LadyHanley93 Posted August 8, 2015 Report Share Posted August 8, 2015 (edited) I am a convert and have become close friends with someone Recently I have noticed her growing to be demanding and crossing boundaries with me. I am not comfortable with the fact that she force hugs me or manipulates me into saying I don't care about her to give her a hug. She seems to think I am some cold heartless person that doesn't like affection. I don't like to be hugged because I was serverly sexually abused as a child and I know my boundaries. I have a job as a bartender working 40 hours a week and I am a full time student year round. I use the money I make and support myself and just recently bought a car. I have saved some money up for any emergencies and pay tithing. Is it time to call it quits with this friendship and move on? Edited August 9, 2015 by LadyHanley93 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest LiterateParakeet Posted August 8, 2015 Report Share Posted August 8, 2015 Yes, it sounds like she is not willing to respect your boundaries. Time to move on, in my opinion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Palerider Posted August 8, 2015 Report Share Posted August 8, 2015 Time to move Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NeuroTypical Posted August 8, 2015 Report Share Posted August 8, 2015 I don't understand why you're pointing out that this is an "LDS friendship" "with a BIC". In case nobody told you, just being Mormon (or born in the covenant) doesn't make you a better person than anyone else. We have our jerks and bad friends here too. Boundaries are important. If you have told this person you're not a hugger and don't want hugs, and they continue to hug you anyway, yeah, I'd find a new friend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Str8Shooter Posted August 8, 2015 Report Share Posted August 8, 2015 Ditto. Move on. Also- I would find a different job. The bar atmosphere is not conducive to the spirit in any way. Leah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jane_Doe Posted August 8, 2015 Report Share Posted August 8, 2015 From your post it sounds like the relationship has major problems and needs to change and/or be ended. Personally, I would recommend trying to change it before auto-ditching it: like having a very frank conversation about specific things like "I don't like hugs" and "I care for you, but am not much of a flower-giver". If she doesn't listen after explicitly being told (and you doing your best to make sure she heard you), then it's time to distance things. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kapikui Posted August 8, 2015 Report Share Posted August 8, 2015 It sounds like your friend is in serious need of some professional mental health care. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngelMarvel Posted August 8, 2015 Report Share Posted August 8, 2015 This is not a healthy relationship. Sounds like you were pretty clear about things and she totally disrespected you. Move on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyHanley93 Posted August 9, 2015 Author Report Share Posted August 9, 2015 This is not a healthy relationship. Sounds like you were pretty clear about things and she totally disrespected you. Move on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyHanley93 Posted August 9, 2015 Author Report Share Posted August 9, 2015 I have to agree on this I've asked more than enough times. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyHanley93 Posted August 9, 2015 Author Report Share Posted August 9, 2015 (edited) Edited August 9, 2015 by LadyHanley93 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyHanley93 Posted August 9, 2015 Author Report Share Posted August 9, 2015 Ditto. Move on. Also- I would find a different job. The bar atmosphere is not conducive to the spirit in any way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyHanley93 Posted August 9, 2015 Author Report Share Posted August 9, 2015 Sorry but since when is my profession any of your business? Sorry but I am not college educated and I didn't go to BYU. I am working my way to a college degree at a local community college. My previous Profession was unethical and immoral but not illegal and did that for seven years. So it's hard to find work when you are a former porn star! Sorry I don't meet up to your perfect mormon standards. I don't drink at work! I do my job! omegaseamaster75 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leah Posted August 9, 2015 Report Share Posted August 9, 2015 Sorry but since when is my profession any of your business? Sorry but I am not college educated and I didn't go to BYU. I am working my way to a college degree at a local community college. My previous Profession was unethical and immoral but not illegal and did that for seven years. So it's hard to find work when you are a former porn star! Sorry I don't meet up to your perfect mormon standards. I don't drink at work! I do my job!Over react much? The advice that you find a different job was a legitimate concern. No need to lash out and criticize. Just because your job is "legal" doesn't mean it's a good or appropriate place to work. There are plenty of other kinds of work you could do, no matter what your supposed background is. What does going to BYU have to do with anything? There are millions of Mormons with jobs who never attended there. Contact the LDS employment specialist in your ward. Avail yourself of the resources at your community