I am so angry, I no longer believe true church is on earth.

[Carolear]

I haven't been here for quite a while. I won't go in to all that, just caught up in all the things of the church and life and family.

3 years ago I went to have a physical from a famous hospital. I live in a tiny town and felt at 60 I should get a baseline on my currant health.

Long story, short, they discovered I was end stage NASH liver disease. I was so far in to the disease that it was not treatable or transplantable.

I was stunned, and the very life litterally seemed to be taken out of me. I left there with no referrals for support or where to get info on liver disease. Our entire state does not have a liver doctor, there are no support groups for this. I looked for 3 yrs to find a group or even a counselor, to whom I could express my feelings and anger, without offending anyone. I could not find any at all. There is for the family left behind, but not for the one leaving the family.

The following are/were my expectations, I'd like to know if they were/are unreasonable?

1. The first thing is I went to the Bishop an Stake Pres. Both were verbally suportive, the Pres. passed it to the Bishop, telling him I was to have the best HT/VT in the ward.

3 yrs later, and I have had no visitors, no sacrament brought to me (I am unable to attend church or activities now)even when requested.

-The Bishop finally told me that he couldn't provide them because there were none, our ward was basically NOT DOING ANY VT/HT.

2. My family fell apart as their true concern was money, inheritance, etc. My husband of 44 yrs also turned his back on me, even stating "You aren't dying fast enough." We now live apart, and he pays for my apt. but there is no love there anymore.

-family has been asked to assist me in cleaning and getting to appts and they just ignore the request. They don't say no, they just don't.

-I've asked for memories of their childhood to put in a book, again, yes they said, and didn't.

-I do not get visits even from family.

3. I am not allowed to drive, and where I live there is only 1 active family. The bldg is abt. 12 miles away, on a crooked and deserted road. Not something I could manuver if I wanted with my illness.

-I've asked for rides to the temple, but I never know when they are.

-I've asked for help in downloading my genealogy to family search (my hard drive died so I have to redo the discs). No response at all.

-After this conference abt reactivating people, and reaching out to the disabled etc. I wrote a letter to the Bishop and expressed my hurt that everyone must think I'm invisible or already dead, why else would no compassionate service be rendered in 3 yrs? I so hoped and prayed for understanding an conversation to open up. But it didn't happen.

-Recently I saw the pictures from the Fall dinner, and mentioned I would like to have come. It was as if I wrote in invisible ink, not a word of kindness or anything came my way.

I could go on, but you get the picture. I was very activie and loved doing compassionate service, and food storage etc. So it isn't because they are upset at my previous lack of service.

The RS Presi. is my doctors receptionist, and she knows this.

The missionaries go to the nearby nursing home twice a week, they did visit, but just one time and my hopes for a visit from HT or Bishop didn't happen.

The anger I feel at everyone and my disease are taking control. The world is evil and most everyone I know is a hypocrit (me too). My Grandaughter got her mission call today and called to tell me where. I pretended I felt joy, etc for her. But I didn't in my heart.

The spirit in me is gone, I can't go to church where they have been so cold and unconcerned. i see satan has full control of most everything and everyone, and I have great fear of the kind of death OBAMA wants for the elderly and disabled.

I have nothing to look forward as I no longer believe a lot of LDS beliefs, nor do I want to.

I am back to where Joseph was told "No church is true." I think we have gone full circle.

So I fear dying, because I have no longer a belief system, or a support system from family or church.

So before I take off my temple garments, I thought I'd reach out one more time. Please do not ask me to study the scriptures, pray etc..I am to heart broken.

Carolear

PS: Please excuse errors with grammar and spelling, it is part of the disease.

[Smudge]

I can totally understand how you feel - for a long time my mother has struggled with church attendance because of health problems - she finds it hard that she never gets VT/HT and like you she can no longer drive and we are 7miles from the chapel.

I can't think of anything I can say that will make you feel better other than to point out that while the church is perfect it is made up of imperfect individuals and we can strive to do is be the best the we can be.

