Table Manners

[Bini]

Is it bad table manners to reject a meal as a guest in someone's home based solely on disliking the food? How is this the same or different from honouring the Word of Wisdom in someone's home? In both cases, you are rejecting a hospitable gesture.

[Maureen]

Rejecting food as a guest in someone's house because you don't like the food personally is a little different than rejecting food due to a religious restriction. One is a personal choice, one is a religious requirement. Sometimes the two are mutually intertwined, and sometimes they are not.

M.

[mdfxdb]

Yes it is bad table manners to reject it solely on disliking the food. This is not the same as honouring the Word of Wisdom. There is a religious restriction that comes with the Word of Wisdom.

I don't abstain from drinking wine, smoking, beer, coffee, tea because I dislike the taste. I abstain because it is a commandment.

[Anddenex]

I only think it is bad table manners to reject food if you don't know the individuals and they also know your likes and dislikes.

When a guest with strangers, especially poor people, I will always eat what they offer. I remember on my mission I was literally gagging with each bite I took, but finished the helping, smiled, and was thankful the meal was over and it was time for us to leave

[Irishcolleen]

As my hubby frequently speaks in churches around the country I can relate to what Anddenex says. Your best bet is to take small servings of the offending food and thank the cook for the time he/she put into the meal. There are many regional differences in cooking styles. We joke that food with seasoning beyond salt is non-existent in Wisconsin and Minnesota.

[Sicnarf]

Do what I tell my kids to do when I serve something they don't like and that is to take a "thank you" bite to show appreciation to your host and Heavenly Father. As for the Word of Wisdom, that's a revelation given to us from Heavenly Father so I have no problem explaining to someone my religious beliefs. If you want to really break it down, one affects whether you can carry a temple recommend while the other doesn't.

[LilyBelle00]

When I was a kid we had the missionaries over and served something with tomatoes in it. One of the missionaries was discreetly trying to pick them out. My mom said something about it, not being mean, just asked if he didn't like tomatoes and he went on this big long lecture about how "In Utah, the church headquarters, they teach that the tomato is the fruit of the devil because of the plumpness and red color." And so on and so on.... Of course he was only kidding but he had us kids' rapt attention at first. Lol.

I'm a really picky eater. I'll eat any fruit or vegetable but I don't like eggs or most meats. I just try not to eat over at anyone's house unless I know what they are making. Otherwise I just choke it down and don't ask for seconds.

WoW is completely different.

[Gwen]

I know this is totally different than in other areas but I consider it rude to insist someone eat some of everything on the table or everything on their plate (especially if they did not fix the plate). I consider it my job as hostess to make sure my guests are happy (can eat) not their job to make me happy. There are respectful ways to say no thank you and decline something.

I never fix a plate for my guests and always tell them they are not expected to eat anything and are welcome to get more of something. I don't force feed my kids and I don't think it's healthy.

Sometimes you may have someone with dietary needs or even something like asperger's where eating "everything" is not an option. I would feel horrible if I knew someone force fed themselves in my home.

We had a missionary one time that refused dinner appointments because he had a strict diet. He was using diet instead of meds to manage medical issues. Instead of being "rude" and declining a food he just refused dinner appointments. I asked him a little about what his diet was like and was familiar with something similar. I insisted he come and that he did not have to eat but to give me a chance. Apparently I did a good job, he ate all but one thing on the table and had seconds and thirds of others. He didn't go for thirds but I could see him looking and said it was ok to take the last of it. lol He was very grateful for a home cooked meal he could actually eat. It felt good to provide that service to him.

[Traveler]

This is a subject I find somewhat disappointing. Let me share my thoughts. Jesus said that only those that hunger and thirst after righteousness will be served (filled). What I have discovered in my experience is that how hungry I am has effect on what I am willing to eat. I was once so hungry that I carefully went through months old garbage and ate anything I could find. Not only did I eat it but I thanked G-d in prayer for providing something I desperately needed. I was really hungry. I have also been so thirsty that I drank water rank with smell, horribly bitter and filled with all kinds of bugs and vermin swimming in it.

The problem with most people in an opulent society is that they are so spoiled that they cannot appreciate what they have - they want only what they want. They have never been hungry. They live to easy and with little thanksgiving.

Often in my home my children would complain about the food they were served. They would refuse to eat good nutritious food. They would say, "I do not want it!" My response was always, "The food was not put on the table for you to want - It was put there to eat. It really does not matter to me if you want it or not. The only thing that matters is if you eat it."

I do understand that there are actual allergies. That there are foods that some cannot eat. Those things should not be eaten. But to be honest, I do not know why some people say a prayer for their food and then do not eat it.

I also do not understand why people will eat unhealthy food - in large portions and refuse to eat healthy food - even in small portions because they do not like it and to have the gull to say a blessing.

But then if you have never been hungry - if you are not thankful for your daily bread - then you should not pretend and instead of saying a blessing -- Tell the L-rd you do not appriciate what you have been given and are not going to eat what he has provided.

Sorry but anyone that has been hungry and been with others at the brink of starvation may understand why I am so unsympathetic.

