Recovering from abuse

[Southern_Bell]

I grew up in a very abusive situation. My parents' attitude toward me vacillated between neglect and outright emotional abuse. As a child, I didn't know anything different, and I unfortunately came to believe the lies that all forms of abuse inflict on its victims.

As an adult, I am no longer in that situation. I have long since forgiven my parents for the hurt which they caused me (and told them so). The trouble is that the lies that went with the abuse became my truth. I am sorry to say that it is so ingrained in me that I now abuse myself by telling myself those same lies over and over again. It is destroying me and my family, and I really want to be able to set this down, to stop this self-destructive behavior. I really just don't know where to begin, or even how to go about it. How do I go about changing what I think and feel about myself?

[skippy740]

While the link is directed primarily at salespeople, I think the solution may be of help for you. I'm not going to edit it, but you can simply apply your thoughts and feelings and put them to work for you.

Dr. Kerry Johnson

"Observe"

First, observe yourself experiencing Call Aversion. Pay careful attention to what you are going through. Chances are you have let your self-sabotaging irrational thoughts drag your personal esteem through the mud. Detach yourself, for once, from your emotions and simply be an observer instead of a participant. You are probably thinking, "Hey Kerry, detaching myself from my emotions? How am I supposed to do that?" One simple method for affecting a phobia cure is a concept developed through Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP). Using this therapy, a phobia sufferer watches himself in a mental movie, imagining himself on the screen. He sees himself experiencing the fear and all that's entailed with it. He is able to feel the heart palpitations, the perspiration, and the shakes caused by anxiety. When he sees this happening, he is better able to deal with the uncomfortable emotions that brought on the fear in the first place. If you can imagine yourself as the central character on the movie screen, experiencing your heart pounding, the perspiration, and the dread you feel on the telephone, you will be able to aid yourself in recognizing the symptoms you are going through during call aversive episodes.

After you have run your movie, the next step is to engage in the pattern-interrupt and reward phases. From now on, when you start feeling those emotions, detach yourself by watching your mental movie.

A salesperson reported testing this method. As he was about to follow up on a referral lead, he started to feel call aversive panic. His palms became moist, his heart palpitated, and he became aware of his irrational mental dialogue. "I really don't want to make this call. I feel myself becoming afraid of the telephone. If the prospect thinks I am intruding on his time, what will I say? He won't want to spend his time talking with me because he'll know I'm new at this type of call. He'll probably recognize how scared I am of talking with him." The salesperson saw how his fears were influencing his logical thought.

Pattern-Interrupt

The second step is to interrupt your aversion emotions. By recognizing when the irrational thought patterns of call aversion sets in, you can interrupt them from causing problems. Irrational thoughts seem to feed on themselves in a compounding way, like a snowball rolling down a hill. When next you become aware that those patterns have surfaced, immediately do something physical. Stand up and walk around your office. Say out loud what you are thinking internally. One effective way to interrupt the pattern is to cause yourself quick physical discomfort. Wear a rubber band around your wrist. When you become self-sabotaging, snap the rubber band. The sting will break the cycle.

Substitute

Third, immediately substitute a positive experience to replace the negative one. Clinical research psychologists, William Redd and William Sleator, discovered that self-inflicted negative messages have an enormous impact on future success. If you have been selling for even a few weeks, you have probably made at least one successful telephone call. You also probably recall how easy it seemed at the time, and how good you felt during and after the conversation. Get a 3 X 5 card, write down that prospect's name, and record every detail of how you felt during and after that call.

Reward

Finally, after every call, give yourself an immediate "reward". Whether you were able to speak to your prospect or not, reward yourself. A reward can be anything from a sip of coffee to calling your spouse, or even popping a breath mint into your mouth. A reward will reinforce the telephone call and increase the likelihood that you will make another call.

One financial salesperson with Fear of Intrusion reported his success using this four-step technique. He realized he felt almost apologetic for making certain prospecting telephone calls to Realtors. They often treated him like they had absolutely no time ever especially to talk to him. His heart would palpitate and beads of sweat would form on his forehead as he started to dial the phone number. When he finally observed his own phobic reaction, he was able to interrupt himself with a rubber band snap and recall a past successful call. Then he started to make the previously dreaded calls, following each one with a sip of coffee as a reward. Not only did his level of anxiety decrease, he finally was able to increase his revenues from realtor referrals, and also call past referrals for appointments he had put off for months.