One of my hardest struggles was not learning that the church was true but learning that dispite other peoples actions the church is still true.

I think I would suggest that you phone the temple and get not only your name on the prayer roll but also that of the Bishop, RS president and if you know them your HT/VTs.

Regardless of how you have been treated by your ward members Heaven Father still loves you.

[Backroads]

People are... people. I suppose I'm curious to know what changed your mind on your beliefs as that seems to be a separate category.

I am so sorry, Carol. Your story is heartbreaking.

[james12]

Your body is breaking down, the ward will not help, the state will not help, and family has left you. Let me see... I cannot suggest prayer, scripture study, etc. It sounds like there is not much left to recommend, you pretty much have it all tied up. Well then, continue down the current path. Get rid of you garments, stop watching conference, and continue to not feel happy when your family calls to share good news. Here's a book that fits, "How to be Totally Miserable: A Self Hinder Book" by John Bytheway.

Some people are experts at feeling rotten. No matter what happens, they can always find a cloud attached to their silver lining. How do they do that? How do miserable people get that way? This book has the answers! With surefire suggestions like "Recycle regrets," "Take counsel from your fears," "Relive your bad memories," and "Blame everyone and everything," you'll learn how to be a breath of stale air at any occasion.

I think that should about do it....

Still reading? Well, before you throw your computer out the window in anger and disgust because of such heartless people (ie me), maybe there is a better way. It's not what you want to hear but it is the way out. Plead with God. Tell him your situation, ask him to give you strength through the atonement, to face the new day. If you are sincere, I think you will be amazed. He will not take away your disease, he will not free you of your problems. But I know that he will give you an inner strength that was not there the day before. Your heart will be lightened. The world will not see it, but you will. Test it out. If I'm wrong you have lost nothing you can continue down your current path having only delayed your misery for one day. But if He helps you then thank him with all your heart.

Next, plead to him that you may feel the love and joy for your granddaughter who reached out to you to share her excitement and happiness. Then call her. Do not share with her all your problems. For one moment, on one phone call, forget about yourself, just be happy for her. I think there will come into your heart a joy you may have not felt in a long time.

These two experiences will teach you something valuable if you let them. You will see how to move forward. How to take one day at a time with humility and confidence in God. How by forgetting yourself you can still reach out to others and help them. You can then branch into other areas. For instance, it sounds like your ward is in need, it sounds like your bishop is struggling. Maybe you could call him. Tell him you want to help, tell him you want to serve, and ask him what he would have you do.

I know it's not easy. But it's the way out. Good luck! You still have much to offer.

[Guest]

I hope the OP and other posters realize that decreased liver function can affect a person's brain function- in other words, depression, anxiety, personality changes, etc. result.

Add to that abandonment from your family and the ward. Needs are high, mental health is impaired, social support is nonexistent. It's a storm for misery to be sure.

OP, you did what the stake pres. asked and went to your bishop for help. Your needs ARE high, so I can't say what happened, but it sounds like the bishop got overwhelmed with your requests, and possibly the ward members are, too. If you really aren't getting the support and compassionate service you need from the bishop and RS president, maybe it's time to go back to the stake president.

Since your RS president works in a medical setting, perhaps you could (nicely) ask her if she can refer you to agencies that provide transportation to appointments and such. Give her an opportunity to remove the responsibility from herself and the ward, while still helping you find the help you need.

It's a tough position you're in, and I'm sorry those around you haven't been able or willing to rise to what you need at this time. I wish you the best.

Edited November 3, 2013 by Eowyn

[Sharky]

I am sorry to hear of your situation, though I hope you find comfort in knowing that there are others facing similar situations & those of us that do &/or try to reach out whenever possible. We do love you & care about your situation.

To kind of echo what Backroads said, people are people, they are human & as such they/we make mistakes. Even the best members of the Church make mistakes or find it difficult to take time from the busy lives to make visits.

You indicate that your building is 12 miles away.

