you should listen to your Father.....He knows best. Your parents will one day understand.

[Backroads]

Parents who are paying the tuition and being upset over grades is not an abnormal thing. Still, it's sad this is not a good relationship. But I believe that is more evidence for seeking a little more independence.

No offense to tcage's advice here, but I don't think this is a matter of honor they father and mother. You can still do that even when disagreeing with them and becoming independent.

[JosephP]

My parents disapprove of most religious organizations in general, and seem to abhor especially the LDS Church and JW's. They made it a point to install a gated front entrance so we would never be solicited by anyone, on any matter.

They work most of the time and I have trouble reaching them (literally and emotionally). We don't really talk much about feelings or emotions in my family. Everything can get tense right away and the best way I've managed to deal with it all is just to be obedient and never give them trouble.

It seems that the addition of the gate for the specific purpose to prevent solicitation by religious groups says quite a lot. It doesn't seem likely that they are going to be open-minded enough to hear your perspective.

To me, the only issue remaining is your willingness and timing in declaring your independence. Your acceptance of the Gospel seems to be included in that independence.

I do not agree with those that said allowing them to finish paying for your education would be wrong. You are willing to talk to them now, they are unwilling to listen. Continuing the status quo until you are in a position where you can insist they listen is certainly not unethical.

Of course you have the final decisions to make, such as whether to be baptized, the timing of your baptism, and when you declare your independence from your parents. All we can offer you here is our own opinions. You ultimately must make the decision yourself.

Edited October 9, 2012 by JosephP

[prisonchaplain]

Or, up the fear factor...Scientology. It would be real easy to say, "You will never join that ... and no more Tom Cruise movies in our household, either!"

Not even one laugh???...Sigh...I try too hard...

[Traveler]

My oldest is 12, so I can begin to picture this from the opposite side of the fence. My cherub turns 18, heads off to college, and after a semester or year out from under our wing, announces she's joining the LDS faith...or the Jehovah's Witnesses, or the Unification Church (Moonies).

It's actually easy to put ourselves in these shoes. Imagine your budding college student decided to join the Catholic church, or the University Calvary Chapel, etc. Or, up the fear factor...Scientology. It would be real easy to say, "You will never join that ... and no more Tom Cruise movies in our household, either!"

Not sure what the answer is...but I like what's been said. Immediate honesty, let God provide, if the parents won't. Be ready to work jobs, and perhaps slow down to part time. If nothing else, the parental opposition is an opportunity to determine if this is a conversion one really believes in. Too many take that leap of faith, and then quickly jump out when they realize they hadn't truly weighed the costs.

I read this response and thought about it for some time before responding. I have 5 children that have all left home to find their own way - to be honest none of them are doing everything in the manner they were taught in the home where I preside. It appears that this is a mixed bag - some things they do better some things it appears they struggle with more so than my wife and I.

But my point is that a increasing majority of children are growing up in religious homes and rejecting religion in one way or another. In fact it seems to me that the chances are that children are more likely or at least just as likely to reject all religion all together as they are to stray from that one religion within which they were raised.

For me - I would much rather that my children make and keep covenants with G-d that to turn away from any effort to worship G-d. In all honesty - I really believe that anyone that does not respect their children's covenants with G-d - I do not believe that really understand their own covenants that much.

Thus I believe that any parent so inclined it reject their children (in even the least degree) should be more respectful - especially those that call themselves Christian -- that need practice in treating others (their children) as they would be treated as they increase in years and perhaps become dependent on their children to one degree or another.

The Traveler

[prisonchaplain]

Down the road, should one or more of my daughters come to espouse another religion, or, as Traveler suggests, none...I suppose at that time I will really learn what it means to love. In my prayer closet I will weep, I will cry out for God's Spirit to woo them back, I will ask Father to send godly influences into their lives...I will yearn for their return to the faith of their father and mother.

And yet...I will love them...very likely with even more energy and resolve than I will have had to up to that point. I will internally reject their choice as wrong...but that is not the same as rejecting them. I will not reject their free will, and I hope I will remember that I cannot cajole them back. So, my embrace will likely be even stronger than now...not less. When we disagree, and even disapprove, love has even more opportunity to manifest.

[Daybreak79]

Not even one laugh???...Sigh...I try too hard...

I’m still trying to get over the fact that someone thinks scientology is scarier than us Mormons!

[prisonchaplain]

I’m still trying to get over the fact that someone thinks scientology is scarier than us Mormons!

In typical government doublespeak, "I can neither confirm nor deny . . . "

[Traveler]

Down the road, should one or more of my daughters come to espouse another religion, or, as Traveler suggests, none...I suppose at that time I will really learn what it means to love. In my prayer closet I will weep, I will cry out for God's Spirit to woo them back, I will ask Father to send godly influences into their lives...I will yearn for their return to the faith of their father and mother.

And yet...I will love them...very likely with even more energy and resolve than I will have had to up to that point. I will internally reject their choice as wrong...but that is not the same as rejecting them. I will not reject their free will, and I hope I will remember that I cannot cajole them back. So, my embrace will likely be even stronger than now...not less. When we disagree, and even disapprove, love has even more opportunity to manifest.

Okay - I am reading your post - which BTW, I do enjoy when this sort of humorous thought came to me - I sometimes wish I knew where such thought come from. Anyway - I wonder to whom G-d prays when his children stray?

I also remember one time I was trying to explain what I was doing to my father. (keep in mind he was a artist and my interest has always been science) He turned to me and said, "Quit making excuses. If this is the best you can do in the circumstance then you should expect to be honored for your effort but if you could have done better and refused to do so - excuses will never change your shame. But know this - if you are truly proud and happy for what you are doing I am happy for you as well - but if you are ashamed of what you are doing then I am sad for you.

I very much believe in free will and what we Mormons call agency. In my hart of harts - I believe G-d is about us achieving. In fact I believe that is the purpose of our redemption - that we may achieve.

But knowing how you have put up with me - I believe you children will always be glad you are their father - what ever path in life they take.

The Traveler