If you are good on the phone, you'll be light years ahead of your competition. When you learn to recognize what call aversion is and do something about it, business will simply flow to you. Good luck and happy hunting!

[Finrock]

Good Afternoon Southern_Bell. It is a pleasure to meet you and welcome to the forums! :)

I also have suffered from being abused. I've provided a link to a talk given by Elder Richard G. Scott that was a tremendous help for me in understanding a way that I could be healed of wounds that were inflicted upon me by others. I quote a portion below and then provide the link to the full article. I invite you to read it prayerfully and take the counsel given to heart. Elder Scott teaches true principles and they will help you greatly!

I testify that I know victims of serious abuse who have successfully made the difficult journey to full healing through the power of the Atonement. After her own concerns were resolved by her faith in the healing power of the Atonement, one young woman who had been severely abused by her father requested another interview with me. She returned with an older couple. I could sense that she loved the two very deeply. Her face radiated happiness. She began, “Elder Scott, this is my father. I love him. He’s concerned about some things that happened in my early childhood. They are no longer a problem for me. Could you help him?” What a powerful confirmation of the Savior’s capacity to heal! She no longer suffered from the consequences of abuse, because she had adequate understanding of His Atonement, sufficient faith, and was obedient to His law. As you conscientiously study the Atonement and exercise your faith that Jesus Christ has the power to heal, you can receive the same blessed relief. During your journey of recovery, accept His invitation to let Him share your burden until you have sufficient time and strength to be healed.

Source of complete article: Link

-Finrock

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

Southern Belle,

Healing from abuse is complicated and each survivor is different. I have found professional therapy to be life-saving.

My favorite talk is Elder Holland's recent conference talk Like a Broken Vessel. In this talk he was referring to mental illness, but since abuse so often causes mental illness/disorders, I found it very applicable to my situation. He suggests that sometimes therapy is necessary.

If things continue to be debilitating, seek the advice of reputable people with certified training, professional skills, and good values. Be honest with them about your history and your struggles. Prayerfully and responsibly consider the counsel they give and the solutions they prescribe. If you had appendicitis, God would expect you to seek a priesthood blessing and get the best medical care available. So too with emotional disorders. Elder Holland, Like a Broken Vessel

One of the main things I would say to you is be patient and gentle with yourself, and be realistic. When I say be realistic, I mean that accept that the Lord will likely not miraculously cleanse you, like we would all desire. There are great lessons to be learned in working through the healing. Elder Holland also talked about when the "miracles" don't come . . .

Believe in miracles. I have seen so many of them come when every other indication would say that hope was lost. Hope is never lost. If those miracles do not come soon or fully or seemingly at all, remember the Savior’s own anguished example: if the bitter cup does not pass, drink it and be strong, trusting in happier days ahead. Elder Holland, Like a Broken Vessel

Being realistic, drinking the bitter cup means accepting that advice like "just let it go" and the idea that forgiveness is a magic bullet will not help you. Forgiveness is a beautiful thing, but it is not a magic bullet.

I blog about my journey healing from abuse. And I wrote a book (available about September), if you are interested my blog addy is in my sig line. :)

[NeuroTypical]

Hi Southern and welcome.

I don't really have anything to add, other than you're most certainly in good company with plenty of other people who are in the same boat as you - desperately trying to change ingrained behaviors/attitudes/brain hardwiring.

It's hard. Keep trying. God bless you.

[Palerider]

I would encourage you to see the Church Phsycologist thru LDS Social Services.

[notquiteperfect]

I suggest looking into EFT, EmotionCode and/or Flower Essences. These techniques may seem different but are worth a try!

I'm sorry you've experienced that. Hoping you'll be in a better place soon.

[Southern_Bell]

Quick update:

During the past few weeks, I have been reading everything I can find on abuse and recovering from abuse found on the Church website. The biggest thing that I learned from that research was that the Atonement still applies to my situation. By relying on Christ and drawing closer to Him, I am able to start setting that burden down, to begin to trust male figures again, rather than fearing them, and to begin to understand (to a degree) the happiness that He has in store for me. My patriarchal blessing has also proved very useful. My hope is that by sharing this, others who find themselves at the stage of recovery where forgiveness has already occurred will know how to ease the hurt and combat some of the other ill effects of their maltreatment.

