Lost and scared about life.


Lknight
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This is my first time doing this. So i hope im in the correct category but, i need advice. I kind of have to explain a bit so this may be long. After high school i was really lost. I didnt know what to do for a career or where to go to college and even with prayer i never really got an answer. I made a stupid decision and decided id just wait one year and maybe id get an answer. Soon that year turned into 2 years. I then felt like i needed to go on my mission which i did. It was very very hard but i loved it. Ive now been home 1 1/2 and im back to where i was. Before i came home i had a little returning home plan and i felt excited and hopeful for the future  i felt like i needed to go to uvu i was gonna get a music scholarship and i was gonna get another job ( had one before my mission) and try to save money and so much more but i got home and within a few weeks that changed.

My family doesnt have a whole lot of money and i dont want to do loans i dont, want to be in debt. my dad doesnt want me to do them either but, basically and my dads just trying to help and im grateful for that but, because money is tight especially then when i just got off my mission and i had nothing my dad gave me this plan ( and he partially did this because he worried that if i wasnt kept busy id become depressed etc) but the plan was I would go to ldsbc get a marketing degree then transfer over to uvu.

However as time goes on i become more scared and lost. Im now 24 years old and i have no friends the ones i did have got married and i dont have a social life. its also been a little hard in my singles ward....no one talks to me really and ive tried putting out a little bit of effort to be friends but, its very clique there i hate to say it. My visiting teachers come on occassion and its difficult because i feel like they only come cause they want to check me off the list ?. I still go to ldsbc but,  i can only afford to take 3 classes at a time.

Im kinda miserable because as much as i love my family i want to go out and experience life ( right now i live at home still). Every single day is the same its just me and my parents i either go to work or school tell 6pm then i come home and literally do homework and watch netflix and i literally have nothing else.

I am kinda neutral about marketing. It has its fun moments but, not always. i know my dad has his heart set on me getting a degree in that but...at the rate im going im going to be 26 or more before i get it and move onto uvu. 

 Being 24 i now can apply for grants which would help me greatly but now im kinda stuck because idk of i should follow my heart and go to uvu where i still feel like i need to go for some reason or if i should keep pushing through the marketing degree. The problem is if i did go to uvu i dont know what i would study. Im kind of a creative soul but my parents want me to have a back up incase that doesnt work out( they want me to have something just case for example i get divorced or husband dies etc then i could provide for myself and or family)  but i have no idea what that back up would be other than maybe this marketing degree. 

In addition i feel like i would have wasted all that time and money for marketing degree for nothing... but, i can  see my parents side having the stability of a degree in something but, im just not happy. I dont know what to do. Maybe im looking at this the wrong way or doing something wrong. Any advice id be extremely grateful for. If there are any questions plz let me know. 

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Here are my thoughts. I don't know you personally so take this with a grain of salt, but here are my thoughts. 

First the financial situation: Fill out the paperwork and apply for grants. I did this when I was 24 and was able to get some of school paid for. When I went to school I also worked part time at a place that paid for part tuition and books. Keep going to school and get that degree. 

Second the degree: While a lot of people say things like, "enjoy your career and you'll never work a day in your life" the fact of the matter is work is work (surprise)! It can be a bit monotonous, it can be hard, and it can wear you out. Even something you love can do this. Also note that a music degree generally does not take you very far in providing for yourself or a family in the future. But choose a field and get the degree. 

Third, the school: If you feel like you need to go to UVU then go talk to a councilor. See what credits will transfer and what it's going to take to make the move. You do not need to be stuck at LDS Business Collage. 

Social situation: I suggest you get involved somewhere. Maybe that's institute, maybe that's your singles ward, with music, or maybe some other group. Go do things. Twenty-four is a great age and you have the world ahead of you.

Don't get down, things will work out. Sometimes it feels life is dragging but you'll move forward. 

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Guest LiterateParakeet
7 hours ago, Lknight said:

Being 24 i now can apply for grants which would help me greatly but now im kinda stuck because idk of i should follow my heart and go to uvu where i still feel like i need to go for some reason or if i should keep pushing through the marketing degree.

Hello Lknight!  Welcome.

