Warren Jeffs has my ward on his mailing list.

[NeuroTypical]

Whenever Jeffs issues a new revelation, my ward gets a copy (addressed to a former bishop).  Current bishop knows my weird hobbies, and gave it to me, because he rocks. 

In case anyone is interested, it mentions the following:
- Celestial sun-star orbs, like Onidi
- a quorum of Eloheim of Elohim
- "By morrow midnight, over one billion and seven hundred million murder spirit people on now world" are gonna croak
- Instructions to go look at Estonia and Latvia, because half of the population are supposedly missing
- We're exhorted to read the Pearl of Great Price.
- President Trump is urged, by name, to "now do full deliverance of my now innocent Keyholder"
- The CIA pays a judge a yearly bribe of $1,500,000 to keep Jeffs behind bars.
- Verse 25 reads: "CIA was, and now is not. Amen."

I asked the bishopric if anyone wanted to switch teams and start sending our surplus tithes up to these guys instead, nobody seemed too interested.  Which surprises me, because Jeffs' revelations are so much more entertaining to read.

Edited July 12, 2017 by NeuroTypical

[Guest]

You can't pay to get entertainment like that. 

[Larry Cotrell]

35 minutes ago, NeuroTypical said:

"By morrow midnight, over one billion and seven hundred million murder spirit people on now world" are gonna croak

So sad . This is going to top 9/11

[zil]

2 minutes ago, Larry Cotrell said:

So sad . This is going to top 9/11

How is it sad?  It makes no sense.  I'm hoping that's Jeffs' mental issues and not @NeuroTypical's type-o or something...  I can translate part of it (I suppose), but what is "murder spirit people"?  Attempted translation:

"By tomorrow at midnight¹, over 1 billion 700 million [something] people on [this?] world" will die...?

¹ When other people use this term, I never know if they understand that the correct meaning is 00:00 (thus the start of "tomorrow") or if they mean the end of "tomorrow" (23:59:59).  Sigh.

I mean, is it a bad thing if "murder spirit people" die?  And how do spirit people die? - spirits can't die. 

[Larry Cotrell]

Just now, zil said:

How is it sad?  It makes no sense. 

Sarcasm. 

[zil]

Just now, Larry Cotrell said:

Sarcasm. 

I was thinking the grammar was sad.

[Larry Cotrell]

Just now, zil said:

I was thinking the grammar was sad.

Well that's true. His grammar is pretty sad. I can just see all the FLDS people sitting around, "Wait, what? Who is murdering who? What's going on? Why can't God write the sentences for him?"

[zil]

Meanwhile, what's Onidi?  When I google it, I get some Italian race car driver and some EU official (followed by a bunch of less-well-known folks with the same last name)...  Sigh.  If this guy wants me to join the dark side, he's gonna need to improve his grammar.  And get some cookies (except I don't really like cookies).

[Sunday21]

So where did these Flds folks come from? Are they descendants of the pioneer lds? That is the FLDS held onto polygamy when we gave it up? Or are FLDS opportunists?

[Snigmorder]

4 minutes ago, Sunday21 said:

So where did these Flds folks come from? Are they descendants of the pioneer lds? That is the FLDS held onto polygamy when we gave it up? Or are FLDS opportunists?

As far as I know FLDS broke away from the church when it ended polygamy.

[Guest]

My brother showed me an article on FLDS, including a picture of all of their prophets.

You recognize Joseph Smith, Brigham Young, and John Taylor.  But, there is some other guy where Wilford Woodruff should be!  And from then on, a bunch of guys I don't recognize.

So apparently FLDS is OK with Joseph Smith, Brigham Young, and John Taylor, but believes that Wilford Woodruff and every prophet since is apostate!

So that's the trajectory of FLDS... former pioneer LDS who decided they were no longer going to follow the Church or its leadership once Wilford Woodruff ended polygamy in the late 1800s.  And in the 100+ years since, without guidance of true prophets and apostles (or Heavenly Father, for that matter), their doctrine has "mutated" in strange directions over and over and they have gotten weirder and weirder and weirder, until today, when they really have very little in common with true Mormons.  

Kind of like red pandas and real bears, but not nearly as adorable.