[Suzie]

Quick update:

During the past few weeks, I have been reading everything I can find on abuse and recovering from abuse found on the Church website. The biggest thing that I learned from that research was that the Atonement still applies to my situation. By relying on Christ and drawing closer to Him, I am able to start setting that burden down, to begin to trust male figures again, rather than fearing them, and to begin to understand (to a degree) the happiness that He has in store for me. My patriarchal blessing has also proved very useful. My hope is that by sharing this, others who find themselves at the stage of recovery where forgiveness has already occurred will know how to ease the hurt and combat some of the other ill effects of their maltreatment.

Hi Southern_Bell, I am glad that you are out of your abusive situation but the scars will show their ugly heads at some point and it is better to deal with them as soon as you can. I'm happy that you are able to find solace in the words of JesusChrist, but I would also recommend that you start as soon as you are able to, some sort of therapy program in your area with a trained and experienced psychologist or counselor that can help you go through the aftermath of years of abuse. All the best my friend.

[Finrock]

Good evening Southern_Bell. I'm glad you are doing well! :)

Like you I have found healing through the atonement of Jesus Christ for the abuse that I suffered as a child.

Hi Southern_Bell, I am glad that you are out of your abusive situation but the scars will show their ugly heads at some point and it is better to deal with them as soon as you can. I'm happy that you are able to find solace in the words of JesusChrist, but I would also recommend that you start as soon as you are able to, some sort of therapy program in your area with a trained and experienced psychologist or counselor that can help you go through the aftermath of years of abuse. All the best my friend.

Not to take away from anything that Suzie said because my therapist was an answer to my prayers but I want to emphasize that even though a psychologist or a counselor can be very helpful, in the end, true, lasting, and permanent healing comes through the atonement of Jesus Christ and through Him only. It isn't just the words of Jesus Christ that bring solace but the atonement is a true, actual power that brings complete and utter healing. There is no substitute.

-Finrock

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

Finrock (and all), I agree that the true healing comes from Christ, but I worry that there is an attitude (not that you said this Finrock) that we can just "forgive and let go" and that is healing. Many well-meaning people said as much to me. The culture is beginning to change, and people are beginning to understand that therapy is just as essential for abuse, and mental illnesses as medical treatment is for cancer, but we still have a ways to go.

I believe that forgiveness is not the first step of healing, but one of the last, if not the last. Wendy Ulrich (an LDS psychologist) said, that "Premature forgiveness can close doors that only pain can heal." (I'm quoting from memory here.) She was quoted by Cheiko Okasaki in her WONDERFUL talk (the best I have found), on healing from abuse.

[notquiteperfect]

Agree with Literate - Yes, the Atonement is essential. However, Heavenly Father has provided many tools to help us along (*more than just talk therapy*). After all, not everyone believes as we do and they need help as well and Heavenly Father wouldn't just leave them out in the cold.

[SpiritDragon]

Good evening Southern_Bell. I'm glad you are doing well! :)

Like you I have found healing through the atonement of Jesus Christ for the abuse that I suffered as a child.

Not to take away from anything that Suzie said because my therapist was an answer to my prayers but I want to emphasize that even though a psychologist or a counselor can be very helpful, in the end, true, lasting, and permanent healing comes through the atonement of Jesus Christ and through Him only. It isn't just the words of Jesus Christ that bring solace but the atonement is a true, actual power that brings complete and utter healing. There is no substitute.

-Finrock

I just wish to second Finrock's comments. I spent my childhood hating my mother, the worst day of the year was mother's day because all the other kids seemed to genuinely love their moms, but I just felt forced to sing about it in primary songs and feign love to get the day to pass. I was physically beaten as a child frequently, as were most of my siblings... but it always came down hardest on my brother and I. It was more than excessive corporal punishment. I largely discovered my love for martial arts out of a desire to learn to keep myself safe from my mom. I spent many sleepless nights thinking about slipping a knife into mom while she slept.

An amazing thing happened when I really discovered the gospel of Jesus Christ and let the atonement work in me. Miracles do happen. Our family is extremely close and we all look forward to family get togethers. We all love one another, a vast change from the hatred of my youth. Perhaps most amazing of all is that I was able to find a way to forgive my mom, while still living under the same roof... although admittedly I had grown and was the stronger of us by than and she knew she no longer had physical power over me and I wouldn't allow her to touch my younger sisters.