You mentioned that you hadn't gotten an answer about school, but I wonder if you have and just didn't recognize it.  Don't worry if that is the case, it's happened to all of us, even Pres. Monson (very sad story, that one!)   You said here, " . . . go to UVU where I still feel like I need to go for some reason . . . "   If you were one of my kids (my oldest is close to your age) I would tell you to follow that impression and go to UVU.  Apply for grants.  
 

I would also tell my kids...get the school loan if you have too.  I have always taught my kids to avoid debt like the plague, with the exception of a home and school.  This with caution of course.  Don't throw caution to the wind and go to any school you want, find one that is affordable.  I think UVU fits that criteria.  Work while you go to school, it's not easy I know (I'm an online student.  I work full-time, have kids at home and I take three classes at a time.)  You can do this. 

My thoughts about a degree choice....I understand your parents concern about picking a marketable degree.  However, keep this in mind . . . my niece has a degree in history.  Yep, history what kind of job do you get with that???!!!!  Well, she got a really cool marketing job that allows her to do a lot of traveling which she loves.  Her employer simply wanted her to have a degree, what it was in didn't really matter to them.   

Similar story...my husband was once passed by for a full-time job with BSA.  (Those are rare!)  The guy doing the hiring loved my husband and wanted to hire him, but couldn't because having a degree is a requirement.  BSA requires a degree...any degree!  

If you want to be a nurse, or a lawyer etc, then yes you will need very specific training.  But there are a lot of jobs out there that will simply be happy that you have a degree in any subject.  Who knows, you might decide what you want later and go on to grad school.   A friend of mine got her Bachelor's degree in Geography.  Geography???!!!  I'm still shaking my head about that.  Now she's finishing her Master's as a Marriage and Family Therapist.  

So bottom line....my advice is follow your heart...go to UVU, study what makes you happy, and get grants and loans if you have to.  

Edited by LiterateParakeet
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You can't finish what you don't start. Start yourself down a path a go for it. Disconnect yourself from Netflix for a while and focus your efforts. Get yourself into a positive routine, like you did on your mission. Remember your self-confidence is contagious to both others and 'yourself'. Believe in yourself. The way your portray yourself to others often is how they really see you. Portray yourself as confident, goal oriented, success motivated and see if others (VTs, dates, employer, parents) don't also start seeing you the same way.

If all you can do right now is "Fake it until you make it", then fake it. I have really enjoyed this video over the years. Sure, it is 15 minutes, but 15 minutes on this talk is better than 15 minutes on Netflix at this point. Good luck :)

 

Edited by NeedleinA
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Two additional thoughts:

1) Go talk to a counselor or whatever they call them at the university about majors, what classes you need to take, transferring credits, etc.  The course catalog which lists the classes you must take for any given major, and your choices to fill various requirements are NOT set in stone.  You can design your own major.  No, they won't give you a degree for eating ice cream and wandering around museums, but they are more flexible than the course catalogs make it appear.  Make your own plan, something that will include your strengths and interests.

2) A lot of people will completely and utterly disagree with me on this, but, in my opinion, one of the worst things an adult can do is crush the passion of a young person.  How many Monets, Beethovens, or Hemingways has the world lost because parents (or someone) crushed a passion and a talent in a trusting child?  Some would argue that such a talent and passion cannot really be crushed, but I disagree - trust is a powerful thing.

So, if you want to study something the world defines as "impractical", ask yourself some hard questions and make some hard decisions.  Are you truly exceptional at it?  Do you love it madly?  Do you need to do it, or just want to, or (worse) just like to?  Do you like it because it's fun and easy, or in spite of the fact that it's the hardest thing you've ever done?

Of all things, marketing seems like something that could be mixed with nearly any art - music, drawing / painting, creative writing, film, etc.  So this may be a good mix.  But honestly, if you have what it takes to be a world class musician (for example), and you know that, it doesn't matter whether any other person doesn't know it.  Make it happen.  It's your life, not theirs.  Pursue the passion, but do it without doubt, without hesitation, and with the determination and will power to work harder than ever before - because you'll have to if you want to succeed at it.

If you want easy, major in something that will land you in a cubicle with a steady, but not great, income and company-paid insurance.  (I personally wouldn't recommend this to anyone who has a passion for something.)

PS: Once you've studied it out (asking the Lord to guide you as you do your research and thinking) and then made your decision, take that decision to the Lord and ask him if it's right - and trust that he won't crush your passion, not if it's something he gave you and wants you to use to bless others.

