Did you ever use second hand things with your baby?

[Jane_Doe]

3 minutes ago, Junior said:

Thank you. 

Yes I will ask her if she wants to read them. She has read a lot of articles online though and she sent me them to read but they are so dull and everyone has different opinions. 

The books NT recommended are mainstream and of good quality.  I own them and have read them myself.  I would go with them, and yes you should read them even if they are dull- it's important.  Articles online can be... frequently of poor quality.

Edited March 7, 2019 by Jane_Doe

[Junior]

2 minutes ago, Jane_Doe said:

Again: your girlfriend is completely misinformed, and likely suffering from an anxiety disorder.  She should 1) talk to her doctor about that 

No I don't think she has anxiety she just worries a lot, but she has always been that way since I have known her. The other day she wanted me to make a folder full of my personal details incase I go missing so she can track me quickly 😂it is just the way God made her to worry about things most people don't think of 

[Jane_Doe]

Just now, Junior said:

No I don't think she has anxiety she just worries a lot, but she has always been that way since I have known her. The other day she wanted me to make a folder full of my personal details incase I go missing so she can track me quickly 😂it is just the way God made her to worry about things most people don't think of 

That's excess worrying the definition of an anxiety disorder.  

[Junior]

23 minutes ago, Jane_Doe said:

That's excess worrying the definition of an anxiety disorder.  

I don't think it is a problem though, it is just her usual worrying has been amplified by her hormones. I'm sure she is fine, but if it changes then I will take her to the doctors. 

Edited March 7, 2019 by Junior

[Jane_Doe]

1 minute ago, Junior said:

I don't think it is a problem though, it is just her usual worrying has been amplified by her hormones. I'm sure she is fine, but if it changes then I will take her to the doctors. 

She should already be having regular appointments with her OBYGN, and this is something to bring up with them.  It will also likely get more dramatics as the hormones progress, and then MUCH more dramatic after the birth.

Edited March 7, 2019 by Jane_Doe

[anatess2]

1 hour ago, Junior said:

but I am going to be a father not a mother. I don't know if they can give me advice for that. 

Dude... BOTH OF YOU need your mothers.  Or some experienced mother.  You're the one having to find the resources for your child.  Your mothers would know what your child needs and not need so you can go get them and not waste your money.

Both of you need your fathers too.  Or some experienced father.  So you can learn to be a proper PATRIARCH for this family.  Of course, the first step is to marry the mother of that child as what ALL FATHERS should do.

Edited March 7, 2019 by anatess2

[Fether]

Everything we got for our kid is second hand. He is the happiest stinking kid in the world, super healthy,  and sleeps through the night. 

If anything, second hand is better

[anatess2]

1 hour ago, Junior said:

 

I can't take my mom's advice 😂My girlfriend wouldn't be able to cope. 

Then take HER mother's advice.  Where is she?

[Junior]

53 minutes ago, Jane_Doe said:

She should already be having regular appointments with her OBYGN, and this is something to bring up with them.  It will also likely get more dramatics as the hormones progress, and then MUCH more dramatic after the birth.

She does have appointments but I don't always go with her to them because usually I am at work but since mid way through her second trimester she has been doing really well. 

[Junior]

1 hour ago, anatess2 said:

 Both of you need your fathers too.  Or some experienced father.  So you can learn to be a proper PATRIARCH for this family.  Of course, the first step is to marry the mother of that child as what ALL FATHERS should do.

I haven't spoken to my father in years. I may marry her one day although it seems unlikely. 

 

1 hour ago, anatess2 said:

Then take HER mother's advice.  Where is she?

My girlfriend doesn't speak to her much anymore they had a falling out about her pregnancy. I still speak to her parents a bit but not enough to ask her mother for advice. 

[anatess2]

34 minutes ago, Junior said:

I haven't spoken to my father in years. I may marry her one day although it seems unlikely. 

 

My girlfriend doesn't speak to her much anymore they had a falling out about her pregnancy. I still speak to her parents a bit but not enough to ask her mother for advice. 

You guys need help.  Your ward seems to want to help.  I'd go reach out to all of them including your bishop (who is an experienced father).

[scottyg]

3 hours ago, Junior said:

I would buy new things but she wants me to buy a stroller that costs over $800 and I can't really afford to spend all that money on one item when the baby needs so many things.  