I don't like talking about it much though. Not because it brings back pain, but because it villainizes my mom who I love now.

Everyone will be different, but I found the greatest changes I made at the time of the transition from hatred to love was daily scripture study and prayer. I realized at the time that I had made many mistakes that I needed to repent of, and that to be forgiven I needed to forgive. This wasn't the most comforting and so I prayed for charity often. The amazing thing is it worked, and it has been almost 15 years now of getting along with my mom and actually wanting her to be part of my life.

That being said by all means seek out other avenues such as counselling if you feel that is the right thing to do, just don't rely wholly on the arm of flesh.

[Quin]

I grew up in a very abusive situation. My parents' attitude toward me vacillated between neglect and outright emotional abuse. As a child, I didn't know anything different, and I unfortunately came to believe the lies that all forms of abuse inflict on its victims.

As an adult, I am no longer in that situation. I have long since forgiven my parents for the hurt which they caused me (and told them so). The trouble is that the lies that went with the abuse became my truth. I am sorry to say that it is so ingrained in me that I now abuse myself by telling myself those same lies over and over again. It is destroying me and my family, and I really want to be able to set this down, to stop this self-destructive behavior. I really just don't know where to begin, or even how to go about it. How do I go about changing what I think and feel about myself?

In my experience.... Either through sheer luck of circumstance... Or through years of hard work. In changing thoughts, that's usually cognitive behaviorial therapy (CBT)

Here's a quote that has been useful in my own life COUPLED with a second piece:

1)

]Watch your thoughts; they become words.

Watch your words; they become actions.

Watch your actions; they become habit.

Watch your habits; they become character.

Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.”

― Laozi

2)

"You cannot control the first thought. You can control the second."

- Anonymous.

As well as gospel/ chapter & verse in ADHD & PTSD land.

As some examples.

Redefine

I hate myself. First thought. Just pops in there. So grit your teeth & control the second.

No, I don't. I'm angry at myself. Second thought.

Redefining shapes a thought you can't do anything about into something you can. Hate is inflexible. Anger has solutions. Or, if anger is inflexible/ you don't have tools for dealing with anger, break it down even further until it's in pieces you CAN work with. Like if you're angry at yourself that you yelled at someone, that also translates into I'm disappointed I yelled, I need to apologize. Regardless of HOW you redefine a thought, it takes it from untouchable, to something you can act upon.

Disagree, fight back

I'm helpless

I'm strong

This works in the opposite way as redefining. It gives no quarter. If every time you think you're helpless, you refute that you're strong, the thought pattern changes. And what you think, you say, what you say, you do, what you do you become.

Change the Result (similar to redefining)

I wish I were dead

I wish I didn't feel this way

Changes the action from the thought from suicide to changing how you feel.

___________

As a caution: A lot of abusive & neglectful people DO change. Most are completely capable of it (one of the posters above talks about now havin a healthy & loving relationship with one such).

Not all do. In fact, most probably don't.

My niece and nephew have both been molested multiple times, because my exSIL wants to believe her mother has changed. So she keeps giving my niece and nephew to her to be abused. My ex-husband tried to do the same with our kids. Insisting that his mother would get better FOR our kids. No. That's not the way that it works. You do not use our kids as a carrot or a stick. Forgiveness is NOT doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. That's insanity. Not forgiveness.

Forgiveness is an amazing thing.

But just because YOU forgive someone, it doesn't follow that they're changed.

And it is NOTHING about you.

There is NOTHING you can do to "make" them better.

Ther is NOTHING wrong with you, or lacking in you, or that you could have done differently to make them better.

It's not your fault.

Forgiveness does NOT mean acceptance, although the two can go together, they don't always.

There are a lot of great definitions of forgiveness out there.

The one I find most useful is:

Forgiveness is giving up all hope for a better past.

Meaning the past is done, and nothing can change it, so we deal with the present and the future. Changing THAT. It doesn't mean you forget the past, or that the past didn't happen or is acceptable. To the contrary, our present is created by our past. Changing the present, like changing thoughts, gives you a different past to work from.

In the beginning it will be 10,000 times you've called yourself stupid / helpless/ (or whatever) to 6 times of telling yourself that you're learning/ you're strong/ (or whatever).

But, over time, it become 10,000 : 100,000.

So the past that has the strength to shape your present ... Becomes the healthy one.

But it takes time.

The only person in the world you can change is yourself.