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I agree with what's been said, especially the part about moving forward with a plan. Plans can change, so you're not tied into anything; but as the trite saying goes, the person who fails to plan is the person who plans to fail.

Here is the piece I would add:

The baby nursing at her mother's breast is dependent on the mother's timing. Even though the mother bends over backward to accommodate the baby, in the end she, the mother, holds the whip hand. While you're latched onto the parental teat, the parents have at least some say in what you do. If your father is funding your educational ventures, he has pull in everything you do, and rightfully so. (I say this as a father of adult children, so I'm biased, but I think I'm right, even so.)

I'm not suggesting that you emancipate yourself from your parents. If they want to help, that's a worthy thing, and there's no shame in having your parents help out. But I am suggesting that, if you really feel you need to go to UVU, you need to talk to Dad about it. Include him in your plans. Be very open. If he simply does not feel he can support you in that, then either stay at LDS BC until your business degree is finished -- which sounds like a pretty good plan to me -- or else kiss Dad on his cheek, hug him tight, thank him sincerely for everything he's done for you, and go do what you feel you need to do. It's part of the terrifying, exhilarating thrill of being an adult: Make your choices and take your lumps.

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All I have to say, is I got my degree in finance because I thought I should.  With 25 years of hindsight, I wish I had become a pharmacist.  That said, with my career that finance degree made possible, I'm supporting my family, paying the bills, funding my wife and daughters' hobbies and interests, and saving for retirement.  It is a career that is challenging and fun, full of smart people, and I like being around smart people.  And there's more to life than my 40 hr/wk job. 

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Ok, people have hit the school thing really well.  I'm going to talk more about other stuff--

You got to get out girl.  I hear you when you say the YSA ward is cliquey.  So go hang out somewhere else Thursday night!  Join a few clubs or service groups: you'll have something worthwhile to do, and have people with common interested to have fun doing it with.   It's a great ice breaker and getting to know people time.  And you'll also feel much more fulfilled because you're developing skill and/or learning a new skill.  

Hey: how about you join a choir?  Or band?  Or teach music lessons?   Replace hollow Netflix binging with riding the passion you really have!

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Agree that you need a degree. It is hard to predict with 100% certainty what professions will be most in demand. I am assuming that you are not mathematical? If you are mathematical then accounting or finance. If not, tricky. Is there a program with a co-op or workterm? Health and Safety is very profitable where I live. I personally would go into debt for a degree if I thought there was a job at the end of the degree.

For some shy people, the best social thing is some type of job: a church calling, volunteer work etc. Having a specific task gives you a way of interacting with other people.  Nothing too demanding because of school. So my university has student volunteers helping other students to write resumes. I worked in a games room (ping pong) as a student. Being a server can also be fun if you work in an upbeat place. 

I would can Netflix. It can be depressing to watch unrealistic images. I have friends who have canned Netflix, romantic comedies, the Emmy’s etc because they reflect an unachievable  life and thus brings you down.

Thinking of you!

Edited by Sunday21
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On 12/29/2017 at 12:41 AM, Lknight said:

 Being 24 i now can apply for grants which would help me greatly but now im kinda stuck because idk of i should follow my heart and go to uvu where i still feel like i need to go for some reason or if i should keep pushing through the marketing degree. The problem is if i did go to uvu i dont know what i would study. Im kind of a creative soul but my parents want me to have a back up incase that doesnt work out( they want me to have something just case for example i get divorced or husband dies etc then i could provide for myself and or family)  but i have no idea what that back up would be other than maybe this marketing degree. 

Okay, I'm 50ish and go to UVU. It' a great school. Finance and Business are fine degrees areas. I'm studying English. Most UVU English majors who don't go on to grad school end up with pretty great jobs and loads of times as staff writers, content providers, editors, SEO consultants, HR reps, and of course English Teachers (not to mention publishing traditional or indie authors). I don't know any English major who flips burgers or delivers pizza, but I am sure there might be one or two. The same is true with almost any degree, though some lead to better jobs than others. Get your degree in finance, but don't let that limit you. What is it you want to do? Be a YouTube creator? Social media star? Open a restaurant? Be a travel writer? Join online groups that support that and maybe even learn a language over at duolingo.com so you might be able to get an international business/government job and then find people with shared interests. Wanna be a writer? You live in Utah, check out the League of Utah Writers. If you are not a writer, you can find loads of other groups that can form the backbone of new social groups that will help you accomplish your dreams as you also pursue your degree, job, and eternal destiny as a Latter-day Saint.

