key Posted October 8, 2017 Report Share Posted October 8, 2017 My fiancee and I have been dating for 11 months. We messed up in January and saw our bishops soon after. We worked through it and were good for 3 months. Ever since April, we've messed up multiple times. Beforehand, it was grinding/dry humping. Recently it has progressed to going all the way. We know we aren't temple worthy so we are getting civally married by his bishop. We want to be sealed a year from our wedding day. We know if we do not make a change asap, we may have to wait even longer than a year. We need to stop in order to continue with the repentance process and have messed up so many times now that the guilt is hardly there anymore. What has worked for those of you who have broken the law of chastity? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NeuroTypical Posted October 8, 2017 Report Share Posted October 8, 2017 Honestly, going through with your plan to get married now and then have lots and lots and lots of covenental sacred sex while you wait a year to go to the temple, sounds like a pretty good plan. Work through your repentance process with the bishop, be patient and diligent in your discipleship, go forth and sin no more, and things should go well. Bad Karma, Midwest LDS, mirkwood and 3 others 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 8, 2017 Report Share Posted October 8, 2017 I agree. If I were you I would get married now (today if possible) and remove temptation. Then you can together work towards the temple. Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpiritDragon Posted October 8, 2017 Report Share Posted October 8, 2017 9 hours ago, key said: messed up so many times now that the guilt is hardly there anymore. Hi @key I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I think it's extremely important for the repentance process to accept the gravity of our sin and how much we need the Saviour. Have you ever read The Miracle of Forgiveness? I read it a long time ago and found it to be helpful for my own repentance process prior to my mission. As I recall Kimball doesn't pull any punches in regard to breeches of the law of chastity which may help you feel more guilty.... that sounds terrible, but it seems to be important. Don't let that scare you away from reading it either, because the primary message of the book speaks to the possibility of forgiveness through Jesus Christ. It is faith and hope inspiring. 9 hours ago, key said: What has worked for those of you who have broken the law of chastity? While I would strongly suggest learning to lean on the Lord, I do find that sometimes there are very great tools we can learn from sources outside the church - and all true principles come from God. A series of books by Vital Smarts including "Change Anything," "Influencer," and "Crucial Accountability" talk about six sources of influence on our behaviours. The six sources can have positive or negative impact on the changes we are trying to make. By recognizing the factors that influence us to behave a certain way we can begin to modify the factors so that they work towards our success instead of against it. The following table shows the six sources and the crux of how to change them: The Lord can and will help you with this. Backroads and seashmore 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jane_Doe Posted October 8, 2017 Report Share Posted October 8, 2017 10 hours ago, key said: What has worked for those of you who have broken the law of chastity? Remove the opportunity to indulge temptation: don't be alone with him/her. In the meantime hurry up and get married. seashmore 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Midwest LDS Posted October 8, 2017 Report Share Posted October 8, 2017 (edited) Your very first step is to get married as soon as possible. That will stop you from breaking the law of chastity the way you have been, and give you some needed space to repent. Follow your Bishop's council, and submit to all things he asks you to do. Work on your personal relationship with our Savior Jesus Christ, and learn to truly include him in your daily life. If you do these things you can repent, be washed clean, and be worthy to enter the Temple. Edited October 8, 2017 by Midwest LDS Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jane_Doe Posted October 8, 2017 Report Share Posted October 8, 2017 Note: all of this counsel to get married is assuming that she/he is the right person and you're going into this for the right reasons. It's not to encourage you to get married to an abusive person (for example). Midwest LDS, seashmore and Sunday21 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpiritDragon Posted October 9, 2017 Report Share Posted October 9, 2017 9 hours ago, Jane_Doe said: Remove the opportunity to indulge temptation: don't be alone with him/her. In the meantime hurry up and get married. I'm reading this as follows: Hurry up and get married. In the meantime don't be alone with the object of your temptation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
key Posted October 13, 2017 Author Report Share Posted October 13, 2017 Unfortunately, rather than move the date up, we recently had to move it back. His mom is a nonmember and was very adamant about us waiting longer (she threatened not to come if we didn't move the date back) As she is his only family coming to the wedding, we pushed it back. That was a big worry for us both. While we understand getting married sooner would help in it not being sinful behavior, we also don't want to marry each other just for sex. That's not why we love each other, at all. We have recognized that it is very lustful for us to give in to the temptation and that we aren't showing our love to each other when we allow one another (and ourselves) to break the law of chastity. He has yet to be given the melchizedek priesthood (he is a convert of one year) and would have been able to if we didn't mess up. Neither one of us can partake of the sacrament or enter the temple right now and it has been really trying for us both. We have actually been doing really well the last few days. His bishop really helped this last time, letting us see more of what we are missing that could be so strengthening to our relationship right now. We started reading the Book of Mormon together and I am axcited to see the light of Christ come back into my life. We know that we are right for each other, we just didn't make some right decisions. We just need to move forward from where we are now. We have 2 months until the wedding (it would have only been one month) so we just need to be at our strongest these next 9 weeks. NeuroTypical, Midwest LDS and seashmore 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
