Media standards

[Hope4all]

Hi! I am new here, hoping to connect with some other parents. We have four kids, and one on the way! I see media has been discussed on this forum, but from what I could tell looking over the posts briefly, specific ideas for how to implement family standards hasn't been the focus. So my question is, what have you done or seen done when it comes to choosing carefully the content of media with your family? I knew one family that didn't watch tv on Sundays and they had a three strike rule when it came to violence, immorality, profanity, etc. (I'm sure if it was extreme they turned it off sooner.) I tend to take literally the standards in For the Strength of Youth, (a pamphlet of standards for lds youth which really applies to all members of the church. )My husband and his dad like to invite our kids to movies that are pg-13, and only one of our kids is 13. Even then I don't think the ratings are conservative enough. I don't understand why my husband and my father-in-law don't agree with me. They are members of the church. I feel a loss of the Spirit if I watch these movies or shows with violence, immorality or foul language. It upsets me that hey want to expose our kids to this regularly. What do other LDS parents do? Any ideas? I didn't grow up in the church, so I only observed these standards being applied in a few homes. It might bother me more than some because I used to live in an abusive family. I don't understand how people can enjoy watching violence and immorality for entertainment. Thank you for taking the time to respond! Have a great day! 

[my two cents]

Welcome to the forum! Have you heard of the website 'kids in mind'? If not, you may want to check it out. There's also vidangel that people recommend since it filters stuff. I've heard of some families that don't allow tv on Sundays and others that are ok with byu channel and/or church movies and musicals (the music man, fiddler on the roof, oklahoma, etc). 

[Guest]

I will be honest about my habits.  I don't watch R rated movies, something that carried over from the rule in my moms house growing up.  I also don't watch anything that is sexually explicit, even if it isn't rated R (e.g. Alice's Restaurant, Sixteen Candles) - basically I have zero tolerance for nudity.  That said, I am OK with the vast majority of PG-13 movies.  I am OK with lower end M rated games, mainly of the less gory first person shooter variety (e.g. Metal Gear Solid V - just like playing virtual paintball) but not total gore-fests (e.g. Mortal Kombat) or anything with nudity in it.  As for music, I do like lots of heavy metal, but believe it or not, most of that is not explicit.  My reading habits follow roughly the same pattern.  Essentially, there are media lines I absolutely will not cross (nudity, violence that crosses into cruelty) and other lines I don't really care about nearly as much, if at all (lesser violence, profanity), along with basically an absolute ban on R-rated movies.

From what I can tell, my habits are looser than many active Mormons I know, and more strict than many other active Mormons I know (including my bishop).  And while I know there are Mormons out there with higher media standards than I have, I feel pretty comfortable with the rules I have set for myself.

Ultimately, you have to sit down and decide what goes and what does not go for yourself and for your family.  Although it is commendable that some families strive for very high media standards and I would not want to discourage them in this pursuit, I know for me personally, the three strike rule would drive me nuts!  Movies such as Back to the Future, The Sandlot, maybe even Star Wars Episode IV would be turned off if every single little profanity counted as a strike.  

Edited July 20, 2017 by DoctorLemon

[MrShorty]

I see two things in the OP. One is about media standards (what should I allow my children to watch). Two is that husband (and FiL, though FiL is entitled to have different standards) seems to have different opinions on what is appropriate for the children, so how should a couple negotiate this difference of opinion.

As DoctorLemon's post suggests, I'm sure you can find LDS parents that fit in your camp (if all you need is validation that there are other LDS parents with stricter media standards than your husbands). You can also find LDS parents in your husband's more permissive camp.

As nice as it might be to find other LDS parents with similar strict standards for media, the only truly important LDS who needs to agree with you (or you need to agree with him) is your husband. IMO, it is more important that you two come together to a unity of faith on this issue. In my own family, my wife has stricter media standards for our children than I would (if I were truly left to my own devices). However, I have deferred to her judgement (as best I can, because I can easily make mistakes) on this matter and try to support her decisions in this regard. I am not sure that either of our independent positions is morally superior to the other's (another thing to be careful of -- as you seek validation for your standards, are you seeking for simple validation, or are you subconsciously seeking to have the moral high ground over your husband? -- question for private consideration, I don't know that we need to know the answer).

