keeperofthegate Posted January 16 Report Share Posted January 16 Hello all, I joined this forum because I need some advice from believers. I have been a member my whole life and raised up all my kids actively in the church. My oldest two kids left the church as adults because of perceived problems with origins and Joseph Smith. I still have three active adult children and have worked hard to keep a good relationship with all five of my kids including the ones who became "disaffected" and stepped away from the faith. I have recently discovered that one of my adult children is heavily and visibly involved with "anti-Mormon" rhetoric online, having several personal platforms with numerous followers. Unfortunately it appears that they are pretty successful. I'm not sure how to handle this. I know that love is the key, but I'm not sure what love means in this situation or how to apply it correctly or how to maintain a relationship with someone who is vocally and visibly very "anti." This crosses a line that is different than simply "leaving the church." I have already made the decision to never engage with any of the online content, but I need some moral support or suggestions on how to address this in my relationship with this adult child AND as a family matter where several others are in the family that will most probably be negatively impacted by this. (Unfortunately, Satan is very strong.) Also, FYI the content is particularly emotional and victim-y. It doesn't have a lot, if any, accurate doctrinal content or context, is not well-researched, or even logical. I'm not sure why it's so popular except that some ex-Mormons seem to just love to complain about and bash the church. I love the church and I love the Savior and am offended by this child's actions. They are not yet aware that I know what's going on as I stumbled upon it with some nudges from the spirit. I'm trying to determine the best way to navigate this situation and move forward. Any help or perspectives are greatly appreciated. Thank you! MrShorty and Vort 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carborendum Posted January 16 Report Share Posted January 16 If they are adults who live on their own, it is too late to do something directly. The time for that has passed. So, do the indirect route. Continue to show the good example of what being a faithful Saint means. And you can fast and pray for him. I wish you the best of luck. Backroads, keeperofthegate, Vort and 1 other 2 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zil2 Posted January 16 Report Share Posted January 16 Welcome, @keeperofthegate. So sorry for what you're going through. I have no experience that can help me offer direct advice, so I'll just say that step one has to be keeping your own testimony strong and increasing your own conversion. This will set the example and help you receive guidance from the Spirit. It may also help you strengthen the rest of the family. All the best to you and your family. Vort, keeperofthegate and Carborendum 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Traveler Posted January 16 Report Share Posted January 16 Greetings @keeperofthegate . Our Father in Heaven had (and still has) a similar problem with one of his oldest sons. This older son was very successful in convincing a large contingency of the most intelligent beings in the most advanced civilization of our universe. It is rare and illogical to think we mortals could be more effective in our rolls as parents. We learn from our Father that the prime directive of Celestial beings is the principle of agency. Regardless of how much we love and direct our children the greatest overriding principle is their agency to determine for themselves what they will be. Our challenge is to love them for who they are and what they become. For me, understanding such love in a most difficult process but as I work on it – my adult children have come to know I love them though I cannot agree with them. The Traveler zil2, Vort and keeperofthegate 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vort Posted January 16 Report Share Posted January 16 Keep yourself strong, brother (or sister). Keep up your habits of personal devotion, such as prayer, fasting, and scripture study. You are and always will be an example to your children. Don't despair. In Christ, all tears shall be wiped away and replaced with joy and happiness. This I truly believe, and I cling to this promise. Your children are not yet lost, and much remains to be written in their personal stories. Surround yourselves with faithful and loving Saints. Lean on them. keeperofthegate, Traveler, Carborendum and 2 others 3 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ironhold Posted January 16 Report Share Posted January 16 Another thing to remember is just how contrarian people can be. Make sure you have your own firm knowledge and faith in case they try to challenge you at some point, but don't be the aggressor as they'll take that as being attacked. keeperofthegate 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carborendum Posted January 16 Report Share Posted January 16 @keeperofthegate, I hope you didn't take my earlier post as a criticism of your parenting. Sometimes you can do everything right, and still someone exercises their agency in a manner that would be completely counter to what you taught them. My in-laws have had two interesting sons go off the deep end. **************************** One BIL was fairly rebellious. No matter how faith-centered their home was (and believe me when I say that this family is about as faith centered as you can get) this son simply did not believe any of it. He went along with his parents as long as he lived in the house. But as