The Gospel, People, and a clean house

[JustJane]

So I have an odd question which I have asked about in various places online, but this seems as good any other.

I have trouble keeping my house clean. I'm not a hoarder, the house isn't unsanitary or gross, but it is untidy and cluttered. I'm in my late 50's, have two part-time jobs that about equal a full-time job. I have a couple kids yet at home that will be out by the end of the year, and they are the ones that do most of the cleaning. Which is hard as they have lives as well. My husband has church responsibilities plus a full time job, so I can't put all the responsibility on him either (not that I would).

I mean well. Before I started working, I was a much better housekeeper. I have never had the clean and organized talents and mindset some people seem to have, but I did have the time to make myself keep the place tidy. I suppose I have time, but when I come home with the best of intentions to clean up, another one of my problems kicks in:

This problem: I'm popular. I'm a people person, I have many friends, and everyone comes to me as a shoulder to cry on or someone to rant to or just to talk. I don't find this draining at all. I love being with people and I love helping people. At anytime, I would put helping people above a clean house.

I find myself thinking before running off to be with a friend that the gospel would have me put others first before my house.

But I'm still miserable about my messy house. As one of my kids said, if I really feel people should completeley eclipse housekeeping, I shouldn't feel bad about my house.

So I get ready to clean something... and someone calls. I love so much being there for people, whether it's good or bad, but I feel like my life is out of balance.

Is it so shallow to want my house to be tidier?

I'm looking for advice, perspective, anything really.

[Guest]

It's not shallow. We operate better in a tidy environment.

I'd be willing to bet it's not so much that you aren't a good housekeeper, as you have too much stuff. Get rid of at least 25% of what you have and see what happens.

[JustJane]

That's something I'm slowly working on. My daughters have been helping me go through stuff and there have been several thrift store trips. They have also cleaned and organized rooms for me... and yet I still manage to untidy it.

[Guest]

Cleanliness is a habit.

When I married my husband, he would take 2 slices of bread, put it right there on the kitchen counter, slap peanut butter on it using a butter knife, then walk out of the kitchen with the sandwich. Left on the counter are the crumbs, peanut butter smears, the jar of peanut butter with the lid off and a knife sticking out of it. That's just the way things were done when he was growing up. It drove me insane.

Where I grew up, we take 2 slices of bread, put it on a plate, put it on the counter, slap peanut butter on it with a butter knife, wash the knife, dry the knife and put it back in the drawer, cap the jar of peanut butter and put it back in the pantry, eat the sandwich off the plate and then wash the plate, dry the plate, and put it back in the cabinet. So that, when I'm done eating, the kitchen is back in order just the exact same way as when I entered the kitchen.

My mother would literally smack us if she walks into the kitchen and a peanut butter jar with a knife stuck inside is left sitting on the kitchen counter...

5 years after I got married, my husband now takes a square of paper towels, put the slices of bread in it slaps the peanut butter, rinses the knife and leaves it in the sink. My head still hurts from having to pick up the idiot paper towel after him.

16 years later, he now eats a peanut butter sandwich without leaving a trace. But, everything with him is a compromise... so yes, the kitchen counters are always clean, but I would still have to go looking for the peanut butter because sometimes, it doesn't make it back into the pantry. But, hey, I can live with that.

Edited September 4, 2013 by anatess

[Backroads]

I suppose the trick is finding the time to develop the habit.

You wouldn't want your friends miserable about something. Treat yourself just as well. The gospel is not about ruining yourself. If it means turning off the phone for an hour everyday so the needs of others don't distract you, that may be the way to go. If they really really need you, they will find you.

[Bini]

I suppose the trick is finding the time to develop the habit.

You wouldn't want your friends miserable about something. Treat yourself just as well. The gospel is not about ruining yourself. If it means turning off the phone for an hour everyday so the needs of others don't distract you, that may be the way to go. If they really really need you, they will find you.

I loved this advice.

I would add the exact same thing and maybe, you might consider a house cleaning lady that drops in xx amount of times during the week or every couple of weeks? Depending on where you go or hire from, there are affordable options I'm told from friends that use house cleaning services -- and they're not rich either -- they're regular folks.

[mrmarklin]

With two people working, I suggest you get a housekeeper to come in a couple times a month.

[Sadsister]

You sound like a wonderfully awesome person to me. Anyone who can help people and love it so much is an awesome person. I have no advice....I just wanted to be sure you knew that. :)

[TalkativeIntrovert]

Some of the loveliest people I know have the untidiest houses :)

I am opposite, I have a great house, mostly clean and tidy, but I also don't have a lot of personal interactions - which I am sad about. I am not a people person like you, but would like to be.

