Converted and live with girlfriend

[Danno9775]

I grew up in the church, fell away for 15 or so years and started coming back a few months ago. I've read the book of Mormon for the first time willingly and by myself. Things are growing spiritually.

 

I live with my girlfriend and we have been "living in sin." We've decided to get a marriage license and get married very soon. However I don't see us stopping sleeping together and I feel conflicted. Has anyone had this situation or know anything?

 

Also I have not been chaste at all in those years. Never been married and I never went through the temple but did receive aaronic priesthood.

 

My girlfriend and I are very faithful to each other and already consider ourselves married. I know that sounds dumb.

[NeuroTypical]

Hi and welcome Danno, glad you're here!

First, you're hardly the first person in this situation - others have been here too.  You say you're getting legally married? As you can guess, we figure that's a big thing, so congratulations!   Our church is big on taking you where you're at, and helping you move up a level.  So moving from a "state of sin" to a legally binding, committed marriage, is surely a move in the right direction. 

What does your girlfriend think of the church?  Does she know about your reading the BoM?

[Danno9775]

Yes and she's totally is interested. She's Zulu and from South Africa and the appeal to ancestry was interesting to her.

 

Yes legal marriage is what we want. And then definitely temple.

 

I've been away a long time

[Fether]

3 hours ago, Danno9775 said:

I grew up in the church, fell away for 15 or so years and started coming back a few months ago. I've read the book of Mormon for the first time willingly and by myself. Things are growing spiritually.

 

I live with my girlfriend and we have been "living in sin." We've decided to get a marriage license and get married very soon. However I don't see us stopping sleeping together and I feel conflicted. Has anyone had this situation or know anything?

 

Also I have not been chaste at all in those years. Never been married and I never went through the temple but did receive aaronic priesthood.

 

My girlfriend and I are very faithful to each other and already consider ourselves married. I know that sounds dumb.

Repentance is all about becoming the kind of person that wouldn’t do *whatever sin you are currently committing*.

I have a good friend who actively broke the law of chastity. After years, a nasty divorce, and an STD, my friend came back to church and started repenting. Things were going great until my friend started dating again and the law of chastity was being broken again and again.

So it is not a matter of just getting married so you can have sex without sinning. You need to become the kind of person that wouldn’t break the law of chastity. Become the kind of person God wants and needs you to be.

this desire doesn’t always come naturally. You need prayer and fasting to make that sort of change.  You need God’s help.

[Danno9775]

I hear you. We've lived together for quite some time now. It isn't about having sex at this point.

 

Imagine living like a married couple for years and then realizing "oh we can't do that anymore until we're legally married."

So basically that's almost what it becomes. Hope that makes sense. I understand what you are saying though.

[Plein Air]

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Edited August 2, 2020 by Plein Air

[Just_A_Guy]

9 hours ago, Danno9775 said:

I hear you. We've lived together for quite some time now. It isn't about having sex at this point.

 

Imagine living like a married couple for years and then realizing "oh we can't do that anymore until we're legally married."

So basically that's almost what it becomes. Hope that makes sense. I understand what you are saying though.

One of the nasty things about sin, is that it tends to reinforce itself.  The longer we persist in it, the harder it is to get out.  

It sounds like you’ll be married relatively soon either way, so superficially, the situation will eventually have resolved itself.  At that time you’ll become an active LDS family that either actually has paid the price for and has a testimony of the Law of Chastity and can claim the blessings thereof, or . . . a family that hasn’t. 

Edited July 15, 2019 by Just_A_Guy

[anatess2]

In yesterday's sacrament meeting in our ward, the first speaker was a guy who was living with his girlfriend 11 years ago.  He was a convert to the church at 15 years old and then fell away.  He came back to church after already having a daughter with his girlfriend.  His girlfriend wanted to be baptized but they can't do it unless she gets married first.  So, they went to the bishop and had the marriage ceremony performed right there at the bishop's office.  She was then interviewed for baptism and got baptized a few days after that.  They got sealed at the temple a year later.  Interestingly, this guy - who has been a very active guy in the church who has had callings in the young men presidency among others, sport sleeve tattoos on both arms and rides his Harley... 

 

[Danno9775]

Even without a marriage license?

[anatess2]

7 minutes ago, Danno9775 said:

Even without a marriage license?

A bishop in the USA can't legally marry you without a license.

In my city, back in those days, you can get a marriage license and get married on the same day.  They have since changed the law such that you have to wait 3 days after issuance of the license to get married - unless you attend a marriage seminar.

Edited July 15, 2019 by anatess2

[NeuroTypical]

Interestingly enough, if you live in a common-law marriage state, you can also get married at the tax desk by filing a joint tax return and agreeing to be married.   Alabama, Colorado, District of Columbia, Iowa, Kansas, Montana, New Hampshire, Oklahoma (maybe), Rhode Island, South Carolina, Texas, Utah.*

(* I'm no lawyer or tax professional, so make sure you get competent advice if you want to explore this as an option.)

Edited July 15, 2019 by NeuroTypical

[Guest Mores]

1 hour ago, NeuroTypical said:

Interestingly enough, if you live in a common-law marriage state, you can also get married at the tax desk by filing a joint tax return and agreeing to be married.   Alabama, Colorado, District of Columbia, Iowa, Kansas, Montana, New Hampshire, Oklahoma (maybe), Rhode Island, South Carolina, Texas, Utah.*

(* I'm no lawyer or tax professional, so make sure you get competent advice if you want to explore this as an option.)

With a common law marriage, there are sometimes issues with reciprocity in other states.  With the marriage license (real state-issued piece of paper) reciprocity is automatic via federal law.

The IRS recognizes common-law marriages.  So, no license is required to qualify for marriage deductions, etc.  You simply need to follow some basic guidelines to qualify.  But no "paper" is required for the IRS.

[Danno9775]

Interesting. I guess I'll just pay for the license and wait the 3 days. As long as the marriage is planned within 60 days I feel better. Feels like I've done all I can to make things right with God.

[anatess2]

11 minutes ago, Danno9775 said:

Interesting. I guess I'll just pay for the license and wait the 3 days. As long as the marriage is planned within 60 days I feel better. Feels like I've done all I can to make things right with God.

Your laws may be different in your city.  You'll need to check with your courthouse.

[Guest Scott]

13 hours ago, Danno9775 said:

Imagine living like a married couple for years and then realizing "oh we can't do that anymore until we're legally married."

Quote

Even without a marriage license?

Even if you aren't commonlaw, it doesn't take that long to get a marriage license.   

According to the site below, no state has a waiting period of more than five days and most are immediate:

https://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/chart-state-marriage-license-blood-29019.html

In most states (34 of them) you should be able to get a marriage licence and be married by this afternoon.    Worst case scenario (Minnesota) you will have to wait until Saturday.  

Edited July 15, 2019 by Scott

[Jane_Doe]

@Danno9775, congratulations on coming back to Christ and on the upcoming wedding!   I wish you the best in love for Christ and love for your gal!

[Latter-Day Marriage]

Just get married asap.  You don't have to make a big event out of it.