Eternal companion or not?

[abess]

 I have an interesting situation… I’ve had the spirit, (I think it’s the spirit,) telling me for about five years now, that I’m going to marry a specific person. This person and I are aware of each other but we’ve never really gotten to know each other. Nor am I really all that interested in getting to know them, due to conflicting lives.  I don’t believe in soulmates. I agree with the church on personal revelation and how heavenly father won’t ever state that there is only one person for us.  I find it strange that the same thoughts have been going on in my head for so long. He stays single for the most part and every time I date someone he pops into my head and I have this sinking feeling that the relationship won’t last no matter how good it is. Sure enough, the relationship will end in the most bizarre way. I’ve noticed the more I fast and pray and get closer to the gospel the more this guy is at the center of my thoughts. Recently, when I asked heavenly father to take those thoughts away, he replied that he wouldn’t. He told me to act, so I did. I tried to start a conversation with the guy and kinda put the ball in his court and he didn’t really do anything.  The spirit told me to do so again. So, reluctantly I did. Nothing happened. The spirit then told me to pray for him to act… nothing happened.  I prayed about it again and was told to be patient and that soon I would understand. But as you can tell, it’s been years with this and the thoughts still won’t go away.  In all these five years, I’ve traveled through a huge part of the states. Been busy getting a degree in Forensic psychology and have done so much without thinking about the guy. But eventually my thoughts always come back to him.  I just find this so annoying. I’m not sure this is something that’s from the spirit. I feel like I’ve lost my mind. what advice can you give me on this situation? What church talks can you send my way?

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

Follow the Spirit.  That is the best advice we can give you. Heavenly Father and the Holy Ghost surely know what's in your best interest than we do.  I know you want more, so I'll say...don't discount the idea that you are being prompted here.  I think you are right to date other people as well, but keep following your promptings about this guy as well.  Sometimes the Lord works in mysterious ways.  Yes, sometimes the Lord does bring two people together, I would say it's rare, but it happens.  I don't know of any church talks about this.  I know that it has been mentioned, but my understanding is that it was mentioned after Saturday's Warrior came out and they wanted to dissuade people from thinking that everyone has a soulmate.  Most people can marry a good person in the temple and be very happy, but that doesn't mean that there are no heavenly arranged marriages.  

And before someone poo poo's Saturday's Warrior...it came out when I was a youth, the only active member of the church living with two alcoholic parents.  Saturday's Warrior was a tremendous strength to me.  No, it didn't make me dream of a soulmate...it did help me keep a focus on eternity--what came before this earth and the reward that awaits if we endure to the end.  It was a great comfort.  Anyway, back to you....you can't go wrong if you follow the Spirit.  

[Latter-Day Marriage]

The concept of 'soul mates' that the leaders of the church have spoken against is the idea that there is one person (and only one person) you are somehow destined from birth to be with and you won't be truly happy with anyone else.  That is bunk, we have our free agency and so does everybody else.  It is very true however that God takes a hand in bringing couples together and even several GA's stories of how they met and married their spouses reflect this.  I personally was told very clearly the night I met my future wife that she was the one, and while we did hit it off right from the start, we were both teenagers and it was several years before the idea of getting married was a serious thought in her head.  I am convinced that we had a special relationship in the per-existence that we are continuing now, but if I had chosen to not live the gospel, or if she had chosen to not live the gospel, we would have wound up with somebody else.  Out being brought together was a result of our choices, not destiny.  You might want to check out  http://latterday-marriage.blogspot.com/2013/06/soul-mates-by-choice.html

My advice, do NOT say anything about what the spirit is telling you to him, not until after you are engaged at the earliest.  Do what you can to move things forward without pushing him outside his comfort zone, and have faith that God will take care of the things you can't change.

When God tells you something like that, there is a reason for it.  In my case her family moved far away a year later, and if I hadn't been told she was the one I would have taken that as the end for us.  Instead I hung on against what reason would say to do, in spite of parental objections, and in spite of having no idea if when or how we would every manage to actually date each other like a normal couple.  When the time was right, everything fell into place and it happened.  You were likely told because there are things now or in the future that would otherwise result in a different outcome, so expect challenges, but be patient and have faith. 