It's hard, hard, hard work.

Good on you for starting.

Q

[Finrock]

Good Afternoon notquiteperfect. I hope you're doing well! :)

Agree with Literate - Yes, the Atonement is essential. However, Heavenly Father has provided many tools to help us along (*more than just talk therapy*). After all, not everyone believes as we do and they need help as well and Heavenly Father wouldn't just leave them out in the cold.

Heavenly Father doesn't leave people out in the cold. He has sent apostles and prophets to testify of Christ. The Church of Jesus Christ has been restored. There are millions of members who testify that Jesus Christ lives and that the atonement is real.

There are billions of Christians who believe in Christ and know about the atonement. Nobody is left out in the cold except by their own choices. There is no alternative to the atonement...not for me, not for you, not for any person on this earth. The atonement isn't just for members of the Church; it is for all and all are invited to come and partake.

I just want to be clear that I am speaking from experience. Not as some ignorant bystander who doesn't know what it is like to be raped and abused. I've been raped by my grandmother, my mother, and then by an older neighborhood boy when I was a young child. I know how difficult it is to forgive, especially family members who have abused you severely and stolen from you your childhood, betrayed you in the most sever way and thus have caused me immense difficulties, sufferings, and trials in life. I know how difficult the trial is. And I'm telling you right now that I must forgive all those who have abused me or within me remains the greater sin. There was no way for me to forgive without the atonement. There is no way for anyone to be absolutely and completely healed and made whole from being raped and abused except through the atonement. That is what makes our message and our testimony of Jesus Christ so urgent.

Only Jesus Christ truly knows about my suffering, perfectly, and only He knows how to heal it absolutely.

11 And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people.

12 And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities.

13 Now the Spirit knoweth all things; nevertheless the Son of God suffereth according to the flesh that he might take upon him the sins of his people, that he might blot out their transgressions according to the power of his deliverance; and now behold, this is the testimony which is in me.(Emphasis mine)

We, who have experienced the real, wonderful, and freeing power of the atonement have a duty to testify and to invite all to come to the source of true and ultimate healing by Him "who is mighty to save" (2 Nephi 31:19).

6 Wherefore, redemption cometh in and through the Holy Messiah; for he is full of grace and truth.

7 Behold, he offereth himself a sacrifice for sin, to answer the ends of the law, unto all those who have a broken heart and a contrite spirit; and unto none else can the ends of the law be answered.

8 Wherefore, how great the importance to make these things known unto the inhabitants of the earth...(Emphasis Added).

Jesus Christ is the Master Healer. He is the Expert at healing and freeing people from the wounds of sin, whether the wounds were inflicted by ourselves or by others.

True healing also means we ourselves, those who have been abused, must also repent and humble ourselves. We must forgive and we must learn to obey God completely. We must repent of our arrogance and recognize our utter need for God and our own nothingness.

11 And again I say unto you as I have said before, that as ye have come to the knowledge of the glory of God, or if ye have known of his goodness and have tasted of his love, and have received a remission of your sins, which causeth such exceedingly great joy in your souls, even so I would that ye should remember, and always retain in remembrance, the greatness of God, and your own nothingness, and his goodness and long-suffering towards you, unworthy creatures, and humble yourselves even in the depths of humility, calling on the name of the Lord daily, and standing steadfastly in the faith...

12 And behold, I say unto you that if ye do this ye shall always rejoice, and be filled with the love of God, and always retain a remission of your sins; and ye shall grow in the knowledge of the glory of him that created you, or in the knowledge of that which is just and true.

We must testify and let others know where they can find peace, freedom, and joy. I testify that faith in Jesus Christ and in His atonement brings about true freedom from our suffering. Only He can ultimately heal us and turn our suffering in to a strength and make our life complete and whole. This is true when we put our trust in Him, repent of our sins, and keep His commandments.

8 And this is the means whereby salvation [from all things] cometh. And there is none other salvation save this which hath been spoken of; neither are there any conditions whereby man can be saved except the conditions which I have told you.

9 Believe in God; believe that he is, and that he created all things, both in heaven and in earth; believe that he has all wisdom, and all power, both in heaven and in earth; believe that man doth not comprehend all the things which the Lord can comprehend (Emphasis added).

This is my testimony in the sacred name of Jesus Christ who has saved me, freed me, and healed me of my wounds.

