Tattoos and judging and such...

[carlimac]

I know the tattoo thing has been discussed a lot lately. My issue is a little different. We had a lesson today in RS about not judging people (mainly by appearances but a few other things, too.) I do it. I know I do and here's why. For most of my growing up years, tattoos of the extreme variety ( all over a limb or in excess in other ways) was a symbol of rebellion and done mostly by those who had habits that weren't in line with the gospel. scary destructive habits. It's just the way it was and everyone knew it. Tattoos weren't mainstream. So I learned at a very young age to see them as a representation of those who most likely had negative attitudes towards clean, wholesome lifestyles. My other problem is that I have a visceral reaction to them that's negative. For me, it's not too far off from seeing roadkill or a really bad bodily injury. Summertime is awful for me because so many of the tattoos are exposed. I feel a little queasy seeing them.

So what do I do about this? I know there is most likely a person with lots of human goodness under those tattoos. I think I've gotten past always thinking about the stereotype I learned as a kid, but I can't seem to be able to get past the awfulness of how they look. They make me feel icky and sad for the person for deforming their body.

Any suggestions?

[Wingnut]

Interesting conundrum, carli. It sounds like your reaction ("visceral," as you say) is similar to my own when I see/hear/read "cockroach." I have an involuntary physical reaction. I can't even look at my screen now, having typing the word. Sometimes it's really bad, and other times it's a milder reaction. But I always have some kind of response. At the very least, it's a body shudder. Understanding that it's really almost an involuntary response, I would suggest that your best course of action would be two things:

(1) Try to control your outward response so that it's at least not obvious to other people.

(2) Work on the thoughts that accompany your physical reaction. Even if you still have a minimal physical reaction but are making an effort to not have judgmental thoughts, I think you'll be on the right path.

[Just_A_Guy]

There are some attorneys where I work who do primarily criminal defense, so I've seen some doozies in terms of tattoos/body piercings.

A co-worker taught me to lead off very naturally with a gesture towards the client and a simple "did that hurt?" It's a great ice-breaker.

[NightSG]

So I learned at a very young age to see them as a representation of those who most likely had negative attitudes towards clean, wholesome lifestyles.

I more or less pass over the reasonable ones with little notice. (Military insignia, tasteful memorials, etc.) The ones that bug me are the ones where the person obviously set out to get a tattoo for the sake of filling some skin, rather than having something they really wanted to commemorate and finding a tattoo to be the best way to do it.

[pam]

You need to watch a few videos of Al Fox. She might change your perspective a bit. She's amazing.

[Lakumi]

I more or less pass over the reasonable ones with little notice. (Military insignia, tasteful memorials, etc.) The ones that bug me are the ones where the person obviously set out to get a tattoo for the sake of filling some skin, rather than having something they really wanted to commemorate and finding a tattoo to be the best way to do it.

I know someone with a Jesus tattoo

I could never get one because how quickly I would change my mind

[Wingnut]

The ones that bug me are the ones where the person obviously set out to get a tattoo for the sake of filling some skin, rather than having something they really wanted to commemorate and finding a tattoo to be the best way to do it.

You don't really know why someone gets a tattoo, so that's not really a fair assessment. While to you, it might look like "filling some skin," it might be quite significant and/or commemorative to the person.

[skippy740]

There are some cultural and military tattoos that I find incredible and even honorable. But there are deeper meanings behind those than your 'run of the mill rebel'.

I wouldn't feel too bad about judging others about tattoos... or at least your initial reaction. In short, it is written that God looks on the inside, people look on the outside. True, people shouldn't judge you by how you look. Well, let's clue them in: They DO! So, make sure that the outside is a major reflection on what's going on inside.

Another good question to ask is: Were you in the military? They'll either say 'yes' or 'no'. "Oh, I only asked because of your tattoo."

[carlimac]

So at Walmart yesterday the gal in customer service had one all over her right arm. From a distance I had that reaction again. (Shudder) so when I got up close I though maybe it would help if I tried to see what the tattoo was. It was some really pretty flowers. If I just focused on the picture of the flowers and not in context of skin I was OK. But I've looked closely at other tattoos and they just aren't something you want to stare at for very long. Creepy!!

I know that Al Fox is a great gal. Like I said, that's not the problem. It has nothing to do with the worth of the soul. It's totally a visual thing for me. While tattoos make my skin crawl and I feel slightly gaggy, worse for me are the ear gauges and lip piercings. They make my eyes water and I feel like I'm going to burst into tears.