Edited December 20, 2016 by Latter-Day Marriage

[mrmarklin]

He's not picking up your hints. 

 

Move on.

 

many times the purported "answers " to prayers are just wishful thinking on our part.

Good luck in your quest for an eternal companion. 

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

7 hours ago, Latter-Day Marriage said:

The concept of 'soul mates' that the leaders of the church have spoken against is the idea that there is one person (and only one person) you are somehow destined from birth to be with and you won't be truly happy with anyone else.  That is bunk, we have our free agency and so does everybody else.  It is very true however that God takes a hand in bringing couples together and even several GA's stories of how they met and married their spouses reflect this.  I personally was told very clearly the night I met my future wife that she was the one, and while we did hit it off right from the start, we were both teenagers and it was several years before the idea of getting married was a serious thought in her head.  I am convinced that we had a special relationship in the per-existence that we are continuing now, but if I had chosen to not live the gospel, or if she had chosen to not live the gospel, we would have wound up with somebody else.  Out being brought together was a result of our choices, not destiny.  You might want to check out  http://latterday-marriage.blogspot.com/2013/06/soul-mates-by-choice.html

My advice, do NOT say anything about what the spirit is telling you to him, not until after you are engaged at the earliest.  Do what you can to move things forward without pushing him outside his comfort zone, and have faith that God will take care of the things you can't change.

When God tells you something like that, there is a reason for it.  In my case her family moved far away a year later, and if I hadn't been told she was the one I would have taken that as the end for us.  Instead I hung on against what reason would say to do, in spite of parental objections, and in spite of having no idea if when or how we would every manage to actually date each other like a normal couple.  When the time was right, everything fell into place and it happened.  You were likely told because there are things now or in the future that would otherwise result in a different outcome, so expect challenges, but be patient and have faith. 

Latter-Day Marriage, I don't usually quote entire posts when I am responding, but this one is good enough to be repeated.  I really love what you said here.  Great advice worth repeating.   

[Jane_Doe]

When I was in middle school, I was part of a really tight group of friends.  One of the friends "Bob" had a huge crush on "Sally" and the two were constantly flirting.  They appeared to be a perfect fit, and it seemed obvious to me that the two of them were meant to be together.  After 3 years of hint dropping, Bob asked Sally out, and she turned him down!  She said she was scared.  But Bob continued to wait for her- all through middle school, all through high school, and half way through undergrad she eventually said "yes".  I was so enthusiastically happy for them!!  Well after 3 weeks, she dumped him.  Despite what I thought, she said it wasn't right.   I kept hoping though.

A couple of years later, much to my shock, Bob ask ME out!   "But what about Sue?" I asked him.  He shook his head: it really wasn't going to happen.  Eventually Sue was a proud guest at Bob & mine wedding.  

We do our best to understand, but sometimes things happen in ways we don't anticipate.  

[anatess2]

Okay, if this happened to me this is what I would do...

I would go right up to the guy and say... I like you.  I want to be your girlfriend.  Think about it and see if you would like that too.  Take your time.

So then in my next prayer I can tell God... okay, I did all I can about it.  If he is the guy that will bring me closer to you, then I pray he will pay attention to what you are telling him.

But, in any case, everyone has their free agency.  God might be whispering to the guy to get on with the program.  But, he has his free agency so he might choose not to act.  That's just fine.  There are other guys out there.  The trick is to understand that love is a decision.  So, if this guy just doesn't want you, then when you meet another guy, you will have to DECIDE to choose him over the other guy.

[NightSG]

On 12/19/2016 at 2:45 AM, abess said:

Sure enough, the relationship will end in the most bizarre way.

 

Are you sure it's really the most bizarre way?  Like the guy leaving you for your sister's pet howler monkey?  You could make some serious money on the daytime talk show circuit, then.

