Lost Everything

[Laurie]

I have been a widow for 8 years now. My husband died of terminal cancer. I lost my house car and 5th wheel. I lived in an old 5th wheel for 6 years than it started falling apart. Was told by an Elder at the church I could have his. He sold it before I could get it. Stayed with a woman from church she kicked me out and dumped my stuff on her carport. Was told by Bishop couldn't sleep in church parking lot. Have been homeless since before thanksgiving. Suffer from Anxiety PTSD and severe depression and have problems with my lower back. I have 2 dogs and a cat that live in my car with me. I feel like the church just dumped me on the side if the road. Have been denied widows benefits and SSDI what should I do next?

[omegaseamaster75]

What's the whole story? why have you been denied SSDI? what about social security? You lost your house how did that happen? you also said you had a 5th wheel those aren't cheap how did you obtain that originally? Did you work? Are you currently capable of working? What about family? Sisters, brother, sons, daughters etc.

The Bishop is not allowed to let you stay on church property, that is not his decision it is in the handbook and he is just following the rules.  Don't judge the church by the actions of a couple of members.

Most cities have shelters and programs which will allow you to get off the street. This would require you giving up your animals as they most likely won't allow you to keep to them. You should look into this.

[Jane_Doe]

I'm sorry you're going through all this hardship.  Life is far from easy.

There are resources available to help people get back on their feet: learn money management, job training, interview practice, how to get a place etc.  I would recommend focusing on those resources and learning those skill. 

[Guest]

I agree with @omegaseamaster75.

Also, do you have any family - parents, children, brothers, sisters you could stay with?  That's the nice thing about family - they are there to catch you if you fall.

I assume you have discussed your situation with your bishop and he is helping as much as Church rules allow (and he knows what he is doing).  If not, would it be appropriate to discuss with the stake president your situation?  (forum members, help me out here - is it appropriate to do this if the bishop is mistaken?  I only bring this up because the situation seems serious).

Also, thinking outside the box: you may wish to consider embracing the lifestyle of living in a car.  If you could upgrade to a van from your current car, you would see it really isn't that different from living in a fifth wheel.  It really can be a very nice alternative lifestyle - read Jason Odom's "Vanabode".  Perhaps you could find some part time work and save up to upgrade to a van?  Once you have a van and are vandwelling, you can live like a king on even part-time minimum wage!  (I am actually very interested in the vandwelling lifestyle as a retirement plan, in case I should ever be widowed (as my wife is not interested) - I think it would be kind of awesome to live in a van, travel around, camp on public land, do service, go to temples all over the map all the time, and live off of maybe twenty bucks a day while funneling excess retirement funding and my 401k to my daughter and grandchildren).  It really is a very doable and pretty cool lifestyle if you choose to embrace it!

That's all the ideas I have!

Edited March 1, 2018 by DoctorLemon

[Guest]

Forum members help me out here - is it OK for OP to take her issues to the stake president if her bishop is not being responsive?  I honestly don't know - I have never been under a bishop who didn't know what he was doing!  I am assuming that such a situation is sometimes possible.  I don't know what the situation is in OP's case, maybe her bishop is doing exactly what is right, maybe he doesn't understand how to care for widows.  Please advise - if it is inappropriate to go over the bishop's head to the stake president, apologies in advance and strike my suggestion.  

Edited March 1, 2018 by DoctorLemon

[omegaseamaster75]

4 minutes ago, DoctorLemon said:

I assume you have discussed your situation with your bishop and he is helping as much as Church rules allow (and he knows what he is doing).  If not, would it be appropriate to discuss with the stake president your situation?  (forum members, help me out here - is it appropriate to do this if the bishop is mistaken?  I only bring this up because the situation seems serious).

The chain of command should dictate that the Bishop discuss the situation with the stake president if the need is there. As it is we just don't have enough facts to determine one way or another. As far as staying on church property it is clearly outlined in HB1 that this is not allowed so her bishop is correct on that point.

[omegaseamaster75]

2 minutes ago, DoctorLemon said:

Forum members help me out here - is it OK for OP to take her issues to the stake president if her bishop is not being responsive?  I honestly don't know - I have never been under a bishop who didn't know what he was doing!  I am assuming that such a situation is sometimes possible.  I don't know what the situation is in OP's case, maybe her bishop is doing exactly what is right, maybe he doesn't understand how to care for widows.  Please advise - if it is inappropriate to go over the bishop's head to the stake president, apologies in advance and strike my suggestion.  