Edited July 8, 2013 by carlimac

[pam]

Well I'm the same way with ear gauges.

[NeuroTypical]

\We had a lesson today in RS about not judging people (mainly by appearances but a few other things, too.) I do it.

...

So what do I do about this? I know there is most likely a person with lots of human goodness under those tattoos.

...

Any suggestions?

Get to know a few tattooed people. Become friends with them. Don't learn about how they got their tattoos, learn about who they are. And let them know who you are. To the extent that you can't keep yourself from judging, invite them to cast opinions about your strengths and weaknesses too.

It gets harder (for me anyway) to judge unrighteously, after I've shared a few ups and downs with someone.

[dahlia]

My late husband had some ink on his hands and upper arm. Never bothered me. 'Sleeves' don't bother me.

The tattoos on the face are something different. I have to wonder what is up with a person, psychologically, to do that.

I can see not turning yourself into 'cat man' or some other bizarre fantasy, but having a few tats don't bother me. Besides, y'all know I teach future librarians. Do you think all these young people are walking around with hair in a bun and cat cardigans? No. It's not unusual for students to have tattoos and eventually they go out in the library world. They aren't gonna cover them up because you have a problem with them.

I don't judge people with tattoos unless they give me a reason to do so.

[pam]

Do you think all these young people are walking around with hair in a bun and cat cardigans?

You mean they aren't?

[carlimac]

Get to know a few tattooed people. Become friends with them. Don't learn about how they got their tattoos, learn about who they are. And let them know who you are. To the extent that you can't keep yourself from judging, invite them to cast opinions about your strengths and weaknesses too.

It gets harder (for me anyway) to judge unrighteously, after I've shared a few ups and downs with someone.

I'm not judging unrighteously. I just can't stand the look of tattoos. They give me the creeps. They're unnatural. I also have the same reaction to severely dyed hair- like the Cruella DeVille look so popular in ID.

[Backroads]

I know how you feel, carlimac.

I don't want to get all new age-y on you, but worked for me beyond telling myself "they're probably still great people" was simply practicing not thinking about the tattoos. Find something else to focus on.

I'm at the point where I can appreciate a pretty tattoo and literally ignore ones that bother me.

[rameumptom]

Take the time to actually get to know the person. You are judging the facade, but not really knowing the person's soul/spirit.

[Guest]

I guess I don't understand the visceral reaction, but I probably have bad reactions to things other people wouldn't understand. The only thing I have to say is that for some people, their misguided choice and mistakes are more visible than our own. I'm glad I don't wear mine.

I know many lovely people with tattoos.

I think maybe it is generational, as well. Driving around with my mom last week, we passed a tattoo parlor and she said something about them ruining the country. Congratulate me for not laughing , but it was a sincere reaction from her. Again, I don't understand that any more than being repulsed by someone who's wearing a shirt I don't like.

[pam]

I guess I don't understand the visceral reaction, but I probably have bad reactions to things other people wouldn't understand. The only thing I have to say is that for some people, their misguided choice and mistakes are more visible than our own. I'm glad I don't wear mine.

I know many lovely people with tattoos.

I think maybe it is generational, as well. Driving around with my mom last week, we passed a tattoo parlor and she said something about them ruining the country. Congratulate me for not laughing , but it was a sincere reaction from her. Again, I don't understand that any more than being repulsed by someone who's wearing a shirt I don't like.

Sounds exactly like something my mom would say. I have to bite my tongue sometimes. And other times I just can't.

[carlimac]

Take the time to actually get to know the person. You are judging the facade, but not really knowing the person's soul/spirit.

I'm really not judging the person. I'll say this again- one more time. I just get sick to my stomach at the sight of tattoos. I think they look HORRIBLE and feel so irritated that people do this to their bodies.

[Guest]

I'm really not judging the person. I'll say this again- one more time. I just get sick to my stomach at the sight of tattoos. I think they look HORRIBLE and feel so irritated that people do this to their bodies.

I'd say judging how they look and something they did to their bodies is definitely. . . judging a person. If I get disgusted looking at you because you have a bad haircut, I'm judging you. But it seems to be more than a choice for you, it's something ingrained. Something worth working on changing.

[Guest]

Sounds exactly like something my mom would say. I have to bite my tongue sometimes. And other times I just can't.

LOL exactly. I bet our moms are about the same age (mine is 75).

[NeuroTypical]

I'm not judging unrighteously. I just can't stand the look of tattoos. They give me the creeps. They're unnatural. I also have the same reaction to severely dyed hair- like the Cruella DeVille look so popular in ID.