In the meantime, listen to anatess and tell the guy in no uncertain terms that you like him.  Maybe invite him over for a home cooked meal while you're at it.

Edited December 20, 2016 by NightSG

[Guest MormonGator]

4 minutes ago, NightSG said:

  You could make some serious money on the daytime talk show circuit, then.

Speaking of that, weren't you just on the Maury show yesterday? 

Edited December 20, 2016 by MormonGator

[zil]

22 minutes ago, MormonGator said:

Speaking of that, weren't you just on the Maury show yesterday? 

If you keep watching that show, I'm gonna have your TV shipped to the Caymans.

[Guest MormonGator]

1 minute ago, zil said:

If you keep watching that show, I'm gonna have your TV shipped to the Caymans.

lol. I know, I don't even watch the show that's why I wasn't going to use that joke in the first place. 

[Latter-Day Marriage]

On 2016-12-19 at 3:45 AM, abess said:

I’ve had the spirit, (I think it’s the spirit,) telling me for about five years now, that I’m going to marry a specific person...

 

Also, don't read more into what the spirit tells you than what the spirit tells you.  I was told she was the one, I didn't take that as meaning that our getting married was a certainty, just that it was what God wanted me to pursue.  I could have given up when it got hard, she could have left me for another guy who was trying hard to take her from me, and who was there to actually date her and spend time with her.

There is also something called the 'law of witnesses'.  Satan can try to mislead us with promptings of his own, and we can sometimes do that to ourselves, but when a prompting is from God it will not be to only a single person.  This is why Bishoprics and the First Presidency etc. make decisions together, when they all feel the spirit leading them in the same direction. Sometimes it takes time for them to reach that point.  In this case, he will become the other witness if this is really from God, and if he never feels that same prompting about marrying you, then you may have taken something the wrong way.  For now you have only your own experience to go on so go with that, but understand you don't yet have a second witness to confirm it.

[Bad Karma]

When I met my wife, I didn't know she was LDS, she didn't know I was LDS, the potential for disaster at that point was ever present, I dated often, many, looked for what I didn't like about each one, moved on. NOT being LDS was the eventual deal breaker for me. if LDS, having a prior sealing was an automatic disqualifier.  

Prior to discovering she was LDS, we had been out a few times, I liked her a lot, which meant it was time to disqualify her, the Spirit said to me "This is your wife". I dismissed it, then not long after, my wife and I both identified to the other that we were both LDS, either had a recommend or were temple worthy and neither of us ever had previously sealed. 

My wife was the aggressive one, whom told me we were going to be married, Went to church with her, the Bishop says to me "I see you've found a wife", we were not yet married.

I chuckled, said "Yes, I have". my bride to be smiled, we marveled how the spirit told us, confirmed it, put a burning desire in each of us for the other. We were also told by the spirit to be sealed, this too had law of witness, we happily did so.  The only way I was ever going to marry again was to an LDS woman. The previous wife was NOT temple worthy, drank, smoke, disobeyed the law of chastity, the opposite of anything I wanted, yeah, I know, I had married her, I also learrned my lesson about not marrying a woman of like faith, we're not equally yoked.  So, yeah, when the spirit wants to introduce you to who it knows to be your eternal companion, or at least CAPABLE or a GOOD MATCH, the spirit will tell you, the law of witness applies. it will be obvious.

[Just_A_Guy]

On 12/20/2016 at 0:27 PM, NightSG said:

In the meantime, listen to anatess and tell the guy in no uncertain terms that you like him. 

It's not at all clear to me that the OP does "like him".

[Guest]

I spent some years chasing a relationship I was certain was "meant to be" The other guy actually agreed for a time... until he didn't... and I made myself miserable (and probably humiliated myself) trying too hard to make it happen for too long.

I didn't marry who I thought I would, but I certainly married who I needed, and I'm happier than I ever was with anyone else. Now with some experience and perspective I can see that I would have been miserable with the other guy, and he with me.