Typically one Bishop in the stake will be incharge of the transient individuals for the entire stake.  

[JohnsonJones]

2 hours ago, DoctorLemon said:

Forum members help me out here - is it OK for OP to take her issues to the stake president if her bishop is not being responsive?  I honestly don't know - I have never been under a bishop who didn't know what he was doing!  I am assuming that such a situation is sometimes possible.  I don't know what the situation is in OP's case, maybe her bishop is doing exactly what is right, maybe he doesn't understand how to care for widows.  Please advise - if it is inappropriate to go over the bishop's head to the stake president, apologies in advance and strike my suggestion.  

There is nothing preventing a member from discussing their situation with anyone they want in North America.  In North America, almost all the nations allow individuals the freedom to do so.  If they want to discuss it with someone in the Stake Presidency and the Stake Presidency member is willing to listen, they can do so.

Probably NOT the specific answer you are looking for though.

What state or nation does the OP live in?

[omegaseamaster75]

14 minutes ago, JohnsonJones said:

There is nothing preventing a member from discussing their situation with anyone they want in North America.  In North America, almost all the nations allow individuals the freedom to do so.  If they want to discuss it with someone in the Stake Presidency and the Stake Presidency member is willing to listen, they can do so.

Probably NOT the specific answer you are looking for though.

What state or nation does the OP live in?

She can talk to whoever she wants, but if I was the stake president I would refer her back to the Bishop.

[NeuroTypical]

I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your husband, and subsequent problems.  If there are multiple wards over an area (like most wards in populated places) there will be a 'transient Bishop' with the responsibility over the homeless of the entire area.  You might want to find out who that is and see if they can help.

One thing to keep in mind, there's a difference between no help being available, and declining help because it comes with strings attached and hoops you don't want to jump through.  Help is available.

Edited March 1, 2018 by NeuroTypical

[Laurie]

I guess you guys have never had to loose everything. I was lied to by my bishop and an elder at my church. They promised things they had no intention of following thru with. I worked at Deseret in Portland OR was sex rally harassed yelled at by someone who has never had a job. I have PTSD SEVERE DEPRESSION my life has been nothing but an up hill battle.I had to quit my job when my husband was diagnosed with terminal cancer. I had to sale my house back to the builder and only got 5000. Thats how I got the old fifth wheel. I was promised another one by an elder he turned around and sold it and left me hanging. I've been trying for 8 years to get back on my feet. My job skills are old. I'm over 55 and I'm finding employers won't hire me because my skills are old. I've tried going back to college I considered giving up on life. I don't have family to help me. Would you go back to your family if the raped and beat you growing up? I wish I had died and not my husband.

[NeuroTypical]

Laurie, we've made a ton of suggestions, and asked you around a dozen questions that might help us make additional suggestions.  You asked us what you should do next, right?  I mean, we understand life has dealt you one hard blow after another, but what can a website full of anonymous people do, besides ask questions and give advice and maybe a sympathetic ear and some emotional support?

[Jane_Doe]

44 minutes ago, Laurie said:

I guess you guys have never had to loose everything. I was lied to by my bishop and an elder at my church. They promised things they had no intention of following thru with. I worked at Deseret in Portland OR was sex rally harassed yelled at by someone who has never had a job. I have PTSD SEVERE DEPRESSION my life has been nothing but an up hill battle.I had to quit my job when my husband was diagnosed with terminal cancer. I had to sale my house back to the builder and only got 5000. Thats how I got the old fifth wheel. I was promised another one by an elder he turned around and sold it and left me hanging. I've been trying for 8 years to get back on my feet. My job skills are old. I'm over 55 and I'm finding employers won't hire me because my skills are old. I've tried going back to college I considered giving up on life. I don't have family to help me. Would you go back to your family if the raped and beat you growing up? I wish I had died and not my husband.

Laurie, I've likewise dealt with severe PTSD/depression.  I learned I can't sit back and wait for someone else to fix things/me.  I needed to grab life by the horns, make the changes in life/me, and get in the drivers seat of life.  Hence, my advice to you.  

[Laurie]

1 minute ago, NeuroTypical said:

Laurie, we've made a ton of suggestions, and asked you around a dozen questions that might help us make additional suggestions.  You asked us what you should do next, right?  I mean, we understand life has dealt you one hard blow after another, but what can a website full of anonymous people do, besides ask questions and give advice and maybe a sympathetic ear and some emotional support?