I'm really not judging the person. I'll say this again- one more time. I just get sick to my stomach at the sight of tattoos. I think they look HORRIBLE and feel so irritated that people do this to their bodies.

Sorry, let me rephrase my advice, then:

Get to know a few tattooed people. Become friends with them. Don't learn about how they got their tattoos, learn about who they are. And let them know who you are. To the extent that you can't keep yourself from getting the creeps/feeling that you're looking at something unnatural/getting sick to your stomach/feeling irritated that someone did that to their body, invite them to cast opinions about your strengths and weaknesses.

It gets harder (for me anyway) to get the creeps/feel that I'm looking at something unnatural/get sick to my stomach/feel irritated at someone's actions, after I've shared a few ups and downs with someone.

Is this better?

[ElectofGod]

The quesiton is does it affect your ability to still love them? Not the act? I have similar thoughts when I look at all the things around me, tattoos, excessive piercings, drugs, music, partying, drugs, etc... But I still appreciate those around me even if their "shown" acts that I consider not of God and do not let it affect my abillity to look at them as Christ would. Try to anyways.

D&C 1: 31

31 For I the Lord cannot look upon sin with the least degree of allowance;

The Book of Mormon Online

2 Nephi 9:49

49 Behold, my soul abhorreth sin, and my heart delighteth in righteousness; and I will praise the holy name of my God.

Look at the bold wording that is used below.

Isiah 3:16 Moreover the Lord saith, Because the daughters of Zion are haughty, and walk with stretched forth necks and wanton eyes, walking and mincing as they go, and making a tinkling with their feet:

17 Therefore the Lord will smite with a scab the crown of the head of the daughters of Zion, and the Lord will discover their secret parts.

18 In that day the Lord will take away the bravery of their tinkling ornaments about their feet, and their cauls, and their round tires like the moon,

19 The chains, and the bracelets, and the mufflers,

20 The bonnets, and the ornaments of the legs, and the headbands, and the tablets, and the earrings,

21 The rings, and nose jewels,

22 The changeable suits of apparel, and the mantles, and the wimples, and the crisping pins,

23 The glasses, and the fine linen, and the hoods, and the vails.

24 And it shall come to pass, that instead of sweet smell there shall be stink; and instead of a girdle a rent; and instead of well set hair baldness; and instead of a stomacher a girding of sackcloth; and burning instead of beauty.

25 Thy men shall fall by the sword, and thy mighty in the war.

Keep in mind its not necessarily a sin to do these things, its not what goes into the body that defileth it but what comes out. My wife has a tattoo that she got when she was extremely depressed and suicidal from her first marriage. It was a comfort to the soul at the time and symbolic of some Gospel principle I don't remember what.

5:11 Woe to those who go after liquor

as soon as they arise in the morning,

who linger at night parties, inflamed by wine!

5:12 There are harps and lyres,

drums, flutes, and wine at their banquets,

but they regard not what Jehovah does,

nor perceive his hands at work.

Drunkards, alcoholics, and persons addicted to substances; partygoers, socialites, and people feted at banquets; the self-indulgent, pleasure-seekers, and those given to debauch—all whose lives show disregard for what God has revealed—bring upon themselves his curse. Even as they carry on their godless lifestyles, “his hands” (yādāyw) are at work preparing their destiny. At the very time God’s right hand—his servant—delivers God’s final warning (cf. Isaiah 41:25–27; 50:2–11), his left hand—the king of Assyria—devises ways to destroy them (cf. vv 25–30; Isaiah 10:5–7; 54:16) Analysis of Isaiah 5 by Hebrew Scholar Avraham Gileadi Ph.D..

Pray for charity,

Moroni 7:

46 Wherefore, my beloved brethren, if ye have not charity, ye are nothing, for charity never faileth. Wherefore, cleave unto charity, which is the greatest of all, for all things must fail—

47 But charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever; and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him.

48 Wherefore, my beloved brethren, pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ; that ye may become the sons of God; that when he shall appear we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is; that we may have this hope; that we may be purified even as he is pure. Amen.

Edited July 8, 2013 by ElectofGod

[Gretchen]

Well I'm the same way with ear gauges.

Everytime I see someone with them, I get the urge to grab their ear and laugh like a maniac. :hangs head in shame:

Somehow, I've managed to resist. So far.

[carlimac]

Oh, and crisping pins! Those get me every time!