My ward house is about the same distance from my home, mostly country roads where 40 mph is too fast. Our ward by area covers more then 1/2 of the area of the entire stake & we are the only rural ward with out stake, the only rural ward within the entire mission. So I am all too well familiar with the issues that tend to surface within such areas.

I am active & currently physically able to attend church, albeit generally I must have a ride (I can drive to church though by the time 3 hours have passed the fatigue is frequently too severe to drive home safely).

For many many years it was easy for me & my family to feel forgotten by the ward. No one ever ventured out to our area to visit. Our member neighbor never stopped by, never called, never waved. Their lack of acknowledgement only furthered the ease with which I could feel forgotten, abandoned by the church.

It is still easy to feel forgotten & abandoned when 2, 3 , even 4+ weeks pass with my only contact being while at meetings .... no calls, no e-mails, no visits from other members during the week.

Suggestions:

My 1st suggestion would be to remember, people are human. We make mistakes, we forget things, we tend to give attention to the squeaky wheel .... all those things are unfortunate but realities of this life.

If you have your membership # get on LDS.org & set up an account (call your Bishop if you need you member #). From there you can access your ward information. Under the ward directory is also the ward leadership with e-mail links to the various presidencies.

E-mail &/or call the leaders in the Aaronic Priesthood as well as your Bishop. Explain that you are unable to attend meetings & ask if they could arrange to bring the Sacrament to your home. While every week would be ideal, indicate your willingness to accept a couple times a month.

Also, ask your Bishop to please let you know who your HT & VT are & their contact info ... then e-mail them or call them & let them know you would like to meet them, invite them to come by.

Take a very proactive approach, but please do all of this with an understanding & forgiving mindset, putting the past behind you & approaching today as a new start for everyone.

Being the squeaky wheel will help, but do so with an approach of desiring to build sincere two-way friendships with those people. I can testify of how difficult it become to keep visiting, to keep returning calls, when they always come from someone "needy" .... When it is friend, someone who takes the opportunity to get to know me & my family while I get to them, someone who asks about my life & asks about the things my kids & grandkids are doing, then it is much easier for me to visit frequently, to call often, to be the friend & by simply being a friend to know & understand & fulfill the needs.

Bishoprics & Quorum Presidencies, & HTs/VTs, all change & all too often there are situations such as yours that may not be passed on to the incoming individuals , & if they are passed on they may not have included a sense of urgency.

In my ward, most people drive 2 to 3 hours to get to & home from work. Add to that 8 hours of work & much of the day has already been swallowed up. Then add some time for them to address the needs of their own families, children, spouses, things around home.

Sometimes it requires A LOT of effort for a HT to drive 15+ miles on narrow graveled roads to visit & then drive home, after a normal day.

It is unfortunate, but again, we are human & not always the best of time managers & we so often the busyness of life gets in the way of remembering the more important things.

Yet, when such relationships, when HT & VT become friends, when those friendships go both ways & are not simply based on one's needs, then they continue on even during the roughest times with an understanding that goes both ways.

I know your situation can not be easy. I know it is difficult to reach out, to be proactive, to invite HT & VT over.

I have texted my HT & said, I have a box of garden veggies here that we aren't going to us. They are on the porch if you want to stop by & pick them up. Done the same with fresh eggs, excess fresh milk, etc. When able, I will sometimes go visit my HT at his home & talk of life & his family etc & then as I leave I make sure he knows that our visit can count as his HT visit.

In one of my worst times I told my HT we wanted to invite them over for dinner, but that such would not happen ay our house ... So I asked him to set a day & time, that we would cook the meal & bring it to their home. He came over to the house that afternoon to transport the hot food & to ensure we were able to drive to his place (we did not ask him too, he did so, insisted on doing so because as a friend he understood a need we had never disclosed or discussed) .... he also followed us home as it was dark & of course our roads are unlit ... again, a concern we had never discussed or asked for, but one he simply knew.

I wish you luck & hope & pray that the necessary bonds of friendship can be forged.