-Finrock

[notquiteperfect]

Good Afternoon notquiteperfect. I hope you're doing well! :)

Heavenly Father doesn't leave people out in the cold. He has sent apostles and prophets to testify of Christ. The Church of Jesus Christ has been restored. There are millions of members who testify that Jesus Christ lives and that the atonement is real.

There are billions of Christians who believe in Christ and know about the atonement. Nobody is left out in the cold except by their own choices. There is no alternative to the atonement...not for me, not for you, not for any person on this earth. The atonement isn't just for members of the Church; it is for all and all are invited to come and partake.

I just want to be clear that I am speaking from experience. Not as some ignorant bystander who doesn't know what it is like to be raped and abused. I've been raped by my grandmother, my mother, and then by an older neighborhood boy when I was a young child. I know how difficult it is to forgive, especially family members who have abused you severely and stolen from you your childhood, betrayed you in the most sever way and thus have caused me immense difficulties, sufferings, and trials in life. I know how difficult the trial is. And I'm telling you right now that I must forgive all those who have abused me or within me remains the greater sin. There was no way for me to forgive without the atonement. There is no way for anyone to be absolutely and completely healed and made whole from being raped and abused except through the atonement. That is what makes our message and our testimony of Jesus Christ so urgent.

Only Jesus Christ truly knows about my suffering, perfectly, and only He knows how to heal it absolutely.

I am well, thank you, and no where did I disagree with you. Maybe I wasn't clear so just a couple points:

- yes, there are billions who believe in Christ *and there are billions who don't*

- yes, Christ is the ultimate healer (="essential") but if you're sick, you still go to the doctor (="tools")

I'm sorry you've experienced such terrible things and am glad you've found healing.

Edited March 2, 2014 by skippy740
closed the post quote

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

Finrock,

I don't think that the scripture you referred to applies to this situation. To me that makes no sense. Seriously not forgiving is worse than molestation or rape? I can't believe that. Yes, I read the scripture you linked to, but I am reminded that the scriptures state very clearly "thou shalt not kill", and yet Nephi was commanded to kill Laban--who as we all remember was defenseless at the time. We need to be careful in trying to make one scripture apply to all situations.

Please don't understand me, I think forgiveness is a beautiful (but highly misunderstood) principle. I believe it is one of the last steps of healing, and as such people should not be rushed into it. It is a goal to work toward certainly, but no one should feel pressured to get there. Was it you that mentioned the definition of forgiveness way: "Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different." Oprah Winfrey I like that definition too, but it takes a lot to get there. It can't be the first step. How would that be possible?

Here is another scripture about forgiveness that does not get a lot of "publicity"...I share it simply as something to ponder. Doctrine and Covenants 98

41 And if he trespass against thee and repent not the first time, nevertheless thou shalt forgive him.

42 And if he trespass against thee the second time, and repent not, nevertheless thou shalt forgive him.

43 And if he trespass against thee the third time, and repent not, thou shalt also forgive him.

44 But if he trespass against thee the fourth time thou shalt not forgive him, but shalt bring these testimonies before the Lord; and they shall not be blotted out until he repent and reward thee four-fold in all things wherewith he has trespassed against thee.

45 And if he do this, thou shalt forgive him with all thine heart; and if he do not this, I, the Lord, will avenge thee of thine enemy an hundred-fold;

I love this scripture, not because I'm looking for an excuse not to forgive--I'm not--but because it conveys to me that the Lord CARES about what happened to me. Knowing that it is easier to give him my burden.

Just to be clear (or try to) I think we agree on more than we disagree on. Like you, I value the Atonement. I believe in forgiveness. I also believe that therapy is a tool that the Lord has provided, just as he provided medical treatment for cancer, and diabetes--the Lord could heal those things without modern medicine if he chose to, but I have never heard of him doing so in our day. Likewise, he could heal the scars of abuse instantly through the Atonement if he so chose, but I think that is also rare. He allows us to work through these things and using both therapy and the Atonement to help us achieve healing and forgiveness, because of what we can gain from the experience. (I would not have wanted to hear that early on, but now that I am doing better, looking back I can see that there is growth that came from working through this.)

[McLainDow]

I would just echo the advice to seek professional help. People very close to me have suffered severe abuse and it is so difficult to recover from. Your bravery in facing this head on is inspiring.

[flsun24]

I have also found peace thru the Atonement of Jesus Christ from my childhood abuse.