soon as he turned 18 he couldn't leave fast enough. Then there was one day where he and his ex-LDS girlfriend decided that if they were to get married they needed to have a common faith. They had both been raised LDS. And they somehow agreed that having religion in a family was important. But neither had accepted any LDS beliefs. So, they went church hopping and decided to figure out how members of various faiths tested whether they were the right one. They asked at each church. And they got some answers (which I've never asked about). But they realized that none of it worked. They just didn't buy the logic that any of the Churches used. None of them had evidence that was all that convincing. None of them even seemed to follow the Bible that they claimed to cherish. Mind you these are not my thoughts. This was how he described it as he lived through it. Eventually, they decided, "What about our parents' church?" Yes, they had long ago believed that it was not their church anymore. It was just their parents' church. They were already well versed in LDS scriptures and had read the Book of Mormon, giving it a fair shot. But they just didn't believe it. So, now was the time that they'd pray about it. They met at a park and decided that they would both go to opposite ends of the park to make sure they would not influence each other in this decision. They both felt a strong witness and began to return to each other at the middle of the park. By the time they met in the middle (literally) they both knew they knew and that the other one knew as well. They went home to tell their families that they had a mighty change of heart and knew it was all true. *********************************** The other son had always gone along with things and even bore his testimony. But it didn't seem that he actually wanted to change himself for the Lord's sake. I have no idea if he ever had a testimony. But he said he did at times. Eventually, he lost his faith. None of us really knew why since he wasn't one to share much. But when he fell, he fell hard. None of us knows exactly what happened or why. But my guess is that there were several trials that his family went through over the course of several years. And it was just too much for both the husband and wife. They are so negative that if they even hear a very generic quote (not at all LDS specific) from a General Authority, they immediately get belligerent. As long as we don't talk religion (AT ALL) they're perfectly pleasant. ****************************** Just as Lehi had Laman and Lemuel, there are plenty of parents who did everything right, but they still lost some of their children. keeperofthegate, Vort, zil2 and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keeperofthegate Posted January 18 Author Report Share Posted January 18 (edited) On 1/15/2024 at 8:06 PM, keeperofthegate said: Hello all, I joined this forum because I need some advice from believers. I have been a member my whole life and raised up all my kids actively in the church. My oldest two kids left the church as adults because of perceived problems with origins and Joseph Smith. I still have three active adult children and have worked hard to keep a good relationship with all five of my kids including the ones who became "disaffected" and stepped away from the faith. I have recently discovered that one of my adult children is heavily and visibly involved with "anti-Mormon" rhetoric online, having several personal platforms with numerous followers. Unfortunately it appears that they are pretty successful. I'm not sure how to handle this. I know that love is the key, but I'm not sure what love means in this situation or how to apply it correctly or how to maintain a relationship with someone who is vocally and visibly very "anti." This crosses a line that is different than simply "leaving the church." I have already made the decision to never engage with any of the online content, but I need some moral support or suggestions on how to address this in my relationship with this adult child AND as a family matter where several others are in the family that will most probably be negatively impacted by this. (Unfortunately, Satan is very strong.) Also, FYI the content is particularly emotional and victim-y. It doesn't have a lot, if any, accurate doctrinal content or context, is not well-researched, or even logical. I'm not sure why it's so popular except that some ex-Mormons seem to just love to complain about and bash the church. I love the church and I love the Savior and am offended by this child's actions. They are not yet aware that I know what's going on as I stumbled upon it with some nudges from the spirit. I'm trying to determine the best way to navigate this situation and move forward. Any help or perspectives are greatly appreciated. Thank you! Thank you all for your counsel and advice. It was so very helpful and means more to me than you could possibly know. I definitely appreciate all the comments on keeping my own faith strong and be a good example. Yes, so important that I remember to do that. Your comments really helped. Again, thank you to you all!! Edited January 18 by keeperofthegate Carborendum, Traveler, Vort and 1 other 3 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
askandanswer Posted January 20 Report Share Posted January 20 From a purely logical viewpoint, my priorities, in this order, would be My own testimony My spouse/s testimony The testimony of my active, believing children The thoughts, beliefs and actions of my opposing children. I would be hesitant about engaging in actions for the benefit of a lower priority in circumstances when that might endanger a higher priority. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.