[NeuroTypical]

So before I take off my temple garments, I thought I'd reach out one more time.

Hi Carolear,

Your story sounds quite tragic. But I'm not exactly sure what you're reaching out for. Sympathy? You have mine. A safe place to vent? Well, this forum isn't really a good place to talk about how the church isn't true. A friend? You might find one here.

What can we do for ya?

[pam]

Another thing I thought of is when it comes to death and dying, many aren't sure how to act around a person. So they avoid it rather than face it. That could be what many are doing.

[Roseslipper]

Im so sorry to hear this. The best thing you can do is turn to the Lord for help and strenght, lean on Him. I know what your your going thru somewhat it is very hard. JUst hold on tight, read your p. blesssing and ask for a blessing now....My prayers go up for you....

[bytebear]

My best friend passed away just this April after a several year battle with Cancer. It was tough. It was tough because the casual acquaintances and even some close friends dropped out, and surprisingly, some friends came out of the woodwork to support in ways that I found amazing. But it was still tough. He was angry that he was dealt a horrible hand. He died one year short of his 50th birthday. He sometimes put the burden of anger on me and others who wanted to help but couldn't on his timeline. Sometimes a large group of people would visit him in the hospital and he would be overwhelmed by the number of people, and freak out. Sometimes he complained that no one was visiting him or not enough. But because he was erratic and grumpy those who didn't really know him or couldn't understand his personality would avoid him. That just made him more angry and sad. He went through several care takers who didn't hold up to his standards, and he treated them fairly poorly even though they were doing the best they could. So, we tried to do what we could, and I know we could have done more. We tried to talk about memories and happier times, and tried to make new memories, but it was still hard because it would be about his ultimate, death. When someone talks about death for years, it simply is hard to be supportive. Ultimately, I think you have to be as positive as you can, remember better times, and perhaps even try to make something better out of it.

One thing my friend did was start a foundation. He was annoyed they didn't have a "make a wish" type program for adults. So he started one called "the Bucket List" foundation. He spent the rest of his life trying to get this program off the ground. It gave him purpose and interaction with others. He was still angry, and he had every right to be. But you have to push the anger aside and focus on making the best of the time you have. People still love you and want to help, but it's hard for them too. So, reach out to them. Don't wait for them to come to you. But make it about your life, not your death.

Here is a link to an article about my friend.

LB resident lives out ‘final wish’ experiences as LB Memorial launches ‘The Bucket List Project’

Edited November 3, 2013 by bytebear

[Quin]

I haven't been here for quite a while. I won't go in to all that, just caught up in all the things of the church and life and family.

3 years ago I went to have a physical from a famous hospital. I live in a tiny town and felt at 60 I should get a baseline on my currant health.

Long story, short, they discovered I was end stage NASH liver disease. I was so far in to the disease that it was not treatable or transplantable.

I was stunned, and the very life litterally seemed to be taken out of me. I left there with no referrals for support or where to get info on liver disease. Our entire state does not have a liver doctor, there are no support groups for this. I looked for 3 yrs to find a group or even a counselor, to whom I could express my feelings and anger, without offending anyone. I could not find any at all. There is for the family left behind, but not for the one leaving the family.

The following are/were my expectations, I'd like to know if they were/are unreasonable?

1. The first thing is I went to the Bishop an Stake Pres. Both were verbally suportive, the Pres. passed it to the Bishop, telling him I was to have the best HT/VT in the ward.

3 yrs later, and I have had no visitors, no sacrament brought to me (I am unable to attend church or activities now)even when requested.

-The Bishop finally told me that he couldn't provide them because there were none, our ward was basically NOT DOING ANY VT/HT.

2. My family fell apart as their true concern was money, inheritance, etc. My husband of 44 yrs also turned his back on me, even stating "You aren't dying fast enough." We now live apart, and he pays for my apt. but there is no love there anymore.

-family has been asked to assist me in cleaning and getting to appts and they just ignore the request. They don't say no, they just don't.