seashmore Posted October 13, 2017 Report Share Posted October 13, 2017 (edited) 29 minutes ago, key said: Unfortunately, rather than move the date up, we recently had to move it back. His mom is a nonmember and was very adamant about us waiting longer (she threatened not to come if we didn't move the date back) As she is his only family coming to the wedding, we pushed it back. That was a big worry for us both. While we understand getting married sooner would help in it not being sinful behavior, we also don't want to marry each other just for sex. That's not why we love each other, at all. We have recognized that it is very lustful for us to give in to the temptation and that we aren't showing our love to each other when we allow one another (and ourselves) to break the law of chastity. He has yet to be given the melchizedek priesthood (he is a convert of one year) and would have been able to if we didn't mess up. Neither one of us can partake of the sacrament or enter the temple right now and it has been really trying for us both. We have actually been doing really well the last few days. His bishop really helped this last time, letting us see more of what we are missing that could be so strengthening to our relationship right now. We started reading the Book of Mormon together and I am axcited to see the light of Christ come back into my life. We know that we are right for each other, we just didn't make some right decisions. We just need to move forward from where we are now. We have 2 months until the wedding (it would have only been one month) so we just need to be at our strongest these next 9 weeks. I'm glad to hear you aren't rushing into the wedding. Also glad to hear that his bishop is helping and that you're reading the Book of Mormon together. Let me see if I have the timeline straight... Octoberish 2016, he gets baptized. Novemberish, you start dating. January, there's a slip that gets resolved. April, there are some more serious slips (spent about a year there myself). Within the last monthish, the law of chastity is completely broken and mending has begun. Ask yourself: at what point did you two decide to get married? Ask yourself if you were in a position to hear everything that the Holy Ghost had to say to you at that time. If you feel you might not have been, I highly recommend taking some time to ponder, pray, and fast for confirmation that he is the right man for you, you are the right woman for him, and your current schedule is synced up with the Lord's. Be willing to accept either a yes or a no to that. Ask your fiancé to do the same. Meanwhile, avoid all alone time with him. If you need to have private conversations, use a phone or email. (Yes, I'm including the scripture reading as alone time; that can be done over the phone.) Keeping the law of chastity will help both of you develop self mastery, which is essential in life and marriage. God bless, and PM if you need to. Edited October 13, 2017 by seashmore Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bad Karma Posted October 13, 2017 Report Share Posted October 13, 2017 OP, Ouch! This is a tough thread! You've already been given GREAT ADVICE by several people. You two can't be trusted to be alone together without messing up, stop allowing yourselves the opportunity to be alone together! I'm glad your bishop is helping you with repentance, but there is a problem here, you are NOT repentant if you keep doing it. Your bishop is only going to be cool just so long before things really go sideways. (Don't be THAT person lest you wish to become an example of what not to do, the cautionary tale) Have you considered wearing tear gas instead of perfume? One of you needs an edge to help you both with self control, might as well be a chemical agent! (Levity added, just because) zil 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Midwest LDS Posted October 13, 2017 Report Share Posted October 13, 2017 (edited) I'm sorry this has been a tough trial for you @key but it sounds like you are following your Bishop's counsel which is great! Since you only have 9 weeks until the wedding, and since you want to stay firm, set up some basic rules to keep you and your fiance safe. First of all, don't be completely alone with each other. It may be tough, since you may be used to it, but don't. There is only so much temptation we can resist if we are exposing ourselves directly to it. A recently recovering alcoholic shouldn't spend his time in a bar, and since you guys have already messed up a lot in regards to the Law of Chastity don't subject yourselves to strong temptation. Second, keep following your Bishop's counsel. It sounds simple, but so many get knocked down because they give themselves reasons why they they are special and don't have to follow restrictions set up by their priesthood leaders and this always ends in grief. Finally, be happy☺. You are trying to follow Jesus Christ and he promises in Ether 12:27 "And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them." Put your trust in our Savior, keep yourselves safe, and have a great wedding! Edited October 13, 2017 by Midwest LDS seashmore 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NightSG Posted November 24, 2017 Report Share Posted November 24, 2017 On 10/13/2017 at 12:24 AM, key said: Unfortunately, rather than move the date up, we recently had to move it back. His mom is a nonmember and was very adamant about us waiting longer (she threatened not to come if we didn't move the date back) Letting his mother dictate the terms of your relationship isn't a good start. Sunday21, mirkwood and Vort 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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