Monitoring internet

[Bini]

I just wondered what parents do, and non-parents foresee doing, when it comes to monitoring your child's online experience. Will you mutually agree on terms of internet use, and then trust them to abide by those, without checking in on them? Or, will you set terms, and check in on their activity at random intervals?

I read on another forum about a mother whose son password protected his computer and will not let her access it. Not sure that any rules were laid down before he got his own computer but apparently he's been acting up, and won't let her get into it. Not a good situation, obviously, especially when the kid has the upper hand.

[Suzie]

I just wondered what parents do, and non-parents foresee doing, when it comes to monitoring your child's online experience. Will you mutually agree on terms of internet use, and then trust them to abide by those, without checking in on them? Or, will you set terms, and check in on their activity at random intervals?

When you say "mutually agree" you mean father and mother or you mean parent and child? Because let me tell you something, when it's about internet use in my home, we (parents) decide everything. (how long it can be used, what sites are acceptable and what sites aren't, etc) and internet use is considered a privilege, not a right (if it's not school work related) constant regular checks, and computers are outside the bedrooms so everyone can see what is being searched.

I read on another forum about a mother whose son password protected his computer and will not let her access it. Not sure that any rules were laid down before he got his own computer but apparently he's been acting up, and won't let her get into it. Not a good situation, obviously, especially when the kid has the upper hand.

Really? His own computer? He paid for it? No kid of mine has the "upper hand" or will refuse to give me a password. I was very clear from the beginning. Do that to me and...

Edited January 21, 2013 by Suzie

[MorningStar]

The password is: I throw your computer down the stairs.

Who has the upper hand now? Huh?

[Tough Grits]

I just wondered what parents do, and non-parents foresee doing, when it comes to monitoring your child's online experience. Will you mutually agree on terms of internet use, and then trust them to abide by those, without checking in on them? Or, will you set terms, and check in on their activity at random intervals?

In my home there are 3 computers...2 very old desktop dinosaurs...and my 4 year-old laptop.

The two dinosaurs are the ones the kids (2) are allowed to use. They are on internet lock-down. Meaning: they can only go to internet sites that I approve. If they want to go to a new site, I have to enter my password that will either allow them access just the once, or permanently.

The laptop is not on internet lock-down. But I do keep it locked. Meaning: my password has to be entered to get to the desktop of the laptop. I keep it locked when not in use. My laptop was my college computer, so I didn't want to be hampered by always having to enter my password to go to internet sites and sources.

As far as any kind of agreeing, everybody in the house agrees that mommy is the password keeper of the computers and Dish Network. If I die, then nobody will be on the internet or watching TV. LOL

[Vort]

I just wondered what parents do, and non-parents foresee doing, when it comes to monitoring your child's online experience. Will you mutually agree on terms of internet use, and then trust them to abide by those, without checking in on them? Or, will you set terms, and check in on their activity at random intervals?

I read on another forum about a mother whose son password protected his computer and will not let her access it. Not sure that any rules were laid down before he got his own computer but apparently he's been acting up, and won't let her get into it. Not a good situation, obviously, especially when the kid has the upper hand.

I agree with Suzie and MorningStar. I don't understand this mindset (on the parents' part, I mean). My kid doesn't give me his password? I take his computer. Period. No ifs, ands, or buts. It's my computer; I don't care if he bought it "with his own money". He is a minor, and owns nothing. It's mine.

I understand that I have all the advantage in parenting because I have caring parents who offered me discipline and I have spent my life in a Church that values and teaches parenting. Therefore, I need to be careful and charitable in my judgment of others. But I really just do not understand people who say things like, "He won't tell me his password and he bought the computer with his own money, so I don't think I can do anything." I mean, seriously, that's just pathetic. Surely it's not just me.

[Tough Grits]

By the way...

In my house the kids know that they have a "no technology" rule Monday-Thursday.

Meaning: no TV, no computer (unless needed for homework), and no gaming (hand-held or console).

We had an issue years back with them rushing through homework to watch TV...so I eliminated the temptation. Their only job right now is to do well in school. They are so good about not even complaining or whining about the Monday-Thursday no technology rule. Their grades stay very high and they spend more time reading, playing outside, and talking with me and their dad.

Exceptions to the TV rule: news, Wheel of Fortune, Jeopardy, and anything on nature or science. I consider those things educational, therefore they can watch such shows AFTER homework, dinner, family scripture study, and baths...if there is any time left before bed.

[Suzie]

But I really just do not understand people who say things like, "He won't tell me his password and he bought the computer with his own money, so I don't think I can do anything." I mean, seriously, that's just pathetic. Surely it's not just me.

I volunteer in a place where there is a lot of teenagers. This problem of "he/she won't tell me his/her password" is very common, specially with phones. It is just shocking to me to see parents thinking and acting like they don't have a choice.