I'm doing everything not to be homeless. I have spoken with the stake president who told me to talk to my bishop but nothing happens. The Bishop doesn't respond. When I worked at Deseret he was suppose to be my employment specialist he didn't help me there either.

[Vort]

On 3/1/2018 at 11:03 AM, DoctorLemon said:

Forum members help me out here - is it OK for OP to take her issues to the stake president if her bishop is not being responsive?  I honestly don't know - I have never been under a bishop who didn't know what he was doing!  I am assuming that such a situation is sometimes possible.  I don't know what the situation is in OP's case, maybe her bishop is doing exactly what is right, maybe he doesn't understand how to care for widows.  Please advise - if it is inappropriate to go over the bishop's head to the stake president, apologies in advance and strike my suggestion.  

Yes, it is appropriate, especially since as a single sister, she is under the auspices of the high priest quorum. She would just  be talking to the high priest quorum president. I do suspect he might refer to back to her bishop, but it wouldn't hurt to talk to the stake president.

[Laurie]

1 minute ago, Jane_Doe said:

Laurie, I've likewise dealt with severe PTSD/depression.  I learned I can't sit back and wait for someone else to fix things/me.  I needed to grab life by the horns, make the changes in life/me, and get in the drivers seat of life.  Hence, my advice to you.  

I guess it just doesn't matter. 

[Just_A_Guy]

3 minutes ago, Laurie said:

I guess it just doesn't matter. 

We are powerless to effect any real change in your life.  Sadly, the only things that “matter” are going to be the things you decide should matter.

[Laurie]

I have done everything I know how to do. I am out of money to go look for work. I'm working with SSD I see a counselor to work things out in my life. I can't go to my Drs appts because as if now I have no gas. I've stood on the side if the road begging and only got a loaf of bread.

[Jane_Doe]

26 minutes ago, Laurie said:

I have done everything I know how to do. 

Learning new skills / habits is part of life.

[JohnsonJones]

Okay, from what you gather, you are in Portland Oregon.  That is a little out of my areas, but I did a quick look on the internet to try to see if there are any agencies in that area that help with homelessness.  I found a few.  I cannot vet them to know how effective or good they are as I am not in the area.

The first looks to simply be a homeless shelter type idea led by a ministry of sorts.  It is called Operation Night watch.  Their office is at 1432 SW 13th Ave, Portland, OR 97201.  They have several operating addresses at

Quote

Downtown Hospitality Center

1432 SW 13th Avenue
(in St. Stephen's Episcopal Church)
Thursdays- Saturdays, 7 pm - 11 pm

Mobile Hospitality Center
8800 SE 80th Ave
Clackamas Service Center
7 pm - 9 pm

SE Hospitality Center
8800 SE 80th Ave
Clackamas Service Center
5 pm - 8 pm

They also have contact information at [email protected] with a phone number of (503) 220-0438

Something that sounds a little better is the Portland Rescue Mission.  It seems it is extremely popular though, and it sounds like there may be a lottery to get in. 

There address is located at

Quote

Burnside Shelter

111 W. Burnside Street
Portland, OR 97209

503-906-7690

They also have a connect program which is a 3 month transitional program that tries to find shelter and job assistance.  This is also located at the above address but has a contact for women at

Quote

Call Deanne Gillock at 503-828-3187
Email [email protected]

Finally, I found the Julia West House which appears to be a location to help people find work that are having great difficulties doing so themselves.  They do not appear to supply shelter or food, but it seems to be a transitional service to help those who are homeless and unemployed.

Their contact and location appears to be

Quote

522 SW 13th Ave.
Portland OR 97205
503-916-4009

I am sorry that this is the most I can seemingly do from such a long distance away.

There is also LDS family services, but it sounds like you have already tried them and you did not have success through them.  If you did not though, you can also try

Quote

Lds Family Services Lds Family Services

7080 Sw Fir Loop # 100
Portland, OR 97223

Phone: (503) 620-1191                

Name: Steve Sunday
Job Title: President                               

There also seems to be a LDS employment office with a number at  (503) 777-4576.

In addition, it sounds as if you applied for SSDi, some attorneys will help out pro bono.  I'm not sure if this guy will help but it appears there is a SS Lawyer with contact information at

Quote

Portland social security attorney

Phone: (503) 891-8376

Web: cascadiadisabilitylaw.com

You need to be careful with some of these.  Also, be aware that though they offer their services, IF you are awarded an SS award, they will normally require that you pay a percentage of whatever is awarded for the first little while, so you will not get the entire amount if they help.  The reason that they could help is that some of these are VERY talented at what they do and have a great deal of experience so if you DO stand a chance of getting SSDI they know the in's and outs and loops of it.