-I've asked for memories of their childhood to put in a book, again, yes they said, and didn't.

-I do not get visits even from family.

3. I am not allowed to drive, and where I live there is only 1 active family. The bldg is abt. 12 miles away, on a crooked and deserted road. Not something I could manuver if I wanted with my illness.

-I've asked for rides to the temple, but I never know when they are.

-I've asked for help in downloading my genealogy to family search (my hard drive died so I have to redo the discs). No response at all.

-After this conference abt reactivating people, and reaching out to the disabled etc. I wrote a letter to the Bishop and expressed my hurt that everyone must think I'm invisible or already dead, why else would no compassionate service be rendered in 3 yrs? I so hoped and prayed for understanding an conversation to open up. But it didn't happen.

-Recently I saw the pictures from the Fall dinner, and mentioned I would like to have come. It was as if I wrote in invisible ink, not a word of kindness or anything came my way.

I could go on, but you get the picture. I was very activie and loved doing compassionate service, and food storage etc. So it isn't because they are upset at my previous lack of service.

The RS Presi. is my doctors receptionist, and she knows this.

The missionaries go to the nearby nursing home twice a week, they did visit, but just one time and my hopes for a visit from HT or Bishop didn't happen.

The anger I feel at everyone and my disease are taking control. The world is evil and most everyone I know is a hypocrit (me too). My Grandaughter got her mission call today and called to tell me where. I pretended I felt joy, etc for her. But I didn't in my heart.

The spirit in me is gone, I can't go to church where they have been so cold and unconcerned. i see satan has full control of most everything and everyone, and I have great fear of the kind of death OBAMA wants for the elderly and disabled.

I have nothing to look forward as I no longer believe a lot of LDS beliefs, nor do I want to.

I am back to where Joseph was told "No church is true." I think we have gone full circle.

So I fear dying, because I have no longer a belief system, or a support system from family or church.

So before I take off my temple garments, I thought I'd reach out one more time. Please do not ask me to study the scriptures, pray etc..I am to heart broken.

Carolear

PS: Please excuse errors with grammar and spelling, it is part of the disease.

Oh sweetie, I am so, so, sorry.

Suggestion: Since you're feeling totally isolated... Perhaps it's time to get the heck OUT of dodge.

While moving may seem like an impossible endeavor, my good friend (MSWlic through a cancer care facility) helps** people with JUST THAT. Getting them out from their small town with no resources, and little local understanding, and moved to a housing situation* somewhere that they CAN avail themselves both of resources and familiarity/understanding.

* the housing varies tremendously from client to client. Some are as far gone as hospice care, others in nursing, group, or assisted living (apartments w/ total privacy but on site nursing care, cooking, cleaning, etc. Plus daily activities. Kind of like living in a hotel, with your own stuff).

** By helps this includes

- Case management / ascertaining both the patient's wishes and medical needs / mediating between getting all the care needed lined up

- Finding funding... Either insurance, charity, scholarship, donations, etc... But more often a combo of the above.

- Finding resources (housing, transportation, moving services, counseling, spiritual support, to.)

- Liasing w/family.

- & much much more

Her services are free to all the patients in the cancer care clinic... Just as other social workers services are free to patients in hospital, hospice, and outpatient clinics.

People HEAR social workers... And immediately flash to "child protective services"... But that's not what medical social workers who work in healthcare do. My friend says about 80% of her job is finding resources & funding for folk, about 20% acute care (grief counseling, etc.).

The hospital you were diagnosed in... Should have social workers on staff.

I would ring them up, or any liver clinic you're currently going to OR llooking to go to, and get them engaged in helping you move somewhere that you can recieve the care you need... In a local that has OTHER things you need (cabulance, for example, and a ward near a hospital ... Which is going to be much more medically minded / have weekly sacraments that are brought to you, etc.).

Until my friend started working in this field I had NO idea that there were

- actually jobs where people do this kind of thing / exactly what it sounds like you need most

- the huge wealth of resources available... If you know where to ask/look.