I would never, ever, spend that much money on a stroller. I would say that at least 80% of our baby things were picked up secondhand, and a stroller was one of them. Outside of what we got at a baby shower, almost all of our baby clothes were used. Yes, car seats can expire. It is possible for plastic to become increasingly brittle over time, especially if they are in the sun and/or hot cars all the time. They will be less likely to hold up in the event of a car crash. However, that would take long time...we're talking about seats over 15 years old. Most of the expiration dates are due to new car designs - car seats are designed according to current cars on the market to ensure maximum protection. That being said, we do use them beyond the expiration date for a year or two. 

[Junior]

3 hours ago, anatess2 said:

You guys need help.  Your ward seems to want to help.  I'd go reach out to all of them including your bishop (who is an experienced father).

Yes there are lots of helpful people at my ward but it is mostly women who are helping me. They are helping me a lot but my girlfriend wont come with me to church. My bishop is still fighting with me, otherwise I would ask him. 

Edited March 7, 2019 by Junior

[Just_A_Guy]

9 hours ago, Junior said:

Hi, a woman at church offered me somethings for the baby who will be born soonish. She offered me a car seat, a Moses basket, a stroller and a baby monitor set. So I told her thank you and took them from her house but my girlfriend said we can't use them on the baby because the baby will have a weak immune system and it is risky to use second hand things as the baby could become unwell. If she thought it was unsafe then she wouldn't have offered the things to me. Do you think it is safe to use them? Also, the woman at church told me she has just used the things on her youngest son so it is second hand not anymore than that. I will find it so awkward to hand the things back as well. What do you think I should do ?

Unless your plans have changed since I last looked at one of your threads, you aren’t going to be living with your soon-to-be-ex-GF once the baby’s born; which means you’re going to need two of everything anyways.  So, logically, you buy the stuff you’ll use at your place; and she buys the stuff she’ll use at hers.  If she’s cray-cray enough to ask the court to order, in your custody decree, that the baby not sleep in a secondhand crib even at your house . . . Well, I think your chances of prevailing in such litigation are quite good.

Edited March 7, 2019 by Just_A_Guy

[Junior]

3 hours ago, scottyg said:

I would never, ever, spend that much money on a stroller.

I don't want to spend that much money on a stroller not because I am cheap but I need to save some money for emergencies when the baby is born. But my girlfriend thinks it is important that the baby has the best things so I will probably end up buying it for that ridiculous amount of money. 

[Just_A_Guy]

2 minutes ago, Junior said:

But my girlfriend thinks it is important that the baby has the best things so I will probably end up buying it for that ridiculous amount of money. 

I’m starting to wonder who’s taking whom in this relationship.

Good luck, brother.  I’m out.  

Edited March 7, 2019 by Just_A_Guy

[Junior]

2 minutes ago, Just_A_Guy said:

Unless your plans have changed since I last looked at one of your threads, you aren’t going to be living with your soon-to-be-ex-GF once the baby’s born; which means you’re going to need two of everything anyways.  So, logically, you buy the stuff you’ll use at your place; and she buys the stuff she’ll use at hers.  If she’s cray-cray enough to ask the court to order, in your custody decree, that the baby not sleep in a secondhand crib even at your house . . . Well, I think your chances of prevailing in such litigation are quite good.

Why can't we share the car seat and stroller, we won't need them at the same time. We can just transfer them between our houses. I don't think the baby can stay over night with me until after my girlfriend stops feeding them so if we need 2 cribs it won't be for 6 months. 

[Suzie]

 I don't want to spend that much money on a stroller not because I am cheap but I need to save some money for emergencies when the baby is born. But my girlfriend thinks it is important that the baby has the best things so I will probably end up buying it for that ridiculous amount of money.

Well, being expensive doesn't equal being the "best". Last time I checked, both of you are going to be parents, not just her.  Having said that,  I think your girlfriend needs a serious reality check because she seems to be living in la la land. I also think you need to man-up a little bit and stop talking like she is putting a gun to your head. She isn't, you are going to be a father so time to put the namby-pamby behavior behind.

Edited March 8, 2019 by Suzie

[Junior]

8 hours ago, Suzie said:

 I don't want to spend that much money on a stroller not because I am cheap but I need to save some money for emergencies when the baby is born. But my girlfriend thinks it is important that the baby has the best things so I will probably end up buying it for that ridiculous amount of money.

Well, being expensive doesn't equal being the "best". Last time I checked, both of you are going to be parents, not just her.  Having said that,  I think your girlfriend needs a serious reality check because she seems to be living in la la land. I also think you need to man-up a little bit and stop talking like she is putting a gun to your head. She isn't, you are going to be a father so time to put the namby-pamby behavior behind.

I just let her be in charge because she knows what she is doing and I am clueless. I do want to make more decisions or at least make them together but I don't have lots of time to read up on everything. 