[skippy740]

Wheel of Fortune is educational??? LOL

I wanted to put a link here for Best Parental Control Software | Free by Qustodio. I recently used it and I think it's great for home use.

It's not just blocking software, but MONITORING software - with daily emails to the registered email address. So, if your child is even SEARCHING for something not appropriate, you'll know it.

It's free.

I don't know if there is a conflict if you wanted to have both k9 and Qustodio. Like anti-virus, there probably is.

[marshac]

I just wondered what parents do, and non-parents foresee doing, when it comes to monitoring your child's online experience. Will you mutually agree on terms of internet use, and then trust them to abide by those, without checking in on them? Or, will you set terms, and check in on their activity at random intervals?

I read on another forum about a mother whose son password protected his computer and will not let her access it. Not sure that any rules were laid down before he got his own computer but apparently he's been acting up, and won't let her get into it. Not a good situation, obviously, especially when the kid has the upper hand.

I would monitor their use and ensure that they know it's monitored- on top of this I would only use a router with parental controls as well as use OpenDNS with the parental controls flipped on.

Password protected and won't let me look? Simple solution- no more computer, no more smartphone, nothing. Gone.

[Tough Grits]

Wheel of Fortune is educational??? LOL

Aww, come on...it's educational!

My daughter--who has great reading comprehension and a high reading level, but terrible spelling--actually does good at guessing the puzzles. It is quite funny actually, because we all know she is the weak link in the family at spelling.

She loves it, because it boosts her confidence. I love it, because I love watching her excitement when she correctly guesses a puzzle.

[pam]

Wheel of Fortune is educational??? LOL

I could very well see how it would be educational.

[Backroads]

For all I know, the world wide web will be "old school" by the time my kid is using the internet on her own.

But if it's not... she will be made aware of the fact that her father and I have all sorts of ways of finding out what she is doing on the internet. Whether or not we regularly monitor will be based on how things work out.

[dahlia]

When you say "mutually agree" you mean father and mother or you mean parent and child? Because let me tell you something, when it's about internet use in my home, we (parents) decide everything. (how long it can be used, what sites are acceptable and what sites aren't, etc) and internet use is considered a privilege, not a right (if it's not school work related) constant regular checks, and computers are outside the bedrooms so everyone can see what is being searched.

Really? His own computer? He paid for it? No kid of mine has the "upper hand" or will refuse to give me a password. I was very clear from the beginning.

Tell it, sister! When we got our first computer, things were a lot different. Most access was controlled by the ISP provider. It was hard to see anything too bad when you were using AOL, although the adult chat rooms could get racy.

I was against censoring (other than porn) because I felt that by seeing questionable sites, it would enable him to recognize them and less likely to be taken in by scams, etc. The other deal was that the computer was out in the open. I could walk by and see what my son was up to, none of this locking yourself in the room with it. But I was the same way with the TV, no TV in the room until you'd been accepted to college.

Fast forward many years later and it's a different online world. I would probably have one of those 'net nanny' things for a school age kid. I don't see why a kid needs a password on 'my' computer. He'd also know that I had the right to take the computer away and/or look at his searches. I'd have to do a net safety lecture on not giving personal info to people you meet online.

I can see giving a high schooler his/her own computer, but still with a version of a net nanny. I think there are legitimate searches for high schoolers that might make some people here uneasy. I don't have a problem with looking up gender identity or pregnancy topics.

The thing I'd be concerned with now is social media. Some things that have happened to people on FB are just terrible. Some of the people a kid can interact with are terrible. I'd probably demand to be a 'friend' and keep a closer watch on behavior on social media sites than what he's searching for online.

It's scary out there.

[Tough Grits]

The thing I'd be concerned with now is social media. Some things that have happened to people on FB are just terrible. Some of the people a kid can interact with are terrible. I'd probably demand to be a 'friend' and keep a closer watch on behavior on social media sites than what he's searching for online.

It's scary out there.

I agree! I have wondered if keeping them off fb until they are 18 is reasonable or unreasonable!

Seriously, though, I have talked to them--and continue to talk to them--about online safety and about proper online etiquette. Hopefully by the time I decide that my oldest can have a fb account, she will be well aware of how to protect herself, as well as how to conduct herself. ~TG

[classylady]

Because my husband's job has involved computers, he was able to get second-hand computers very inexpensively. So, that meant, all our children had their own computers. Our 9 year old grandson had his very own computer by the age of 4 (his dad bought a used one from the University). And because my grandson wanted to play games on the computer that he saw his older uncles and aunts play, he was reading on a 10th grade level by 1st grade. We (his grandparents and dad) did not work a lot with him on his reading skills. We didn't need to. He picked most of it up by being on the computer.