All my best,

Q

[Normandy]

I 100% agree with what Quin said. It sounds like you need a better support system. A larger ward/area/town might be a better fit and there are people out there who help relocate you. I think there is much hope for you! My father is blind (not a member of the church) and it's amazing to me the amount of resources he finds. He became blind several years back, and it was a struggle at first, but eventually he found a resource which put him in touch with more and more to fit his needs. I hope you're able to do the same.

I'm so sorry you haven't been treated the way you need by your ward. I'm so sorry your family deserted you in your time of need. The lesson to take away from this is that people are human, we make mistakes and we are not perfect. But Heavenly Father is and his love for you and his steadfastness never changes and is always perfect. Cling to that and to his promises to you.

Edited November 3, 2013 by Normandy

[Carolear]

Thank you for your kind words and understanding. Today my neighbor told me that her son sent here a note that stated that if others in someones life CHOSE to no longer be a part of it, it was their choice and they had been a part of it because God put them in my path.

That to keep them in my life, or hang on for morsels of kindness and compassion was hindering my progression on a different level and path.

My path had taken a turn we did not anticipated at this time, and so I must walk alone and do what the Lord wants until He takes me home. But the choice is now MINE as to I continue to let them drag me down.

Only God can help me now, no person, ward, Bishop can change my path, they could make it lighter and easier to bare, but that is not to be yet.

So I'm still digesting that and how it feels to be so dependent on the Lord, and not my own strength.

Hugs,

Carole

[Carolear]

Normandy,

Yes, I want to be on a pity pot and there appears to be none available.

I have moved to UTAH at one time, hoping to get what you state in your reply. I learned a big lesson there and returned to Ar in a few months time.

I had a totally different idea of what it would be like there, but the lack of help was just as bad as anywhere else.

And being an outsider, they felt I was a taker and did not know the service I had provided for many years.

The new Bishop went so far as to call my prior 3 Bishops, the Stake Pres. , my husband and my adult daughter. He did not take my temple recommend to mean anything. When he was done (a month later of me and my daughter sleeping on the floor and no bed) he concluded that I was telling the truth.

He told me that he had no HT/VT in his ward either and RS worked and came by 1 time.

I came back to worse than when I left but with my energy, mental fog, etc I could not go it alone.

I had so looked forward to all the wonderful plays etc and disappointed to leave.

Carole

[Carolear]

Backroads,

Over 3 yrs of time , being invisible and not worth the concern of anyone. Going to Utah and the shock of that not being anything like I thought, my family showing their true colors of what was important to them. My life insurance is , but not me or helping me.

My thinking went along the thread, that Satan had won the war as this was pure hell. I could not understand ever why there is a war to begin with? It still bothers me why God would allow the crucifiction and Jesus would go along with it.

And if we are happy after this earth life, will there be more wars? I don't want war. So you can see where my thoughts were confused?

Carole

[skippy740]

Carolear,

It's trite, but true: The gospel of Jesus Christ cannot be found in the good (or lack of) deeds by man.

Please read this passage of scripture and know that God lives, knows you and your troubles at this time:

D&C 121

1 O God, where art thou? And where is the pavilion that covereth thy hiding place?

2 How long shall thy hand be stayed, and thine eye, yea thy pure eye, behold from the eternal heavens the wrongs of thy people and of thy servants, and thine ear be penetrated with their cries?

3 Yea, O Lord, how long shall they suffer these wrongs and unlawful oppressions, before thine heart shall be softened toward them, and thy bowels be moved with compassion toward them?

4 O Lord God Almighty, maker of heaven, earth, and seas, and of all things that in them are, and who controllest and subjectest the devil, and the dark and benighted dominion of Sheol—stretch forth thy hand; let thine eye pierce; let thy pavilion be taken up; let thy hiding place no longer be covered; let thine ear be inclined; let thine heart be softened, and thy bowels moved with compassion toward us.

5 Let thine anger be kindled against our enemies; and, in the fury of thine heart, with thy sword avenge us of our wrongs.