The Traveler

[Bini]

I was raised to try new things at least once and to eat what is on your plate. Growing up I followed this etiquette while a guest in others' homes. I do believe it's polite. This said, I've been a vegetarian since I was 14 and a strict vegetarian since I left home at 17. I choose not to eat meat for various reasons and it's a lifestyle. Nowadays, I'll politely refuse meals that have animal products in them and explain that I'm vegetarian.

[Suzie]

If there is no health reasons, eat what you are giving...even if it is pig's snout or brain flavored ice-cream.

[Anddenex]

I also do not understand why people will eat unhealthy food - in large portions and refuse to eat healthy food - even in small portions because they do not like it and to have the gull to say a blessing.

I do. Put a slice of carrot cake with cream cheese frosting in-front of me, then put a plate of brussel sprouts while telling me I can only choose one or the other.

The decision of which plate to devour...untested -- carrot cake. I agree, I will have to have gone without food for three days, maybe more, before brussel sprouts enter my belly; should I ever come to the point of starvation that brussel sprouts look delicious -- you bet I will thank the Lord for brussel sprouts.

Until then, carrot cake anytime

[Anddenex]

If there is no health reasons, eat what you are giving...even if it is pig's snout or brain flavored ice-cream.

Yep, when someone hands you a boiled egg, with a dead little chick inside, eat what you are given Suzie...no excuses.

[dahlia]

he went on this big long lecture about how "In Utah, the church headquarters, they teach that the tomato is the fruit of the devil because of the plumpness and red color."

Man, you had me going with that!!! I thought I was going to have to eat my tomatoes in secret and give up my temple recommend.

btw - how many times do people wind up eating at someone's house and that someone hasn't had the brains to ask - Are you allergic to anything? Is there anything you don't like?

Especially with allergies these days, I wouldn't dream of having people over (including the missionaries) without asking their food preferences. Heck, I don't buy the missionaries groceries without asking about preferences.

Edited June 22, 2013 by dahlia

[Bini]

Yep, when someone hands you a boiled egg, with a dead little chick inside, eat what you are given Suzie...no excuses.

I tried this. In the Philippines it's called Balut.

[Suzie]

Yep, when someone hands you a boiled egg, with a dead little chick inside, eat what you are given Suzie...no excuses.

You ate that?

[Suzie]

I tried this. In the Philippines it's called Balut.

Bini, first of all I would LOVE if we could discuss some vegan/vegetarian recipes! :) And second, please explain to me more about this "Balut".

[Anddenex]

You ate that?

Hehe....Oh no, I can barely handle onions...I saw this once on TV and it is a delicacy in India, or some other country. I don't remember.

@Bini -- I am so sorry. I believe I would have to be very, very, very, very hungry to even try it...did I say "very."

My brother in law tried a delicacy while on his mission only once, and after that I believe he never tried it again.

They would use slingshots to pick off these little seasonal birds. After they plugged one, they would grab the little bird by its feet, and then roast it over a small open flame. After the feathers were burned off, they would eat the bird whole, beak and all, leaving only the legs of the bird.

Ya, he definitely, according to Traveler, is more grateful for food then I am. I am definitely not hungry enough to fill my tummy with balut or little birdies, unless it is fried chicken...just saying.

[pam]

This is a subject I find somewhat disappointing. Let me share my thoughts. Jesus said that only those that hunger and thirst after righteousness will be served (filled). What I have discovered in my experience is that how hungry I am has effect on what I am willing to eat. I was once so hungry that I carefully went through months old garbage and ate anything I could find. Not only did I eat it but I thanked G-d in prayer for providing something I desperately needed. I was really hungry. I have also been so thirsty that I drank water rank with smell, horribly bitter and filled with all kinds of bugs and vermin swimming in it.

The problem with most people in an opulent society is that they are so spoiled that they cannot appreciate what they have - they want only what they want. They have never been hungry. They live to easy and with little thanksgiving.

Often in my home my children would complain about the food they were served. They would refuse to eat good nutritious food. They would say, "I do not want it!" My response was always, "The food was not put on the table for you to want - It was put there to eat. It really does not matter to me if you want it or not. The only thing that matters is if you eat it."

I do understand that there are actual allergies. That there are foods that some cannot eat. Those things should not be eaten. But to be honest, I do not know why some people say a prayer for their food and then do not eat it.

I also do not understand why people will eat unhealthy food - in large portions and refuse to eat healthy food - even in small portions because they do not like it and to have the gull to say a blessing.

But then if you have never been hungry - if you are not thankful for your daily bread - then you should not pretend and instead of saying a blessing -- Tell the L-rd you do not appriciate what you have been given and are not going to eat what he has provided.

Sorry but anyone that has been hungry and been with others at the brink of starvation may understand why I am so unsympathetic.

The Traveler

So what were you doing at this time in your life that you were so hungry to have to eat garbage?

[mnn727]

We joke that food with seasoning beyond salt is non-existent in Wisconsin and Minnesota.

Unfortunately its not a joke. MY older brother just moved in with us (he lived in MN all his life, I moved south 20+ years ago and love spices and heat) and he doesn't like anything if it has seasoning.