college. Get busy looking on Craigslist, etc. You can find another job if you try. There are ALWAYS better ways to make money. NightSG and Jane_Doe 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyHanley93 Posted August 9, 2015 Author Report Share Posted August 9, 2015 Over react much?The advice that you find a different job was a legitimate concern. No need to lash out and criticize. Just because your job is "legal" doesn't mean it's a good or appropriate place to work. There are plenty of other kinds of work you could do, no matter what your supposed background is. What does going to BYU have to do with anything? There are millions of Mormons with jobs who never attended there.Contact the LDS employment specialist in your ward. Avail yourself of the resources at your community college. Get busy looking on Craigslist, etc. You can find another job if you try. There are ALWAYS better ways to make money. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyHanley93 Posted August 9, 2015 Author Report Share Posted August 9, 2015 Wow Judge much Leah? Sorry but you don't come from a super rich ward where success is by the money you make and going to byu gains you more status in your calling. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyHanley93 Posted August 9, 2015 Author Report Share Posted August 9, 2015 I think people take it to far seeing as I work in a bar and make decent money. I am not getting drunk every night I work. I know girls in my ward who work at Starbucks and make better money as managers then I di. Sorry but your comments are uncalled for! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leah Posted August 9, 2015 Report Share Posted August 9, 2015 Wow Judge much Leah? Sorry but you don't come from a super rich ward where success is by the money you make and going to byu gains you more status in your calling.Actually, you are the one making lots of judgments about everyone else throughout your various threads. The chip on your shoulder is very large. Whether or not the people in your Ward are rich or have gone to BYU or not, is completely irrelevant to your issues and the choices YOU make in your life. You cannot blame others for the choices you make. That's all on you.instead of making unrighteous and untrue judgments about everyone around you and playing the victim, the only actions you should be taking a look at are your own, and whether those actions and choices are in line with gospel principles. Backroads, Jane_Doe and NightSG 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leah Posted August 9, 2015 Report Share Posted August 9, 2015 I think people take it to far seeing as I work in a bar and make decent money. I am not getting drunk every night I work. I know girls in my ward who work at Starbucks and make better money as managers then I di. Sorry but your comments are uncalled for!Rather hypocritical, given the kinds of things you say about others in every thread you start.If you can't (or won't) see the issues with being a bartender and and aren't mature enough to understand the childishness of your arguments.....well, the only one you're hurting is yourself. Just don't complain when some of the consequences of your choices are not to your liking. You only have yourself to blame. NightSG 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jane_Doe Posted August 9, 2015 Report Share Posted August 9, 2015 Wow wow, girls let's calm down! Deep calming breaths. :) LadyHanley, I'm sure no one specifically meant to offend you. While a barkeeper is a perfectly legal job, and a person needs to pay the rent, barkeeping that it might not be the most spiritually promoting occupation (granted it's a huge step up from porn). I'm guessing though that barkeeping is probably not something that you'd want to do for forever, as you're earning a degree (granted I'm only guessing). If in the meantime you wanted a more spiritually promoting job, there are opportunities you can take (like contacting the ward employment specialist). No one is throwing stones at you, and people do generally want to help, even if as points they can be clueless or step on your feet (or stay poorly-thoughtout things). Clearing a few things up here: meeting "perfect mormon standards"- the church is NOT a place for perfect people and we all mega screw up. Nor are all Mormons automatically rich (I myself cashiered for 3 years earning minimum wage). And going to BYU (or any college) does not get you a "better" calling. Backroads and Josiah 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 10, 2015 Report Share Posted August 10, 2015 I'm not sure what your job or financial status has to do with it, either, but you brought it up, so only you know why that would even factor in to this discussion. As stated before, there are all kinds of people both in and out of the church. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thoughts Posted August 12, 2015 Report Share Posted August 12, 2015 If she is not hearing that you do not agree to her hugging you, and thus when she tries to get you to agree, or worse actually assaults you, and you are confident that you've been clear (meaning I might give it one more clear direct instruction), then the friendship doesn't have to be over, but being near enough to her physically for her to touch you would be. Try talking on the phone instead of personal interaction, if you like the interaction. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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