6 Remember thy suffering saints, O our God; and thy servants will rejoice in thy name forever.

7 My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment;

8 And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes.

D&C 122

1 The ends of the earth shall inquire after thy name, and fools shall have thee in derision, and hell shall rage against thee;

2 While the pure in heart, and the wise, and the noble, and the virtuous, shall seek counsel, and authority, and blessings constantly from under thy hand.

3 And thy people shall never be turned against thee by the testimony of traitors.

4 And although their influence shall cast thee into trouble, and into bars and walls, thou shalt be had in honor; and but for a small moment and thy voice shall be more terrible in the midst of thine enemies than the fierce lion, because of thy righteousness; and thy God shall stand by thee forever and ever.

5 If thou art called to pass through tribulation; if thou art in perils among false brethren; if thou art in perils among robbers; if thou art in perils by land or by sea;

6 If thou art accused with all manner of false accusations; if thine enemies fall upon thee; if they tear thee from the society of thy father and mother and brethren and sisters; and if with a drawn sword thine enemies tear thee from the bosom of thy wife, and of thine offspring, and thine elder son, although but six years of age, shall cling to thy garments, and shall say, My father, my father, why can’t you stay with us? O, my father, what are the men going to do with you? and if then he shall be thrust from thee by the sword, and thou be dragged to prison, and thine enemies prowl around thee like wolves for the blood of the lamb;

7 And if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good.

8 The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than he?

9 Therefore, hold on thy way, and the priesthood shall remain with thee; for their bounds are set, they cannot pass. Thy days are known, and thy years shall not be numbered less; therefore, fear not what man can do, for God shall be with you forever and ever.

[Carolear]

I wrote a long long did I say long reply and got ZAPPED. No energy to repost..will try tomorrow.

PS: All is well!

[Tamrajh]

I know how it feels to be left alone and feel ignored. Deserted. The one thing I know for sure, even when I am alone is that this is the true church and will lead us to exaltation through Jesus Christ. His Atonement will save us if we allow it.

The problem is, that doesn't cure the pain of feeling ignored and alone. For those times I turn to reading, genealogy, email "talks" with my family and FB to help me get lost in someone else's life so that I can forget mine temporarily.

I imagine that only helps for so long, however. I am sorry that you are in such a crappy place but it sounds a lot like the situation Job found himself in. All things happen for a reason according to President Hinkley but it's hard to know what the reason is. Especially while it's happening. I can only assume that you are in this situation to help solidify your testimony so you can be a source of support for someone else. In my experience we are given chances to help others based on our experiences. Hopefully you can hold out knowing that.

You may be the one to help someone find salvation. :)

[dahlia]

How can a ward not have VT/HT? Isn't that part of everyone's job? It's one thing not to do it well (guilty), but another not to have it at all. I'm confused.

[Dravin]

How can a ward not have VT/HT? Isn't that part of everyone's job? It's one thing not to do it well (guilty), but another not to have it at all. I'm confused.

If nobody is doing their Home/Visiting Teaching then the existence of assignments in the computer is mostly a technicality, as a practical matter if nobody is active in the program there functionally isn't a program. Usually it isn't literally nobody but just a vast majority, but if only a half dozen people are diligent about HT/VT you can only assign them so many families so their influence is limited in the context of the ward as a whole.

[rameumptom]

In death, there is no one that can solve most of the big problems. That is also true in life. In 35 years of membership, I've almost never had a home teacher visit. And if I'm on my deathbed, I won't expect one, either. These are humans with human weaknesses. I will not judge them, and I especially will not judge the Church or God by the people in the Church.

Instead, I hope I will be like many I've known, who have died of cancer, etc. They were brave. Instead of seeking others to comfort them, they spent their last days trying to comfort others. They got their comfort from God, knowing that the covenants they've made with God are still intact and eternal. I am amazed at the legacy of courage and joy they leave behind, and am certain God will give them great blessings in heaven for being the strong ones.