Boy, wait til my Jalapeno plants start producing.

[Gwen]

I don't believe you have to be (or have been) starving to appreciate the good food you have or to refuse to eat something you do not like. It's ok to not eat it and pray in gratitude that you have enough blessings that you can choose what you eat. When those blessings aren't there then you will do what you have to.

This is kinda like when ppl tell me "you should be grateful for your morning sickness, it's caused by the hormones that keep the baby from miscarrying." First of all that's a myth, morning sickness and miscarriage are not connected. Second, I do not have to be happy or celebrate that I puke my guts out at the thought of eating, the smell of food, smell of my soap, smell of my body, taste of my saliva, and go for over a month without eating. I do not have to be happy every small blood vessel in my face, eyes and neck are broken from the pressure of dry heaving multiple times a day. It's ok to not be happy about that and to try to guilt me into being happy doesn't accomplish anything.

My parents stopped insisting we eat everything when my sister (who always struggled with her weight) after being told "there are children in the world starving and you are going to throw that away" responded with "How is my force feeding myself after I'm full and getting fat going to help the starving kids in the world?"

We have weight issues in this country, we need to learn to stop eating when full not eat until it's gone to "be polite". We need to be healthy and create a society that sees health as polite, not making yourself sick.

[Maureen]

...This is kinda like when ppl tell me "you should be grateful for your morning sickness, it's caused by the hormones that keep the baby from miscarrying." First of all that's a myth, morning sickness and miscarriage are not connected...

This is a little OT but I thought I would add this article for Gwen to read:

No, really: morning sickness benefits mothers, babies alike | The Japan Times

M.

[Guest]

We have weight issues in this country, we need to learn to stop eating when full not eat until it's gone to "be polite". We need to be healthy and create a society that sees health as polite, not making yourself sick.

In Filipino, eating everything that is in your plate is not only common courtesy, it is also not wasteful. This is something that can apply to American life. Basically, if you put it in your plate, you should eat it all. Throwing food in the garbage is just not something you should do. If you don't want to have a weight problem, don't put the food in your plate. And if you're in charge of cooking, don't cook too much. My kids will eat what I cook whether they like it or not. And they are expected to eat everything they put in their plate. If they don't like the food, they will only put a teeny bit in their plates. They will be hungry because I don't just let them have the run of the pantry. But there are times they'd rather go hungry than eat the stuff I make. Oh well.

In the Philippines, it is customary to offer food and drinks to guests. If it's a planned visit, usually the food and drink is already prepared and it's usually to the taste of the visitor. If it's an unplanned visit, the hosts will offer food and drink (even if they don't have any) and it is customary for the surprise visitors to politely decline (even if they are hungry) while thanking the hosts profusely to give the host a chance to "save face" if they have nothing to offer. If the hosts have food and drink to offer, they will "insist" on offering food/drinks after the first refusal and the visitors may accept or decline. Why all this song-and-dance? Everything is done to show respect. Respect is very important that food and drinks become like props in its expression.

Also in the Philippines, when offered already prepared food and you don't like it, take a teeny bit (a spoonful is plenty), thank the hostess profusely and eat it. If you're allergic or have dietary restrictions, thank the hostess profusely, and then apologize profusely for not being able to partake of the offer.

My nephew had Balut for the very first time yesterday. He loved it. There's a process to eating it and if you have a good coach, it really is very delicious.

Edited June 24, 2013 by anatess

[Traveler]

I do. Put a slice of carrot cake with cream cheese frosting in-front of me, then put a plate of brussel sprouts while telling me I can only choose one or the other.

The decision of which plate to devour...untested -- carrot cake. I agree, I will have to have gone without food for three days, maybe more, before brussel sprouts enter my belly; should I ever come to the point of starvation that brussel sprouts look delicious -- you bet I will thank the Lord for brussel sprouts.

Until then, carrot cake anytime

Sorry but I believe you missed the irony of my thought. Not just that there was something healthy that you need before you as well as something unhealthy but that you would choose the unhealthy food and in so choosing - offer a prayer asking G-d to bless the unhealthy food. Asking G-d to make the unhealthy food, by his grace and power suitable for your nourishment for health and strength. It is such a prayer to G-d that I find gulling.

The Traveler

[Traveler]

So what were you doing at this time in your life that you were so hungry to have to eat garbage?

The full story and reasons may be too long and not of much interest to the forum. The short story is that at the recommendation of a Native American mission companion, I left civilization on a 40 day spiritual kind of fasting quest in the wilderness - having made a personal covenant to fast by only eating what G-d would provide.

Several days into my quest and at a great point of hunger and thirst I discovered an old abandoned mining camp that was last frequented several months before by hunters camping there. The garbage was what they had left behind several months before.

However, there was something else that I tried to eat that turned out to be too bitter despite my several efforts. Not sure if that was a test to see to what end I would eat or not - but rather go into the details of this part of my quest - one lesson that has remained with me is similar to the experience of Peter and his vision that changed forever the Kingdom of G-d being taught to the Gentiles. That is - What G-d has provided and blessed for our thanksgiving and benefit should not be cast aside because of our selfish pride.

The Traveler