If the house bothers you that much, do something about it. If it only bothers you because you think you SHOULD have it clean, then don't.

It comes down to priorities.

[AngelMarvel]

I wouldn't be bothered as long as it doesn't bother you. Myself... I love having a clean house.

An idea you might want to try is having a house cleaning party. If your friends love you so much and you love being with them, and you all like to talk ... try asking a few of them over to help out while you chit chat and clean. Have pizza or something fun to eat. I think it's fun to wash dishes while someone is drying them and talking up a storm.

[NightSG]

How I eat soup;

• Open can with pocketknife because can opener is missing
• Put can on stove burner
• Heat soup
• Pick can up with pliers
• Hold can with oven mitt while drinking soup
• Throw can into trash

How my ex wife would eat soup;

• Make a mess of kitchen looking for can opener
• Open can
• Throw can opener in sink
• Pour soup into saucepan
• Change mind, pour soup into microwave safe Tupperware
• Throw saucepan in sink
• Nuke soup
• Ladle soup into bowl
• Throw ladle into sink
• Eat soup with another spoon
• Throw bowl and spoon into sink
• Walk past empty can still dripping on stove
• Fuss about all the dirty dishes and messy kitchen

Seriously. I ended up bolting an electric can opener to the cabinet so she couldn't "put it away" in some ridiculous place.

[Guest]

If you find any woman who would use pliers to cook and drink soup out of a scalding tin can, I will give you $5.

[dahlia]

I'll admit I like a tidy house. There were 5 of us kids and my parents relegated our mess to our rooms or the rec room, so the rest of the house looked neat all the time. Now that I'm grown, I like that the public spaces are neat - especially 'cause you Mormons like to drop in all the time!

OP - two suggestions. 1) get rid of stuff. The less stuff, the less to clean. I don't mind a little dust if things look in order and there's not a lot of clutter. 2) just worry about the public spaces and let the bedrooms, upstairs baths, etc. be cleaned by those who inhabit them. If you have a powder room that's used by guests, keep that one clean and get to the other bathrooms when you get to them.

[Backroads]

With two people working, I suggest you get a housekeeper to come in a couple times a month.

You sound like a wonderfully awesome person to me. Anyone who can help people and love it so much is an awesome person. I have no advice....I just wanted to be sure you knew that. :)

Both of these.

Clearly, you know what is important to you. I wish I were a people person. If you can't find a balance to make you happy, though, through your own efforts, I think just hiring some extra help would be well in order for you.

[Guest]

How I eat soup;

• Open can with pocketknife because can opener is missing
• Put can on stove burner
• Heat soup
• Pick can up with pliers
• Hold can with oven mitt while drinking soup
• Throw can into trash

How my ex wife would eat soup;

• Make a mess of kitchen looking for can opener
• Open can
• Throw can opener in sink
• Pour soup into saucepan
• Change mind, pour soup into microwave safe Tupperware
• Throw saucepan in sink
• Nuke soup
• Ladle soup into bowl
• Throw ladle into sink
• Eat soup with another spoon
• Throw bowl and spoon into sink
• Walk past empty can still dripping on stove
• Fuss about all the dirty dishes and messy kitchen

Seriously. I ended up bolting an electric can opener to the cabinet so she couldn't "put it away" in some ridiculous place.

Look on the bright side. At least the dishes made it to the sink. :D:D

[NeuroTypical]

This morning, I noticed peanut butter on the tub. It wasn't put there by the kids.

JustJane, I don't really have any advice, just good company.

If you ever develop a cure for this stuff in pill form, I'd pay twenty bucks per pill.

[applepansy]

Do what you can and don't beat yourself up.

[NightSG]

Look on the bright side. At least the dishes made it to the sink. :D:D

Except her coffee cups. If the toddler didn't finish off the 2/3 cup or so she'd leave sitting in some odd place, it would be there until it grew fur.

[JustJane]

My proverbial peaut butter supplies remain on the counter until some random date!

Thanks for the replies. I do appreciate them... and I am considering just paying for housekeeping. I am so much happier with a clean house, but I can't seem to make it a priority.

[carlimac]

JustJane- You sound like Just Ruth- my mother. She was more or less tidy but a collector of stuff having lived through the Depression. Hardly anything got thrown away. She was definitely a people person and spent hours every day on the phone with relatives and friends. She may have felt bad about her less than spectacular house, but not one word was said about it at her funeral. Instead, everyone that talked said they thought they were her best friend. She, not her house, meant the world to everyone.

So unfortunately, I'm not terribly tidy, a bit of a stuff collector, too, but not a people person ( more reserved like my Dad). Now that's a pitiful combination.