Edited July 12, 2017 by DoctorLemon

[NeuroTypical]

Yeah, Jeffs has been behind bars for a life sentence plus 20 years, for child sexual assault, since 2011.   His Wiki page kind of goes hand in hand with the letter I quoted.  (And yes, everything in quotes has no copy errors from me.  In fact, half the other stuff should be in quotes too.)

(Oh, and the revelation was in June, so 'morrow midnight' has already come and gone.  According to Wiki, not for the first time.)

Edited July 13, 2017 by NeuroTypical

[askandanswer]

The existence of the FLDS is the main reason why I so firmly disagree with the teaching, that is sometimes taught even by apostles, that if you believe the Book of Mormon is true, and if you know that Joseph Smith was a prophet, then you know the church must be true. It's my understanding that the FLDS believes that the Book of Mormon is true and that Joseph Smith was a prophet but that they do not believe this church to be true.

[person0]

10 minutes ago, askandanswer said:

The existence of the FLDS is the main reason why I so firmly disagree with the teaching, that is sometimes taught even by apostles, that if you believe the Book of Mormon is true, and if you know that Joseph Smith was a prophet, then you know the church must be true. It's my understanding that the FLDS believes that the Book of Mormon is true and that Joseph Smith was a prophet but that they do not believe this church to be true.

Alma 32:28

Quote

. . . Now, if ye give place, that a seed may be planted in your heart, behold, if it be a true seed, or a good seed, if ye do not cast it out by your unbelief, that ye will resist the Spirit of the Lord, behold, it will begin to swell within your breasts; and when you feel these swelling motions, ye will begin to say within yourselves—It must needs be that this is a good seed . . .

[hzdbl5]

I'm also on this mailing list from my time as a bishop.  Most of what is received is unreadable due to poor grammar, repetition, nonsensical statements, etc.  They usually only show up every few months, but 3 have arrived in relatively quick succession recently.

The item noted in the original post, below, was included in a revelation given June 2, so this event should have occurred on June 3, at midnight UK time if I recall correctly (I don't have the revelation in front of me).  I missed the headline if it occurred.

22 hours ago, NeuroTypical said:

"By morrow midnight, over one billion and seven hundred million murder spirit people on now world" are gonna croak

There is a subsequent revelation that I received a couple of days ago indicating that the event on June 3 was actually something about a Keyholder being placed on the earth on June 4.  This confused me as I thought Warren Jeffs was the Keyholder.

Two revelations ago there was a verse indicating that Warren Jeffs would be delivered from his prison.  This generated discussion with my wife about there being scriptural precedent for prison walls crumbling.  In this most recent revelation this was updated with some information about paperwork needing to be filed for Jeffs to be released, followed by a verse where God commands that Jeffs' captors release him immediately.  Again, I must have missed this headline.

The first one of these I received following my release as bishop, I handed off to our current bishop with an explanation of where they come from.  I offered, and he accepted, to to have me hand off any additional ones I receive.  I assume Jeffs' followers pulled contact information for bishops off the public Internet to create their distribution list.  It obviously isn't meticulously kept up to date.  I've also wondered if the collection of names and addresses was a manual process; if so, I wonder how many of the 29,000-ish bishops were included on the list.  These wonderings do not keep me awake at night.

[NeuroTypical]

I'm watching Hulu's "Cults and Extreme Belief" show, there's an episode on the FLDS.  And I thought of this fun thread.  Now I'm bummed out that I didn't keep that letter.

[Still_Small_Voice]

I just received a revelation.  On the 6th of June 2022, NeuroTypical will receive a sweepstakes winning of cash.  He is to tithe $150,000 to me, buy himself a new 2021 KIA front wheel drive automobile and then distribute the rest of the money as it is revealed to him unto the poor.  To receive more revelation on his path he must forsake his home for forty days and dwell in the wilderness in a tent crying out continually that the revealed will be made manifest unto him.

[Emmanuel Goldstein]

On 7/12/2017 at 3:42 PM, Larry Cotrell said:

So sad . This is going to top 9/11

😂

[Emmanuel Goldstein]

On 7/12/2017 at 4:22 PM, Snigmorder said:

As far as I know FLDS broke away from the church when it ended polygamy.

They did not break away. They were created out of the blue and then went out to gather those that still wanted polygamy.