My conclusion: I think it is more important for you and your husband to figure out what you both can agree on so you can present a unified front on these issues to your children than it is to choose the strict media standards that you have outlined. If necessary, seek third party mediation/counseling in coming to this conclusion. One way or another, it seems more important to me that you both come to a consensus that you can both buy into.

[anatess2]

I grew up on Shaolin Temple.  It is capital V on violence.  I watched these shows since I was a little kid.  My Catholic parents have no problem with me watching these shows but have a problem with shows with kissing scenes that go more than a couple seconds.

My husband grew up in an LDS household and it was a strict application of standards.  His mother barred the AC/DC CD he bought with his paper route money from entering the house.

In my household, we don't have a black-and-white standard.  I use kids-in-mind.com to get an idea of what to expect with the movie and if it rings some mommy-warning-bells then it might be that my husband and I go and watch it first then we decide if we would take our kids to watch it.  I forgot to mention my husband and I are both movie enthusiasts.  Before we had kids, we would go to the movies every weekend, sometimes 3 movies in a row.  We probably watched the Matrix 30 times in the theater, same with Avatar.  Anyway, we teach our kids the best we can about the gospel.  This is how they start to develop their own "warning bells".  When these bells go off, they can turn away from whatever it is they're watching/listening to/etc.

My husband and I have different tolerances on those warning bells.  So, what we do is when we disagree on what to watch, then we go our separate ways - if he wants to watch something I don't want to watch, he goes and does it on his own or he doesn't watch it at all.  When the kids were little - if my husband and I disagree, the kids don't get to see it.  When the kids got old enough, I let the kids decide if they want to see it.  They have their own warning bells by that time and when they say they're not comfortable then we don't go.  Even when they decide they don't want to see it and we're already in the middle of the movie, we all walk out.  I haven't seen Lincoln because in the beginning, they showed the Civil War and my son walked out of the theater, so I walked out with him.

Anyway, my sons have seen Act of Valor and American Sniper - both rated-R.  My husband is the son of a Navy officer, so his side of the family are all big on the military.

 

 

[Guest]

We screen all movies.  First we read parental advisories. If it passes that test, we view it without the kids. If it passes that test, we allow the kids to see it.

Then we also implement the ratings rule.  Big kids can watch PG13. Little ones can't. We will sometimes make an exception.  We let the little ones watch Winter Soldier, but not Civil War.

[anatess2]

P.S.

My husband is a big football fan.  Huge.  He spent his bachelor party watching Monday Night Football at the stadium.  And, of course, I had to go even if I don't know anything about football and even if it was supposed to be a bachelor party.  So yes, Sunday games is common in my house.  And the kids grew up with football on TV on Sundays half the year.  The kids usually go to stadiums for college football and Monday Night Football but not Sunday.  My husband sometimes goes to Sunday games if I come.  One time I didn't want to go so he asked my kid to go - he was 12 at the time, just got ordained deacon.  My kid didn't want to go but then thought he wanted to spend time with his dad so he went.  He texted me to pick him up before 1st quarter even ended.

Interestingly, my husband hasn't been to the stadium on Sundays since.  And he's been DVRing Sunday games.

Edited July 22, 2017 by anatess2

[JohnsonJones]

Not the church standard, but what I use is the metric...would I let my little children watch this (even if they aren't little anymore, it's about what I would let them watch when they WERE LITTLE).  IF it is a no, that it probably is not good for their souls or mine.  If it is a yes...then it's all good.  This tends to be far more discriminating on what one would watch then even normal LDS standards. 

That said, I let my kids watch almost anything on Disney when they were little, and my wife felt at times that I was too lax even in that.  I know some of my kids watch much more violent shows now that they are older and make their own decisions, and I don't know everything they let their kids watch.  I have let my kids watch PG and even PG-13 movies when they were younger, but it is entirely dependent on the movie.  For example, if Star Wars: The Force Awakens had come out when they were little, I probably would have let them watch it.  There is one scene I might think could give them nightmares and hence my wife might nix the movie (then again, I had kids have nightmares about beauty and the beast, as well as Sleeping Beauty...soooooo...).

Or, even better, Tron Legacy, which is a PG-13 move probably would also have the okay by me.  However, there are MANY PG movies from the 80s and 90s (and some today even) that I would NOT let my kids watch...so we are more variable I suppose than just a straight up rating thing.