It is in the scriptures and prayer where you can find strength. However, you have to be asking the right questions and searching for the answers God wishes to give you. He may not heal you or send you a home teacher. But he can inspire you to bless others, be joyful in your trials, and live with hope and peace with Christ.

[McLainDow]

Let me start by saying I am sorry you are going through the ringer at this time. It is unfortunate that you are suffering and have little compassion from those around you. Your family will realize what they are doing is wrong. Sometimes we do not know what to say to those who have terminal diseases. To me though this is not an excuse for ignoring loved ones who are suffering. and if you feel unable to pray for them at the moment I will for you. Everyone deals with sickness differently and do not feel bad for feeling "Needy". It's alright to speak up and continue speaking up. Talk to your stake president again. If he does not handle it go up the chain. This is one of the few situations where I think I would advise you to complain until you get relief.

Please try to excuse people when they might crass, or rude, or not sympathetic when responding to you. They are human and some people have a hard time relating to others and being empathetic. They are sick just like you but, in a different way.

I truly hope you find some relief. If not physical maybe spiritual. Remember it is alright to feel angry and/or hurt. Remember Christ loves you.

[yjacket]

Backroads,

Over 3 yrs of time , being invisible and not worth the concern of anyone. Going to Utah and the shock of that not being anything like I thought, my family showing their true colors of what was important to them. My life insurance is , but not me or helping me.

My thinking went along the thread, that Satan had won the war as this was pure hell. I could not understand ever why there is a war to begin with? It still bothers me why God would allow the crucifiction and Jesus would go along with it.

And if we are happy after this earth life, will there be more wars? I don't want war. So you can see where my thoughts were confused?

Carole

This is obviously an extremely difficult trial that you are going through. I once read something that when someone is dying there is no right or wrong way to feel; it just is. No one has died twice, so the first time is the only time and no one knows how they will act or feel until it happens. So it's okay to feel whatever it is you need to feel.

That said if I may offer some words. It is my belief that Christ's Atonement was the only true selfless and great sacrifice ever made. Nothing can compare to it, not acts of kindness or duty that others might give such as HT/VT, not phone calls from loved ones, not visits from Bishops. His Atonement covers so much more than just a remission of our sins. He descended below all things so that He might know how to succor us, because no one knows exactly what you are going through or feeling except Him. He and He only knows the trial you are going through.

Suffering, pain, war death happen in this life, because it just is. Humans are human and sometimes we do stupid things, sometimes accidents happen and eventually our bodies break down.

Nobody gets out of here alive.

Nobody gets out of here without having to deal with some sort of Hell in their life; whether it is self-inflicted or not.

Yet the Atonement takes away the sting. The Atonement gives us faith and hope that no matter the trails, no matter the struggles some good will come of it and in the end it will all be OK. And going through the trail sucks, and its hard, harder than we can bare but He makes it up.

Finally, be the change you wish to see in the world. If you wish people were more charitable to you be more charitable to others. If we become the change we wish to see, then the change also happens to us. Call it karma, call it fate, whatever you want, but it happens. I always find in my life that when I'm feeling unloved or wish someone would help me out that if I try no matter how small to help someone else out that my life is changed.

May God's Love envelope you in Peace.

[Yehshen]

Carolear,

I, too, want to express how sorry I am to hear you are going through all of this. Being ill with its accompanying pain and disability is upsetting enough without going through abandonment either by loved ones or the church.

Smudge said "One of my hardest struggles was not learning that the church was true but learning that despite other peoples actions the church is still true." and I have to agree. Some people are so uncomfortable with illness that they withdraw. Couple that with the Church's visiting/home teaching program, which is only as good as the individuals. So, if nobody shows up, that is not a statement about you....it's a statement about the individual visiting or home teacher (or bishop) either being not willing or not able to do their thing.

I guess at the end of the day, however, we are all alone. Continue to pray, continue to go to church, or maybe I should say continue to search for a way to attend church. Maybe this group needs to have you put in their path.