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On December 29, 2017 at 11:08 AM, Jane_Doe said:

Ok, people have hit the school thing really well.  I'm going to talk more about other stuff--

You got to get out girl.  I hear you when you say the YSA ward is cliquey.  So go hang out somewhere else Thursday night!  Join a few clubs or service groups: you'll have something worthwhile to do, and have people with common interested to have fun doing it with.   It's a great ice breaker and getting to know people time.  And you'll also feel much more fulfilled because you're developing skill and/or learning a new skill.  

Hey: how about you join a choir?  Or band?  Or teach music lessons?   Replace hollow Netflix binging with riding the passion you really have!

Agree to agree.

Someone else mentioned Institute, and around 2009/10, President Monson encouraged YSAs to "make Institute a priority." 

@Lknight you mentioned a music scholarship. I assume you either sing or play an instrument. Find a community group to do that with. 

And/or get a different job. If your current gig is retail, check out food service. Or look for entry level positions at hospitals and nursing homes (mostly cafeteria, honestly). Look for something that puts you in converstations with others. You may be surprised where that leads you. The "adult" jobs I've enjoyed the most came because I connected with people at my food service jobs (which I kept as PT jobs and viewed them as a social outlet because my parents and I did not make wise choices with regards to financing my education.)

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Guest MormonGator
On 12/30/2017 at 10:27 AM, the Ogre said:

. I'm studying English. 

An English degree is totally useless in the real world. Anyone who majors in it is delusional. You will soon be living in a box, begging for food. 

(by the way, my BA is in English :P)

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41 minutes ago, MormonGator said:

An English degree is totally useless in the real world. Anyone who majors in it is delusional. You will soon be living in a box, begging for food. 

(by the way, my BA is in English :P)

At least my panhandling sign will be correctly spelled and punctuated! ;)

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Guest MormonGator
9 minutes ago, the Ogre said:

At least my panhandling sign will be correctly spelled and punctuated! ;)

I still make a TON of grammar mistakes, it never goes away. The only thing I learned in college that I'm somewhat good at it is the art of brevity. A good writer writes ten pages while a really good writer writes two.  

You'll learn that as well. In my senior year/graduate classes we were assigned to write on topics like "How Hamlet treats women" (you could write a Ph.D thesis on that, easily) and limited to three pages. 

Edited by MormonGator
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I got really good at typing papers with massively wide margins and 2.4 line spacing and a large font, and my learnings from college were slightly different.

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26 minutes ago, NeuroTypical said:

I got really good at typing papers with massively wide margins and 2.4 line spacing and a large font, and my learnings from college were slightly different.

Now, you'd submit your homework digitally and they'd run it through a word-counter and plagiarization detector to make sure your paper was on the up and up. 1010 students who thought they could tweek their papers as you did get screwed.

And yes, I make loads of grammatical errors, too, but I have loads of fun doing them when I grammatically fart about just to mess with people.

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Guest MormonGator

I do wish you the best of luck @the Ogre. Be prepared to read a ton-and like very little of it. If an English major tells you they've enjoyed everything they were forced to read they are a liar. If they tell you they understand everything they are forced to read then they are a compulsive liar. And if they tell you they've actually read every single word of what they were forced to read then they are a psychotic liar. 

Edited by MormonGator
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8 minutes ago, MormonGator said:

I do wish you the best of luck @the Ogre. Be prepared to read a ton-and like very little of it. If an English major tells you they've enjoyed everything they were forced to read they are a liar. If they tell you they understand everything they are forced to read then they are a compulsive liar. And if they tell you they've actually read every single word of what they were forced to read then they are a psychotic liar. 

Don't believe him - he's a psychotic, compulsive liar! :P

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Guest MormonGator
1 minute ago, zil said:

Don't believe him - he's a psychotic, compulsive liar! :P

This coming from the girl who told me she was a multi millionaire before she became wife #7. 

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Guest MormonGator
2 minutes ago, zil said:

:itwasntme:  It's not my fault you didn't ask which currency.

Wife number one sends her love and thanks you for the recent package. She's been reading it all weekend, by the way!  

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