[The Folk Prophet]

On 7/19/2017 at 7:53 PM, Hope4all said:

I knew one family that didn't watch tv on Sundays 

Only one?

[Vort]

Here are a few ideas.

• We cut the cable and bought a Roku. This had as much to do with finances as it did with morality -- which is to say, my wife finally agreed to it for financial reasons after I had been pushing for some time because of my disgust with cable TV. She actually took the lead in the switchover.
• We also follow a no-TV-on-Sunday rule, except we will occasionally watch TV together as a family, watching a Church video or other content we deem appropriate.
• No R-rated movies, ever. Period. Nephi, Joseph Smith, Moses, pretty much all the righteous prophets throughout history, even the Lord Jesus Christ himself, managed to find their exaltation without needing the piercing insights provided by R-rated movies. I figure I can follow their path.
• I'm very sensitive to foul language, vulgarity,  cursing, and swearing, so I try not to let such content come into my home.

[JoCa]

Honestly, sometimes I think we get too caught up in the details vs. the message. We think if it has violence it is a bad movie or if there is cussing it is a bad movie.  I agree in many instances it is, but in today's society I'd be more worried and concerned about the message vs. the actual content.

Hollywood and TV shows today are very little more than propaganda dressed up to titillate.  There are some good movies and shows, but they are getting harder and harder to find.

There are some excellent war movies that teach good principles that are R, and there are some disney and kids movies that are rated G that teach absolutely horrible principles to little children.Schindler's List is Rated R but teaches some very important lessons.  The Croods is PG and I wouldn't dare let my kids watch that disgusting piece of trash for the values it teaches kids.

Go more by what message the movie is promoting more than the details.

Edited September 8, 2017 by JoCa

[The Folk Prophet]

11 minutes ago, JoCa said:

Honestly, sometimes I think we get too caught up in the details vs. the message. We think if it has violence it is a bad movie or if there is cussing it is a bad movie.  I agree in many instances it is, but in today's society I'd be more worried and concerned about the message vs. the actual content.

Hollywood and TV shows today are very little more than propaganda dressed up to titillate.  There are some good movies and shows, but they are getting harder and harder to find.

There are some excellent war movies that teach good principles that are R, and there are some disney and kids movies that are rated G that teach absolutely horrible principles to little children.Schindler's List is Rated R but teaches some very important lessons.  The Croods is PG and I wouldn't dare let my kids watch that disgusting piece of trash for the values it teaches kids.

Go more by what message the movie is promoting more than the details.

Isn't, in most cases, the inclusion of violence, language, sex., etc., a message itself though?

[JohnsonJones]

6 hours ago, The Folk Prophet said:

Isn't, in most cases, the inclusion of violence, language, sex., etc., a message itself though?

Now be aware, I'm one of those that really does not go for the R-rated movie thing, which my kids know (even though, as I explained above, there are some PG-13 movies that have come out in recent years that if they were still little kids I might have allowed them to watch...is it me or have the ratings for a PG movie moved to where G used to be? and PG-13 is highly variable going anywhere from what a PG movie was in yesteryear, to what R was in yesteryear).  Normally, I do not think R-rated movies have much of a substance for our time.

That said, I also think that movies, even in the PG arena can be much too violent.  The content of a G rated movie may be too adult for kids and hence for me.  It's all about what the content of the movie is.

However, in regards to violence, because of how I do movies, if it is too violent I probably wouldn't watch it...but...just to be contrary and I suppose hypocritical in what I'm about to say vs. what I actually watch...

The book of Mormon is pretty violent at parts.  The Bible as well (and at times, rather graphic).  What do we mean when the inclusion of violence is a message itself?

[The Folk Prophet]

14 hours ago, JohnsonJones said:

What do we mean when the inclusion of violence is a message itself?

It's pretty straight forward. What's the point of movies? Entertainment. Therefore, anything you put into a movie, inherently, contains the message, "This is entertaining!" By having violence, swearing, nudity and sex in a movie you automatically, if nothing else, include the message that such things are entertaining. I think, upon consideration, we could easily discover that such an idea is only the surface of what goes on in Satan's Hollywood/media agenda. But that much, at least, is obvious -- or should be.

The Book of Mormon was not written for entertainment purposes.