I'm sorry I cannot do more from a distance, and I am unsure if anything in this post will help you.  I hope that you can find something or someone out there that can be of assistance to you.

[omegaseamaster75]

1 hour ago, Laurie said:

I have done everything I know how to do. I am out of money to go look for work. I'm working with SSD I see a counselor to work things out in my life. I can't go to my Drs appts because as if now I have no gas. I've stood on the side if the road begging and only got a loaf of bread.

What exactly are you trying to gain from posting here? I am being sincere.

[NeuroTypical]

I was wondering that too.  She started asking "what should I do next?", but doesn't seem to be responding to most of our suggestions or questions. 

[Guest]

On 3/1/2018 at 12:32 PM, Laurie said:

I have been a widow for 8 years now. My husband died of terminal cancer. I lost my house car and 5th wheel. I lived in an old 5th wheel for 6 years than it started falling apart. Was told by an Elder at the church I could have his. He sold it before I could get it. Stayed with a woman from church she kicked me out and dumped my stuff on her carport. Was told by Bishop couldn't sleep in church parking lot. Have been homeless since before thanksgiving. Suffer from Anxiety PTSD and severe depression and have problems with my lower back. I have 2 dogs and a cat that live in my car with me. I feel like the church just dumped me on the side if the road. Have been denied widows benefits and SSDI what should I do next?

I take it you are in a library, as you have internet access?  You need to go ask a librarian if they have a copy of "Vanabode" by Jason Odom, right now.  Read the whole thing (it will take about two hours).  (I know I said this already, but I was rereading the book today after thinking about this thread, and I think it may be exactly what you need to read as a different way of thinking about your situation).

I don't think you realize how good of a situation you are about to be in!  You are time rich, which is frankly a very good situation to be in. . . in many ways, better than being money rich.

You say you may be getting some SSDI and are negotiating on that.  If so, you will be getting about $800/month in the future.  With that, do you realize you can spend $200/month on a reasonably nice van, outfit it with a basic bed and a cooler for another $100 one-time purchase, and you have $600/month to travel on, see the country, eat at restaurants, and generally live the good life?  You can eventually outfit your van with an inverter, a television or computer, rudimentary plumbing (I saw one van outfitted with a shower, and another outfitted with a microwave), and turn it into a small apartment.

Then, think about the possibilities here!  You can travel around the country, stay on public land, visit the temple every day, do service every day, explore the outdoors, read all the books you have always wanted to read, and generally live the life you have always wanted.

I understand that the above scenario assumes you will get the SSDI, but it can also work if you find a part time minimum wage job as well.

I think your situation is horrible not so much because of the external problems you are facing, but your mindset towards the situation.  You see yourself as "homeless", whereas you could see yourself as a nomad living a very adventurous alternative lifestyle.  I feel like you would be much better off not just focusing on the limitations of your current situation and if you start thinking instead of the possibilities that are inherent in your situation (and make no mistake, your situation - being time rich, not having people dependent on you, etc., indeed has some very promising possibilities).  Just some things to think about!

Maybe I am a little wild at heart, but I actually aspire to become a vandwelling nomad someday, when my daughter is all raised.  I can sometimes almost feel the open road calling out to me, beckoning!  I think it would be a wonderful way to spend the last 25 years of my life - living on the road, renouncing money and materialism, spending all of my time doing service and going to the temple (as we should be anxiously engaged in a good cause and putting our talents to work, even if vandwelling has rendered a traditional 40-hour-a-week job unnecessary), getting out of the rat race for good . . . 

Just some things to think about!

(and yes, I can talk all day about this subject . . . )

Edited March 3, 2018 by DoctorLemon

[jewels8]

On 3/2/2018 at 12:06 PM, Jane_Doe said:

Laurie, I've likewise dealt with severe PTSD/depression.  I learned I can't sit back and wait for someone else to fix things/me.  I needed to grab life by the horns, make the changes in life/me, and get in the drivers seat of life.  Hence, my advice to you.  

Laurie, I am so sorry to hear that those things have happened to you!  You have been through so much!  You deserve alot of love, support and understanding.  I hope you can feel the peace, hope, support and get the help you need in your situation.  I believe there are resources out there.  I believe in prayer that will help you connect to someone who will be able to help you and understand.  You will be in my prayers.