It's a whole new world out there. Who would have imagined that just by "googling" a question, almost anything can be found? And, with social media, we can stay in contact with friends and family that we may have long lost contact with.

With this new world, parents need to step-up and be the parent. I admit that I was naive at first, and didn't have a clue as to what my kids could view on the internet. Luckily, my kids understood that there are some things you just don't view. I have overheard one of my older kids advise a younger friend that he would "kick his butt" if he ever caught him looking at inappropriate sites.

My 9 year old grandson (the one who had his own computer by age 4) can run circles around me when it comes to the computer. He makes his own "how to" blogs for the game Minecraft. I think he calls it a "mod". He has subscribers. I have a hard time keeping up with what he can do. We've had to set some very strict rules about who he is allowed to interact with on the internet. No adults that we don't personally know.

[dahlia]

One of the courses I teach is 'information policy.' Among other things, we discuss online safety, downloading policies for universities, etc. Why - because guess who teaches your little darlings about this stuff when they get to college? The librarian. In many unis the library is responsible for either a class or creating a brochure or posters about online safety issues and ethics in terms of downloading/stealing music and films.

The downloading is not only an ethical issues, but every year you get some clown(s) who tie up the university's network while they download tons of music.

On the other hand, I just read today about a guy who downloaded a ton of articles from JSTOR (an academic journal database) to provide the articles for free. He was on some board of ethics and yet didn't see a problem with stealing content just because he thought it ought to be free and the wrong people (publishers) were getting paid via the license, and not the authors. He has a point (me being one of those authors), but you don't engage in criminal activity to make it. Unfortunately, the feds came after him and he committed suicide.

[BadWolf]

We're a techie house.

My son has had a laptop since he was a toddler (and like the responder above, that served him EXTREMELY well, academically speaking). He spent 3 years saving up for his own MacBook, and "got his own" at age 8.

I DONT JUST have all of his passwords.

I'm an admin on all of his devices (and he's not)

RULES apply to all of "his" (as well as household) devices.

Just. Like. They. Do. To. Everything. Else.

(Bikes, laundry, play dates, etc.)

Not following the rules = Consequences. Period.

Whether he rides his bike in the street (disallowed, its a fast/busy street), or is breaking the rules on his electronics... He can expect those consequences to kick in.

Gasp.

Parenting.

Ohhhhhhh.... Noooooooooo.... Not that!!!

<grin>

Rules & monitoring change over time.

In direct correlation to our family's needs changing AND his maturity.

At this point... I do spot checks.

Because I (currently) trust him.

At age 8? He was boundary pushing, a d monitored FAR more than at age 5 or age 10.

Next week?

We'll see when we get there!

Rules also change when ASKED & AGREED.

That's the only 'mutual agreement' involved. If he presents a good case, then its a good case. We'll try it and see how things go.... IF and only IF its a good argument. Same as every other area of life. From walking home from school to having dessert early (hey, Id rather he had dessert at 4pm before going to the park for 2 hours, too!)

One of the benefits Ive noticed to 'toddler tech' is that none of these "things" (laptop, iPod, camera, phones, etc.) are "exciting", and the rules get whomped down EARLY. He's only 10, but many of his friends are only JUST "getting" these things (or are waiting with baited breath until 14/16/etc.). And they're going very crazy with them. Or are doing the "You can't tell me what to do with MY blah blah blah", teenage nonsense, or are hipped on the 'new = cool' thing.

I really LOVE that tech is as exciting as a toaster to my son, and that 'cool' just doesn't enter into the equation.

Overheard conversation at afterschool care

"You only have a 3GS??? I have a 5!!!'

"So? Its a phone."

"But the FIVE is the best! It has blah blah blah blah! It JUST came out!"

"Dude. Phone. Its a PHONE. Who cares if it just came out? Of you want whistles, just download the new systems. For free."

"But its NEW."

"And?"

Both : He just doesn't get it.

<grin> Nope!!!

((I should add... My son is a bit of a hacker. Its not that he isn't a techie. Its that spending $500 when you can have the same thing for free by reconfiguring strikes him as getting swindled & / or punk'd.))

Ditto... Our rules "make sense" (like looking both ways before crossing the street), and have been in place about as long. So when his friends are all about getting around the rules, or out and out breaking them, his eyes are rolling HARD.

"Mom. Why don't they just ASK?"

Yeah.

This is soooooo not a 'back patting' thing. It was 100% NOT intentional. Its just a natural byproduct of "normal". We have a LOT of techie friends. Their kids are all the same way. But if I had everything to do over? I'd do this 'on purpose'. The results are awesome. Totally lucked out, there. Pure providence.

Well, that and 'consistency, consistency, consistency'. &

Yeah. Parenting. Go figure. It really does 'work'.