[Jane_Doe]

51 minutes ago, Junior said:

I just let her be in charge because she knows what she is doing and I am clueless. I do want to make more decisions or at least make them together but I don't have lots of time to read up on everything. 

She's extremely clueless. And you both need to MAKE time to be a parent.  

[Suzie]

I just let her be in charge because she knows what she is doing and I am clueless. I do want to make more decisions or at least make them together but I don't have lots of time to read up on everything. 

You seem like an intelligent young man to me. But let me show you through logic why I think you are not clueless and your girlfriend is:

I don't want to spend that much money on a stroller not because I am cheap but I need to save some money for emergencies when the baby is born.

That's exactly what a mature and wise person would do. Now your girlfriend:

I would buy new things but she wants me to buy a stroller that costs over $800.

Can you see the absurdity of what she wants you to do? No one would spend $800 on a stroller, period. It does not sound like someone who is being reasonable, mature or realistic. What I am puzzled about is the fact that you think she knows what she is doing.

You know she does not know what she is doing but for some reason you feel pressured to do whatever she wants to do. Sounds like you are a people-pleaser and if that's the reality, good luck with that brother, she will have you quite busy. BUT you cannot blame it on her, you are making a conscious choice.

 

[Junior]

51 minutes ago, Suzie said:

You seem like an intelligent young man to me. But let me show you through logic why I think you are not clueless and your girlfriend is:

 

If only that were true I wouldn't be about to become a father when I am so unprepared. 

 

55 minutes ago, Suzie said:

Can you see the absurdity of what she wants you to do? No one would spend $800 on a stroller, period. It does not sound like someone who is being reasonable, mature or realistic. What I am puzzled about is the fact that you think she knows what she is doing.

 

Yeah I think she is being irrational about wanting all new things and all the best things but she wants to give the baby the best things possible. She wants the baby to be as safe as possible and as comfortable as possible and I agree with her, but I don't think it is wise to spend lots of money on things and have no money saved for emergencies. 

 

59 minutes ago, Suzie said:

Sounds like you are a people-pleaser and if that's the reality, good luck with that brother, she will have you quite busy. BUT you cannot blame it on her, you are making a conscious choice.

I'm not a people-pleaser if I was then I would have married her. I am only trying to do the right thing by providing things for the baby. 

[anatess2]

1 hour ago, Junior said:

If only that were true I wouldn't be about to become a father when I am so unprepared.  

And she is about to be a single mother, so you're about even on that.

 

1 hour ago, Junior said:

 

Yeah I think she is being irrational about wanting all new things and all the best things but she wants to give the baby the best things possible. She wants the baby to be as safe as possible and as comfortable as possible and I agree with her, but I don't think it is wise to spend lots of money on things and have no money saved for emergencies.   

She wants the baby to be as safe and comfortable as possible by providing her with THINGS instead of what the baby needs the most - a responsible and loving MOTHER AND FATHER living under the protection of the marital covenant.

 

1 hour ago, Junior said:

 

I'm not a people-pleaser if I was then I would have married her. I am only trying to do the right thing by providing things for the baby. 

Dude, your baby is getting THINGS instead of a family.  That's pretty sad.

[scottyg]

15 hours ago, Junior said:

I don't want to spend that much money on a stroller not because I am cheap but I need to save some money for emergencies when the baby is born. But my girlfriend thinks it is important that the baby has the best things so I will probably end up buying it for that ridiculous amount of money. 

Try and convince her otherwise. A stroller doesn't have to be nice. Better to save the money for food or possible emergencies.

[anatess2]

Okay, as far as strollers.  I'm a mother of 2 kids, now teenagers, and we travel.  A. Lot.  My first-born was only 5 weeks old when we took him on a trip to a football stadium.  He was only 7 months when we took him halfway around the world to the Philippines.  

The sling is WAAAAAY better and more convenient than a stroller.  It's hands free and you won't ever have to worry about being separated from the baby at crowded areas or when using the restroom.  In my case, I used a DIY sling a ward member made for me for around the house/neighborhood - cost her about $30 to make.  I used a Baby Bjorn for car trips and for when the baby got too old for a sling- I got mine gifted to me at the baby shower but you can buy one brand new for $80.   I used a backpack when the baby got over 25 lbs and outgrew the Baby Bjorn - this one was a wee bit expensive as my husband is a serious camping guy who doesn't skimp on backpacks.  He bought the thing for a bit over $200 but you can get very good quality ones for around $100.  The kiddos used the backpack until they didn't want to be in it anymore.

See pictures below.